I was an ass to the clerk. I know it, but I’m too fucking worn out to care. It’s been weeks and weeks of lawyers, negotiating and paparazzi and I’m just sick of it all. The last thing I wanted or needed was some backwoods Barbie to give me shit about renting her motel room a couple of weeks early. The place is a dump. I could wring White’s neck for suggesting it. Of course, I’m being sued for breach of contract, so I should get used to staying in dumps. It would have been so easy for me to keep my mouth shut and keep raking in the money, but in truth my career has been on its way out for years. I see what the press has been saying about me. I used to say it didn’t bother me, that I just didn’t give a damn. Maybe at one time I didn’t, but as time wears on, and the years pile up, it’s beginning to.

No one wants to think of themselves as a has been. Acting might not have been what I originally chose to do in life, but the career happened. I would have preferred going out on top, rather than becoming one of Hollywood’s C-list actors who tries to maintain their glory days with horrible roles…or worse… reality television.

Titan and Gavin think pushing me to write is the answer. I’ve always wanted to do it, but there’s something to be said about security and staying with the status quo—not making waves. I sure as fuck made waves when I walked off the set and told the producers I quit. Shit, it wasn’t waves, I’ve created a damn tsunami and it’s threatening to take me under.

If there’s a bright side to any of this, it’s the fact that White was right about one thing. Clancy, Idaho is the last place on earth anyone would look for me—or even recognize me. I can take a little comfort in that—very little.

I lie across the bed and I’m not one bit surprised to find it hard as a rock. Maybe I could send White flowers to thank him—black roses wrapped in poison ivy. I pick up my phone and dial Gavin’s number.

He picks up on the third ring.

“Hey buddy.”

“I made it here.”

“You sound so thrilled,” the bastard laughs. Sure, he can laugh. His life is going great lately and he’s got Casey. The asshole has it all. If he had to deal with all of the shit I have, he wouldn’t be laughing. Hell, he would be drunk. Which is the next thing on my list tonight.

“This place is a dump,” I sigh. I realize the motel is not really why I’m so bent out of shape, but it’s an easy place to begin.

“God you’re turning into a whiny-bitch Aden.”

“Fuck you,” I growl, rubbing my jaw and the coarse stubble scratches against my palm. I should shave or let it grow out…one of those. Maybe I could grow a beard so thick I could look like the fucking uni-bomber. It might at least get the press off my ass.

“Maybe that’s the answer,” Gavin laughs.

“What’s the answer?”

“Fucking. You need to get laid,” he responds and I roll my eyes upward at the ceiling. He can’t see me, but it makes me feel better.

My gaze freezes when it lands on the stained ceiling tiles above my head. Water has stained them a rusty-brown-red color and they sag in places I’m sure they’re not meant to. They’ll probably fall down on me one night while I’m sleeping. I can read the headlines now, “Famous American film star, Aden McIntyre found dead under a pile of debris in a flea infested motel….”

“Are you listening to me?” Gavin asks.

“Sorry, I was tuning you out. I was busy contemplating life and death.”

“Damn man, find a woman and get your dick sucked. Seriously. You’re starting to depress me.”

“The only woman I’ve seen around here is the owner of this dump.”

“Then do her,” Gavin instructs helpfully.

“Please. She’s not my type,” I sigh, closing my eyes and for some reason the girl’s image comes easily to mind.

“Meaning she’s not a drama-queen, she-bitch from Hell,” I hear Casey yell out.

“I should have known you had me on speakerphone. Hey Casey, my biggest fan.”

“Hey Aden,” she calls out cheerfully. “Quit being a dickhead.”

“Being around Gavin has changed you Casey. But I’m not being a dickhead as you so eloquently put it. This woman makes Gloria look like a damn saint.”

“I doubt anyone has that ability. You’re exaggerating Aden,” Casey laughs.

“Or delirious,” Gavin yells out. “Someone call 9-1-1.”

