Chapter Seven

Seth exited Dr. Arteaga’s office and found Vargas leaning against the far wall in the waiting room, his arms folded across his chest, the black tattoos on his forearms standing out predominantly against the taut pink T-shirt. He had his head down, his total focus on the floor before him. His expression was set in a hard glare of frustration.

The second he spotted Seth crossing the room, he straightened, that harsh look dissipating instantly. “All set?”

And just like that, Seth couldn’t find his voice. How could he have been so stupid? How could he not have seen it? Felt it? Known it? Because it was most definitely there inside him. It had been almost from the beginning.

You’re in love with him.

He swallowed and forced out, “Yeah.”

“It go okay?”

“Sure.”

“Good.” Vargas reached for the back of the wheelchair and got them moving out of the waiting area. In the elevator, he stood silently beside Seth, and they watched the numbers light up over the door as they descended.

Passing the sixth floor, something unfurled inside Seth. He blurted out, “She said I’m never going to be the same person I used to be.”

The elevator stopped on the next floor, and the doors opened. A man and woman came forward to enter.

Vargas got in their way. “Take the next one.” He hit the CLOSE button on the elevator control panel. As soon as the car started up again, he smacked the EMERGENCY STOP button with the side of his fist. Facing Seth, he leaned against the side wall as if they had all the time in the world. “You didn’t like hearing that?”

Seth pointed to the closed elevator doors. “I don’t think you’re supposed to do that.”

“Don’t worry about it. How did you feel about what Dr. Arteaga said?”

“It pissed me off. I know I’m not the same. I know my life right now is not what it would’ve been without what happened to me. It’s just that—” He clamped his mouth shut in frustration, unsure exactly what he felt or how to explain it.

“Hey.”

He looked to Vargas.

“It’s just what?”

He shook his head. “I don’t know. It’s nothing. We should go before someone comes to see what’s wrong.”

“It’s not nothing.” Vargas remained still. But when Seth didn’t—couldn’t—say more, Vargas pushed away from the wall and pressed the EMERGENCY STOP button again. When the elevator began its descent, he hit another button. That time for the second floor.

“Where are we going?”

“Someplace I’ve been meaning to show you. I stumbled across it a while back.”

Seth decided not to ask why Vargas had felt the need to wander the halls of the Parkview Medical Office Building. Or how often he’d done that.

The elevator came to a stop on the second floor. A minute later they were through the skywalk that connected Dr. Arteaga’s office building with Parkview Hospital. The same hospital, with its inpatient rehab facility, where Seth had spent weeks of his life.

Once inside the hospital’s main building, Vargas directed them through a series of winding turns until they reached the surgical wing. He halted before a nondescript closed door. Seth didn’t have time to search for a sign indicating what the room contained before Vargas opened the door and signaled for him to enter.

Seth rolled inside, then abruptly came to a stop.

Glancing around the expansive windowless space, he couldn’t believe they were still in the hospital. The room had blue walls, gleaming hardwood floors, delicate lighting, and dozens of potted tropical-style plants in vibrant yellows and reds and greens. Rows of padded folding chairs were positioned in a horseshoe pattern in the center of the room, all facing a waterfall that made up a large portion of one wall, the water literally cascading down the surface of the stone wall. Piled rocks sat at the base of the waterfall and were flanked by more vivid foliage. The place was absolutely gorgeous.

Seth inched forward down the center aisle of the chairs toward the water, then stopped in the middle of the room in complete awe. He wished he had his sketchpad. He could spend hours there drawing the intricate plants alone, not to mention the interesting effect of the waterfall.

“What is this place?”

“It’s a meditation room.”

“It’s huge.”

“Yeah.” Vargas passed by him to stand before the waterfall.

Seth couldn’t take his eyes off the other man as he moved, cursing himself now for not having his sketchpad for an entirely different reason. There was just something striking and utterly masculine about the way Vargas always carried himself.

A minute of silence passed with only the sound of water flowing over the stone wall. Then Vargas pointed toward the door where they’d entered. “The plaque over there says the room was donated in memory of a surgeon who spent his career here at the hospital. He had an undiagnosed brain aneurysm that ruptured while he was on duty. He died in the operating room right beside his unconscious patient.”

“That’s awful.”

