Chapter Eleven
When my eyes fluttered open, I found myself laying in an unfamiliar bed, though I was surrounded with a familiar warmth and scent. I sighed happily and turned over to watch Ryder sleep. He looked so beautiful like that, sleeping so soundly.
I reached out and ran my hand over his rough, stubbly cheek. He groaned and when his eyes opened, he gazed at me with a semi-confused look on his face. At first I was afraid that he was regretting our night, and that he was going to kick me out of his bed and out of his life. His eyes focused and look of realization came across his face, and with it came a smile.
He reached out and wrapped his arms around me, kissing my temple and then my cheek. “Good morning beautiful.”
I was almost surprised by the sudden affection. None of my previous mornings after had been like this, but I accepted it with ease and smiled at him. “Good morning.”
“You seem a little out of it,” he said.
“Ah. Yeah,” I murmured. “Sorry. This is all a little surreal.”
“Why is it surreal?” he asked, his eyebrows knitted together.
“Because you’re still here,” I whispered.
“Of course. Did you expect me to leave?”
“I don’t know what I expected.” I admitted, blushing brightly.
He leaned in close, pressing his lips to mine in a way that made me melt. “Well, I’m not going anywhere, so you better get used to me,” he whispered, pressing our foreheads together.
A blush came to my cheeks and I tried my best to not seem flustered, but he already had the best of me.
“I’ll take that as a challenge,” I teased.
“You’re going to have to work pretty damn hard to get rid of me,” he said with a wink.
I just grinned, unable to hold it back anymore as I straddled him on the bed, staring into his eyes. God, I got lost in those eyes. I smiled and pressed my lips to his, silencing him with a kiss. As I pulled back he groaned.
“Well, you sure know how to shut me up,” he said with a smile.
I just laughed and kissed him again, pulling the blankets over our heads so that we could laugh and hold each other. It felt good to have his arms around me and a part of me knew that as long as he was by my side, everything was going to be okay. Well, maybe not everything. I tried to shake the thought out of my head, determined that I wasn’t going to ruin the first true happiness I’d ever had.
We went home that night and instead of staying at the safe house, I stayed with Ryder. It felt so amazing to be so close. I wanted to stay with him forever, but I knew my time was running out. There was something very real that I was going to have to face soon enough.
Fang was still calling me and pressing me for information. I gave him mixed information, some real and some fake. Any of the real information I gave him was inconsequential. I’d made a decision in my mind, but I had to figure out how I was going to reconcile it.
I couldn’t sell this club out. They’d become my friends and treated me better than anyone else, including my own flesh and blood had. They were kind to me and loving. They offered me things I’d only dreamed of, but soon my world was going to come crashing down. I couldn’t keep this charade up for much longer.
The fact that Ryder and I were getting closer by the day didn’t really help matters either. I’d all but moved in with him and as the days turned to weeks I found myself falling in love with him. It was a strange feeling, considering I had never really believed in love. People talked about it all the time, but I’d never seen it first-hand. The only kind of affection I’d ever seen was brought on by obligation. If it wasn’t obligation, then it was a means to an end. Fang had taken care of me all these years so I’d keep fucking him, not because he actually cared about me.
I was at the dinner table one evening as Ryder set down a plate of steak and eggs. I’d quickly learned that he was the type of man who preferred breakfast for dinner. I jumped a little and cursed under my breath; I’d been lost in my own little world. I took a breath and ran my hand through my hair, sighing softly.
He raised a brow in my direction and hummed, spooning food into his mouth. “You okay over there?”
“Yeah. Just thinking,” I murmured.
He paused and set his fork down, looking over at me and cocking his head to the side. “Listen, I know you aren’t much of a talker, but if you have something on your mind, you can tell me.”
I closed my eyes and dropped my head. “The thing is, I’m afraid that if I tell you, you won’t ever look at me the same again,” I admitted quietly.
He paused and reached out, taking my hand and squeezing it, offering a show of support. “If we’re admitting things, I suppose I could go first,” he said softly. “Nothing is going to change the way I feel about you, Brittney. I love you.”
I stared at him, my heart beating a million miles a minute. I was breathing hard and there were tears in my eyes. “What?” I asked, sure that I hadn’t heard him correctly.
“I love you. I know it’s kind of soon and you don’t have to say it back, but just want you to know,” he said, nodding firmly.
I swallowed the thick swell of emotion that was working its way up my throat and closed my eyes, shaking my head back and forth. “You can’t say that!” I whispered, covering my mouth.
He frowned and stared at me a moment. “You don’t have to get upset. I don’t expect you to say it back.”
“That’s not it!” I choked, closing my eyes. “That’s not it at all.”
“Then what is it?”
“I love you too, Ryder. More than I ever thought I could love anyone. But I’m working for Chaos Theory!” I spat out, unable to keep myself under control.
I watched his face fall and in that moment, I knew that whatever we had wasn’t going to survive this.