Chapter Five - Neil
Neil got on the treadmill and started it up. He was feeling put out and a little annoyed. He jogged, looking over at Alec with the new clients. He was laughing and instructing them on the power rack. Neil wanted to be the one laughing with Alec at the power rack. Neil had come to the gym even after Sean had called to let him know he was sick. He’d been looking forward to having Alec all to himself and now Alec wouldn’t even look at him. He felt confused and a little ignored by the one person whose attention meant the most to him! After a few minutes on the treadmill he called it a day. He didn’t want to be there anymore.
In the shower, he kept thinking about Alec touching one of the other men while he adjusted their stance with his hands on their hips. He knew it meant nothing, but he couldn’t help it. He wanted Alec’s hands on his hips and he was sure Alec wanted it too. He finished up with turning the water on cold and flushing his system before getting out and drying off.
“How come you quit early today, Neil?”
He heard Alec’s voice from behind him. Neil looked at him a little angrily and shrugged, pulling his pants on. “Just wasn’t feeling it, Alec,” he managed to say.
“That’s a first for you. Are you sick, too?” Alec asked, concern apparent in his voice.
Neil knew he could use that as an excuse but let it go. “No, just not feeling it, not like you were either,” he said to his own surprise and turned away from the man. Looking at him at that moment was unbearable.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Alec said sounding surprised and Neil felt Alec’s hand on his shoulder. Neil trembled and turned quickly to face Alec. Jealousy was peeking its head out. Standing close, face to face, made his temperature rise.
“I’m old news for you, aren’t I? The new clients are the ones you’re so concerned about. You’d rather have fun with those guys than hang out with me,” he said, and heard his voice scale up embarrassingly.
“Oh, come on, Neil. Janey’s out, what I was doing…it’s my job, you know that.” Alec tried to reason, but Neil wasn’t ready to bow down.
“So, my training goes out the window then? I guess I can see where your priorities are,” Neil said, and tried to turn back to his locker. Alec put a hand back on his shoulder, making him turn back to face him.
Alec looked a little hurt when he said, “That’s not fair, Neil. I, was-was...” He began to stammer, but with their faces inches apart and his green eyes shining, neither of them knew exactly what happened next. Before he could make sense of things, he watched Alec leaning forward and Neil happily accepted the invitation. Their lips met and every other thought went flying out the door. For a shining few seconds, Neil's heart melted and his body reacted to the kiss, because it was the best kiss he’d ever had.
As quickly as it started, it also came to an end. Each of them backed away from the other at the same time; their eyes were wide in shock. Immediately, Alec turned and walked out. Neil got dressed in a hurry, cleaning out his locker and left through the back door. He was embarrassed as hell and more than that, he was shocked by his jealous behavior. He’d risked his friendship with Sean now.
***
It had been a week since he’d gone to the gym after the incident and Neil was in a funk. Even his roommate who was barely around, noticed the change and mentioned it.
“Relationship problems, buddy?” John asked.
“Yeah, something like that,” Neil replied, dejectedly.
“Bummer man, can I get you anything?” John asked, kindly.
Neil shook his head and John shrugged leaving for the weekend. Neil was relieved and lay back on the couch. He’d blown off his classes for the day. He hadn’t been able to get himself out of his funk all week. He dreamt of the kiss with Alec at night and cursed himself for it during the day. Alec’s eyes had called to him before they kissed and in his mind, they were still calling him. He hadn’t heard from the man though and Sean was worried. He was back at the gym and missed having Neil there, but if only Neil could gather some courage to go back. He didn’t want to be anywhere near the place. Part of him felt like he was the worst friend Sean could ever have, but part of him felt like he deserved the time to himself.
So he spent the day eating crappy food and drinking soda. He tried to watch daytime television and ended up streaming an old drama. By the time night fell, he’d slipped into a state of depression and felt exhausted after all the eating he did. Somewhere around 9-ish, his phone rang and he saw it was Sean’s number. He hesitated for a bit, then answered. No reason to make Sean feel miserable, too, he reasoned.
“Hi Sean,” he said.
“Hey buddy, I haven’t seen you at the gym. What the hell’s happening, man?” he asked. He could hear the worry in his best friend’s voice.
“I just needed a break for a while. I’ve been hitting it hard and heavy,” he began. “I decided to back off for a bit, you know? How are you doing? Feeling better after the flu I hope?” He found focusing on his friend helped him feel better.
“Yeah, that was rough. It even knocked Janey down for a few days and that never happens. You didn’t get it?” he asked.
“No, I’ve been feeling a little funky, but not coughing and sneezing funky. I think I dodged it,” he answered.
“Well, that’s good, I’m glad,” Sean said. His voice still sounded unsure. “Hey, how about you come over to my place tomorrow night? We could watch a movie, get some popcorn, maybe a few beers too. Dad’s out of town for some business and I could use the company,” he said sounding hopeful.
Neil opened his mouth to turn him down and then shut it. If Alec wasn’t going to be around, it could just be a fun night and he owed Sean that. Neil hadn’t been a good friend to him lately.
