The minute I woke up in the morning and saw Brooke was gone, I knew in my heart something was wrong.

I even knew what that something was.

It was last night. Last night felt different and it must have freaked her out.

Last night was filled with love. I didn’t need to take a course to know that, but getting to know her the way I had over the last few months helped me understand her more.

And myself.

I never wanted to admit it even to myself, but I’d never felt that way about anyone. That wasn’t me lessening what I’d had with Olivia in any way; it was just me acknowledging the truth.

People talked about soul mates and finding that one person. I was lucky to have found love twice, but finding it and keeping it were two different things. Now I didn’t know what to do.

I went to work and came home early because I knew what time Brooke would be done with Sally. She came back a little after that time and looked thrown off when she saw me sitting on her porch. I normally went inside the house, but I got the feeling I should stay outside today.

“Ryan.” She sighed, looking at me with huge sad eyes that were puffy like she’d been crying.

“You left last night,” I began, standing when she walked up the steps.

She opened her mouth to answer but no words came out.

“Tell me something,” I began.

“What?” she looked worried.

“If I went to LA to see you, would you freak out?” I would go. If she agreed, I would go and make this work. Aria would be going to college next year, and that would leave me to myself.

At first a look of surprise filled her face, but then it was replaced with fear.

“It would make me crazy.”

“So you would freak out?”

“Ryan…you shouldn’t want to come to LA to see me.” She shook her head.

“Why? Why wouldn’t I want to see you? Is it easy for you not to see me? You can do it, no problem? You can say goodbye to me just like that? You can say goodbye to Aria?”

“I will always be there for Aria when she needs me. All she has to do is call me.”

“But not me? I can’t see you?”

“It’s best you don’t.”

My heart broke just hearing that, and the backs of my eyes stung. “I’m sorry, I totally forgot—no strings attached, right?”

She looked away from me and a tear ran down her cheek.

I sighed and moved away from her before I started crying like a fool.

The last time I’d felt this empty had been when Olivia died.

“Okay, you need more beer, and I sense a voyage of sorts,” Aaron declared in a hearty voice. He’d come to the rescue like the cavalry when I’d called him and told him what happened.

He’d been here since the previous night, had stayed with me just like every other time I’d needed him in my life: the time I stole my next-door neighbor’s car and crashed it, both times after I went to juvi…the night Olivia told me she was pregnant, the night of Aria’s birth…the day I realized Olivia would die, and the day it happened.

Here was my best friend again, helping me the best way he knew how.

“Voyage?” I replied, trying to sound enthusiastic but failing.

I stared ahead through the floor-to-ceiling windows of the sitting room, just looking at the sea. Evening was approaching again. The scenery was painted with those soft colors the onset of sunset brought, the ones Brooke liked so much.

“Yep. What if we took a week off and went somewhere?”

“Where?” I was simply talking and not really knowing what I was saying, just responding to his questions. It was better than sitting in silence.

“Mexico. We don’t have to sail there. That would be awesome, but it would take forever. We could just go on vacation. Heck, we could go somewhere in Europe.”

I looked at him and realized he was just talking too, throwing ideas at me to see what interested me the most.

“Maybe we should focus on the new cases first then go somewhere after that.” I was trying.

“Don’t think about work.”

“It’s better if I do, bro.”

Work was the only thing that would keep me sane right now—the prospect of the busy period Christmas would bring, people stealing stuff and all kinds of shit like that. The station was always busy in December, guaranteed.

If I said that to Brooke, she’d definitely make some joke about me being a cop. I needed to forget that she would do that. Like she’d said, it would be better if I did.

“No. Look, I’m gonna grab more beer, and some wine, maybe that stuff we knocked back at my sister’s wedding.”

The poor guy must have needed a break from me. “Okay, get the beer and wine.”

Aaron got up and gave me a look of encouragement before he left.

I thought I was by myself until I heard the shuffle of footsteps. I looked behind me and saw Aria coming into the room, bringing me a mug of hot cocoa.

I smiled when I saw it. The thing was covered in whipped cream and marshmallows with chocolate sprinkles.

“Yay, you smiled.” She beamed.

I’d told her what had happened with Brooke the night before.

“I am smiling.”

She sat in front of me and held my gaze. “Have you ever thought of asking her to stay? Or maybe just telling her how you feel?”

I laughed at that. “It wouldn’t make a difference, and I respect that.”

“Dad, I appreciate and respect that you’re saying what you think you should say, but I’m old enough to know that’s not how you feel. I’m seventeen now.”

Seventeen. I’d only just gotten used to her being sixteen, and then she’d gone and turned seventeen.

“How do you think I feel?”

“A hundred times worse than me.” She nodded. “But me seeing Brooke is different than you seeing Brooke.”

“It sure is.”

“Will you get her a gift?” she asked tentatively.

“I don’t think she’d want anything from me.”

“Dad, that’s ridiculous. Of course she’d want something from you. I know her and I know she cares about you. Get her a book.”

“She has so many of those.” She’d told me the words spoke to her. She loved reading old classics in paperback but got anything modern as both an e-book and in paperback. Except for Men’s Health and the occasional entertainment magazine, I wasn’t a big reader, so I didn’t understand the need to have different versions.

“But not one from you.” Aria started to look as hopeless as Aaron had. “Dad, forgive me for prying. I don’t mean to because it’s none of my business, but did you actually tell her how you felt?”

