MY HEAD POUNDS in time with “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” by Wham! Jayson programmed his own ringtone, of course.
I pick up the call and slur, “Go away, little brother.” My eyes find the clock. So what if it’s after noon, it’s too early.
“I waited all day for you to call.”
“Was I supposed to?” I yawn, toss off the sheet and throw on a pair of sweatpants.
“When my big brother goes out with the Mimi Barker, I expect to be called.”
I roll my eyes. “Do not tell me that you’re a fan.”
“Well, snap. She does the most outrageous things!”
Seriously? “I’m not waking up for this.” I stumble into the kitchen.
“C’mon, Cole. All my friends know that you went out with her last night and have been after me for the deets. Don’t leave me hanging.”
“And by friends, you mean…”
“Other HAZMATs, of course.”
He and a few friends gave themselves that name in high school. Starting a pot of coffee, I ask, “You’re still calling yourself that?”
“Once a Homo AblaZing Man About Town, always a HAZMAT!”
I sigh. The only way to shut him down when he’s on a roll like this is to give him what he wants. “Mimi is one of the most self-centered people I’ve ever met. Plus, she’s dumb as a post. There. Happy?”
“You don’t mean that. You can’t! You’re just tired. And why are you still in bed? Oh. My. God. Is she still there?”
The mere thought twists my lips into a grimace. “No! No, she never was here. I dropped her drunk ass off at her own home and then crashed at my place. Alone.” Opening the fridge, I take out some eggs, milk, cheese and tomatoes. I pick up a container of what once might have been mushrooms and toss it into the trash.
“I saw the photos of you at that restaurant and a club. They’re all over the ’net. You two looked cozy.”
I give up looking for any sausage or bacon and reply, “I’m sure Gruesome will be happy to hear this.”
“Give me something, bro. What did she eat?”
“The most expensive things on the menu.” I find a sauté pan and start prepping the ingredients for my omelet.
“That’s because my girl has great taste!”
I pull the cell from my ear and raise my eyebrows at the screen, even though he can’t see me. “Jayson, she didn’t even like the food she ordered. She only chose those things because of their price tag.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh well. She has an image to maintain. Her dress was the bomb.”
I tilt my head while shrugging my shoulders. No denying he has a point. “Especially from the back.”
“She really pulled it off. Much better than any other celeb could, that’s for sure. And her hair and makeup were divine.”
“I guess.” After pouring the egg mixture into the pan, I throw a couple of slices of bread into the toaster and check on the preset coffee, which is almost ready.
“Did you know that she…”
I tune him out while he drones on about all of her exploits. I certainly heard them all from the proverbial horse’s mouth last night. While the eggs are cooking, I power up my laptop. Sure enough, a quick search yields dozens of photos of us. Headlines scream about “Micole.” Ugh.
“And ‘Micole.’ That’s such a clever name!”
“All right, Jayson, that’s enough about my night. I may have news on the house front.”
“My big brother goes out on a date with the biggest celebutante and this is all I get?” He sighs dramatically. “Fine. Tell me all about your oh-so-exciting house hunt.”
His disgusted tone makes me chuckle. “I saw a house the other day that I put an offer on. It has four bedrooms and a pool.”
“Where is it?”
I gently flip the omelet. “Beverly Hills.”
“I guess I can work with that. When can I fly out and help you decorate? I need to make sure that my room is the bomb.”
Laughing, I reply, “I don’t remember seeing a room with your name on it.”
“Then it wasn’t the right house.”
“You’re wrong there. When I walked in, it felt like home.” I click on a few of the images from last night on the laptop. Damn, MooMoo does look fine. Too bad about the rest of her.
“If you feel that way, it sounds like it’s the right one. Mom and Dad always said they knew right away when they walked into our house that they were going to buy it.”
Retrieving a plate, I reply, “Yeah. My realtor is in negotiations now. I only have another week in LA to wrap things up before I’m back on tour.”
“Oh no! Mimi is going to be devastated when you leave. Her heart was just broken when Erik left to film his movie.”
I rake my fingers through my newly-highlighted hair. “Shut up. You know this is all fake.”
He laughs. “You’re still so easy to wind up, big bro!”
“And you’re still a big pain in my ass, baby brother.”
“You’re taking Mimi to the premier of the ‘Prowling’ video, right?”
Sighing, I slide my breakfast onto the plate. “Yes. Gruesome already set it all up.” I think back to the video I shot with Meghann. “I saw the finished video the other day. It’s hot.”
“Uh-oh. How hot?”
“Hot enough that I had to wear a sock.”
“As in let-me-hide-little-Cole-and-pretend-I’m-naked sock?”
I shake my head. “How the hell do you know about that? I had no idea what it was when the wardrobe lady handed it to me.”
“Oh my God. I can so picture it! You were all like, ‘what the fuck is this?’” He starts laughing.
I join him. No one makes me laugh quite like Jayson does. “Pretty much.”
“That model is in it, right?”
“Yeah. Her name is Meghann. We’re all over each other in bed, the patio, on the beach, in the shower. You name it, we’re rolling around on it.” I smear jelly onto the toast, licking the last of it off my fingers, and find myself missing Meghann once again. It would have been so much more enjoyable to spend this next week with her.
“Sounds like the video matches the song. Mom’s going to have a cow.”
“Crap. I hadn’t thought about how she would react.” I shut my laptop.
“You’d better prepare Mom. And Aunt Doreen, too. Dad will be fine.”
He’s right, dammit. But I don’t have to be the one to do it. “I have a better idea, Jayson.”
“What?”
I remain silent.
“Oh, hell no! I will NOT do your dirty work again!”
I take a sip of my coffee. “Makes perfect sense to me. You’re just a quick ride away from Mom and Dad’s house. Excellent dinner conversation.”
“I am not telling her over Sunday meatballs that her firstborn did a porn video.”
Good thing I swallowed my coffee before he came out with that line. “It’s not porn, you ass.”
“Soft core.”
I glance around at the bachelor pad Dan and I have shared for three years. All the walls are still white, mostly bare of art. An idea forms. “If you tell Mom and Aunt Doreen about the video, I’ll let you work with my decorator while I’m out on tour. Assuming I get the house.”
That offer shuts him up.
“Really?”
Why not. He has good taste and I’m certainly not going to be around to supervise. “The whole house.” I take a bite of the omelet. Pretty good.
“Free rein?” he asks.
“Within limits.”
“I can work with that. Fine. I’ll tell Mom about your sexy-ass video before she sees it on TV. But it won’t stop her from calling you with her opinion.”
“I knew you’d see it my way.” I take another sip of coffee. Yes, this is a very good idea.
He huffs into the phone, making me smile. “When can I see the house?”
“I’ll send you some photos. I’m guessing all the paperwork will take about a month.”
“Do you have a decorator? I’ll need to get started as soon as possible.”
“Not yet. I’ll ask Russell for a referral. He knows everyone in this town. He found me my real estate agent.”
“This is going to be fun! And maybe you could hook me up with some of your HAZMAT friends out there?”
“Well, I did meet a guy in the crew during my ‘Prowling’ video shoot who may qualify.”
“Woot! I knew you’d take care of me!”
I better not have just consigned myself to a powder-blue master bedroom.