Chapter Twenty

Lena

"You're having a baby?" The stuffed purple bunny falls from my sister's hand as she stares at me with wide eyes.

I pick it up from the rug. "You heard it right."

Ollie clasps both hands over her mouth as she gasps. Then she wraps her arms around me.

"Oh my God. Oh my God. My little sister's having a baby."

I pat her back. "You seem more thrilled than I am."

She sits beside me and throws me a puzzled look. "And why aren't you thrilled, hmm? Because you're not married?"

I scratch my chin. "Well, actually, I am."

I explain the circumstances to her and she gives another gasp.

"So you're married to Riley Boyle?"

"Riley Boyle McAllister," I correct.

"You're Mrs. McAllister?"

I shrug.

"Wow." Ollie shakes her head in disbelief. "So you cried on TV for nothing."

"Well, I wouldn't say nothing. He did leave me. We haven't even talked about that."

"But he won't give you a divorce?"

I shake my head.

"I'm pretty sure he won't give you one now that you're pregnant with his child," my sister says. Then she looks at me suspiciously. "It is his child, right?"

I frown. "Who else's would it be?"

"Right." She nods. "I forgot you're my little virgin-until-ten-minutes-ago sister who didn't even bother going out on dates. I mean, who would have thought after seeing you so passionate on the show?"

"Ollie..."

Did she really have to bring that up?

"Sorry," she mutters.

I sigh. "I don't know about him not divorcing me now, though. He doesn't seem happy about the baby."

"What? Why not?"

I give another shrug.

Ollie sits back. "He really is a jerk, isn't he? What? Did he blame you for getting pregnant?"

"He said I should have been on the pill."

"Well, you should have told him he should have worn a condom." She shakes her head. "You know, I don't get it. Why is it up to us women to take these birth control precautions? We should be ones to keep track of our periods. We should know when we're ovulating. We should take the pills or the injections and then when we don't want to have babies anymore we should get ourselves sterilized. And what do the men do, huh? All they do is stick their dicks inside us. They don't even appreciate all the hardship we go through at childbirth."

I raise my eyebrows at her. "Um, are we still talking about me, or...?"

"Sorry." Ollie tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. "I got carried away. Anyway, Lena sweetheart, it's not your fault you got pregnant, no matter what your husband says. You can't make a baby without a sperm. Besides, I'm sure he enjoyed the process, so he shouldn't complain about the result."

I hug the stuffed toy in my arms and sigh. "Yeah. It's unfair."

"Damn right."

I rest my head against the back of the couch and stare at the ceiling. "I just don't understand why he's making even more of a fuss out of this than I am. I mean, I'm the one who's giving birth, right?"

"My poor sister." Ollie holds my hand. "Men are like that, though. You think we women are the ones who deal all the drama, but they're the ones who don't want to be upstaged. They want everything to be about them."

"Well, this pregnancy isn't about him. And I don't want to think about him anymore. I have me to think about."

"You're right." Ollie touches my cheek. "You have to think of yourself more now because it's not just about you. You're living, breathing for two people now."

I look at my belly. Right now, it looks the same and it doesn't feel any different, but I know, I know there's another person growing inside me.

"How are you feeling?" my sister asks me.

I place a hand on my tummy. "I still pretty much can't believe this is happening."

"Yeah. It's surreal."

"I'm a little bit excited knowing I won't be alone anymore."

"Oh, Lena, you're never alone." Ollie strokes my hair. "Though I do understand what you mean."

"But more than that, I'm scared." I look into her eyes. "What if I'm not ready to be a mother? What if I'm bad at it?"

Ollie places her hand on my cheek. "Well, no one is ever ready to be completely responsible for the life of another person, but you have to be. And as for being bad at it, I know you won't. You can't, because you're an amazing person."

The corners of my lips curve up into a faint smile.

"And because you're my little sister." She pinches my cheek.

"Ow." I rub it.

Until now, she still likes to do that.

She gives me an encouraging smile. "If I can do it, so can you."

~

Can I? I wonder as I stare at the row of framed pictures in my sister's living room.

Most of them are pictures of her and her two kids taken at special occasions, on trips or just at home, some with her husband. In all of them, they're all smiling.

I pick up the picture where they're at the beach and run my thumb over Ollie's smiling face.

