August (12 months since everything changed)
I actually love working at the bar. It’s exhausting, but the manager used to swim when he was in college, so he’s really supportive of my training schedule and lets me split my shifts to work around it. The other waiters and bartenders are mostly local residents who attend the university during the year, but they’re friendly enough. And everyone has made it clear that they don’t mind me talking about my boyfriend, which I apparently do a lot if the eye rolls and exasperated smiles are anything to go by.
If I couldn’t keep diving, I think I’d be okay with doing this every day.
Well, this and Jeremy. Because as steady as life is at the moment, Jeremy is the anchor that makes everything worth it. Just getting him to smile at me is enough to brighten my day—which, admittedly, isn’t always easy, because Jer hasn’t changed that much.
Today work is slow, so I get off with plenty of time to make my way back to the pool. One of the perks of the job is that we get free meals on our breaks, but since my shift is split, I get a burger to go and a can of Coke. It’s not remotely healthy, but I can work out harder to make up for it.
I walk out with a bag of food in one hand, a sweating soda in the other . . . and stop dead.
“Jeremy.”
Jeremy’s sitting cross-legged on a bench, a book propped on his knee, and he’s watching me. Clearly waiting for me, and the expression on his face makes me think of the calm before the storm. It’s the way my mother used to look at me when I’d done something wrong, like, We’re in public, which is the only reason you aren’t being yelled at right now.
Shit, shit, shit.
“Hey, Brandon.” Jeremy’s voice is level, almost cheerful.
Yeah, I’m not falling for that. “I, uh, was just picking up some dinner.”
A nod, and Jeremy puts the book away. “Glad to see your job feeds you.” Crap, he’s not even going to allow me to pretend.
“I’m trying to stay busy during the summer.”
“You gonna keep that up during the school year, now that you’re not on scholarship anymore?” Jeremy stands and stretches as he speaks, still scary calm.
Finally I cave. “Look, don’t tell Andrey, all right? I don’t think the school told him, and he probably won’t let me keep training with him if the school isn’t paying. I mean, he’ll figure it out eventually, but the longer I can put it off, the longer I can keep diving with you.” The words are all a rush, and my heart is about to beat out of my chest.
Jeremy takes a second to process the words, studying me. “Let’s head to the park, and you can eat.”
He tucks the book in his bag and turns to walk, leaving me scrambling to catch up in more ways than one. I have zero clue what’s happening. Jeremy’s obviously not happy; he’s only ever this level of cold politeness when he’s pissed. But is he pissed at me? Or the fact that I didn’t tell him about the scholarship? Or . . . well, I’m guessing it’s because I’m breaking the rules and still diving.
We walk in silence until we get to a park that’s on the edge of the campus. It has picnic tables, and Jeremy picks one and motions for me to sit across from him.
“Eat,” he says.
I pull out the burger, but my stomach has no interest in food right now. “How’d you find out about the scholarship?” A realization hits me. “Oh shit, Andrey knows, doesn’t he?”
“Andrey hasn’t said anything about it to me,” Jeremy says. “But I’m interested in hearing about how you’ve been sleeping in a storage room at the natatorium.”
I shove the burger away. I’m not hungry anymore, and Jeremy’s anger is starting to slip through the cracks in his façade. “It’s okay,” I say. “I mean, it’s breaking about a dozen rules, and you’re all about the rules, so I’m sure you’re angry and want to report me. But I’m saving up to get an apartment, or if you just give me a day or two before you notify campus security, then I can find a shelter easily enough.”
Jeremy gets visibly more and more upset with every word, his face going dark red and his eyes narrowing. Finally he bursts. An explosion from Jeremy isn’t loud and raging, though; it’s quiet, eyes narrowed, fury lacing every word. “I don’t give a damn about the rules. I want to know why you didn’t bother to tell anyone that you’re homeless.”
I can replace anyone with me in that sentence easily enough . . . but it doesn’t make any sense. Jeremy’s pissed that I didn’t tell him? “It’s not a big deal,” I say, confused. “I didn’t want to worry you, and I’ve crashed in worse places. Plus, this way I’m never late to practice in the mornings, right?”
“Brandon, you’re homeless.” He stresses the word like it’s a curse to be spit on.
“Yeah.” I draw it out. “But, like, I have a job, and I’m still diving. I still get to be with you. So it’s okay, y’know? I’ve been homeless since I was eighteen, and this is the best it’s ever been.”
My words rock Jeremy backward like I’ve punched him in the gut. He grips the edge of the wooden table between us, fingertips white, and leans away. “I—” he begins, then shakes his head. “What?”
“Dude, it’s no big deal.” Jeremy is acting like I’ve confessed to popping steroids. “If it’s because I’m crashing in the storage room, I told you—”
“No.” Jeremy cuts me off. “Stop talking now.”
My mouth shuts so hard that my teeth click. Jesus, when he’s in a mood, he’s a force to be reckoned with. If he pulled this kind of authority during practice, I’d probably be a gold medalist alongside him in no time at all. If he pulled this authority in bed . . . well, that’s something to be explored later, when he’s not about to lunge across the table and strangle me.
“You, eat. I need to think.” He jabs a finger at me, then down at the burger, which is quickly growing cold. When I don’t move to follow the order, he glares. “We have to be at practice in fifteen minutes. Eat.”
Okay, okay. I bite into the burger, and my body remembers how hungry it is. While I devour the meal, Jeremy sits silently, staring off over my shoulder, eyebrows furrowed.
When I swallow the last piece of my burger, he nods to himself and stands. “Let’s go.”
