Mark

As I left the warehouse I saw some black and whites pulling around to the back of the building. Landon must have called for backup. Awesome. I didn’t remember him calling for backup once in the five years we’d been working together. But now he felt like it was necessary. Because of me. He obviously didn’t trust me anymore and thought I was pretty much helpless.

I waved the men over to the open warehouse door as they got out of their cars but kept walking around the corner and back down the alley. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I wanted to get to the cruiser and get the hell out of there.

I was so mad at Landon I couldn’t see straight. I couldn’t believe he felt like he had to protect me—that I couldn't handle my job anymore. After five years, I finally saw what he really thought of me. But how could I blame him? It was the way the whole world saw omegas. Including me.

But the thing that pissed me off more than anything, was that I felt like I was totally going to lose it. I was going to fucking cry.

I hadn't cried since I was a little kid. And I mean really little. Like before I even started grade school. It wasn't anything anyone ever told me that I shouldn't do; it was something that I knew from watching the alphas around me. Being a beta meant I had to constantly prove myself, especially around my dad and brother—who were both alphas. If I cried or showed any weakness around either of them, I knew I would lose their respect.

It’s not like I didn't feel sadness or hurt or any of those kinds of emotions. I just learned how to control them. I learned how to put up a wall as soon as I felt anything like tears welling up inside me. I would turn my emotions off and make them disappear. Only now I didn’t seem to be able to do that anymore. Now I found myself crying alone in my bed at night. Crying about how unfair this sudden change was. Crying about the fact that I was about to lose my job because of it. And crying because the one person I wanted to talk to—my best friend in the whole world—couldn’t possibly respect me anymore.

No one respected omegas.

I just wanted the old me back. I wanted to stuff my stupid emotions inside and get on with my life. If I could get that back—the control I had of myself and everything around me—then my life would be normal again. I could get drunk and fuck random men and I would be safe because, with all that, I didn’t have to feel.

Not like what I was trying unsuccessfully to stuff down now. My stupid feelings for Landon.

I hated him for doing this to me. For making me fall in love with him. I hated being an omega and having all these crazy hormones and feelings constantly flowing throughout my body. It felt like everything inside me was sitting right on the surface, and the slightest touch—just one tiny drop of water—would upset the whole glass and send everything cascading over the edge.

I heard the car door open and immediately wiped my face dry, then turned toward the window so Landon couldn't see my eyes. I knew he wouldn't respect me if he saw me crying. Not that he did anymore, anyway.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his smooth, warm voice simultaneously calming me down a little and filling my eyes with tears again.

"Of course, I'm okay. Let's get the hell out of here."

"I really think we need to talk, Mark. We can ignore what's going on."

"I don't know what the hell is going on. The only thing I know is everything is falling apart, and I have no idea what to do about it. All I want to do is go home and crawl and to bed until this is all over with."

"What do you mean over with? This isn't going to just go away, Mark. You’re an omega now, and you're carrying my baby. How exactly do you imagine this is going to be over with?”

I opened my mouth to speak, but I knew that no matter what I said it wasn't going to make a difference. I could already feel the tears spilling out of my eyes and running down my cheeks again. I wasn't going to be able to stop any of this. Not the crying, not the pregnancy, and not the way Landon was treating me. "Can we please get the hell out of here?" I asked, my voice cracking. “I don't care where we go."

“Will you come back to my place with me?” Landon asked.

I didn’t say anything for a moment. I knew he wanted to talk and that’s the last thing I wanted to do. But I didn’t want to be alone anymore. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “Okay.”

As we pulled up into Landon's attached garage I breathed a sigh of relief. I was glad to not have to go back outside again. I felt like I had a bright, red arrow pointing at my tear-stained face and I knew that everyone was staring at me.

"Do you want something to drink?" Landon asked as he threw his car keys into a wooden bowl on the counter. I’d always felt so comfortable in Landon's house. He bought it years ago when he was in his last relationship, which didn’t last very long. We never talked about what happened, but I got the feeling it was a mutual split.

I was never sure who did the decorating—Landon or his boyfriend—but I figured it was probably Landon since he didn’t change a thing. It was incredibly soothing—mostly earth tones and dark colors with the occasional off-white pillow or lampshade. It was so warm and cozy that when I was there, I usually didn’t want to leave.