“Yeah.”

“And not very good advertising for this hospital’s services.”

A laugh escaped Vargas. “Good point.” His eyes held that amused expression that Seth was becoming intimately familiar with.

Yet something about that look seemed more intense than ever before.

Seth was suddenly overwhelmed with the need to feel Vargas’s hand pressed to his cheek like earlier in his kitchen. Only he had no idea how to get them to that place again. Or if he should. “I like all the plants. It’s like being outside.”

Without a word, Vargas came to sit in a chair at the end of an aisle so he was directly beside Seth’s wheelchair. “You like it here, then?”

“I do. Thanks for bringing me.”

“Been meaning to for a while.” Vargas fell quiet as he watched the water. Like he’d wait there all day if he had to. Like he just knew Seth was on the verge of sharing more. His patience never failed to amaze Seth.

Another minute of silence, and Seth sighed. “I don’t feel as bad as she makes it seem. I mean, I feel stronger, more in charge of my life than I did six months ago. I’m working full time again. I’m living. I’m happy to be alive.”

“That’s all great, yeah?”

“She just makes it sound like there’s so much more I have to do. Just because I can’t leave my apartment without—” He cut off. He clenched his right hand into a fist and slammed it down on the arm of his chair. “Goddammit. She’s right. I’m still royally screwed up.”

“You are not.”

“What kind of grown man can’t even walk outside alone?”

“You’re doing great. And if Dr. Arteaga isn’t getting that, then maybe it’s time to see someone else.”

“No. She said the same thing today. She’s done a lot to help me, and I like talking to her most of the time.”

“Okay. But I don’t like hearing you doubt yourself.”

“I want to get past this.” He pounded both fists on the arms of the wheelchair. “I want to get out of this fucking chair for good.”

Vargas shot to his feet and crouched down before him. “You will. You’re going to be okay, Seth. I’ve seen how strong you are. Every step of the way. You can handle anything.”

“I want to believe that.”

Reaching for Seth’s clasped fists, Vargas tenderly wrapped his hands around them. “Believe it.”

Seth lowered his eyes. He unclenched his hands, turned them over, and gripped Vargas’s in return. The same way he remembered doing two years earlier in the hospital. Only this time, there was a current of excitement zipping through his body with the touch. He swept his fingertips over Vargas’s wrists, then farther up his forearms, running the pads of his fingers over the warm flesh.

In the next lock of their eyes, he saw far more than friendship and support directed back at him.

The air in the meditation room grew hot and heavy. Seth’s breathing picked up speed. He became very aware of their proximity, of the way Vargas’s inhales also grew more rapid. Then Vargas’s lips parted, and his tongue swept out to moisten them. Seth wanted to feel those lips against his own, that tongue on his. God, he wanted to know what kissing him would be like, how it would feel being touched by him in far more intimate ways, and how it’d feel touching him in return.

The enormous room seemed to shrink in size around them, creating a private haven as they held the stare between them.

Seth dropped his gaze to those lips he wanted to kiss so badly. And just like that, Vargas leaned forward. Seth did the same. Easy. Right. Like breathing.

Their lips only inches apart, Vargas jerked back. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have—”

“It’s okay. We don’t have to—” Seth shrugged. “I mean, I get it.”

Vargas studied him. “Do you?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“I meant what I said earlier.” He gripped Seth’s hands again and caressed the backs of them with his thumbs. “I will never hurt you.” He reached up and cupped his cheek. “Never.”

“I know.”

He watched Seth for another moment, then stood, his focus back on the steady stream of water cascading down the stone wall.

Seth silently waited. Should he say something? Tell him it was okay to touch him, to kiss him? That he wanted it? He just wasn’t sure he could actually say the words, and he had no idea why.

When Vargas came back around, he said, “We should get going.”

“Okay.”

Without making eye contact, Vargas moved in behind the wheelchair. Less than fifteen minutes later, Seth was getting situated in the passenger seat of the van while Vargas loaded the wheelchair in the back. Neither had said a word on their return journey through the hospital and into the parking garage.

Once in the driver’s seat, Vargas got the van started. As he pulled out of the garage, he said, “I was thinking…” He paused as he turned onto another street. When he began talking again, his words were measured, cautious. “I’d like to get rid of the van.”

