Beth
I’d been to a meeting every day since I’d returned from Chicago. Recovery gave me a single focus and a pass to put everything else aside and just concentrate on my sobriety. But it was as if the meeting today had been designed for me. If I didn’t know better, I would have thought Haven had put together the agenda. The last words of the speaker rang in my ears as I put up my umbrella and started the short walk back to my apartment. “Remember, AA is meant to provide you with a bridge to normal living. It’s not here to cocoon you from all the difficulties that life will throw at you, but instead to help you navigate them without alcohol.”
Talking things through with Haven had helped me see that I was expecting Dylan to be perfect. He’d kept things from me, but I hadn’t even let him explain himself. I owed him that. I owed me that. I couldn’t turn away the man I was in love with so easily. I couldn’t walk away from the only man I’d ever really loved because I was scared. Haven was right; I needed to hear him out, then see what my heart told me.
I didn’t regret texting him.
I hadn’t responded to his reply. I didn’t quite know what my next move was. The following day I’d received two patisserie boxes. One with four cakes, each a different variety. The other held four Bakewell tarts. I was beginning to worry Dylan may be a feeder.
My heart skipped as I pulled the door to my building open. What would I find today? Maybe I’d run into Dylan again. I checked the time on my phone. He was probably long gone.
My heart beat faster as I got to my floor at the thought of Dylan in my building. I turned toward my apartment as I stepped off the lift, but didn’t see the usual pink-striped box on my doorstep.
Normally Dylan would have been and gone by now. My heart went from skipping to thudding. Why no delivery, and today of all days? Had he finally gotten sick of waiting around for me? My forehead became tight and I took a deep breath, trying to neutralize the prickling of my skin.
I pulled out my keys but couldn’t bring myself to unlock the door. Had he flown back to Chicago without telling me?
I rested my forehead on my front door as I tensed, releasing my grip around my phone. I couldn’t exactly message him asking where my cake was. That seemed a little . . . selfish.
My stomach churned. I was at a crossroads, and whichever path I chose from here would be a one-way street. I could pretend I didn’t notice the lack of delivery and let Dylan slip away, or I could take action and have a conversation that was long overdue.
I headed back down to the lobby to speak with the doorman. Barney must have been letting Dylan in.
“Hey, have you seen Dylan today?” I asked, trying to sound nonchalant. I was sure I was failing miserably.
Barney looked a little guilty. Given we never came or left together, it was probably clear that he knew that Dylan and I weren’t on the best of terms. “Not today. Should I not let him in? I can say no next time he tries.”
I smiled. “No, that’s fine. I just wondered how he always knows to come when I’m out. Do you know?”
Barney glanced at his feet. “He usually waits at the café across the street until you’ve left. He told me he had some making up to do, and I know that feeling. I figured you would have told me if you didn’t like getting the gifts he brings.”
I nodded. “Yeah, I would have. It’s not a problem. He didn’t mention if he would be coming today, or if he was going back to Chicago?” I was grilling my doorman for information. How had it come to this?
“Afraid not. Shall I tell him you were asking if he shows up?”
I had a feeling he wasn’t going to be back. That maybe he’d finally given up.
I couldn’t blame him.
I headed out of the building and grabbed my phone. Perhaps I could catch him before he left for the airport. My chest squeezed at the thought of not having him close to me anymore. How could I expect him to hang out in London indefinitely until I grew some balls and decided to have a conversation with him? What had I been thinking?
I headed across the street to the café. I burst through the door, and heads snapped in my direction. I didn’t care how much attention I was attracting. There were less than a dozen tables and only two that had people at them. Dylan wasn’t one of them.
I stepped back out into the street, looked left and right for a cab with its light on.
It wasn’t a long journey to the Langham, but it felt as if it took as long as a flight to Chicago. He’d never said that that was where he was staying but it was the only place that made sense.
I scanned the heads of the people in the lobby as I made my way to the reception desk. “Can you tell me which room Dylan James is in, please?”
The blonde woman smiled at me. “I’m sorry; we can’t give out the room numbers of our guests.”
Shit, I should have thought of that. “Right.” I pulled out my phone and called Dylan. I just needed to know he hadn’t left.
No answer.
I turned back to the receptionist. “Could you put me through to his room?”
“Please hang on.” She tapped away at her computer and scowled. “I’m afraid Mr. James has checked out.”
My stomach sank. I knew it. I’d been an idiot not to agree to a simple conversation with him. No wonder he’d lost patience. “Did he check out today, or yesterday?”
