Chapter Eleven
Grateful to be out of the hospital, Becky ignored her fatigue and achiness. The epinephrine shot had kicked in when she’d been in the ambulance, along with the IV they gave her, so she had stabilized quickly. Once home, she managed to get her exhausted and cranky daughter asleep. The shower had made Becky feel much better. With her hair wet, and wearing a tank and sweat pants, she padded barefoot to the kitchen.
Logan’s green eyes hit hers and she stopped, slapping her hand down on the table. Her stomach flipped, and heat warmed her chest. The memory of her wild panic as she’d run from the bees, then Logan’s arm coming around her and yanking her off her feet tripped her replay button. It had been his eyes, his voice, his touch that had eased her terror and soothed her frantic worry. He’d stayed by her side at the hospital. Held her hand.
And Becky had fallen in love. Wholly and completely. With a man who only wanted her temporarily to get his land. Smart, Becky, real smart. But what did she do now? How did she figure out a way to protect her heart?
“Feeling better?”
Crap, she stared at him like a moron. “Yes.” Except for her tight skin, tingling breasts, and the throbbing between her legs that was creating an edgy need to strip off her clothes and beg him to take her, possess her, drive them both to wild heights so she could feel safe and alive, not so damned scared and struggling to breathe.
“Come sit down and have dinner. Just soup and sandwiches. Eating at the island okay with you?”
Right, dinner. Not wild, hot sex to ease that frantic ache building in her. Nodding, she forced her feet to take her to a barstool. Logan slid a bowl of steaming soup in front of her, then added a thick grilled cheese sandwich. The scent of toasted bread and oozing cheese woke her stomach up. Better. Craving food helped take her mind off her supersized sex drive.
“Is your arm sore?”
He missed nothing, like the fact she was eating with her left hand. “A little bit. Most of the swelling is down though.”
He could love you. Maybe if you figure out what he wants…
No, that was the old Becky who had found herself pregnant, involved in a hit-and-run, and now fighting to keep her child. Besides, Logan had been clear what he wanted—
No children.
No matter how it had looked today when he’d held Sophie on that horse. That moment when his eyes met hers…Logan didn’t want children or a wife. He wanted his land, and to start and be a part of Camp Warrior Recovery. He was going to help a lot of men and women who deserved his passion and caring.
And she was going to let him go.
But for right now, tonight? She wanted him, no she needed him. Needed his arms around her, his body filling hers and pushing out the lingering terror. But she was going to keep her lines clear—it was sex, not love. The old Becky would cling after sex, struggling to form that bond she craved. This Becky wasn’t going to do that. They’d have sex and she’d go back to her room. Keep the lines clear. No emotional entanglements.
“You should have told me you were allergic.”
That jerked her from her thoughts. “It never came up.”
Logan swiveled on the stool until he faced her. “You could have died. Why the hell haven’t you seen an allergist like the doctors told you to today?” Fury throbbed in the vein in his temple.
“We didn’t have health insurance. In college my mom nagged me to do it, and I was just going to start them when I got pregnant, then mom got sick…” She shrugged. “Something else always took priority.”
“Bullshit. Nothing takes priority over your health. You’re going this week.”
She narrowed her eyes, ready for a fight. Anything to stop feeling this driving need. “Don’t start ordering me around.”
“Do you want Sophie to grow up without her mother?”
“No.”
“Then don’t argue. This isn’t about money, your life could be at stake.”
“Fine.” She slid off the stool, gathered up her dishes, and went to the sink. “Thank you.” It was time to get some distance.
Logan’s image appeared in the window over the sink as he came up behind her. His gaze captured hers in the darkened glass. “You’re tired and a bit edgy.”
She gripped the edge of the counter. “You’re right. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about my allergy and for flipping out today.” It took all her will to not look down. “I ran like a lunatic.”
“You’re allergic. No one could blame you for panicking.”
“I’ll clean up. You’ve done enough today and there’s no one here now. We don’t need to pretend.”
Logan slapped his hands down on the counter, caging her. His front pressed against her back. “What does that mean?”
“We have a deal. Nothing but a deal.”
“Keep going.”
“I need lines.”
“Lines.” He said the word like it was a new concept.
“We have to live together. In front of people you have to act like you care. I get that. You saved my life today and arranged for Sophie’s care. I’m grateful.” Her throat thickened. Becky dug her hand into the counter.
“Are you saying that I would have left you to die if we’d been alone?”
“Of course not. Don’t be ridiculous.” This wasn’t his fault and she needed to be straight with him. “Look, it’s me, okay? I’m not going to be able to resist you.” His eyes reflected in the window were a magnetic force that compelled her attention. “Even now, I want you. God, I want you.” She needed his arms around her, but she needed to protect herself at the same time.
He covered her hands with his. “Baby, if you want me, I’m right here.” He brushed her damp hair aside, and kissed her neck.