“Sure. You know what? That sounds good. I could use that kind of break. Thanks, man, how about seven?” he said, feeling a little enthusiasm for the first time in days.
“Seven sounds good. See you then,” Sean said, and they said their goodbyes before hanging up. He felt better. He had a beer and watched a comedy before going to bed that night. He was definitely looking forward to something for the first time all week. Neil felt the call from Sean was the best thing that could’ve happened. Soon, he fell into a deep and dreamless sleep.
***
The following night, they decided to watch an action movie and called out for pizza. Sean would bring up the gym during their conversation, but Neil managed to change the topic pretty smoothly.
As they sat on the couch, they discussed the action sequences and had a few beers. Things were going well and Neil felt like maybe he could easily get control of his life back again.
Out of the blue, Sean put his hand around him and caressed his bicep. Neil gave him a hesitant smile and sat up straight. “What are you doing, dude?”
He chuckled. “Nothing that we haven’t done already.” Sean leaned in for a kiss and Neil had no idea how to react.
Before they could kiss, however, the moment was interrupted by the sound of the front door lock opening and Alec entered. Both the boys jumped away from each other. Sean looked startled and a little let down.
When Neil’s eyes met Alec’s, Neil looked away in embarrassment.
“I didn’t mean to interrupt you guys, but my trip ended early. I got the investors lined up, so I came home,” he said awkwardly and went into the kitchen. Neil immediately felt uncomfortable and Sean picked up on it. He drank his beer quickly as they watched the last of the movie in silence. It was getting late and Neil wondered if he should ask for a ride home.
“I made up the spare room for you, Neil. I see you guys have had a few beers and I’d rather you didn’t drive, Sean.” Alec said from the kitchen.
“He’s got a point,” Sean said. Neil was beginning to feel a little buzzed from the beer and agreed. With his love life in a shambles, the last thing he needed was to be in a car wreck. They sat looking through the list of shows to watch and finally gave up.
“Let’s hit the hay,” Sean said.
“Yeah, might as well. Not much coming on TV,” Neil said, and they got up in unison and headed down the hall toward their respective bedrooms. Neil saw no sign of Alec until then.
Probably best, he thought. Things had gotten way too uncomfortable for him to handle any more.
He said goodnight to Sean before heading into the bathroom. After taking care of his usual business, he went into the spare room. He undressed down to his shorts and got under the covers. He fell asleep for a little while but soon found himself awake and unable to get back to sleep.
Lying there, thoughts kept hitting him hard. That one night with Sean. The kiss with Alec back at the gym. The almost kiss with Sean that night. None of it should have happened, he knew. Spending just guy time with Sean had been fun and he didn’t want to hurt his friend. After tossing and turning for about an hour, he was just debating getting up, when the door opened quietly.
It was Alec.
“I thought I heard some movement in here. Can’t sleep?” Alec asked, and Neil shook his head. The man stared for a moment and then sighed. “We need to talk about what happened,” he said and closed the door behind him. Neil took a deep breath and sat up slowly. Alec was right. This could end any possibility he might ever have of being with Alec but this was for the best, he told himself desperately.
“Yeah, I know, Alec. Our kiss…it should never have happened. Not saying that it wasn’t good. It was…hell, it was the best. But…” His voice shook with nervousness. The man’s presence made him feel that way. But Neil managed to get hold of himself and firmly said, “I’m sorry about the way I acted and I really don’t want to hurt Sean in any way. It would be like betraying his trust. He’s been too good to me, as a friend.”
Alec nodded, sitting on the edge of the bed. His tank top was tight, showing his amazing body. Neil forced himself to meet the older man's eyes, but that didn’t seem to help either. Everything about Alec was mesmerizing.
“I’m glad you feel that way, Neil. And I agree. My son’s happiness is all that matters to me. I apologize for my actions, too. I was the one who initiated the kiss, and I was way out of line,” he said.
“I know how much you care for Sean. You’ve done so much for him,” Neil spoke softly, feeling great respect for the man.
“Yes, well, I know how much he cares for you, too. I’m trying not to be greedy and think only of myself,” Alec said with some difficulty.
“I get it, so am I. It’s just, I was jealous the other day in the gym; it was wrong of me. I’m trying to make that feeling go away.” Neil blushed.
“We can’t control how we feel, Neil. But we can control our actions for sure. Feelings aren’t wrong and I don’t want you beating yourself up over it. Me neither, now that I said it,” Alec said, and Neil was amazed that such a strong man could feel the same as him.
“You're right, I know. It’s just hard,” Neil admitted.
“Yeah, it sure is,” Alec said, and his voice trailed off for a moment as they looked into each other’s eyes. Neil could see Alec’s feelings shining in them. “Alright then, I’m glad we talked,” Alec finished softly.
“Me too, Alec,” Neil said. “It’s late. I should try and get back to sleep.” He actually didn’t know how long he could sit so close to the man he’d come to love.
Alec nodded. “Good night, Neil,” he said and out of habit, he leaned forward to kiss Neil’s forehead. He usually did that with Sean after they’d had a heart to heart. So, it was mechanical for him.