The receptionist winced. “I really shouldn’t say, but if it’s any help, I did see him this morning.”
“Thanks so much.” I didn’t quite know where to go. His phone had rung before going to voice mail, so he couldn’t be in the air yet. Should I head to the airport to try to catch him before he boarded? The flights to Chicago generally stopped for the day after lunch, so I’d have to hurry.
I spun and charged toward the door.
“Beth?” Dylan’s silky voice washed over me and my knees nearly gave way with relief. I turned and had to hold myself back from flinging my arms around him. His brow was furrowed. “Are you okay?” he asked as he held his hand out, then stopped himself and pulled back.
I stepped toward him. What was I going to say? How was I going to explain what I was doing here?
He raised an eyebrow at me. “You here for a refill? I’m sorry; I haven’t gotten to your delivery today. I had some stuff to take care of.”
“I’m not here for cake.” I should have planned it better; I should have thought about what I was going to say. I’d been so concerned about finding him that I hadn’t thought beyond that. “I wondered if . . .” I took a deep breath. “I thought maybe you left, and we never got a chance to talk.”
“My sweet, I told you I wasn’t leaving until I’d made things right. I’ve let you down about a lot, but I wasn’t going to go back on that promise.”
“But you checked out and . . .” I looked down at the carry-on he always travelled with.
“Marie found me an apartment just around the block. I wasn’t going far.”
He was so close. I couldn’t bear that he wasn’t touching me, so I reached for him. “I think maybe it’s time for that talk. I mean, if you want to. And we don’t have to do it now. I’m sure you’re busy and you’ve got things you need to be doing. Just whenever—”
“I have nothing that would ever stop me talking with you.”
Dylan
The reality of being apart from Beth for all these weeks had left me starving for her. Not being able to hear her voice, stroke her skin, breathe in the remnants of her baking that permeated her hair was torture. I knew with more certainty each and every day that I was prepared to do whatever I had to in order to win her back. And now here she was, taking the first step toward me. What we had felt so fragile, I didn’t want to push and scare her off, but all I wanted to do was pull her against me so I could feel her heartbeat next to mine.
I resisted. “Let me get rid of my carry-on.” I turned and quickly left my suitcase with the concierge before returning to Beth.
I glanced around the lobby. “Should we go and have some cake? Or we could go for a walk. It’s cold, but sunny.”
“A walk sounds good.”
I smiled, wanting to see in her eyes what she was thinking. Had she come to me knowing how this would play out? Was she going to try to send me home? I had to suppress my impatience, and stop myself from asking her to skip to the heart of the matter. Instead, I gestured to the hotel exit. “Shall we?”
She nodded and stuffed her hands in her pockets. We descended the small stoop, then headed north up Portland Place. We walked slowly in silence, our eyes firmly on the path in front of us. I so desperately wanted to touch her. I’d been hoping for this opportunity for so long and now that it was here, I didn’t want to fuck it up. I took a deep breath. “I—do you want me to . . . Can I explain?”
“You don’t need to. I’ve heard what you’ve said, and I’ve thought about nothing else—”
Had I lost her?
“Can I ask you a question?” she asked. Her hair fell over her face. I longed to see her eyes, and perhaps forgiveness in them.
“You can ask me anything,” I replied.
“What was lunch like?”
“With Alicia? Honestly?”
She turned to me, her eyebrow raised.
“Sorry, of course. It was okay. Good, even.”
Beth stopped in her tracks and covered her face. I tried to pull her hands away. “Good because I realized how I’d been angry at her for all these years for no reason. I don’t care enough to hate her anymore.” My fingers finally persuaded her hands from her face, revealing glassy eyes. I stroked my thumbs over her cheekbones, brushing my favorite part of her, the beauty spot on her left cheekbone. “And in a way I was even grateful because if Alicia and I had gone through with the wedding, I wouldn’t have met you.”
She tilted her head and closed her eyes, yielding to my touch. My body filled with relief. I allowed myself to hope she believed me.
She sighed and moved away from me, restarting our walk.
I did everything I could to resist pushing her, asking if she forgave me.
“And Raine Media? Did you have anything to do with my contract, or their second offer?”
I pushed my hands through my hair. “No, I really didn’t. I don’t have time to get involved with that kind of detail. And anyway, I’ve seen your videos and tasted your baking. You don’t need my help.”
Beth tucked her hair around her ears as we continued to walk forward in silence.