“You know,” I say, balling the paper back up and tossing it in a bin as we walk, “this bossy thing is pretty damn hot.”
The tiniest bit of pink appears at the top of his cheeks, but Jeremy only looks more upset. “I don’t get you.”
“I’m an open book, babe.” I hold my arms out.
Jeremy shakes his head. “Come on.”
The silence continues as we walk back to the natatorium. Jeremy swipes us in, holds the door for me, and then motions for me to follow him. Only, he doesn’t take me to the locker room. Instead, we go straight to the mat room, where Andrey is waiting and Val is warming up.
I stop dead. “Jeremy, don’t do this.”
“Brandon—”
“No. Jeremy, please. If you tell Andrey, I won’t be able to dive anymore. And that’s okay—I mean, I’ll miss it, because I’ve actually started to really enjoy it, but mostly I’ll miss diving with you. And if they send me back to Texas, then—”
Jeremy clearly isn’t in the mood to let me talk tonight, because he cuts me off again. “Brandon, I trust you,” he says. “Now I’m asking you to trust me.”
Oh. Yeah, okay. Worry churning in my gut, I nod and follow him into the room.
Andrey and Val both glance up when we enter, and Val looks confused, glancing between us and raising an eyebrow at our sneakers and pants.
“We need to talk,” Jeremy says.
Andrey’s eyes flicker between us before he nods. “So we do.”
We make an odd picture, the four of us sitting in a circle in the mat room. Val pulls her legs up and tucks her chin on them, and Andrey leans against the wall, arms crossed. Jeremy pulls himself up on a stack of mats, leaving me to stand awkwardly until Val tugs at the leg of my jeans and I slide gratefully to the floor next to her.
“Brandon’s scholarship didn’t get renewed, and he’s homeless and working eight hours a day around practices, trying to keep diving.”
Fuck, when Jeremy blurts it out like that I almost start to cry. I want to trust him, but I can guess how this will go, and it almost certainly ends with me on a plane back to Texas at best, or stuck in Ohio with no diving and no Jeremy at worst.
Val gasps. Andrey looks grim.
“We filed all of the appropriate paperwork with the university,” he says. “I was not informed that Brandon’s scholarship renewal had been declined.”
I shrug. “Yeah, well, it was. So.” I start to push to my feet. “Sorry for lying to you. I just figured I’d keep training until someone realized what was going on, but I’ll go now before I get you guys in trouble.”
Val grabs for my leg again, scrabbling to stop me from standing, as Jeremy straightens, eyes wide. “No, Brandon.”
“What?” Andrey sounds confused. “No, of course you will not go anywhere.”
I pause, blinking. “I can’t stay here.”
“Why not?”
Is this a trick question? “Because, uh, no scholarship means no more diving?”
Andrey waves his hand. “First, you train with me because I’ve selected you. The school pays for this, yes, but I have final say over who I train or do not.”
A tiny bead of hope forms in my stomach. “But I can’t pay you, and I can’t pay my competition fees.”
“Yes, and this we will have to work out. But for now I am more worried about the fact that you are homeless. Is what Jeremy said true?”
I glance at Jeremy, whose lips are pressed together in a thin line. “Well, yeah, but it’s not a problem,” I say. “I’m not sleeping on a park bench or anything. Trust me, it’s okay.”
“He’s living in one of the storage rooms here at the pool.” Jeremy spits the words out.
Andrey’s eyebrows are drawn like he’s upset, and his shoulders slump. Val’s eyes are wide.
“Guys, it’s seriously cool. I’ve slept in far worse places. Or I can go to a shelter if it’s a problem.” I hate shelters, because there’s no privacy, but I don’t really have friends in Ohio who will let me crash on their couches like I did in Texas after my parents kicked me out.
Jeremy starts talking, and he’s not looking at me anymore. “He honestly doesn’t get it. He doesn’t think there’s a problem with it.”
Huh?
“But why wouldn’t he have told us?” Val’s speaking to Jeremy, like I don’t even exist. “He could have told us and we would have helped.”
“I get the feeling that it’s genuinely not something he worries about.” Jeremy seems baffled.
Andrey is watching their back and forth.
“Hey, you can stop talking around me,” I say.
“Well, he needs somewhere to go now.” Val acts like she didn’t hear me.
Jeremy nods. “He can stay with me.”
Woah. “Woah. It’s fine. What the hell?”
Andrey just nods. “Yes, I think that would work, if you don’t mind housing him while I work out the issue with the university?”
“I don’t need charity,” I try again.
“Nah, it’s fine.” Jeremy finally acknowledges me, but only a glance before sliding his gaze back to Andrey. “And he can keep diving regular schedule in the meantime?”
“Of course.”
“Then that’s settled.” Val claps her hands together once. “Should we get him moved in now?”
“Am I invisible?” I ask the room.
“No, after training.” Andrey pushes off the wall. “But I think we’re too distracted for the pool today, so if you will please work in the weight room, and I’ll go make some phone calls.”
All three of them nod and stand.
“What just happened?”
Jeremy’s standing in front of me suddenly. “What just happened is that we solved the problem for you.” He holds a hand out to help me up.
“There wasn’t a problem to be solved.”
Once I’m on my feet, Jeremy’s disappointed glare hits me full force. “Yeah, that’s a different problem we’ll have to work on later.”
I’m still utterly confused, but no one is making me leave, and tonight I’m going home with Jeremy. And I’m also upset, because I don’t need other people to try to solve my problems for me . . . especially when it’s not even a problem to start with. But I’m also relieved, because I’m allowed to keep diving, and I’m still with Jeremy.
Things could be worse.