Dylan
I wasn’t enjoying Alicia’s company, but she wasn’t irritating me either. It was an hour of my life that I was never going to get back, but I wasn’t emotional. There was no feeling for her left in me, and I felt celebratory at the realization. I was desperate to get back and call Beth. Perhaps I could convince her to change her flight, stay the night. I had so much to tell her.
The sound of smashing glass caught my attention, and I looked up and saw her as she turned and headed toward the door. What was she doing here?
I stood and headed after her. If she’d seen me, and I was pretty sure she had, why hadn’t she come over? Shit, she’d seen me lunching with Alicia and had probably assumed the worst.
I headed outside and looked left and right, trying to see where she’d gone. I reached into my pockets for my phone. Damn, I’d left it in my office.
Where had she disappeared to? I stepped back into the restaurant. “That woman who was here a minute ago—”
“Yes, she came in looking for you, but seemed to change her mind when she saw you. I hope everything . . .”
I didn’t stay to hear the rest, and instead I ran back to the office.
Where had she gone? It must have been a shock to see me with Alicia, but it wasn’t as if she’d found us naked together. Beth knew how I felt about her and that Alicia wasn’t a threat, didn’t she?
As I stormed through the glass doors on the 62nd floor, Marie greeted me. “Beth was just here. Did she catch up with you?”
I stopped before I reached my office. “She was here?”
“Yes, desperate to give you a message. I hope you don’t mind, I told her where you were having lunch. I’m sorry you missed each other. Should I get her on the line?”
“No, that’s fine.” I grabbed my phone from my desk. I had two missed calls from Beth, both from the time before she walked into the restaurant.
Fuck.
I called, heading out of my office toward the elevators.
Her phone just went to voice mail. I hung up and travelled down to meet my driver. She was probably headed to my place. If nothing else, she needed her luggage. It would be fine. I just needed to see her and explain.
“Can we go back to the brownstone, please?” I asked Don as I slid into the backseat. “As quick as you can.”
I opened the door before the car came to a complete stop, then took the stairs to my front door two at a time and let myself inside.
“Beth?” I called and listened for her response, any kind of sign she was here. Nothing. Perhaps she was on her way?
Her luggage was still by the door, so I dialed her number, again.
Voice mail. Again.
I needed her to pick up, to stick around and let me explain I’d gone to lunch with Alicia to get rid of her. Fuck, I should have had security throw Alicia out. Why had I indulged her?
I wanted Beth, but where was she? My heart was thumping through my chest and my skin itched. I shrugged off my suit jacket, throwing it on the couch.
I typed out a message.
Dylan: Can you pick up? Alicia came by the office and made a scene and refused to leave unless I had lunch with her. She’s a maniac. Please call me. I love you.
I stared at my phone, willing her to call me.
Impatient, I called her.
Voice mail. Again.
Fuck. Would she have gone to her father’s? I was ashamed to say I had no idea where he lived. She didn’t mention him often. To Beth, her family seemed to be all about the people she surrounded herself with in London.
She’d have to come back to collect her luggage before leaving for the airport. I’d just sit and wait, try not to overreact—and keep calling until she either turned up or answered.
Dylan: Where are you? I love you. Pick up.
Maybe she had gone to a meeting—or a bar. My gut twisted at the thought of being the one who had caused her pain. All I wanted to do was make her happy. Why had I been such an idiot?
I’d been avoiding the most obvious phone call I should make. I had to call her brother. This wasn’t just a lover’s tiff. Beth could derail her recovery, and I had to do everything I could to ensure that didn’t happen.
I dialed Marie and got her to call me back with Jake Harrison’s number. It didn’t take her long to find it. It was late in London, but I was pretty sure that Jake wouldn’t mind me calling. He’d kick my ass, but he’d want to know about Beth.
I punched his number into my phone.
“Hello?” Jake answered. “Beth?”
My stomach twisted and I took a deep breath.
“Jake, it’s Dylan James. I’m calling about Beth.”
“I warned you about hurting her.”
“I know and I’m sorry, but it isn’t what she thinks.”