The decor was only part of the reason I felt so comfortable in his house, though. The main thing I’d always loved was how incredible Landon’s place smelled. I’d been there at least a couple dozen times in the last five years, but I honestly didn't remember it smelling as good as it did in that moment when I walked in from the garage. My senses were flooded with layer upon layer of scent. Cut grass, a mossy forest on a breezy summer day, and something deep and spicy—like cinnamon—all rolled into one.

I stood there for a moment inhaling the air and letting it fill me up.

“Mark? Do you want a drink?”

Landon’s words jolted me out of my daydream. “No … no, I don't want anything."

"Why don’t you sit down?" he asked with his back to me as he opened the fridge.

I was feeling a lot better, but I still didn't really want to talk to Landon or look him in the eye. I figured if I stayed where I was, I’d be safe from getting too involved in a conversation I didn’t want to have. So I leaned back against the kitchen island with my arms folded in front of me and stared at the ground.

I could feel Landon moving around the kitchen behind me, and with every step he took, it felt like a bolt of lightning shot through a different part of my body. Like my cells were keeping track of where he was and were firing off like mad every time he moved.

Ever since I stepped into his house, it felt like my body was becoming more attuned to his presence. I could actually feel him move around the kitchen island before I saw him out of the corner of my eye. And when he stood next to me, I felt a rush of tingles on the side of my body that was closest to him. The closer he got to me the stronger the tingles became, until he was just inches away from me. I swear in that moment my entire body was humming.

"I know this has been hard for you, Mark—” he started, but I cut him off.

“What do you know?” I asked, sliding down the island so that he wasn’t so close to me. “You have no idea what it feels like to lose everything?"

Landon didn’t take the hint. He immediately closed the space between us and towered over me. He wasn’t that much bigger than I was, but when he was standing this close the difference in our height was obvious. "What are you talking about? How have you lost everything, Mark? How can you say that when you have a living being growing inside you? What exactly have you lost?”

I couldn’t believe I had to explain this to him. How did he not understand? Was he playing games with me? “I’m losing myself, Landon. That’s what I’m losing. I’m losing my status and my power as a beta cop. I’m changing into a weak, needy omega, and that’s not who I am. That’s not what I want to be. I don’t feel like I’m me anymore.”

“But that’s ridiculous, Mark. You’re the same person. You just have different … abilities than you had before—”

“Then why are you treating me differently? You’re acting like I’m helpless. Like I can’t do my job anymore!”

“It’s not because I don’t think you can do it anymore. It’s because you’re pregnant now. I have to protect you, Mark. It’s in my nature. I can’t help that.”

“Well, I don't want to be an omega!” I yelled. “I never asked for it, and I never asked for this!” I said, gesturing to my stomach.

Landon was silent for a long moment and when I finally looked up at him I could see the hurt in his eyes. “So that’s it, isn’t it? You don't want the baby.”

"No … no that's not what I meant—”

"Yes, it is. You said you never asked for it. What else could you have meant by that? You don’t want our baby.”

The last person I ever wanted to hurt in the world was Landon. I respected him so much and felt so many confusing feelings when he was near me. "That's not it at all, Landon. It’s that I have no say in any of this. Don't you understand? This is all happening to me. I don’t get a choice if I’m a beta or an omega … or if I’m pregnant or not.”

"Because if you did you wouldn't have chosen it,” he said, in a statement rather than a question. "You wouldn't have chosen to be pregnant and you wouldn’t have chosen me."

"No, Landon. That's not what I meant at all."

“Then please, Mark, tell me what you meant. Because ever since this whole thing started I've gotten the feeling that you’re embarrassed about every single aspect of your pregnancy. Including the fact that I have anything to do with it.”

I couldn’t believe Landon had misunderstood so much. How could he even imagine that I’d be embarrassed of him? Ever since I was hired on at the precinct and he became my partner, I’d looked up to him. I lost my own alpha father a couple years before, and Landon was everything I’d always wanted to be—always admired in an alpha.

