Chapter Twelve
My heart was in my throat and the pain that gripped my chest was something I couldn’t describe. I felt hopeless and unsure of what to do next. I’d just given away the secret I’d been terrified of admitting and Ryder was sitting there, staring at me silently.
I felt tears come to my eyes. “I’m sorry. God, Ryder I’m so sorry.”
“Sorry?” he whispered, his jaw clenching in anger “You’ve played us and put my entire family in danger and all you can say is you’re sorry?” he whispered.
“They aren’t in danger! Not yet. I’ve been holding them off. I’ve been lying until I could figure out the right time to tell you,” I practically begged him to believe me.
“The right time was weeks ago when you first came here!” he snapped, slamming his hand down on the table.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry!” I whispered, tears in my eyes, staring at him as my lips trembled.
“Sorry doesn’t fix this!” he growled, putting his head in his hands. “I need to talk to Damien,” he said, standing quickly. He glanced back at me and snapped his fingers and pointed right at me. “Up. You’re coming too.”
My blood ran cold, but I did as he said, standing and keeping my head down as tears coursed down my cheeks. I’d never been so full of remorse before in my life. We went straight to Damien’s home and when we were welcomed inside Damien was seated with Chloe. The baby was down for a nap and seeing my best friend sitting there made me shake. She’d been so kind to me and she was about to find out that I’d betrayed her and everything she loved.
“Brittney?” she whispered.
Ryder pointed to a chair. “Sit there!” he growled.
I winced but did as I was told. Chloe stood up, frowning deeply. “Why are you being so cruel to her?”
“No Chloe, I deserve it. All of it,” I whispered weakly.
The confusion on her face broke my heart and Damien glanced at me and then Ryder. “What in the world is going on, Ryder?” he asked.
“Tell them!” Ryder snapped, looking me in the eyes. “Tell them what you told me!”
My throat felt as if it was closing and I was honestly scared that I might be unable to speak. I closed my eyes and dropped my head, rocking back and forth, trying to find my voice. It took me a few moments, but soon enough I managed to pull myself together enough to speak. The words came out in a trembling cascade and with every confession I saw Chloe and Damien’s eyes widen in horror. I told them everything. I told them the plan and how many there would be. I told them about the weapons stock and anything else I could think of.
“I’m sorry,” I finally whispered. “I know it doesn’t change anything and I know it doesn’t make it better, but I’m sorry and I’m willing to do whatever I have to in order to show you I mean it and that I’m ready to make this right,” I said, my bottom lip quivering.
Damien was rubbing his temple slowly, his mind going a million miles a minute. He finally opened his eyes and looked at me, sitting up. Chloe was looking away, her eyes full of betrayal and disappointment. I hated myself for hurting them so much.
“I’m so-”
“Don’t say it again,” Chloe whispered, her voice shaking as she looked up at me. “We welcomed you here. We cared for you and made sure you were safe, but you were never in any real danger at all.”
“I was terrified!” I whimpered my eyes wide. “The only life I’ve ever known was in that gang! I had to fight for everything and I didn’t know, I didn’t know I could be happy like this! I know I messed up, but I’m willing to do anything to show you that I’m ready to redeem myself! I’ll do anything, anything at all,” I said quickly, my eyes wide.
Damien held a hand out, motioning for Chloe to stay quiet for now. “You have a lot to make up for,” he said, his eyes narrowed and trained on me.
I nodded slowly and looked down. I hated the way I felt. I hated myself for doing this. I hated that I had betrayed the only people in this world who’d looked after me and cared for me. I felt like the worst piece of scum, worse even than those that sent me here. I took a shuddering breath and looked at him with tears in my eyes.
“I know it’s hard to believe me. I know that, but you have to try and understand that I was backed against a wall,” I told him. “My mother abandoned me and the only way for me to survive was to get into bed with one of those animals. They threatened to kill me on a daily basis and the only thing I had going for me was the fact that the leader wanted to sleep with me. If I thought I had a choice, I would have left a long time ago. I hate what I’ve done, I hate it so much and I want to be here! This feels like family and I want to be a part of that.”
As he listened, Damien’s gaze softened and he sighed, running his hand through his hair. “Alright,” his eyes flicked up to mine and hope welled in my chest.
“But you have a lot to prove, kid.”