Seth whirled his head in Vargas’s direction. “What?”

Embarrassed by the reaction, he faced the front windshield again, trying not to let the disappointment show. Vargas had been the one to pay for the van. If he wanted to sell it, then he should. The time had come for Seth to start taking the bus to his appointments. He couldn’t expect Vargas to put his life on hold forever. In fact, Seth didn’t want him to. He wanted Vargas to let go of the guilt and live a normal life again.

Despite that, panic gripped Seth’s chest as he pictured riding the bus with a slew of strangers, not to mention actually making his way out onto the crowded sidewalk to get to the bus stop.

Well, too bad. He’d just have to figure something out. No way was he going to make Vargas feel bad about his decision.

“That sounds good. I’ll ask Dylan to get me the bus schedule.”

Vargas frowned. He let up on the gas, then steered the van into a shopping center and directed them to a parking spot near a 7-Eleven. After cranking the gear shift into park, he faced Seth. “I meant since we’re not using the lift anymore, I’d trade the van in for something smaller, something that’s easier for you to get in and out of. I figured my SUV would be just as tough for you as the van.”

“Oh.”

The alarm on Vargas’s face faded as he exhaled. “I’m not going anywhere, Seth. You get to say when you’re ready to try things on your own. Okay?”

“Okay.”

Vargas lowered his eyelids for a few seconds. Then without another word, he turned back to the wheel and got them moving again.

They were quiet as they drove toward Seth’s next appointment. Eventually Vargas asked, “You still want to go ahead with this weekend?”

“Yeah, I’d like to.” Although a part of Seth was rethinking the entire thing. Especially after what he’d realized about Vargas’s guilt.

“Then it’s a go. I’ll get a room ready for you.”

The same intense anxiety Seth had felt while they’d been discussing nixing the van landed in his chest. “A room in the club?”

Vargas’s brows drew together. “No. One of the guest rooms in my apartment. Or did you want to stay in the Haven?”

“I want to stay with you. I mean, at your place.”

The slightest smile hit Vargas’s lips. Seth would’ve missed it had he not been staring directly at him.

“Then it’s settled. We’ll get you set up in my apartment.”

A moment later they turned into the parking lot for the Midwest Orthopedic Surgery and Rehabilitation Center. When Vargas had the van parked, he focused on Seth again. “How about I come by the day after tomorrow before the club opens to pick you and Charlie up?”

“Charlie too?”

“Absolutely. We’re not leaving him behind.”

“Okay, thanks. We’ll be ready.”

“Good.” Vargas gave him a long, focused stare.

Seth couldn’t understand what he saw in those dark eyes. It was a different look than earlier. Regret, maybe.

Then the look was gone and so was Vargas.

He got out of the van and retrieved Seth’s wheelchair and his cane from the back. As Seth was getting into position to slide off the front seat, Vargas set the brake on the chair, but he didn’t step back and give Seth room to maneuver as usual. He came around to stand between him and the wheelchair. “You and Charlie can stay at my place as long as you need, all right?”

Seth gave a nod. He had to tell Vargas the entire truth about Dr. Arteaga’s suggestion, that she wanted to be there with him when he faced the club for the first time.

Later. After his PT appointment when they were alone in his apartment again.

Once inside the rehab facility, Vargas took a seat in the waiting room while Seth rolled up to the desk to sign in. When he turned to go wait with Vargas, the man working the desk whispered to a woman sitting at a computer beside him.

“God, I hate when that guy shows up. He’s always so rude.”

They weren’t talking about him.

Seth spun around. “He’s not rude. He just gets frustrated coming here. Because of what happened to me. Because he feels partly responsible, even though it’s not his fault at all. So how about keeping your damn opinions to yourself when you have no idea what you’re talking about?”

The two mumbled their apologies, then went back to work, their heads down.

Assholes.

Vargas didn’t deserve that kind of shit.

Seth whirled his chair away from the desk and found the man in question standing before him, an intense look of admiration in his eyes.

With that expression locked on him, Seth was beyond relieved that Vargas wanted him to stay at the club. Because going to the Haven was about more than moving beyond what happened to him there.

Much more.

And if there was even the slimmest chance something would happen between them, he wanted to go for it.

No matter what they’d be to each other in the end.