Chapter 30

Gigi

I roll my eyes at my mom when she gasps, clutching at the base of her neck like I’ve ruined her delicate sensibilities.

“What else was I supposed to do?”

Misty busies herself with pouring another glass of wine for my mom.

“You can always come home,” Mom answers.

“I’m here, unmarried and pregnant.”

“And if Hound didn’t sweep you off the sidewalk? You think you would’ve walked into that clinic and just… ended things?”

“That’s what I was there for,” I mutter. The thought of aborting my baby less than a week after I had made that final decision makes me sick to my stomach now.

“You would’ve changed your mind,” Misty says as she sits beside me at the dining room table. “I did.”

“What?” My eyes snap in her direction.

“I was in the room, sitting on the table talking with a nurse about my options before I realized it wasn’t what I really wanted.”

“Griffin?”

She nods, swallowing, her throat working under the effort.

“I thought I had no way out, no other choice.”

“But you did have a choice.”

Just as I had.

“I did,” she agrees. “I thought adoption was better. The baby would have a chance to thrive, have someone who loved him, put him first when I wasn’t capable.”

“Adoption?” I’m confused. This is the first time she’s ever said anything about any of this. Griffin is a few years older than us, and he’s always just been around. I don’t have a single childhood memory without him, Josephine, Samson, and Delilah in it. I know Samson and Delilah were adopted, but I don’t recall when they came to live with Jaxon and Rob.

I laugh at the thought. “So Shadow found out and made you change your mind?”

“I wish,” she mutters.

“Even though I’d already found a wonderful adoptive couple, the moment I held Griffin for the first time, I knew there was no way I could give him to someone else. I snuck out of the hospital and came here.”

I smile, imagining Shadow welcoming her with open arms. He’s one of the most loving men I know aside from Dad and Uncle Dom.

“I bet he was excited. A son and you. All of you together.”

My mom laughs. Well, it’s more of an incredulous snort.

“Hardly,” Mom says.

“Shadow welcomed Griff with open arms. He made Misty fight and claw for his attention, for his love.” She shakes her head. “It was pretty tense around the clubhouse for months.”

I look back to Misty to see her smiling. “He finally came around.”

“What made him?”

Her lips form a flat line, and I can tell she doesn’t want to tell me exactly what pushed him into action. Misty looks at Mom who just tilts her head as if saying, “You started the story, might as well finish it.”

“I left. I packed mine and Griff’s things while he was away. When he came home, he found out we’d left. Showed up at my new apartment like he owned me and demanded I come back.”

I lean in closer and grin when she shrugs.

“What did you do?”

“Within twenty-four hours, she and Griffin were back at the clubhouse. They were madly in love and inseparable,” Mom says.

Misty chuckles. “We didn’t fall in love overnight. It was growing for months. He was a stubborn ass and just wouldn’t consider it.”

“It took you leaving for him to come to terms with it.” I look past my mom at nothing in particular as I let the information soak in.

“I know that look,” Misty says as she touches my arm. I look at her, a small smile playing on my lips. “What worked for us may not work for you.”

“What?” I recoil, my head pulling back a few inches. “I’m not going to run to make Jameson fall in love with me.”

“But you want him to?” Mom asks.

“I don’t want to raise this baby alone,” I tell her. “But love doesn’t necessarily play into that, I guess.”

“Do you love him?” Misty asks.

I shrug. “I don’t know. I really like him, but I don’t have much dating experience, so I don’t really know.”

I crave him. My body needs his. But my heart? Who the hell knows?

“It may be too soon just yet. You’ll know when you do. You won’t be able to think of anything else. It’ll consume you until that’s all there is.” Mom has this faraway look in her eyes, and I know how much she loves my dad. I want that. One day I want to look exactly like her, so in love with another person, that joy is all I feel when I think about them.

“Sounds like prison,” I mutter, not ready to let anyone know what my heart desires.

They both laugh.

“Just you wait,” Misty says with a pat on the top of my hand. “It’s all-consuming. It’s not like prison at all. More like a cocoon. There’s nothing better than waking up every morning knowing half of your soul is lying right next to you.”

I picture waking up this morning in Jameson’s arms. All consuming is right. It was unbelievable, but it wasn’t my heart that was clenching with love, it was my clit throbbing in need. I may be young, but I know there’s a difference between lust and love.

I’m totally in lust with Jameson Rawley.

“Your birthday is in a week and a half,” Mom reminds me as she stands to grab the bottle of wine off the counter.

I watch, not saying a word as she tops both her and Misty’s glasses off.

“Planning a kegger?” I finally ask.

“Hardly,” Misty laughs.

“I’ll be twenty-one.”

“Then we’ll let you buy the alcohol for the party,” Mom teases.

“Savage,” I mutter, even though it doesn’t really upset me. I always preferred coke over booze anyway, even though the hangovers were pretty fucking similar.

“So you’re okay with a small party in the clubhouse?” I roll my eyes again.

“Or no party,” I murmur.

“We have to do something,” she insists. “I just didn’t know if you were planning on hanging out with your friends.”

“Really? I don’t have any friends left in town,” I remind her. “Is Ivy coming home?”

“She can’t. Has some internship she signed up for.”

I frown. I’m always in Ivy’s shadow, but the thought of spending our first birthday apart makes me sad. I blame it on fluctuating hormones, and plaster a fake smile on my face.

“Can you make it earlier than usual? The thought of having to be awake past ten entertaining people makes me exhausted just thinking about it.”

“I remember those days.” Misty stands from the table and carries her empty wine glass to the sink. “I was tired the entire time I was pregnant with both boys.”

“Speaking of your son, where is Cannon? I haven’t even heard him mentioned since I’ve been back.”

Misty looks down at her watch as if she expects him any minute. “He’s still at school.”

I may be the only one from Cerberus that never had any intentions of college. Cannon is in San Diego at college.

“Is he doing well?”

Cannon was almost as wild as I was in high school, but the same rules didn’t apply to him since he has a dick. The double standard was always a subject of contention for me.

“He’s struggling,” Misty says. “College is just one party after another for him. He’s missing class, failing most subjects. Shadow has spoken with him, and things get better for a while, but I suspect they’ll kick him out soon.”

Mom rubs a hand over Misty’s back, but she only looks down into her wine glass as if it holds the answers for her son’s future.

“And Samson?” Changing the subject is all I can think to do. I have no advice to give on Cannon.

“Still in Denver working some sort of internship with Ian Hale,” she advises. “He should be home for Thanksgiving.”

“I’ve missed so much.” She gives me a weak smile.

“But you’re home now.” She kisses my forehead before walking toward the door. “That’s what counts. See you ladies later. Shadow is going to want dinner shortly.”

“See ya,” I say as Mom says, “Later.”

“I guess Khloe is at school also?”

Mom stands at the sink, handwashing both wine glasses.

“Yeah. Kid is losing his mind because she’s been moved up to advanced placement English.”

“Why would that bother Kid?”

Mom laughs as if she’s remembering some inside joke. “Well, it seems some of the high school boys find her attractive.”

I nod my head with a smile. “I can see that. She’s beautiful.”

“She is,” Mom agrees. “Kid is spitting nails, doing his best not to get arrested for beating up children at school.”

“Geez,” I huff. “Dad, Kid, Shadow…every one of them are like alpha Rambos.”

Mom laughs hard. “Don’t think for one minute that Hound isn’t exactly the same way.”

My thighs clench at the memories of just how controlling Jameson is.