I shoved the last of my supplies into my bag at the retirement home and fought a useless battle against a huge yawn. All the students except Grammy had already filed out. Thankfully, she was wearing her own dentures today.

I’d been teaching them to sculpt pottery, and Grammy’s looked suspiciously like a very large penis and balls. She was sitting behind it with a proud look on her face. When I’d confronted her, she claimed it was a butternut squash modeled after her uncle’s prize-winning entry when she was just a girl. I didn’t believe her or the little twinkle in her eye for a second.

“Is something wrong?” I asked. “You don’t usually let Earl get out of here on his own.”

“Earl has one foot in the grave.” She dismissed the idea of him with a wave of her hand. “I’m more worried about the living, today.”

I raised an eyebrow. “You’re worried about the living on the night before Halloween? I feel like you have it backwards.”

“I haven’t seen your little love buddy around here in weeks. I could smell the hormones from the back of the room. I was sure he’d have put a couple babies in you by now.”

I shook my head. “It’s just a business partnership kind of thing. We get along fine, but I’ve mainly been working on a project for him. He’s throwing a party tomorrow, and I made these posters and some props for the party. Frankenstein statues of clay, some ghosts, you know.” It wasn’t exactly true. I left out the part where the sexual tension had been thick enough to spread on toast.

“You can spray paint this green and use it for a zombie penis, if you want,” she said. She ran a hand down her penis sculpture.

“I thought it was supposed to be your uncle’s butternut squash?”

“It is,” she said with a wink.

I felt my head reel back a little as I winced. “Uh, well, I’m not sure that’s the kind of atmosphere he’s going for, but thanks anyway.”

Grammy popped out of her chair with all the energy of a twenty-year-old and came to lean on the desk in front of me. “Listen, sweetie. I know my job as the oldest lady in the room is supposed to be saying something prudish. But that’s not how I roll, fam.”

“Did you just say—”

“Oh yes. I’ve been on the Instagram. I know all the new slang you kids are using.”

I grinned. “Okay…”

“I like to think of myself as a relationship expert. Know why? Because I can recognize when a penis belongs in a vagina. And honey, that man’s penis belongs in yours.”

“Wow. Okay, I don’t know if I’m really comfortable talking about all of this.”

“Comfort is for the weak. Do you think anyone ever became a badass by doing what was comfortable? Be a badass, you little whippersnapper. Go get that dick.”

She patted me on the cheek and gave me an exact replica of the typical, sweet old lady smile.

I watched her go with a stunned expression. If mental whiplash was a thing, she’d just given me a bad case of it.

A few minutes later, Hailey stuck her head in the door. “Hey, have you seen Grammy?”

I’d met Haily a handful of times, usually at William’s side. I’d also seen her cooking show on TV and thought she was adorable. I felt a little starstruck, but nodded. “She was just here. I think her last words were, “go get that dick.”

Hailey covered her smile and slipped into the room. She gave me an appraising look. “I don’t know if it’d be comforting to say it’s not just you, or if that would only make it more weird.”

“Something told me it wasn’t her first time giving relationship advice.”

Hailey sat down at one of the tables and smiled at some memory. “No. Not her first at all. She has a little bit of a fixation on sex. Penises. Vaginas. All the gory details. She loves that stuff. I think she loves it even more because she knows people don’t expect to hear her talk about it.”

I nodded. “I can see that.”

“So who is she trying to set you up with?”

“This guy named Ryan.”

Hailey perked up a little at that. “Ryan Pearson?”

I nodded. “I guess I’m not surprised you know him, since he’s William’s friend.”

“Ryan is the one who set William and I up in the first place. Kind of.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah. It’s almost ironic that Grammy is trying to set you two up now.” She raised an eyebrow and cocked her head. “Almost like fate.”

I laughed. “Okay. Stop it with that. I leave the country for art school in January. Fate wouldn’t be a big enough jerk to make me fall for some guy right before I have to leave.”

“Oh, definitely not. I’ve heard fate is completely fair and definitely respects your plans.”