“Don’t call me again, and leave her alone. She deserves better—”
He sounded like he’d punch me if I were in hitting distance. At that moment, I’d be happy to let him. It might help me focus on something other than the pain of not having Beth right beside me. “Can I just explain? It wasn’t what she thought it was—”
“Unless you can tell me that you don’t own Raine Media and didn’t neglect to tell my sister that she was working for you, and that you didn’t have a cozy lunch date with your ex-fiancée, there’s nothing I want to hear from you. Leave my sister alone, you piece of shit asshole.”
Jake ended the call. I tossed the phone on the stairs next to me and thrust my hands into my hair, waiting for the blood pounding in my ears to lessen.
She’d found out I owned Raine Media.
Why on earth hadn’t I just told her and Raf? Why hadn’t I just let Raf sell the fucking thing? Then I wouldn’t be in this mess. I had nothing to hide. It was no big deal. Things were just so great between us, and I didn’t want anything to spoil that. I wanted her to know, but there hadn’t been the right time to tell her.
It wasn’t as if I had any influence over the hiring process. They’d contacted her before we met. It shouldn’t be a big deal.
I wondered how she’d found out, and how long she’d known. Had Jake run a background check on me or something?
I jumped when my phone rang. My heart sank when I realized that it was just Marie.
“I’m trying to keep this line free, Marie. Is this urgent?”
“I just think you should take a look at the Sun-Times. There’s an article there about Beth that I can’t imagine she’d be too happy about.”
Jesus, was there a full moon? This day was just getting worse. I grabbed my tablet from the kitchen and brought it back to the stairs. I wanted to be waiting when Beth came back.
I searched the Sun-Times website.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Well at least I knew how she’d found out about my owning Raine Media.
But I should have told her. I’d been an idiot.
I dialed her number again.
Voice mail. Again.
I tapped out a message.
Dylan: I just saw the Sun-Times article. I should have told you. Please come home so I can explain, there’s history to this. I had nothing to do with you getting this job. I love you. I’m sorry.
There was nothing to do but wait.
I loosened my tie as a sense of dread passed over me. I checked the time. It was almost six. She had to be here soon. It had been hours.
My doorbell almost induced a heart attack. I jumped to my feet. Finally, she was here, though I hated she wasn’t using her key.
I threw the door open, but found a man in a chauffeur’s uniform instead of Beth.
“Airport ride for Ms. Harrison.” Shit, it was the car I’d asked Marie to arrange this morning.
I closed my eyes. Was she running late or was she drunk in some bar because I’d been a dick?
Neither option sat well with me.
“Ms. Harrison is running a little late. May I ask you to wait?” If Beth did come back, I wanted her to have a way to get to the airport.
The driver shrugged. “I get paid whatever I do.”
I was pretty sure Beth would want to be back in London as soon as possible. I just couldn’t imagine her missing her flight. I closed the door and went back to my tablet, checking the departure board at O’Hare.
The flight to London was on time and there hadn’t been a plane that she could have made if she’d tried to fly earlier. If she wasn’t planning to pick up her luggage, perhaps I could find her at the airport and explain.
I raced upstairs, grabbed my passport and burst out of the door. “Don,” I called as I flew down the stoop. “Airport. As quick as you can.” He had the engine started before I grabbed the door handle.
If she wouldn’t come to me, I knew her favorite table in the first class lounge. She had to be there.
Less than thirty minutes later, I stood at the ticket desk, repeating myself. “I need to be on the nine-ten flight to London Heathrow.”
“I understand that, sir, but unfortunately that flight is fully booked.”
“I’ll pay whatever it takes. Please just let me on that flight.”
“I’m afraid it’s not a question of money. We just don’t have any seats left. Not even in economy.”
I wasn’t ready to give up. “Can you just tell me if Beth Harrison checked in?”
The check-in woman scowled at me. “You know I can’t tell you that, sir.”
I did, but I was used to being an exception. I grinned at her. “Are you sure?”
“I’m sure,” she replied, unmoved by my pathetic attempt at flirting.
