Even though it was only one cocktail, I felt decidedly tipsy as we made our way to the rave. I knew the whole thing wasn’t technically legal when Trev began helping me climb over a railing that blocked the entrance to the old tube station. He bent to give me a leg up and let out a weird grunting sound. Instead of getting embarrassed, I decided to find humour in the situation.

“I’m not the lightest piece of timber in the crate,” I said, chuckling as Trev made a concerted effort to lift me.

“Yeah, but it’s all in the boobs and arse,” he threw back cheekily. I made it to the top of the railing, but my dress got caught in a section of pointed metal. As I swung my leg over, it shifted, revealing my black cotton underwear for all the world to see. And when I say all the world, I mean Trevor Cross. He waggled his brows as I hurried to pull my dress back down.

“Nice undies,” he said, grinning.

I tried for casual, even though my pulse was racing at the way his gaze traced the line of my underwear. “You should see the ones I wear on special occasions. They put these everyday knickers to shame.”

Now his grin transformed into a smirk. “You mean the red lacy pair with the garter belt? Already seen ‘em.”

I froze, because I did have a red lace underwear set with a garter belt, but I never showed them to Trev. “What?”

His blue eyes sparkled in the dark. “What’s a boy to do when he’s waiting around for you to be done in the shower? I had to entertain myself somehow.”

“Oh my God! If I wasn’t currently stranded on top of a fence, I’d kill you right now.”

“I’m nosy, Reya. You shouldn’t leave your underwear drawer unlocked around nosy boys,” he tutted.

I stabbed my finger through the air at him. “You shouldn’t be looking in drawers that don’t belong to you, underwear or otherwise.”

“Now where’s the fun in that?”

I shot him a scowl and turned to jump down the other side. “I can’t even with you sometimes.” Bracing myself, I made a move but Trev’s voice halted me.

“Wait! I’ll help you.”

Quick as a flash he leapt up the railing and over to the other side. It was decidedly graceful compared to the disaster I was making of the job. Trev reached up and grabbed my hips. I trembled all over at the simple touch and glanced down at him. A moment passed between us and his gaze darkened.

“Jump. I’ll catch you,” he said, his voice unusually gruff.

I felt like making a comment on how if I was a virgin this fence would’ve already robbed me of my maidenhood, but I was too caught up in his stare. I pushed off the fence and just like he promised, Trev caught me. His strong arms gripped my waist and my chest pressed flush to his. My breathing quickened as my attention fell to his mouth. I watched as his tongue dipped out to wet his lips and a small sound escaped me. It was somewhere between a moan and a yelp, and it seemed to do something to Trev.

Before I knew it he had me backed up against the fence and our entire bodies were moulded together. I could smell him again, and this time it was intoxicating.

All I could hear were the faint sounds of the city and our heavy breathing. I didn’t know what to do, didn’t know what he was doing, and my head was fuzzy from the cocktail of death I just drank. Finally, I bent my neck to look up at him and was astounded by what I saw.

Lust.

Pure, heavy, unadulterated lust.

Trevor Cross wanted me.

What alternate universe was this?

I opened my mouth to speak. “What are you…”

“We should fuck,” he said and I startled.

“E-excuse me?”

“You heard me.”

“Trev, were you drinking before you came to see me today? Because you’ve been acting strange since the moment you showed up and—”

“I just want to see what it’d be like,” he said on an exhale.

“Trevor,” I muttered, my voice shaky with warning.

“Come on, you have to admit you’ve thought about it.”

I didn’t say anything, and for once I was thankful for my caramel complexion, because right then I was blushing down to my toes.

“I know that look. You’re embarrassed, but you don’t need to be. Obviously, you’ve thought about it. I’m male, you’re female, we’re both single and we’re not blood related. I’ve thought about it a few times. Actually, more than a few.”

I knew if it were possible for a human being to turn into a strawberry, I’d be one. I was at once enthralled by the topic of conversation and extremely uncomfortable. Because although Trev might have thought about the act, I was certain he didn’t think about the emotion. But I did. I found him attractive, yes, but I also had feelings for him. Feelings I thought I’d managed to stifle, but tonight they were all floating right back up to the surface.