“I’m learning how to do this, the relationship thing. Alicia and I were kids when we started dating. You know there’s been no one serious for me since then—except you. I’m really sorry, Beth. Please don’t give up on us.”
She stopped again just as a woman walking her Highland Terrier came from the opposite direction. I moved to the side to let the woman pass. I could feel Beth’s stare as I nodded and something stopped me from looking back at her. I was worried about what I might find. I couldn’t bear to see that hurt look in her eyes I’d spotted back in the restaurant when she’d seen me with Alicia. I couldn’t handle it if I saw coldness. So much of her beauty came from her warmth. I didn’t want to be the guy who changed that. “You can’t know how sorry I am,” I said, focusing beyond her shoulder.
She tugged at my lapel and I could resist her no longer. “I’m sorry, too,” she whispered as she gazed up at me, her eyes sad but still warm.
I shook my head. “No, you have nothing—”
She placed her index finger over my lips to stop me. “You’ve made your apology. Now let me make mine.”
She’d done nothing wrong, what did she have to apologize for? My gut clenched. I hoped she wasn’t about to tell me there was someone else.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have just run away. I should have stayed so we could talk. But more than that, I’m sorry for being so hard on you. You’ve borne the brunt of a hell of a lot of baggage.” She tugged on both lapels of my coat. “Haven pointed out that I was overcorrecting, and she was right. I was so concerned that what happened with Louis didn’t happen again, so determined not to go back to the weak Beth I’d been before, that as soon as things were anything less than perfect, I threw in the towel.” She slid her hands over my shoulders. Even through my coat, my skin lit up from her touch. I was mesmerized by her beautiful red pout and the way her lips pushed together and out with each word. “The way you’ve treated me . . . you deserved a fair hearing, and I didn’t give you that. I didn’t trust my judgment; I’m sorry for that. I knew you better than I let myself believe.”
“I’ll never not forgive you anything,” I replied. “But you don’t need to apologize for holding me to a higher standard. I want to meet it and exceed it. I want to be the man who deserves you. I mean that.”
She smiled her huge smile at me and it warmed me.
It gave me hope.
“I’ll do whatever you need me to.”
“I forgave you before you explained.” She slid her finger across my lips. “I just need you to do one thing.”
My heart exploded with her words. I wanted to hold her close, eliminate the gap between us. “Name it.” I expected her to ask me to move to London, sell Raine Media, or refuse to see Alicia ever again. I’d do any and all of it.
“Kiss me,” she said.
My breath caught in my throat. That was it? My heart squeezed in my chest and I took a deep breath. “I think I can do that.” I snaked my arms around her waist as she brushed her fingers over my jaw. I’d not touched her in so long; I wanted to get this right. As she parted her lips, my nerves dissolved and desire passed over me like a cloud. My eyes flickered from her eyes to her lips and back again.
I bent down and took her bottom lip between my teeth, and groaned. It had been too long since I last tasted her. I wanted to tease her, make her desperate, but I couldn’t hold back. I cupped the back of her head, holding her close as I slipped my tongue into her hot mouth.
It could have been minutes or hours later when Beth pushed against my chest. Only then was I aware of the catcalls and shouting of some kids coming down the path.
“I think we’re putting on quite the show,” Beth said.
I couldn’t tear my eyes away from her red, swollen mouth. My dick throbbed uncomfortably in my trousers.
“Want to show me your new apartment?” she asked, trying to hide her face from the teenagers who were laughing as if they’d caught us naked.
I guess we couldn’t hide what we had.
“I really do.”
I grabbed her hand and pulled her down the street. Perhaps a cab would be better, quicker. I glanced around as I continued to stride down the sidewalk. I looked down at Beth who was doing a half run, half walk beside me. “In a hurry?” she asked with a laugh.
“I really am. I’ve waited so long to have you in my arms; I don’t want to waste a second of our time together. Am I walking too fast?”
She grinned and stuck out her hand. “Only for a girl in heels.” A taxi coming toward us pulled up to the curb.
Beth
Dylan hadn’t let go of me for a second since he’d kissed me. And what a kiss. My head was still dizzy from the warmth of his lips. I’d almost let myself forget how he felt against me—so hard and hot and determined. No wonder I’d fallen so fast for him.
We climbed out of the cab precisely four minutes after we got in, and Dylan’s fingers were closed around mine every second.
The cab drove away, and Dylan pulled me against his chest. “It feels so good to have you back.” He grabbed my shoulders and held me away from him as he searched my eyes for something. “I have you back, right?”