They’re laughing and it’s annoying the shit out of me. Maybe I’m just being a miserable dumbass and I’m sick of hearing how happy and in love my best friend and his girl are. I mean I’m happy for them, sure. But fuck. It gets old. Gavin got fucking lucky. In the real day-to-day world there are no happy endings, no fucking I-love-you-forevers. Casey is a different kind of girl, sure. Still, they’re younger than me and they’re new in the relationship. They’re still having sex all the time. It won’t be long until they’re at each other’s throats and the real world shows up.

They’re still laughing at me in the background and I’m tempted to hang up. My life is a mess right now and this is the last fucking thing I need right now. Fuck, I wouldn’t even be in this damn town, in this rat-infested no-tell motel, if not for Gavin and his smart ass. Or even Casey and her, “Write a book, Aden! It will be easy!”

When Gavin makes his next remark, I don’t mind admitting, I lose it.

“I think you’re protesting too much, Aden. I bet you like this chick. This time next week you’ll probably be nailing her.”

“Gavin!” Casey yells.

“What? I’m just saying I wouldn’t be surprised next time he checks in he’ll be doing a little brown chicken, brown cow.”

“Brown chicken? Brown cow? What the hell does that even mean?” I snap.

“You know getting it on…farm style,” Gavin answers.

“Getting it on? You’re insane. What happens if the Cow is gray?” Casey asks.

“Casey, there are no gray cows,” Gavin answers seriously and I can’t believe I’m on the phone having this damn conversation.

“How did I ever fall in love with you again, Gavin?”

“My sparkling personality,” he laughs.

“I’m going,” I growl.

“Come on Aden, don’t be all grouchy drawers,” Casey whines.

“Slip the owner the dick, dude. Work the edge off. It will probably help you with your writing,” Gavin adds.

“Slip her the dick? God, with romance like that, how could I help but love you, Gavin,” Casey mutters.

“Fuck no. My dick is getting nowhere near this woman. Her motel is a joke and she’s got the personality of the school lunchroom lady.”

“Do you even remember school, old man?” Gavin laughs.

“That’s not nice Aden,” Casey censures, which again just feeds the anger inside of me.

“Just being honest. She doesn’t even try to make herself look better. It’s probably just as well. Casey, even you with your talent in makeup would have trouble doing it. She’s got so many bags under her eyes it looks like she’s been on a three-week bender.”

“Aden—”

“And don’t get me started on how out of shape she is. She probably sits in front of the television eating chocolate all day.”

“Aden!” Casey says again.

“You know the type, Gavin. The ones who watch life go on around them and do nothing to take part.”

“Aden you need to chill, man. You’re not even sounding like yourself,” Gavin says and he’s not laughing now and neither is Casey. They’re going all moral on me. They’re right, I’m being an ass, but I’m sick of people.

I’m sick of everything.

“What? You asked. I’m just telling the truth. There’s no way in hell my dick would get near White’s cousin. Maybe if she lost thirty pounds and actually ran a brush through her hair I’d give her a pity fuck, but that’s it.”

I hate the words as soon as I say them. I’m instantly filled with guilt. Shit, I don’t even mean them. I’m letting my anger at the world, at Gloria and everything else boil over. Casey and Gavin don’t realize how much they add to my misery. I know I’m filled with self-pity right now, but I don’t give a damn, not really. Still, when I say the words I hear a small gasp. I look up immediately and realize I left the door open. It was freaking hot when I got here, and I thought leaving it open would help air circulate until the AC cooled things down. That was a mistake, because White’s cousin is standing there, looking shell-shocked holding a stack of clean towels.

Shit.

“I’ll just leave these here,” she whispers, stepping inside to leave the towels on the table by the door. Her face is white, and there are tears shining in her eyes.

Well done, you fucking asshole.

I’ve managed to make an innocent girl cry. Awesome.

“Aden?” Casey says through the phone.

“I’m going to sign off for a while. I need to get my head screwed on straight,” I answer in the phone, hanging up without saying goodbye.

I watch as the girl leaves my room, her back straight and head held high. Then I throw my phone across the room.

Fucking hell.