I levelled my hands on his chest in an effort to put some space between us, but he held firm. “You’re a bloke. Of course you’ve thought about it. Women are different. We’re far more emotional than physical.”

“That’s bullshit. I’ve known women who like sex just as much as I do.”

“Yes well, I’m not one of them. Sex for me has always involved feelings.”

His gaze flickered over my face and I grew self-conscious at how closely he was studying me. “So, what you’re saying is, you don’t have sex with men you don’t have feelings for.”

I nodded. “Yes, exactly.”

“So it’s perfect. You have feelings for me, therefore, we can have sex.”

“I do not—”

“You’re misunderstanding. If I died tomorrow, would you cry at my funeral?”

“Of course.”

“And I’d bawl my eyes out at yours, so you see, we have feelings for each other. We’re friends, of course we do.”

“Yes, the operative word being “friends”. If we had sex it would change things, and I don’t want to lose you.”

“You wouldn’t lose me. I promise.”

No, but you’d lose me. Because I knew without a doubt that if I slept with Trev, I’d fall in love with him irrevocably. No strings attached wouldn’t work, because there was an entire labyrinth of strings between us. Well, at least on my end there were.

I shook my head. “Why do you even want this? I’m sure there’ll be dozens of girls at this rave you could sleep with.”

Trev scratched his head, his expression thoughtful. “Promise you won’t laugh?”

“I won’t laugh, I promise.”

“Well, I’m been having trouble with women lately. Specifically, I’ve been having trouble with my sex drive in that I haven’t had one. Every time I try to shag a girl, I just don’t feel it. Instead I’ve been thinking about you a lot.”

I sucked in a breath, my heart beating double time. “About me?”

He brought his hand up to my shoulder, gave it a squeeze then slid his hand down my arm. “Yeah, like, the way you wear those long flowy dresses that cover everything up except a hint of cleavage. I imagine what you’d look like under them. Or when I watch you sing, I will you to open your eyes and look at me. Sometimes I feel like I can’t breathe with it.”

My skin heated at his words, because he had no idea that I used to think of him in exactly the same way. If we were sitting closely on the couch, I’d imagine him throwing me down and kissing me. Or if he touched my hand I’d wish for him to hold it, to prolong the contact in any small way. It was a pity he was having these feelings two years too late, because I’d gone through all that and come out the other end. I couldn’t go back there. For the sake of my sanity, I just couldn’t.

“I can’t sleep with you, Trev. I’m sorry, but I just can’t.”

He leaned his body into mine again. His hard dips and lines somehow fit perfectly to my rounded curves. His mouth bent to my ear as he whispered, “Don’t pretend like you can’t feel this. Imagine how it would be. All this tension that’s been building up for years finally having an outlet. I bet you’d blow my mind. I bet it would be fucking epic.”

I trembled at his low, husky words, momentarily lost in a lust-filled haze before his meaning sank in. Building up for years. Had he known I’d wanted him all this time and simply ignored it for whatever fucked up reason? Fury simmered just below the surface as I summoned all my strength and finally pushed away from him.

“You’re a prick,” I spat and kept walking in the direction of the music. The further I got down the steps, the more I could hear voices and the sounds of people having fun.

“Reya, what the hell?” Trev called, catching up and grabbing me by the arm.

“Leave me alone. I need a drink.”

“Why are you so angry all of a sudden?”

At this I spun around to face him. “I’m angry because you just gave yourself away. All this time you’ve known I fancied you, yet you just kept stringing me along, giving me crumbs of friendship when you knew I liked you as more.”

Trev swore under his breath. “It’s more complicated than that.”

I let out a joyless laugh. “Oh, sure.”

Turning back around, I continued down the steps until I entered the platform. The place was packed with people, a makeshift bar set up at one end and a dancefloor at the other. Some people danced, while others stood around drinking and talking, or well, shouting to be heard.

Music blared loud from the speakers and determination formed within me. I had the power now. All those of years of sleeping around had finally jaded Trev to the point where he’d opened his eyes and seen what was right in front of him.

Well, I wasn’t going to just roll over and let him have me, not after all the nights I spent nursing a broken heart and coming to terms with the fact that I just wasn’t his type.