And even though I was only a beta, Landon never treated me any different from the other alphas at the station. He always treated me like we were equals. “I’m not embarrassed because of you, Landon,” I said as I looked into his eyes. “I'm embarrassed because of me. I’m embarrassed because I’m not a beta anymore. I know how the world sees omegas. I know how people look down on them. How differently they’re thought of and treated. I’m embarrassed because, it was hard enough to feel like I measured up when I was a beta, but now I’m another step lower than every man I’ve ever looked up to. You, and my father, and my brother.”

Landon didn't say anything for a long time. He just stood there in front of me and stared into my eyes. Normally, something like that would drive me out of my mind, but his alpha presence was incredibly calming to me. I hadn't even realized it, but I’d stopped crying the minute I walked into his house. It hadn't occurred to me until that moment how much better I felt. And it was because of him.

“You’re not less than anyone. No omega is,” he said in a soft voice, but one that felt more commanding than if he’d yelled the words. Then Landon reached up and put his hand on my shoulder and every bit of tension, and anxiety, and fear that had been swirling around inside me melted away. I let my arms fall to my sides and when I looked down, I half expected to see a puddle of my own self-loathing forming around my feet on the floor.

I moved my head up so that I was looking right into Landon's eyes. I'd seen them a million times in the last five years, but they’d never appeared the way they did just then. I held my breath as I examined the flecks of light and color that seemed to scatter and bounce with every breath he took. It was like I was peering into a bottomless kaleidoscope and I was totally mesmerized.

He opened his mouth and spoke again, and again I felt his words melt into me. “I know this change is hard, but you’re making it harder on yourself with these assumptions of yours. I’m hurt that you would think that of me—that I would judge you based on your genetic makeup. That’s not the kind of man I’ve ever been.”

“I’m sorry, Landon. I guess … I guess I just—”

“If you ask me, it’s your feelings about omegas that need to be addressed.”

“But it’s not just me, Landon. It’s the whole world that treats omegas differently. I’m not making up the fact that they can’t hold a lot of jobs, including police officer, simply because of their status.” I was saying words that I’d been thinking for weeks, but suddenly my conviction seemed to be fading.

“Things are changing, Mark, and not just with you. The whole world is changing. And I think you’d be surprised if you opened your eyes and looked around a little more closely. Omegas used to be second-class citizens, but not anymore.”

I closed my eyes and lowered my head. I couldn’t believe what an idiot I’d been. And he was right. I needed to examine my own beliefs before I went pointing fingers at someone else. “I’m scared, Landon. I’m afraid that the person I’ve been all my life is slipping away.”

“You’re still you. That’s never going to change. You’re evolving a little. Getting new features added on, so to speak.” Landon stopped for a moment, then squeezed my shoulder. “I’m right here, Mark. Please let me help you."

I could feel Landon moving closer to me, a fraction of an inch at a time, and with each bit of space the closed between us, the buzzing in my body became more intense. It was as if a switch had been turned on inside me and I could finally see in a room that had been dark for years.

But it wasn’t just that I could see. I was completely surrounded by scents and sensations that I had never noticed before, and I could swear I was able to hear things that I had never noticed. Like the rhythmic sound of Landon's breath as it went in and out of his body, and the soft drum of his beating heart. Both sounds were so soothing … and incredibly sexy.

Time didn't seem to exist in that moment. Each breath that moved in and out of me felt crisp and clean, and clear as I inhaled the air that was surrounding Landon and was filled with his scent. As I felt his hands curl around the back of my neck and push up into my hair, tingles raced across my scalp.

I wondered for a moment if we’d kissed that night. I was sad to think that if we had, I’d been too drunk to remember our first kiss.

"I never got a chance to kiss you," Landon said in a deep, throaty voice that made me melt a little more. I smiled at the thought of him somehow being able to read my mind. It felt almost appropriate since our bodies seemed to be sharing so much, even though we were still barely touching.

"I'm glad I didn't miss it.”

"What?" he whispered, his lips now impossibly close to mine. So close I could almost taste him.

"Our first kiss."

Landon’s lips curled up in both corners and he inhaled in a way that told me my scent was affecting him as much as his was affecting me. “There’s no way in hell I’m going to let you miss that,” he said as his lips began to close the space between us.