Chapter 5
One Down, Too Many to Go
James
The night wasn’t exactly filled with endless pussy. In fact, it wasn’t filled with anything—at all.
No groping.
Or heavy make out session.
No dick sucking.
And no tit fucking.
Lindsay and I spent the evening talking, and alternately rushing her to the bathroom, where she continued to throw up, over and over.
I knew I couldn’t have knocked her up already. We hadn’t even had unprotected sex yet. Shit, I didn’t even think we consummated the marriage the night we got hitched. I’m pretty certain we both passed out.
No, the reason was worse than that. Her nerves were getting the best of her. And I didn’t like that one damn bit. In fact, I hated my world seemed to overwhelm her.
And then was the little issue that I was used to getting what I wanted. When I wanted it. No, wasn’t a word I used to. And yet Lindsay kept saying it over and over. I’d said she would get used to living here. She’d said, “No, I don’t think I will.” I’d said that we’d go to the bank on Monday and put her on my checking account and get her a credit card. She’d said, “No, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
Once she finally fell asleep, my preoccupation with her no’s meant I hardly slept.
I glanced at the clock. It was eight fifteen in the morning. Shit, I’d promised one of by best friends, Phoebe St. Claire, that I’d meet her for a run at nine. There was no way I was up for that.
I picked up my phone and dialed her number. Phoebe and I had been friends for a long time, and more importantly, she was real. She didn’t adhere to the whole debutante image that girls like her were reared in. Her family owned a chain of hotels that were on the brink of bankruptcy and she had recently taken the helm. It wasn’t a pretty spot to be in, but she was doing her best to navigate her way through it.
“Hello,” she answered.
“Don’t kill me but I have to cancel.” My voice was scratchy, uneven.
She sounded like she was still sleeping. “It’s fine, but is everything okay? You don’t sound well.”
I opened the drawer beside me and pulled out a cigarette. I’d had one earlier as well. “Let’s just say I did something completely unlike me and I’m trying to figure out what to do about it,” I answered in a whisper, and then flicked the white tip with my lighter.
“Okay, you have my mind working overtime. Care to elaborate?”
I drew in a sharp breath and inhaled.
“Are you smoking?” she asked incredulously.
“Just one or two. I needed to take the edge off.”
She sounded alarmed. “Okay Jamie, you’re scaring me. What’s going on?”
I had been clean for five years. There was a time when I lived off blow, marijuana, and a long string of women. But then I almost overdosed one summer, and that was my wake-up call. I still drank, but I hadn’t done drugs, of any kind, since, and I never smoked anymore because it only made me crave something stronger.
I got out of bed and went into the hallway. “Phoebs, I don’t want a lecture.”
“I’m not going to give you one. I’m just worried about you.”
I sat on the top step. “It’s just a cigarette.”
“Tell me what’s going on,” she insisted.
I heaved a heavy sigh. “Friday night after the benefit, Avery and Theo were going to Provocateur, so I went along with them.”
“Go on.”
“Yeah, so I met this Victoria’s Secret model there, and you know how I have a thing for models.”
“Yes, I’m aware,” she said in a clipped tone.
“Well, sometime that night we all got on a chartered flight to Vegas and when I came back to the city last night, I was married to Lindsay, the model.”
“Married!” she practically screamed it. “Are you out of your mind?”
“Not so loud,” I whimpered into the phone.
“You have to go back and get it annulled,” she demanded.
“I know that, Phoebs. The problem is Lindsay doesn’t want to.” And neither did I, but I didn’t mention that, not over the phone.
“Is she insane? You just met.”
“She wants to give it a try.” I left out the part where I did too. Phoebe would be lecturing for days if I added that.
“Did you tell her no? Go find her and tell her no. Do you know where she is?”
Silence.
“Jamie?” she drew out my name. She was the only person in the world I let call me that.
“Yeah, I know where she is. She’s in my bed right now.”
“Then go wake her up and get yourselves back to Vegas.”
Phoebs was smart and I knew it was time to lay it all out. “That’s the thing. I’m not sure I want to either. I’m getting sick of all the parties. All the women. Maybe settling down isn’t a bad thing.”
“Jamie, settling down is great. But with someone you love. Not someone you just met.” She was trying to sound logical.
“Have dinner with us this week. Meet her and you’ll see. She’s perfect for me,” I suggested.
“Sure, I’ll have dinner with you both. But you really need to think this through.”
“I have, and I’m taking her to meet my family today.”
“You can’t do that!”
“Yeah, well, when I canceled on my mother yesterday, she rescheduled the family picture for today. Guess she’ll be surprised at the new addition to the family.”
Phoebe gasped. “Your mother is going to blow her lid, Jamie. You can’t do that to her. You have to warn her.”
“Nah, I can’t deal with her right now and we have to be there at noon. Speaking of, I really need to get some sleep. I’ll call you tomorrow. Love you, Phoebs,” I said.
“Love you too,” she said back and hung up.
I sat on the stairs, taking one last drag of my cigarette before putting it out in the ashtray I’d brought with me. One down, too many to go. This was going to get old fast. Was Lindsay going to be under fire the entire time? I knew she was. I really hated that for her.
Phoebe was right about my mother, she was going to flip. But, unlike my friends, I also knew no amount of preparation was going to change that.
My mother had insisted I show up today for the annual family Christmas card photo, and I had every intention of doing so, with my new wife.
It might have not been winter yet, but I knew the ice queen would emerge and no amount of fa la la las was going to keep her from rearing her judgmental head.
I thought about getting Lindsay naked in the shower under the guise of wanting to help clean her up, but then fucking her once we got under the spray. Hey, I was desperate for her, but then I heard her throwing up again, and knew that was wrong.
Besides, I had to warn her. But even as I thought it, I knew that would never be enough to truly understand my mother.
I should have just canceled.