Tonight I was going to find a man and I was going to have sex with him. I was going to find a man who meant nothing to me, just like all those girls who Trev chose instead of me meant nothing to him. I was going to give him a taste of his own medicine.

I got a double vodka from the bar and knocked it back quickly, then asked for another. Across the way Trev moved through the crowd, his eyes on me. I looked away, swallowed down my second drink, then headed for the dancefloor. I lost myself amid the gyrating bodies, soon soliciting the attention of a tall blond guy. He danced beside me for a bit then placed his hands on my hips and we swayed together to the music.

Barely a second later someone caught my hand and tugged me away from the guy. I was vaguely aware of his complaints, but then Trev’s scent invaded my senses and it was all I could focus on. God, why was everything about him so intoxicating?

The vodka hit me hard as he tugged me to a semi-private corner of the platform. When he stopped I looked up at him. I’d never seen him so conflicted. He looked hurt and somehow terrified, and in spite of my previous resolution, all I wanted to do was hug him and make him feel okay. I tried to tamp down the urge.

“What?” I said over the weight of the music.

He only stared at me, chewing his lip until it bled.

“Oh for God’s sake, I’m going home.”

I turned around but he grabbed me, wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled my back flush with his front. He brought his mouth to my ear and shouted, “I have ADHD!”

I jolted at the confession, then frowned and twisted in his arms. What was I supposed to say to that? Trev tilted his head in the direction of the bathrooms and I followed him. It was quieter out there so we could talk more easily.

I studied him and he appeared uncharacteristically embarrassed. “Did you just say you have ADHD?”

He stared at the wall above my head. “You know how me and the boys were contacted to do that TV show?”

I nodded. Trev, alongside a few of his free-running buddies, had been trying for a TV deal for a while now. In fact, he’d had the idea since the very first time I met him. Recently, they’d caught the attention of a television executive with their Youtube videos. Now they were working out the logistics of filming a TV show, where they travelled around different cities pulling off parkour stunts. It still wasn’t set in stone, but it was an exciting opportunity for him nonetheless. “Yeah, what about it?”

“Well, as part of the preliminaries we had to undergo a psych evaluation. You know, to make sure we’re all psychologically stable enough to spend several months travelling around in a tour bus together. Turns out I’ve had undiagnosed ADHD from childhood and they want me to start taking medication for it.”

“Oh, Trev,” I breathed, shocked by the revelation. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was embarrassed. And I didn’t want you to tell Karla, who would then tell Lee, and then everyone would just feel shitty about the fact that we were too poor growing up to realise I had this stupid condition the whole time. Lee would only beat himself up about it.”

I reached out and gave his arm a squeeze. “Trev, you have to tell them. You can’t just deal with this all on your own, and your family would want to help. I know they would.”

He looked at me now. “Nah, they’ve got enough on their plates. The only reason I’m telling you is because I want you to understand my behaviour. I want you to know the reason I’ve never been able to let you in.” He tapped his left temple. “I was fucked in the head.”

I narrowed my gaze. “You weren’t fucked in the head. Don’t talk about yourself like that. You had a disorder, and if you hadn’t had such a deprived childhood you would’ve been treated for it. It’s not your fault, Trev.”

I pulled him into a hug and he took it willingly. My mind swam with the news, so much about him suddenly making sense. His issues with self-control, his short attention span, his need for high-risk behaviour. All of it was down to this thing he had and never even knew about.

We stood there for a long time, and I felt like my telling him it wasn’t his fault truly hit home. He’d needed someone to tell him that, and I was glad I got to be the person who did. His body practically melted into mine, and it was only when someone bumped into us that we pulled apart

“Oh, shit sorry,” said the guy, beer sloshing out the top of his plastic cup.

I glanced up, about to tell him it was fine when my words fled me. It was him. The guy I’d had a one night stand with a couple months ago, the one who was practically Trev’s twin. Oh God, could this night get any weirder?

“Reya! Hey, how are you?”

I felt Trev watching but couldn’t bring myself to meet his gaze. “Vinnie, hi, fancy meeting you here.”

“You two know each other?” Trev asked and I chanced a peek at him. He was looking Vinnie up and down, mostly homing in on his face and clearly noticing the similarities.

Kill me now.

“Not really,” I said, eyeing Vinnie firmly.