“Okay, then I need a seat on your next plane to London.” Hopefully I wouldn’t need to use it. I could find Beth on the other side of security and explain, convince her to stay.
“You’re in luck,” the check-in woman said. “I have five seats left in economy on the nine-fifty flight.”
I really hoped I wouldn’t need that ticket. It had been some time since I’d flown economy. At least I’d get through security with a boarding pass. I rummaged in my wallet and pulled out my gold traveler’s card. “I presume I can get into the lounge with this?”
“Of course, sir. I’ll get you an invitation.”
My feet wouldn’t stay still. I prided myself on my ability to keep my composure at all times, but it wasn’t working for me today.
The check-in woman pretended she didn’t notice my fingers tapping against the desk. “How many bags are you checking in today?”
“None.”
“Carry-ons?”
“I don’t have any,” I replied. Perhaps I should have brought Beth’s luggage with me. No, I wanted her to come home with me. I didn’t want her getting on that plane.
Finally, the clerk handed me my boarding pass and invitation to the lounge, and I streaked off through security, clinging to the hope that when I saw Beth she’d understand.
I needed things between us to be back where they had been.
In a short space of time she’d become my whole world. Her openness and vulnerability had drawn me to her—my heart ached that I’d abused that and not been as forthcoming with my own emotions.
I didn’t bother checking the faces in the lounge. I knew where she’d be hiding. I rounded the corner to find three empty tables.
Shit.
I was certain I’d find her there.
How had I been so wrong? Perhaps she wasn’t planning on making her flight. Nausea floated in my stomach. I shook my head. I couldn’t think like that. Not yet.
I spun around and headed out of the lounge and toward her gate. The flight wouldn’t be boarding yet, but if she was going to fly she’d have to come to the gate at some point. I’d wait until the last passenger boarded, at least that way I’d be sure that she was okay.
I dialed her number again.
Voice mail.
I shoved my phone back in my pocket, trying to find the correct gate.
There were three people seated nearby the desk. None of them were Beth. I sat in the seat nearest the door to the gangway, determined not to miss her, and waited.
People filled up the seats around me. Not one of them was Beth. Eventually they started to call people to the aircraft. First class was up first. No Beth. Then business class and then economy. Still no Beth. I checked my watch. Twenty minutes until they were due to take off and the queue had disappeared completely.
The thought of never seeing her again crawled up my throat and made me choke. I couldn’t lose her. It just wasn’t possible. She’d changed me forever and I knew that my love for her would last the rest of my life, whether we were together or apart.
Fuck. She wasn’t flying.
I felt her before I saw her. My heart surged in my chest, and I stood as her beautiful red pout came toward me.
“Beth,” I said, a mixture of relief, love and sadness in my tone. She looked so broken. She glanced at me and then looked away as she handed her boarding pass to the flight attendant.
I couldn’t have lost her, could I?
I just had to explain, make her see, remind her how much I loved her.
Beth
I half expected him to show up at the airport, but I’d thought I was safe when I got through security. Of course he had managed to get through somehow. He probably owned the airport as well. No doubt he’d heard about the Sun-Times article and had some spurious excuse about how come I’d been the last to know he owned the company I’d been working for.
I didn’t understand why he hadn’t told me, but I wasn’t about to ask him for an explanation. I needed space. He was so seductive, and I wanted not to be feeling like this so badly, that I didn’t trust myself to stop and hear an explanation.
There was no point; whatever my heart might want, my logical brain couldn’t be convinced. I’d caught him in several lies, and after I’d told him how important honesty was to me. My heart twisted—walking away would be the hardest thing I’d ever done, but was exactly what I had to do.
I couldn’t be the woman I was with Louis, grasping for explanations, holding on to the impossible because I had to hold on to him at any cost. I would never be like that with a man again. I’d never be such a fool.
“Beth, please just wait a second,” he said as I handed my boarding pass and passport to the flight attendant. “Alicia came to the office and refused to leave unless I went to lunch with her. It was entirely unexpected, and I would have told you as soon as I saw you. I wasn’t hiding anything.”