I know she hasn't always had it easy. Even she complains about being a mother sometimes, even though she's always been good at everything. And I know it was hard for her to give up her dream of being a lawyer just so she could raise her kids.

And yet I can tell she's doing a great job. I can see how much her kids love her. I can even see that Vince appreciates what she does. More than anything, I can tell she's happy being a mother. She can complain all she wants, but she's having fun and she's got it all under control.

Can I do that? Can I be like her?

I put the picture back. As I do, my gaze goes to another. This one is a picture of her, Dad and me taken on a skiing trip before she got married. My mother was long gone by then, and it was just the three of us. Three peas in a pod.

I wonder where she is now. Does she still think of her daughters? Yes, a part of me is still disappointed in her, but another part just wants to see her, just wants to understand why she left. Maybe if I did, I'd make a better mother.

But what if I end up like her? What if I end up making mistakes I can't atone for?

"Lena." My father's voice jolts me out of my thoughts.

I turn to him with a smile. "Hey, Dad."

He, too, smiles as he sees the picture in my hand. Then he starts signing.

That's a lovely picture.

I sign back. I know.

I put the picture back.

He pats my shoulder.

Olivia says you got married on TV to Riley Boyle, that swimmer.

I nod. Yes, that swimmer.

He touches my tummy. And you're having a baby?

Yes. It's true.

He smiles. Are you happy?

I pause. It's such a simple question, and yet it almost brings tears to my eyes.

I swallow the lump in my throat before I give him my answer. I'm okay.

He nods and places his arm around me. I rest my head on his shoulder.

It's strange. My father said far less than Ollie and yet I feel as if he's told me so much. And right now, as his arm holds me tight, I can almost feel him lending me his strength.

I squeeze his hand and lift my head to look into his eyes.

I'll be okay, Dad.

I know that being a mother isn't going to be easy, especially with Riley acting so selfish and immature. But if he's going to be that way, then I'll just have to grow up even more. I have to be stronger. And I'm going to be, just like my father became stronger for Ollie and me. My baby, my child is counting on me.

If my Dad could do it, if Ollie can do it, so can I. So will I.

I give my Dad a smile.

No more tears. No more fears. Riley or no Riley, I'm going to face motherhood head on. I'm going to be the best mother I can be.

As soon as I get home, I'm going to do everything I can to get ready.

~

That's what I had in mind, but when I get back to the mansion, the first person I see is Mickey. She stands up from her chair in the great room and places a hand on her hip as she greets me with a scowl.

"You're back. I thought you were gone for good."

I put on a smile as I shake my head. "Oh no. I just went to visit my family."

"You mean your ordinary family?"

I narrow my eyes at the veiled insult. I wonder if she's from a rich family like the McAllisters. Something tells me no. If that's the case, shouldn't she be kinder to me? Or does she resent me because I remind her of who she used to be, of things she'd rather forget?

Still, I decide to let it go. Mickey may be a bitch, but she's still my stepmother-in-law.

"I'm going to my room." I head to the stairs.

"Your room?" Mickey snorts. "You think this is your house?"

So she won't let it go, huh?

I turn around to face her with a sigh. "Mickey--"

"Don't say my name." She points a finger at me as she comes closer. "You shouldn't be here. You shouldn't have come back."

"I'm Riley's wife," I remind her.

"Only by mistake."

I'm sure Riley's father sometimes thinks it was a mistake to marry you, I want to say, but I don't.

Instead, I say, "What's done is done. We just have to accept it."

She has to accept it.

"Well, I won't," Mickey sneers. "I won't accept you as part of this family and I sure as hell won't let you take over this house."

"I'm not--"

"You think you're so smart, don't you?" she goes on as she towers over me, her finger in my face. "You think you can fool everyone by looking so sweet and innocent, but not me. I know exactly the kind of bitch, the kind of leech you are."

I shake my head. "I'm not like you, Mickey."

I say the words without thinking and I regret them as soon as they're out, but it's too late. Her eyeballs are already on the verge of popping out of their sockets. Her nostrils are the size of pennies. Her lips quiver in anger.

Shit.

"Mickey--"

"How dare you!"

She lifts her hand to strike me. If I wasn't pregnant I would just take the blow, but as it is, my body moves on its own to evade the slap.

But not the table behind me.

As I lose my balance, my side crashes into it and I wince in pain. The one-legged table topples and in the next moment I hear glass shatter as a red puddle stains the floor.