Chapter Seven
Another month of shooting went by and I was starting to get the hang of it. It was the best feeling in the world to finally get what I want and have that confirmation that what I wanted was actually good for me. I had completely lost touch with my roommate, what with my eleven hour shooting days and taking classes in and out of the project, whatever Marianne booked for me. I no longer got nervous in front of the camera, didn’t have to worry about what people thought of me or if I was messing up a line. I completely owned the character. Whatever I decided she was, that’s what she was going to be.
But David, that was getting more and more complicated. We had most of our sex right there on set, in my trailer. I loved the sex breaks and the daily orgasms and that special feeling of having a secret no one else is special enough to know, but I hated the idea of how vulnerable it made me. There was a reason I hadn’t told any of my roommates, who were also my closest friends. They would berate me, tell me I was stupid for even considering this kind of flirtation with a man like this. They would tell me I was crazy for thinking that it would end well. But that’s just it; I didn’t want to think about the ending at all.
With all of this stewing in my head, I got out of my car (brand new Jeep I had leased with my signing money) and walked about a quarter of a mile down the busy, downtown LA street until I got to small, French Bistro: “Republique” Since most of my time had been spent with Jessica and her assistant, she wanted to start working in these monthly lunches to keep track of my progress. Yet, my head was so filled with David; I almost gasped when I saw her.
There she was, sitting at a table towards the back of the restaurant, a smile on her face. She stood when I got within hearing distance. “Good afternoon, Laila.”
I nodded at her, taking in her easyjet vogue ponytail, her pink lipstick, her effortless use of vest and button-down shirt. “Hey, Marianne.”
She gestured at the seat in front of her. It was only when I sat down that I noticed the bottle of Pinot Grigio in an ice bath next to us. “What’s up with you?”
I chuckled at this, using the laughter to try and mask my impossible nerves. “You know the answer to that question.”
She raised an eyebrow, gesturing at the waiter. She shrugged as he poured me a glass, then topped up hers. I took a quick sip. The sooner I loosened up the better. “Do I?”
I pressed my lips together.
She giggled, the sound hanging in the air.
I couldn’t stop myself from thinking it but, how could David leave this woman, and pick me over her? The exposing self-consciousness is something I had never experienced before. It was an entirely new feeling. Something that left me in the unrelenting realness of being absolutely helpless, at mercy of Marianne and David.
But then she laughed again. “Relax. Don’t worry. It’s not like you’re gonna lose your contract with me or something.”
I gulped.
The waiter came back with menus. I had already decided to have the chicken, whatever it was. Judging from the way she continued to gaze at me, almost oblivious to the menu underneath her nose, told me that she had decided as well. “So tell me, how is the film going along?”
I smiled at this, this time it was genuine. I was sure she could tell. “Really well.”
She nodded. “I remember my first film. Well, my first project.”
I furrowed my brow. “Project?”
She nodded. “Most people don’t realize this about me but yes. I was an independent writer for a long while.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Why did you stop?”
Somehow, there was a difference between Marianne, the business tycoon who could milk the money out of any talent she got her hands on, to the benefit of everyone involved, and Marianne, the writer. She shrugged. “I met David. And he was so good. Better than I was, I think. So I decided to make my career about him.”
There was no denying that she was still in love with him. My stomach rolled. “Right. You just stopped.”
She let out a dry laugh. “Well, it wasn’t just like that.”
“I don’t know what you mean?”
“I couldn’t be upstaged by him.”
Is that why she called me here? to make me feel bad about fucking her ex-husband? “So you did it willingly?”
She shrugged. “So, what I really wanted to talk to you about was another project. I’ve been a couple of scripts and I want you to go over them.”
My eyes widened as I took another sip of my wine. This really was the beginning of the rest of my life.
She chuckled. “But wait. I do want you to do well, obviously. But your success is, in a way dependant on how well you feel. If you’re anxious. You should tell me.”
“I still don’t understand.”
She gulped. “How do you feel about my husband? About the divorce. It’s clouding all of my business. You can’t deny it’s affecting you.”
The only thing I could think to do was lie. Lie through my teeth. “Fine. Nothing’s wrong.”
“It isn’t affecting anything.”
I shook my head.
“Well,” she folded her menu and put it on the edge of the table. “I must be honest with you. I don’t believe that for one minute.”
I gulped.
“My husband is a promiscuous person. I got him back. He couldn’t handle it, so we split. He’s heart-broken. I know he’s going to turn to his old habits. And I know you see him every day at work.”
She paused. But I wasn’t brave. I didn’t take the moment to tell the truth. I didn’t want to step on the territory. I didn’t want to hurt her. I didn’t want to lose the job. “There’s nothing happening.”
She let out a sigh, but nowhere near resigned. “If there is something happening, I will find out… eventually.” She waved the waiter over.
I opened my menu again. “I’ll have the chicken.”
She didn’t take her eyes off of me. “Me too.”
***
I made my way home after the lunch feeling cloudy and defeated, her words banging around in my head. Could I really have sat there and lied to that woman, while at the same time learning more and more that lying was the last thing she deserved? As I parked the car in the garage of the apartment complex I still shared with four other people, I had fully resolved to stop doing this thing with David. I couldn’t handle the lying. I had to focus on my career.
But when I stopped in front of my door, my heart almost stopped when I saw him standing there. “What is this?”
“I have to tell you something.”
I could hardly resist his serious gaze, the desperate look on his face. But I had to. My heart hardened with the thought of the history he had had with Marianne, whatever he had done to her. “How did you even get to my house?”
“Your address is on your resume.”
I nodded. Of course. “What are you here for?”
“I wanted to see you.”
I brushed past him. “Well, I don’t know if I need to see you yet.”
He grabbed my arm.
I was going to resist again, say something about how I need to sleep and we have an early day tomorrow, but then I looked into his eyes, and I saw something more genuine than I had seen ever. Something told me to just shut the fuck up and listen to what he had to say.
“What’s gotten into you.”
“You know how that first night, I told you. I said I wasn’t looking for anything.”
He kept a straight face, waiting.
“Well, I found something. And it’s scaring me. Because I don’t know if it’s worth it. I don’t know if anything is worth it.”
He nodded. “Then I think you should hear me. I don’t know if this will have the ultimate end, but I want it to go somewhere. If we could just keep this hidden for like another couple of months. Maybe, this could be something.”
My eyes were glossed over, my heart swelling in my chest, my palms tingling. He kissed me then, pressing me against my door, taking control of me. Then, he was gone, gone before I could really think about what he had said, gone before I realized what he meant. Gone before I could stop myself from falling all the way in love.