Unable to digest what he was saying, I glanced up at him. I shouldn’t have. I could drown in those indigo eyes. They were misleadingly kind. I looked away, desperate to have some distance so I could keep my clear head. I needed to be in London. I’d debated going to a meeting before I left Chicago, but called my sponsor instead and cried for thirty minutes solid before I could explain to her what had happened. It’d felt surprisingly good to tell someone about it. How betrayed I felt. How much I loved him. How stupid I felt. How much I wanted it to have never happened. I didn’t say any of that when I’d called Jake after to tell him I was okay and on my way home.
I was going to be okay. I wasn’t going to drink, and I didn’t want him to worry if Dylan did something stupid and called him before I did.
My first instinct wasn’t to bury my feelings with alcohol, which was both shocking and comforting. What I wanted was to run home, not to get shitfaced. I guess that was what people called progress. I clung to that feeling as Dylan kept talking.
“Beth, please look at me. I need you to understand how sorry I am. I can explain it all. Can you just stay?”
I wanted to sink against his hard body and feel his arms smooth over my back, but I knew I couldn’t think about that, not now.
The flight attendant handed me my boarding pass and passport. I smiled and turned to Dylan.
“I believe you’re sorry that you got caught. At least I found out who you were before I got in too deep.” I walked way. It had been my turn to lie. It hadn’t happened before I got in too deep. I was way out of my depth and drowning.
Dylan shouted after me, “Beth, don’t say that. Don’t pretend you’re not in this as deep as I am. Please don’t leave.”
When I knew I was out of sight, I stopped. I couldn’t take another step. Crashing sideways into the wall, I slid to the floor, sobs shaking my body.
I cried because I felt foolish and I was embarrassed for having been so easily taken in. But most of all I cried because I’d never see him again.
I loved him. And I knew I’d love him for the rest of my life.
How long would it take for that to pass? I’d never fallen for anyone like I’d fallen for Dylan. He’d made all my previous encounters feel so meaningless. If only he could have been the man I thought he was.
When I heard footsteps behind me, I pulled myself up. Just a few more steps and I’d be on my way home and able to start rebuilding myself once more.
“I just got through security, and I can’t face public transport. I look like I’ve been crying for nine hours straight.” I wore my sunglasses despite the fact that it was the middle of a gray winter’s day.
“I could have come to get you. I’m sorry, I didn’t think,” Jake said.
I headed toward the taxi line. “Don’t be. I’m not in the mood for company. I just want to go home, shower and go to bed.”
“And you’ll come over for dinner tonight? You know if you don’t Haven will just come to you. If you come here at least you can leave when you want to.”
It was the last thing I wanted to do, but Jake was right; Haven would insist on coming over and I knew my brother would only worry if I stayed home and felt sorry for myself. “Okay. I’ll come to yours, but I’m not bringing anything. There’s no way I’m baking.”
“No, that’s fine.”
“Can you make sure you have cake? And ice cream?”
“You’ve met my carboholic wife. We have both at all times. We just never tell you about the store-bought cake in the fridge.”
I managed to smile slightly. “Okay, I’ll see you later.”
The journey to my flat passed in a nanosecond. Whether it was warp speed or sleep, I wasn’t questioning it. I just needed a shower and my duvet.
As I opened my purse Dylan’s scent hit me. The woodsy, masculine smell that his skin had, which was always so comforting. I couldn’t stop the tears as they rolled down my cheeks.
I stripped off what I was wearing and set the wash to hot, naked as the day I was born. I loved how comfortable Dylan was naked and how his attitude encouraged me to be more accepting of myself.
I needed a shower so I scooted into the bathroom, covering my chest with my crossed arms just as Dylan hated me to do. A good shower could cure almost anything.
I let water cascade over me, taking with it my tears. God, I’d not expected to come home like this. I’d let myself imagine that Dylan and I might have something special, something long term. How could I have been so wrong?
I turned off the faucet and wrapped myself in a towel. Someone was banging on my door. Haven?