Shivers fanned out from every spot his warm mouth touched. Her nipples peaked and pleasure traveled lower. He spread his hand out on her belly, fanning her desperation to sink into him, to feel alive and not alone. But she would be alone again. Her stomach tightened. “No, wait.” She had to have some controls in place or she’d end up begging him to love her at the end of this deal, instead of gracefully letting him go.
He lifted his head, meeting her eyes in the window.
“I need to keep this separate. Sex is just sex. When we want it, we do it.”
“With you so far.”
“But I’m not sleeping with you. I’m not staying all night in your bed and confusing things. It’s just sex. Nothing more.”
His eyes hardened. “It’s more.”
Wanting to belong to someone, to have a safe place in a scary world ballooned in her until she could barely breathe. “The forever kind of more?”
Logan sucked in a breath. “No.”
The longing shriveled in shame. Why had she done that? Asked such a pathetic needy question when she knew the answer? Struggling to be strong, she said, “Then it’s just sex. For once in my life, I’m going to be smart and learn the difference.”
His body went rigid. Ice coated his gaze.
“When we’re around others, we’ll pretend. Alone we’ll concentrate on our goals. You developing Camp Warrior Recovery, and me on Sophie and getting my degree.”
“And having sex.” He snapped each word.
“Meaningless sex.” Her brain rebelled, tapping out warnings. This wasn’t like her, not even close, but she refused to listen. It was time for her to grow up and accept that happily-ever-after was a fairy tale.
“That’s what you want?”
No. She wanted it all—a real marriage, a life partner who had her back. But that wasn’t going to happen between them. “Yes.”
Logan kept stroking her arm, sending tingles up and down with each pass.
“But you won’t sleep in my bed, won’t let me hold you, give you the tenderness you deserve?”
She was too weak. Just like she’d done a second ago—wanting to believe he’d love her, really love her. The terror of today had been too much and she wanted to cling to Logan, but she couldn’t. “No.”
“All right.” His hands went to her waist. He caught hold of her sweatpants and panties. While watching her with anger sharpening his eyes, he tugged them down to her knees.
“What are you doing?” She was exposed from her belly to her knees.
“We don’t need a bed for this. No one is here. No one can see us. If you want meaningless sex, I’ll give it to you.” He pulled her back against his chest and brushed her skin from one hip bone to the other. Turning her chin, he asked, “Is kissing allowed?”
Confusion overwhelmed her. He was cold and mad, yet she could feel his erection pressing against her back. She longed for his hands on her, hated the distance between them. “Yes but—”
His mouth crashed over hers and she could taste his anger. His hand slipped beneath her shirt, tweaking her nipple creating more paths of fire. Then his hand dipped between her thighs.
Logan used his foot to push her feet apart. The sweatpants around her knees kept her pinned. She was being taken. Possessed. But not loved or cared for. Not even tenderness.
Methodically, he parted her damp folds and teased, sliding back and forth over her clit until she ached and moaned into his mouth. He pulled back, his face a mask. “Good enough. I’ll get a condom and be right back.” He walked away.
Leaving her cold. Humiliated. Hot tears burned. Becky stood in his kitchen with her pants shoved to her knees. She yanked them up and ran to her room. Shutting the door, her heart pounded. He’d been willing to give it to her exactly as she’d demanded. Crawling onto the bed, she yanked the pillow to her chest and buried her face in it as her tears poured out. She didn’t want to wake her baby with her sobbing.
Or worse, let Logan hear her.
…
Logan slapped his hands on his low dresser and stared at himself in the mirror.
There was no excuse for what he’d just done out there. Becky had been through hell today. She was having a reaction to nearly dying. He’d seen her eyes when she’d struggled to breathe—she’d been fucking terrified. And he decided now was the time to teach her a lesson about what meaningless sex really was. Never in his life had he treated a woman like that. Ever.
He heard her run into her room and shut the door. Not slam it, but ease it closed. Logan hung his head. She wasn’t the only one having a reaction. She’d scared the hell out of him today, and he’d taken it out on her, because he wanted her in his bed, needed to feel her alive, to know he hadn’t screwed up and let her die. And yeah, he’d wanted sex, but not like that.
He faced his reflection. Part of him wanted to get out of the house and take off. Just get some space. Go sleep in the trailer. But he couldn’t leave her like that. He’d humiliated her, hurt her when she’d already been hurting.
Logan pushed off the dresser. He walked to her room and opened the door.
“Go away. Please.”
Her voice crackled with tears. The light spilling in from the door showed him Becky on her side with her knees drawn up, hugging her pillow. He went in, glanced in the crib. The baby slept on her back, her face sweet and peaceful. She was fine, but her mother needed care and he couldn’t do it in here. Logan went to the bed, leaned down and lifted Becky.
“No.” It came out a sob.
