NINE - JOY

THE TAXI WAS LATE. That wasn't a good start. I'd spent Sunday at home, refusing to go out on the tiny sliver of a chance that Rich might call round. I didn't really think he would but just in case, I didn't join Geri and Mike on their hangover recovery trip to the pub for a full English.

I waited and waited, burying myself in a book to keep busy but of course he didn't come. I refused to phone him again, trying to wean myself away from my need for him.

I booked the taxi for eight but it didn't come until quarter past on Monday morning. That meant I got to the office with three minutes to spare after throwing my money through the cab window.

The other new starters were all already in so I tiptoed into the back of the conference room, drawing a few glances as I took the last chair. Just as I sat down, the door opened and in came the woman who'd interviewed me, whose name I'd already completely forgotten. I just hoped she wouldn't speak to me first. She didn't.

"Good morning, everyone," she said as she walked to the front of the room. "What lovely keen expressions you've got, so earnest, so enthusiastic. Don't worry, we'll soon knock that out of you."

There was a ripple of polite laughter in response.

"Only joking," she continued. "Now, my name is Audrey and I'm going to be taking you through the initial training. We should get most of it done today and tomorrow and then we can let you loose on the world of conservation. What's your name?" She was looking at someone on the front row.

"Erm, Sarah."

"Well, erm, Sarah, would you mind passing these packs around?"

As the paperwork made its way around the room, Audrey continued. "The big boss will be coming in later to introduce himself to you all. Don't be too intimidated, for the most part you'll never see him. He's always off doing something or other but his email address will be available if you have any specific concerns. I would ask that you not trouble him with trivia though, we all have enough to be doing without getting tied up in that sort of thing. Right, if you turn to page one, we'll get started with the dreaded ice breakers."

I cringed inwardly but it wasn't too bad in the end. We went around the room, introducing ourselves and then having to work in groups to come up with potential new recruitment ads to create a hypothetical membership scheme.

It was just gone twelve when we stopped for lunch. Just as we were all putting our things away, the door opened and in walked the one person I was not expecting to see.

My stomach suddenly felt tight as I looked in bewildered shock at Rich. He looked so different in a suit. It was a proper suit too, not a boilersuit. Jet black, with a blue shirt and a deep red tie. He looked good. He strode to the front of the room and ran his eyes over all of us, lingering for the briefest moments on me. If he was surprised to see me, it didn't show in his expression, curt and businesslike as he didn't smile at anyone before beginning a speech that sounded well rehearsed.

"You're all here because you love nature, right?"

A few nods.

"Good, we need more people like you to make a difference. Now things might seem overwhelming at first but you'll soon settle in and get the hang of things. My door is always open if any of you have any questions. Remember, we're not here to make a fortune, we're here to try and protect our little corner of the world. I'll be back later on to take you through the boring terms and conditions part of things but for now, go and enjoy your lunch."

I wanted to speak to him but he was deep in conversation with Audrey when I passed so I didn't get chance. He wasn't even bothering to look my way.

Was he the boss of the place? Did he not live at the lighthouse then? I had so many questions I wanted to ask but after hovering outside the conference room for five minutes, he hadn't appeared so I headed off to lunch with the others, hoping to be able to catch him at the end of the day instead.

When I got back, he was nowhere to be seen. I settled back down in my seat, trying not to be disappointed. Was it even a good idea to talk to him after he'd ignored my calls? Was this not destiny mocking me, letting me get so close to him but without a shot of actually being with him.

Because I knew from the moment he'd walked into the room that I'd been lying to myself. I couldn't just let him go. He'd attached himself to me in a way that I couldn't define. I had been wrong to think I'd be able to move on. I had to know why he hadn't answered the phone, why he didn't think I was worth speaking to. Was I just a single fling to him? A one off fuck? I had to know the truth, it was killing me.

I realised I was tuning out from the afternoon presentation so I did my best to shift my focus, only possible until I saw him outside in the corridor towards the end of the day. My heart leapt at the sight of him, thoughts of that body of his coming unbidden into the forefront of my mind. I wanted him, I ached for him. All the locked up feelings I'd done so well to shut off came roaring back.

How had my feeling become so strong so quickly? I had no idea. I just knew they were real and if there was any chance he felt the same way, I needed to find out. I had to know. I couldn't wait any longer.

Then he came back in. "Sorry, Audrey," he said with a nod to her. "Could I have a quick word with Joy?"