Unfortunately, he was very obviously drunk, which was why he answered so candidly. “You already forgotten how I fucked your brains out a couple months ago, Reya?”

Never more had I wished to be a tortoise, so I could crawl inside my shell and never come back out. Trev stiffened for a second then plastered a devil may care look on his face. “Oh yeah? Sounds like it wasn’t so memorable for her. You must’ve been a shit lay, buddy.”

Vinnie scowled. “Hey, fuck you.”

“Christ, learn how to take a joke.” Trev rolled his eyes.

Vinnie glanced between the two of us then started walking away. “Whatever. Not worth it.”

As soon as he was gone Trev’s attention landed on me and he had such a look of delight on his face I wanted to smack it right off.

“Not a word,” I warned with a hard expression.

He bit his lip as a grin began to slowly shape its way across his mouth.

“I mean it, Trev,” I went on, embarrassed down to my very bones. He knew. He knew I’d slept with Vinnie because he looked like him. It was written all over his smug as hell expression.

He opened his mouth but I spoke first. “No, I don’t want to hear it, so whatever you have to say just keep it to yourself.”

“But –”

“Trevor!”

“Reya, come on, he’s the spitting image of me. We can’t just not talk about it.”

I turned away. “I’m going to get another drink.”

Again he caught me, wrapping his arms around my waist just like before, only this time my skin tingled with awareness. “Okay, you win,” he breathed. “We won’t talk about it. Come dance with me.”

Unable to resist, I let him lead me over to the dance floor, but he didn’t release his grip the entire time. He kept his arms locked tight around my waist as we moved to the beat. At first his hands remained in place, but then as the music started to overtake us he flipped me around so my back was to his front again. His palm slid from my hip to my belly, lightly stroking and causing heat to spread over my entire body. The way he touched me felt intentional. It felt erotic, especially since we were surrounded by people. There was a certain anonymity to the moment. Nobody knew us here. We could do anything and only the two of us would ever know.

“You feel good,” he shouted huskily in my ear.

I swayed my hips, my backside brushing against him and I knew as soon I felt the stiffness in his pants that he was hard. I sucked in a breath at the feel of him. He was aroused. He was aroused because of me. This whole night was starting to feel like a dream where I finally got everything I ever wanted. That everything being Trevor.

His hand on my stomach paused, and this time he pressed his palm into me, holding me back against his erection.

Oh, God.

He felt amazing. Instantly, my mind was awash with images of him taking me right there on the dancefloor, bending me over, pushing my dress up and plunging inside of me. I thought I heard him groan right before the music cut off and a few people started shouting. I craned my neck and saw several uniformed police entering the platform. Crap.

Without a word, Trev grabbed my hand and we both ran in the opposite direction. Sweat beaded on my skin and I felt like I was going to be trampled, or worse, crushed to death, as a stampede of drunk people fled the rave.

We were in the tunnel now, on the tracks, with flashlights shining behind us as the police chased us down. It got darker and darker the further we ran down the tracks, and I briefly prayed that the entire line was abandoned and out of use, because otherwise a train could come along at any second and we’d be toast.

My feet hurt. I wasn’t wearing the right shoes for running on train tracks. I also tried wholeheartedly not to think about all the rats that inhabited the London Underground. I could see lights up ahead and knew we were approaching a functioning station. There were between fifty and a hundred of us, and those waiting around for the next train gasped in surprise when we all started climbing up onto the platform. Trev helped me to safety first, then hitched himself up onto the tiled surface.

My pulse was still going ninety when our eyes met. His were alight with adrenaline, while I was certain mine showed ebbing fear. Sure, if we’d been arrested maybe Karla could’ve gotten us out of it, but still. I didn’t want to get a criminal record just for attending a rave. There were plenty of legal ones we could’ve gone to.

Trev took my hand again and we hurried out of the station. I slipped behind a man who’d just slotted his ticket through the machine and managed to get out without him noticing. Trev on the other hand, simply vaulted over the barrier like an Olympic athlete. Even after all this time, I still wasn’t used to how athletically talented he was.

We were both quiet when we got onto the street, still trying to catch our breaths. It was almost one o’clock in the morning.

“That was a close call,” I said finally.

