The question floored me. Was it? I’d fallen in love with Graham over time. There was a lot of flirting, of back and forth. It had taken a while for us to finally tell one another how we felt. Looking back, it was one more way that he played the control in our relationship.

That made me sad to think the most significant love relationship I’d ever had was nothing that I’d thought it was.

However, it led me to Declan. Or rather, to be able to appreciate Declan. So perhaps all the bullshit was worth it.

I was so happy that he didn’t go all ape shit and start a huge fight about Graham being here. I was expecting all kinds of drama, but there was none. He asked what happened, I told him, and he believed me. This was how things were supposed to be. I went upstairs and laid in my bed, waiting for him to shower. As I listened to the water in the other room, another sound came through.

It sounded like… I sat up. Got up quietly and went to the bathroom door.

Declan was crying.

My heart nearly broke listening to him. I walked back to the bed and laid down. All I wanted to do was rush in and comfort him, but there was something to be said for being able to grieve privately. I wasn’t going to take that away from him.

He came out about ten minutes later. The steam rose off him as he dried his hair with a towel. He looked good enough to… well, do a lot of things to.

Easy, I told myself. Don’t be that guy.

“Can I stay with you tonight?” He asked.

“Like you even have to ask.”

The small smile that elicited pushed me further into the broken heart category.

“Come here with me.” I held out an arm.

“I’ll be there in a minute.” He went back into the bathroom. When he came out, he was wearing boxers, and he crawled into bed with me, resting his head on my shoulder.

When we’d met, I’d needed the shoulder. It felt good to be someone who another person would lean on. To be the shoulder.

“You want to talk?” I asked.

“No, if that’s all right,” Declan said.

“No worries,” I said. “I’m just trying to make you comfortable.”

“I missed this. I missed you,” he said.

“I missed you, too.”

Declan didn’t speak again. I could hear his breathing relax, and as I listened to it, I fell asleep with him.

* * *

Sasha!”

I woke up, heart racing. Declan was sitting up in bed next to me, his eyes wide.

“Sasha!” He said again.

“Declan, are you okay?” I put a hand on his arm.

He jumped as though he’d been shot.

“What… where am I?” He turned wide eyes to me.

“It’s me, Declan. Bryant. Everything’s okay.”

“As long as she’s safe,” he said. He lay back down, and within a few moments, was asleep again.

What in the name of hell had that been about? It took me a long time to fall back to sleep.

* * *

The next morning, when I woke, Declan was gone. I got up to see if he’d just gotten up before me. But his bags were gone. I looked around, and he hadn’t left a note.

If he hadn’t woken up in a cold fear the night before, I wouldn’t feel a thread of unease, but since he had, I did.

I sighed. No use in making something more than it was. I got ready for work and headed in early.

Mid-afternoon, Declan called.

“Hey,” I said. “How are you?”

“Up to my ass,” he said. “Sorry I left so early. I couldn’t sleep.”

I waited to see if he’d mention the fact he’d woken up in the middle of the night, but he didn’t.

“You want to get together tonight?”

He sighed. “I do, but I’m not sure when I’ll be done. How about tomorrow?”

I was disappointed, but I understood. “Sure. Come over for dinner.”

“I’d like that,” his voice was warm, and it was the Declan I knew.

“All right. Just text when you’re on your way.” I didn’t really want to leave things until I saw him tomorrow, but I also didn’t want to be the clingy boyfriend, all about me when he had a lot on his plate.

Declan surprised me the next night, because he got out of work before I did, and we spent a great evening together.

I told him about going out with the basketball guys, and he laughed. “I’m proud of you, Bry! I know that’s not your comfort zone.”

I laughed with him. “No, it’s not, but I decided that I didn’t want to just sit home.”

“Good. You need to get out more.”

“I agree.” I kissed him. “Thanks for making me join you.”

“It is my pleasure. Even though it’s part of my grand plan to lure you in,” he said, kissing my ear.

“It’s working.”

“Is it?” He murmured. “How about you show much just how well it’s working?”

“Why don’t you follow me?” I said. I stood, pulling his hand.

“I could almost think you planned this,” he said, grinning.

“Yeah, like twelve seconds ago. But it’s a good plan, isn’t it?”

We made love all night long. I’d never laughed so much with another person, not even Tib. His intensity made me gasp, and the tender way he looked at me was something I’d never thought I’d experience.

It was glorious.

I had a sneaking feeling that yes, in fact this was very much love.

The next morning, we lingered over saying goodbye.

“I have to catch my flight right after work,” he said in between kisses.

“When do you think you’ll be back?” I asked.

“It depends.”

I knew what that meant.

“I hope everything goes well, I mean, as well as it can,” I amended.

“Thanks, Bry. And thanks for being here for me. It means more than you know.”

“I’m here,” I said. “Take your time.”

“Thank you,” he kissed me again, and I felt my knees melt, my entire being dissolve at his touch.

Even the simple act of a kiss had become glorious.

Yeah, it was love.