However, Neil felt a tremble and he heard Alec’s sharp intake of breath. Something about the way he said ‘Neil’ touched something deep within. When Alec moved away, their eyes met and he captured Neil’s lips with a passionate craving. This time when they kissed, they didn’t pull away. As a matter of fact, neither of them felt the need to pull away.
Neil had a brief thought of stopping, but it faded when his hand ran over the strong shoulders and back of the god-like figure in front of him. Alec’s hands were gentle, yet firm as they pulled him closer and within moments, they were lying next to each other giving each other little love bites.
The room filled with the noises of their pleasure. Neil's heart pounded with joy; something like he had never felt before. As they entwined their bodies, he was filled with an unexpected bliss.
The thought of anything but each other fled from the men’s consciousnesses. Neil kissed the heavily muscled chest and enjoyed how Alec ran his fingers through his hair. Neil felt his member swelling with his passion and could feel Alec's filling with his own. The dim light from the outside street lamp was more romantic than he could ever have imagined.
Having Alec above him, looking passionately down through the dim light felt like heaven. He stroked the man’s arm, reveling in their togetherness. They were in their own small world: a world that Neil had come to cherish.
Alec leaned down and kissed his cheek, then nibbled his earlobe. Neil shuddered and moaned loudly, then resumed kissing Alec's neck. He felt him shudder as well which made both of them smile.
“Ahhh Alec, you’ve no idea…I’ve dreamt of this moment every night. It feels so, so…” He trailed off as Alec kissed his lips and then his throat.
“Yes, for me too. Let’s make the most of it, okay?” Alec whispered in his ear and Neil agreed wholeheartedly.
He had a tough time with words, so he used his lips and hands to show Alec how he felt. He groaned, holding himself tight against the big man. With Alec’s arms around him, pulling him, he could feel his urgency. Neil also felt safer than he ever had. Alec's arms were a palace for him and he reveled in that kind of safety and love.
Alec rolled to the side, taking Neil with him. This time Neil was on top and began to kiss his chest while Alec stroked every inch of him. When his hand went down Neil’s shorts, he felt himself stiffen with the touch.
As they kicked their underwear off, Neil could feel Alec growing against his thigh. His heart pounded with suppressed desire and anticipation.
Alec shifted again and turned him so that Neil was cradled from behind, spooning in a way that had never felt so good. He could feel the pressure of Alec’s dick pressing against his butt crack.
“Oh, Neil, I’ve wanted you badly since the first time I saw you,” Alec whispered in his ear. Neil felt tears of happiness rise and could only whisper back.
“Me too,” Neil said, enjoying the kisses being showered on him. He felt his own lust filling him. “Fuck me, please. Oh god,” he gasped as Alec fingered him from behind.
“Neil, ah…baby, I’m so ready!”
“Yes, oh yea! Please…” Neil literally begged at some point.
Alec ran one hand down Neil's chest from behind as his length slowly slid into Neil. Alec took Neil's cock firmly in his hand, and when Neil looked over his shoulder, they kissed. Their passionate rhythm built and finally exploded into a tsunami of climax. Neil shook against his lover as his whole body responded and he could only gasp when they broke their kiss.
It was so far beyond anything he’d ever had until then. The experience had left him breathless. They both crashed beside each other and Neil enjoyed the afterglow of lying in Alec’s arms until sleep took him away.
That night, he dreamt of a love like no other and it was the most peaceful, happy sleep he could remember.
When he woke up, Alec was looking down at him with a smile. He was about to say something, but before he could, the door to the room opened wide.
“Neil, are you…” Sean had probably come to check on his friend. However, the sight in front of him left him stunned. “What the fuck!” he exclaimed.
Neil stiffened with a sinking feeling in his stomach and Alec pushed himself up on his elbows. Sean pointed at them with a shaking finger and tears welled up in his eyes. He opened his mouth to say something and then shut it.
“Son, let me explain…” Alec held both his hand out, careful of any sudden reactions.
Neil felt himself tremble with fear at the look of absolute sorrow on his friend’s face. He couldn’t find words to express himself though. Without another word, Sean turned and left the room with a sob, slamming the door behind him.
Neil looked at the door for a long time and neither of them spoke. “What, what are we going to…” He hadn’t realized when he had started to cry.
Alec sat back and put a finger to his lips, before wiping the tears from his cheeks. “Don’t worry Neil. Whatever happens, it’ll be okay. One way or another,” Alec said softly. Neil could see no way it could be. “Trust me. I’ll make it better. I don’t know if what we did was right or wrong… but I know that deep within my heart, it feels right. And I’m sure you feel the same way.”
Neil nodded.
After having his time with Alec, he didn’t want to give it up. But the look in his friend’s eyes had been like daggers to his heart. How was it possible to feel so conflicted?
Neil gazed into his lover’s serious face with despair. All he could see in Alec’s eyes was the love he’d felt for the man.
They had to suffer the consequences. But Neil was glad to know that they’d be in this together.
Together. It sounded so right.
Neil finally smiled when the realization hit him. They were after all, meant to be.