Trev nodded. “I know. Sorry, by the way. I had no idea the coppers were gonna show up. Kind of put a dampener on the whole evening.”

“Well, at least it was…an experience.”

He glanced down at me, then at our intertwined hands, a thoughtful expression gracing his features. He made a low humming sound and started rubbing his thumb back and forth over the inside of my wrist. I tried not to show how it made me tremble. I was still amped up after how he’d touched me while we danced, after how hard he’d been.

“Can I ask a question?”

I shrugged. “Okay...”

“Why did you pick that Vinnie guy to sleep with?”

I startled, hating that he was asking me this. Why couldn’t he just let it go? “Oh Trev, come on, please, you promised we wouldn’t discuss it.”

“I can’t help it. I need to know.” He swung around to face me, stopping me in my tracks.

I huffed out an irritated breath. “You know already. Please don’t make me say it. I’m mortified enough as it is.”

He swept his hand down my cheek in an affectionate manner as I stared intently at the ground. “Reya, please.”

I closed my eyes and whispered, “I slept with him because he reminded me of you.”

I heard rather than saw the air escape him. It was just like…whump. Several moments passed and I was too scared to look him in the eye. In the end he changed the subject and relief flooded me.

“You mind if I sleep on your couch tonight? We’re closer to your place than mine and I’m wrecked.”

I nodded and chanced a nervous glance at him. “Sure. It’s not like you haven’t stayed over a million times before.” It was true, he had stayed over countless times. The only difference was that this time he’d suggested we fuck mere hours earlier. It definitely added a whole new tension to the situation.

By the time we reached my flat I just wanted to flop down on my bed and go to sleep, but at the same time I was wired. Trev had barely taken his eyes off me since we left the station, and his attention made the tiny hairs on my arms stand on end.

“I’m going to take a shower. You can grab some extra pillows and a blanket from the cupboard,” I said and dashed inside my tiny bathroom. The warm water helped to sooth me somewhat, but when I stepped out fully clothed in my pyjamas, Trev was lying on my bed, still wide awake.

His eyes were like laser beams.

I glanced at the couch and noticed he hadn’t gotten the blanket and pillows I’d offered. I stood towelling dry my hair as his gaze travelled up and down my body. My legs were bare, and although my shorts weren’t the skimpiest in the world, I still felt very naked.

“Nice jammies.”

I rolled my eyes. “Shut up and get off my bed. I want to go to sleep.”

“Come here for a sec,” he whispered, his voice a husky rasp.

God give me the willpower to resist all the sex in his eyes.

I thought he’d dropped the subject, but he obviously hadn’t. He still wanted to shag me. It was written all over his face. The question was, was I strong enough to resist?

“You’re the most beautiful fucking woman I’ve ever known, do you know that?” he went on, eyes intent on me.

“That’s The Zombie talking.”

“No, it’s not. Come here,” he argued, reaching out and grabbing my hand. He pulled me down onto the bed so that my back was to his front, my body cradled between his thighs as he held me.

“T-trev –”

“Sing for me,” he whispered, his hands running up and down my arms and leaving goose bumps in their wake.

“What?”

“Sing for me. I’m obsessed with your voice.”

The low compliment made me shiver. I was sure he noticed how my skin was pebbling under his touch.

“What do you want me to sing?” I croaked.

“Anything.”

I thought on it a second, then closed my eyes and quietly started humming the intro to “Strong” by London Grammar. I adored this song, probably because it had always reminded me of Trev. My voice filled the room and Trev kept touching me as I sang. I stammered a little when his hand moved to my inner thigh, caressing, stroking, making me burn. I was so aroused I felt like I might burst with it.

Trev seemed peaceful, his breathing deep and even, and I fell into the lyrics. As I was nearing the end of the song he flipped us, and suddenly I was beneath him.

“Open your eyes.”

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

“You know why.”

“Please.”

His please was what did me in and I finally opened my eyes. I’d long since revealed all my demons to Trev, but it still cut me to the core to be reminded.

He tilted his head, never breaking eye contact as he started to move his hips. The warmth and understanding on his face made the momentary pain slide away, replaced with arousal. I hadn’t put any underwear on beneath my PJs, and everything felt like too much and not enough. Just a few measly bits of fabric separated us and every single one of my senses were heightened.