I looked at her and couldn’t quite believe we were having this conversation.

“It is your business, and she knows how I feel.” I knew she did. She had to. It was evident, and she must have known because she’d rejected me. She’d flat-out told me I couldn’t see her.

Aria shook her head. “It’s different. Knowing because you assume something is not the same as knowing because you were told it. It just might make a difference somehow. Think about it.” Her smile widened and I saw her point.

I just wasn’t sure what I could do about it.

I did have an idea though, one stupid, crazy idea that made me realize I wasn’t ready to give up just yet.

I’d said goodbye to Sally only the night before, so I couldn’t believe it when she pulled up in my driveway with a gift.

I was leaving in an hour. Noah was upstairs getting my luggage together and then he was taking me to the airport.

“I looked for this everywhere and found it in the attic.” Sally giggled.

She pulled out a case with a medal in it and handed it to me.

“Your gold medal?” I widened my eyes at her in surprise.

“I want you to have it.”

“Jesus Christ!” I shrieked. “What? You can’t just give me a medal.”

If I’d earned an Olympic gold medal, there was no way on earth I’d be giving it to anyone.

“Well, I am. You know I have several, and this one is special because we were at the same place at the same time. We might not have known each other, but we were there.” She beamed.

I looked down at the medal and saw it said Atlanta 1996. I laughed and held it close to my heart, just like everything that was dear to me.

“Thank you. It means a lot.” It did, because I was a mess. I’d been a mess for the last few days without Ryan. I’d seen Aria a few times, and while it wasn’t weird between us, I’d felt weird.

“I thought it would. Don’t be a stranger, Brooke.”

“Oh God no. I have your number, and I know where you live.”

“That sounded kind of creepy,” Sally joked.

My cheeks flushed when I realized it had. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m just messing with you. But, hey, I should let you know something I found out the other day. You’ve seriously inspired me, and I was contacted by the North Carolina Times to do an exclusive next year for the summer issue. Anyway, they told me there were looking to expand and needed to take on two senior features editors, so of course I told them about you. I didn’t really think you’d be interested because there are so many opportunities out in LA, and God, you’re with People Magazine—I know the salary there must be in the six-figure region.”

Something flickered in my heart as I listened. “It’s a good salary, yes.”

“Exactly, and being a senior there would mean more money. Here I think it may be five figures. I told them you’d be great but something seriously amazing would have to be here to keep you, something…or someone…someone more amazing than me.”

Ryan.

I blinked several times and pulled in a breath. She knew Ryan and I had broken up, and she knew the reason, too. I’d told her. She had listened to me and never said anything, just listened. It was what I had needed at the time.

I needed this too.

“I don’t care about money.”

“Well that’s good to hear.”

“Sally, I…”

She held up her hand and stopped me. “Brooke, do what you need to do, but make sure you’re true to yourself.”

My eyes widened. That was the same kind of thing I would have said because that’s what Dad used to say to me.

“Brooke be true to yourself and be true to your heart.”

Heart?

My heart. God, my heart was set on Ryan. It screamed to me calling for him. Be true to my heart.

“My heart.” I breathed speaking the words more to myself than to her.

“How about I call you later to check that you got home safe.” She winked at me and gave me a quick hug.

“Thanks for everything, Sally. I’m so glad I got to meet you.” I nodded.

“And you, Brooke. Talk to you soon.” She gave me a bright smile and left.

I sat in silence for a few minutes then Noah came to get me.

“You ready?” he asked. He looked sad too.

“Hey, don’t give me that sad face. We’ll see each other as per usual.”

“You being closer reminded me of the good old days when we used to live next door.”

“I know, but at least you don’t have to put up with my craziness anymore.”

He laughed. “The craziness is what I love most about you. You wouldn’t be Brooke without the crazy.”

I gave him a hug and pulled away before I broke down.

It felt wrong. It felt wrong to leave.

I felt even worse when we stepped outside and saw Ryan and Aria waiting for me by the car.

Aria got to me first. She gave me the biggest hug ever, and I found it hard to let her go. I didn’t want to let her go. This girl had touched my heart in so many ways.

“Keep up the amazing work in school,” I told her, cupping her face as we pulled apart.

“I will.”

“Beautiful and smart—it’s a deadly combo.”

She hugged me again.

When she released me, I looked to Ryan, who could barely look at me. I felt the same and worse since it was me who’d ended things, and in such a bad way. I’d practically told him I didn’t ever want to see him again.

I moved toward him and he came closer. He held a little present in his hands.

For a second we just looked at each other, and for that second I wondered what the hell I was doing. Then fear took over and seized my mind. Clouding it.

“I, um, got you this.” He handed the gift to me.

I took it knowing I would always treasure it.

His fingers brushed over mine, and that was all it took to reach my heart. I threw my arms around him and loved him even more than I’d thought possible.

He held me too, held me close, and all I could hear was the powerful beat of his heart.

Then it became too much. I had to move away quickly, from him, from her.

It was too much.

A gamut of emotion seized me and I just felt like fleeing. It really was too much.

“Thanks for everything.” I glanced at them both quickly and got in the car.

Noah joined me and looked me over with concern, but he didn’t say anything.

As we drove away, my heart broke and shattered even more when I looked in the rearview mirror and saw Ryan and Aria staring after me.

At least I waited all of five minutes before I broke down.