“I’m not leaving you alone.” He carried her to his room, killed the lights, and put her in his bed. Stripping to his boxers, he slid in and tucked her into his arms.
She burrowed into him, her body shaking.
“Go ahead, baby. Let it out.” He rubbed her back as she cried. “You didn’t deserve to be treated like that.” All he’d had to do was pick her up, take her to his bed, and make love to her as many times as they’d both needed to know that she was alive and safe. Then let her go sleep in the room with her child. Hell it even made sense.
It just felt wrong.
Becky was not the kind of woman a man kicked out of his bed. She was a woman a man did everything in his power to keep there.
She quieted, and he thought maybe she’d settle in and fall asleep.
“I’m afraid.”
He tilted her head to see her face in the thin moonlight. Her tears had stopped, but her face was swollen. Using the edge of the sheet, he wiped away the remnants of her tears. “Why?” He hoped to God she could still trust him. Okay, probably not to have sex with him, what he’d done was unforgiveable, but she could talk to him.
“I was so scared today, then you held me and calmed me down. I’m afraid I’m going to need you too much. Then you’ll be gone.”
He sucked in a breath. “Like your father and brother?”
It took her a moment to answer. “I was supposed to put my shoes on before I went outside, but I didn’t, and went out to play in the yard. I stepped on a bee. My mom had to take me to the hospital. When we got back, the house was on fire.”
His chest burned like he’d been branded.
“Bees freak me out now. My mom never blamed me. My dad and Tyler were welding something in the garage, and somehow the fire started. I know that now, I get it. If my mom and I had been there, I don’t know that anything would have been different. I understand that.”
“But you don’t always believe it.” Just like he knew he wasn’t back in Afghanistan standing inside that house that doubled as a school for girls, but sometimes…he believed he was. Not as much these days, but yeah, he got it.
“Not always. I couldn’t control my fear today when the bees came out of their hive. I’m sorry.” She pushed her face into his chest.
Logan stroked her hair. “Nothing to be sorry for, baby. Not a thing.” He kept proving over and over why he wasn’t cut out for marriage or having a family of his own. Becky had needed him to make love to her, give her that connection that made them feel alive and valued.
And he’d decided he’d humiliate her and teach her a lesson.
“Listen to me, sweetheart. I’m here. I can’t be the husband you deserve, but I’ll be your friend even when this is over. You need a man’s arms around you, you come to me. I’ll hold you as long as you need me too.” Logan was never going to have a woman and family of his own, so he could give Becky this. In time, she wouldn’t need him anymore. She’d find a man worthy of her.
“You’d do that?”
Her breath whispered across his chest like a caress. He held her tighter, trying to give her comfort. “Yes.” He tucked his hand beneath her shirt, spreading his fingers behind her lungs. He needed to feel her breathing. “You’re safe. I swear it. Go to sleep and I’ll put you back in your bed.” Just as soon as he could let go of her.
It was after midnight before he could make himself do it. When he settled her in her bed, and walked out, loneliness closed around him like a fist, stealing his breath.
When this was over, he’d have his land…but would that be an empty victory without Becky in his life?
…
“The good news is the judge has denied Dylan access to Sophie until the trial to determine who gets possession and visitation.” Felicia Redding folded her hands on her desk.
Relieved, Becky glanced at Logan. Her lawyer had requested that he be here today.
He met her gaze. “See, sweetheart? I told you. Nothing to worry about.”
“There’s more news.”
Becky turned back. “Good, bad?”
Felicia’s eyes appeared to be measuring them. “The judge has ordered home study.”
“What does that mean?” And why did the lawyer keep examining them like they were on trial?
“A social worker will be assigned to the case, and will evaluate Sophie’s home life by conducting a series of interviews with both sides. That will mean you, your husband…” She paused, her eyes hard on Logan. “Both your families, references, and some third parties. Everything will be looked at.”
Becky gripped the wooden arms of the chair. “Uh, Logan’s family is just getting to know us. Right now his sister, Pam, is babysitting Sophie.”
Felicia tapped a pen on her desk. “This marriage is rather sudden. When you were here a few weeks ago, you never mentioned it.”
Did she look like a deer in headlights?
“I hadn’t asked her to marry me then.” Logan reached over and took her hand. “I was waiting because Becky’s mom had been sick and just passed. But when I found out that Dylan was harassing Becky, my plans changed immediately.”
“If that’s the truth, then we don’t have a problem. But if you’re hiding something and this marriage is exposed as anything else…” She honed in on Becky. “You will lose custody.”
Her mouth went absolutely dry. It’d been just over a week since the bee sting. Logan had treated Becky with kindness, but they hadn’t so much as kissed. It was just too…awkward she guessed. They’d both focused on their goals, basically seeing each other at dinner, and the couple of times Logan took her riding to improve her skills.
They didn’t have a marriage. They had a roommate agreement, which was fine—unless they were discovered and she lost Sophie.