“What would it be like…” Trev murmured ponderously, almost like he hadn’t meant to say the words out loud.

I moaned when he pressed into me hard and it did something to him. He paused his movements and gripped my face. Time moved in slow motion when he took my mouth in a spine-tingling, bone-melting kiss. I was nothing but flesh and need when his tongue slid along mine and I opened for him. He grew frenzied when I kissed him back, his mouth and tongue and hands going everywhere.

“Trev…”

“I need you, Reya, just for tonight. Just give me tonight and then you can decide if you want to keep me.”

His words made my heart clench. Decide if I wanted to keep him? Of course I wanted him. Some days it felt like he was all I’d ever wanted, even when I tried to deny it to myself.

“Okay. Tonight,” I breathed and started tugging his shirt up over his head.

My sex throbbed when I took in the toned, cut lines of his chest and abs. I must’ve made some sort of horny noise, because he smirked as he grabbed my T-shirt and lifted it.

“My turn,” he whispered and I felt self-conscious when my top was gone and I was only in my bra. I didn’t have a flat stomach or a lady six-pack. I was soft and round, but I was feminine, and the men I’d been with in the past seemed to appreciate my body. Still, I was overtly aware of the fact that Trev didn’t go for women with my body type. I wondered if he’d ever been with a woman like me before.

“Jesus Christ,” he swore, his hands caressing the tops of my breasts.

He reached around and unhooked my bra at the back. It fell free and I’d never felt more self-conscious in my life.

“Ruined. You’re going to ruin me for anyone else, Reya Cabrera.”

He hovered over me now, his gaze devouring me as I held my breath. A gasp escaped me when he lowered his mouth to my nipple and sucked, a rough groan emanating from deep in his throat.

Okay, so maybe he did like what he saw.

He lavished my breasts with attention as I gripped each of his shoulders. Then he looked up and a wicked grin shaped his mouth.

“Trevor,” I breathed, almost in warning.

He continued making his way down my body, then hooked his fingers in the waistband of my shorts. With just a few deft movements, all my clothing was gone and I was bared to him. He licked me once and I let out a cry of pleasure. After so long as just friends, I was sure it’d feel obscene to be making these noises in front of him if I weren’t so aroused. In that moment I didn’t care about anything. I just wanted him to touch me, devour me, make me come.

He licked me again, this time with more pressure, and my thighs clamped around his shoulders.

“Ooooh,” I moaned, hands going to my breasts as he continued to work me with his mouth.

I glanced down and saw him take his long, thick shaft in hand, jerking himself as he brought me to orgasm. The idea that he couldn’t keep his hands from going there, that eating me out turned him on that much, felt electrifying. He sucked on my clit, then went lower, his tongue slipping inside me for a second. It felt soft and wet and wonderful. He groaned and his jerking sped up when a tremble shattered through me. I was close. We both were.

I felt a wetness coat my thigh when he came, his body stilling as he groaned into my sex. He didn’t stop tonguing me, and soon his fingers found my entrance. They plunged inside with a fierceness I’d never felt before, moving in and out in a frenzy. The noises he made felt like he was fucking me with more than just his fingers. He was so aroused, even though he’d just come.

My orgasm arrived hard and fast. Pleasure shattered through me as he gripped my hips, his tongue flittering against my clit in a way I was sure required expert training or some kind of natural skill.

“That was fucking beautiful,” he rasped as I floated down from my high.

He pulled me into his arms, shifting us and tugging the duvet over our bodies. I wasn’t sure why, maybe I was simply high off my orgasm, but I laughed.

“No,” I declared. “It was fucking epic.”

Trev laughed too and tightened his arms around me. I closed my eyes, letting the foreign sense of peace wash over me. I wasn’t used to it, wasn’t used to lying in bed with a man I had real, strong feelings for.

“Told you it would be,” he replied, and even though my eyes were closed I could tell he was grinning.

I had no idea what the morning would bring, no idea what trials and tribulations might be ahead of us, but for now I was just going to enjoy the moment. I was going to savour the connection I had with this strange, beautiful, flawed, unpredictable man.

And deep in my heart I knew this was a night I wouldn’t soon forget.