* * *

Three more days passed. I played basketball on Wednesday and made plans to join them for beers again on Saturday. But first, I had to go to brunch with Tibby and Seth, and caught them up on all the doings in my life. Not that I minded. Tibby was a constant in my life and I’d been neglecting her outside of work.

“I cannot believe that Graham just showed up. What an asshole. He’s totally like herpes,” Tibby said.

“Yeah, he tried to play it off on the whole cheating thing.”

“Well, you know the truth. And fuck him. How’s Declan?”

“I haven’t talked to him much. I get the impression his mom is as tough as his dad, for different reasons.”

“Where’s he from?” Seth asked.

“Indiana,” I said. “Kokomo, actually.”

“Did you sing the song when you heard that?” Tibby asked.

Seth and I looked at her.

“What? It’s the first thing that came to my head. Your parents didn’t listen to the Beach Boys?”

Both of us shook our heads.

“Explains a lot,” she said, taking a drink of her coffee.

“Okay, whatever, weirdo,” I said. “It sounds like there’s a lot going on that he hasn’t told me, but even though I want to know, I get it. No one wants to spill all their family shit.”

“I totally get that,” Tibby said.

“Well, you do have an interesting family,” Seth said.

“Look, your family is practically a fifties sitcom,” Tibby said. “I didn’t grow up like that. I didn’t want you to meet them and think this was your future. So I get why people might keep some family dirt to themselves.”

“It makes sense. I just wish things didn’t feel out of whack.”

“What do you mean?” Tibby asked.

“Ever since he came in and found Graham in my place, it’s felt like there’s a distance between us.”

“I can’t imagine he’s worried about Graham,” Tibby said immediately.

Seth looked at her, smiling. “And why is that, oh guru?”

“Have you seen Declan? I mean, we did meet the same guy, right?” She shook her head. “Holy shit. That guy is beautiful. Graham’s good looking, but next to Declan? No comparison. Declan is a thing of beauty. And Graham’s a shitty person.”

“A thing of beauty?” Seth asked. “I’m right here.”

“Whatever,” she waved a hand at him.

“He is a thing of beauty,” I said to Seth. “I have to agree with her.”

“You’re not supposed to take her side anymore,” Seth complained. “It’s you and me against the machine, man!”

We all laughed.

Tibby said, “It’s fine, Bry. His dad is dying. Sounds like his mom isn’t accepting it. And who knows what else is going on? Just try to relax. You’ve been doing such a good job up until now. Don’t backslide!”

It felt good to just hang out with them. I felt better, too, about my worries. Tib was right. I couldn’t ask a lot when he was up to his eyeballs in family stuff.

My feeling of well-being continued when I met the guys Saturday night. They asked about Declan, and I told them a little, and then we moved on.

I got up Sunday and went running. It had been a great week. I felt badly that Declan was dealing with so much sadness, and I decided that I’d call him when I got back.

But I got distracted, and made myself a late breakfast, and then cleaned up. All the chores I’d been ignoring for the last week demanded attention as well. By the time I looked at the clock, it was after one.

I wanted to call him before it got too late. Maybe he’d be at lunch, where he could talk. There were no cells allowed on the floor where his dad was staying.

Grabbing my phone, I settled into the couch, and then called him. For fun, I hit the ‘video’ button. I really wanted to see him.

When he picked up, he hit the video option as well, and he was walking.

“Hey, you,” I said. “I hope I’m not interrupting.”

“No, I’m having lunch with… with family,” he said. He glanced over his shoulder as he walked into a room and closed the door.

“Oh, well I won’t keep you then,” I said, feeling guilty.

“No, it’s good to see you,” he said, and while there was something on his face that I couldn’t interpret, he did look glad to see me.

“How’s your dad?”

He sighed. “It’s only a matter of time. Like, a few days at the most. My mom is still there, but I had to leave for a couple of things today, so we’re—I’m having some lunch before… I go back.”

“I am so sorry.”

He shrugged. “I feel bad for my mom. This is going to be really hard on her. I think she’s finally accepting it, but not gracefully.”

“How’d the talk with the lawyer go?” I asked.

Whatever he was going to say was lost as the door behind him burst open.

A little girl with dark hair in pigtails flew in.

A dark-haired woman was right behind her.

“I’m sorry,” she said to Declan. “She got away from me. Come on, honey, let’s leave Daddy alone.”

The little girl tried to wriggle away from the woman’s arms, and the woman said, “Sasha! Daddy’s working. Come on.” She shot Declan, and me, an apologetic look. Sorry, she mouthed. She hurried back out, shutting the door behind her.

Declan turned back to the phone and there was fear on his face. “Bryant…”

“Daddy?” I asked.

He sighed, defeat and ten years settling across his face. “Yes. She—”

I held up a hand. “I don’t want to hear it, Declan. Not right now. I need to go.”

“No, Bryant, let me explain!”

“No.”

I clicked the red button, ending the call. I put my phone on mute and then went and laid down in bed.

How in the fuck had this happened again? What was wrong with me?