I opened the door and stood, open-mouthed, as I came face-to-face with Dylan.
“What are you doing here?” I asked. I was pretty sure he hadn’t been on my flight.
“I need to talk to you. To explain.” His jaw was clenched and he looked tired.
I just wanted him to hold me and tell me it had all been a horrible dream or something. I wanted to rewind and pick up in the moment just before I left his brownstone, when my heart only ached at the thought I wouldn’t see him for three days. I didn’t want to be here, standing here in front of him, my heart in pieces.
I shook my head. “There’s nothing to say. You need to go.” I started to close the door but he put his hand out, stopping me. “Really? You’re going to force yourself into my apartment?”
He let go instantly and I shut the door, resting my forehead on the wood as I turned the lock.
“Beth, please. I’m so sorry. You have to believe me. I’ve seen Alicia twice since she called off the wedding. The first time was with you, then when she turned up to my office about thirty minutes before you came to the restaurant. I’m not making this up.”
I started to cry again. I so wanted to believe him. “What about Raine Media, Dylan? Why didn’t you tell me you owned it?”
I heard him sigh. “I don’t have an answer for you. Not a good one, anyway. Raf and I have some history with business and my exes, and I hadn’t told him you were involved in WCIL. It didn’t seem important, at first because we weren’t that serious, and then I never found the right words. Things were so perfect; I didn’t want to ruin it. I should have said something, but we were thinking about selling and I just didn’t want to complicate things, with him, with you. In the end I’ve just made things so much worse.”
He sounded sincere and I so desperately wanted to believe him. I wanted to hear about the business issues with his ex. Did he mean Alicia? But I didn’t want to give in to him. I didn’t want to be the weak woman I’d been with Louis. The woman who believed every lie because I didn’t trust myself. “Dylan, I can’t . . . I don’t know . . . You should go.”
“I love you, Beth.”
My heart urged me to tell him that I loved him, too, but my head wouldn’t allow it.
“I don’t think so. I need the people in my life to be completely honest with me. To be gentle with me. To act like they love me, not just use the words.” My heart felt like someone was ripping it into shreds. I’d finally opened up to someone and it was as if history was repeating itself.
“I know. I fucked up. I’m not good at this, but it’s new. And you don’t tell me everything, either. Can you tell me you’ve shared everything about your ex?”
He was right. I’d never mentioned my pregnancy and the way Louis had told me to get rid of it.
“You don’t talk to me about your meetings or your sobriety.”
I couldn’t argue with him. Jake was the only one that really knew the ins and outs of my struggle to stay sober. Partly because it wasn’t much of a struggle anymore, but also because he’d seen me at my worst and loved me anyway. I knew he wouldn’t judge, or reject me. But was that comparable with what Dylan had kept from me? My head spun. I wanted him to be right, for us to be able to work through this, but I didn’t want to be made a fool of.
“We don’t know everything about each other. Not yet, Beth. But I want to hear all your stuff and I want to tell you all mine. I want all of you, and I want you to have all of me.”
“Please, Dylan, I can’t. You need to go. I need time.” I didn’t want him to go. I wanted to stay close until the pain passed.
“Can we talk tomorrow?” His voice was small and sad. Despite how I felt, I hated that.
“I don’t think so. I need some space. Some time to heal.” I wasn’t thinking rationally. It would be so easy to open the door and for him to say all the right things, but if I did that, we would never be the same—the trust had gone. A part of what we’d had was destroyed forever.
“Then let me help you, be there with you. Please, Beth, I can’t lose you.”
“You should have thought of that before you lied or hid what you knew would be important to me.”
“I’m not leaving London before I’ve made this right.” He sounded so certain that it was something he could do. But I wasn’t a business deal to be negotiated. Unless he could turn back time, I wasn’t sure how things could ever be right.
My stomach churned. Part of me desperately wanted to open the door and be pulled into his arms. My head was telling me to walk away. “I need you to leave. I’m going to get dressed.” I headed down the corridor, ignoring him as he called my name. I collapsed on my bed, my wet hair soaking the pillow, and began to sob.