I smiled. “Yeah, you have me back. I don’t think you ever lost me really.”
He led me up the stoop to an old oak door. “It didn’t feel that way. I hated being apart from you.”
I squeezed his hand. I’d hated being apart from him, too. I shouldn’t have left it so long. But I couldn’t have regrets. I had to believe that whichever path brought us here was the right one; we were stronger now. The time apart had been a transition from a fragile relationship built on sex to something we knew could weather a storm. That couldn’t be a bad thing.
“Maybe I should have kept the room at the hotel. I could have ordered cake.”
“I don’t need cake.”
“Isn’t that blasphemy for you?”
I laughed. “I think it’s okay as long as I’m giving it up in favor of an orgasm.”
“My sweet, I promise you that.”
We turned left out of the elevator and down a dark hallway. “I think it’s this one.”
“It better be this one. I’m getting impatient.”
He shot me a lascivious look and raised an eyebrow. I tilted my head toward the door as if to say Get on with it, and he dipped his head and ran his tongue across the seam of my lips. It was a prelude to sex in a way our kiss on the street hadn’t been. That had been about a need to be close, reunited. This kiss was all about wanting each other naked.
He smiled and turned his attention back to the lock as I started to undo the buttons on my coat. My skin burned where I needed him to touch me.
He held the door open and I stepped inside, shrugging my coat off as I walked. The hallway was long and dark. The door slammed behind us and the room went black as the corridor light cut off. The atmosphere shifted and I could almost taste the lust flickering between us. I turned and felt the heat rolling off Dylan’s body. I pushed my hands up under his coat and suit jacket, slipping them over his shoulders. He shrugged them off as I trailed my palms back down over the contours of his chest. He hissed as I went lower, finding him hard and wanting.
“I’ve missed this,” I whispered.
He pushed his palms against my breasts. “I’ve missed these.”
I laughed. “I’ve been keeping them safe for you.”
My giggle was curtailed as he pulled open my blouse, scattering buttons across the floor. Pushing my breasts up and together, he bent and took a lace-covered nipple in his mouth, scraping his teeth across the puckered flesh, then sucking and soothing them against his tongue. I moaned. “You feel so good.”
My fingers fumbled over the button at the back of my skirt. I released it and the skirt slid down my legs. Dylan’s hand found my sex instantly, grinding his palm against my clit.
I pulled at his shirt. I needed us naked already. We were a flurry of hands and mouths and fingers and tongues, pulling and grabbing, sucking and biting.
When we were both naked apart from my panties, Dylan reached around my ass and lifted me up, his hard cock rubbing against my clit as I wrapped my legs around him. “Come on. I need to see you to believe you’re real.” He pushed open the door to our right. “Shit. Bathroom.”
I laughed as he tried the next one. “Fuck.” A closet. I circled my hips, desperate to pull him into me. “Where’s the fucking bedroom?”
Inside the next room was what we were looking for. “Thank fuck for that.” He leaned forward, releasing me onto the bed, grabbing my ankles, and pulling me to the edge of the mattress. He pulled at my panties. “I need to be inside you; are you ready? Please be ready.”
I pressed my hand to his, palm against palm, and pulled him over me. “I’m ready. So ready.”
“Fuck, condom,” he spat as he moved away from me but I wouldn’t let go of his hands.
“Do we need one?” I asked. Was he tested regularly? I was on the pill.
His eyes widened, looking right at me. “I was tested a month or so ago. Are you—”
“I want to feel you with nothing between us,” I said. He didn’t need to be convinced.
I moaned as he pushed me up the mattress with his first thrust. I’d forgotten how big he was, and how needy his fucking was, as if he couldn’t get enough. He stilled deep inside me, panting against my neck. “Did I hurt you?”
“I’m so wet for you, I can take it.”
He groaned and dragged himself out of me. I felt the loss of him as he retreated. I clasped his ass, trying to pull him back. I needed him to fill me, wanted him as close as possible. He looked at me and slowly pushed back inside, more controlled this time. The concentration strained across his face. I smoothed his scrunched brows with my fingertips. “You feel so good.”
I squeezed my muscles around him.
“If you do that I’m gonna come in a nanosecond. I want this to be good for you,” he said.
“You’re always good for me,” I whispered.
He closed his eyes sleepily as if I’d just given him the best gift in the world.
I pulled him on top of me, then pushed him to his back while he was still inside me.
I circled my hips and he lay back, his arms reaching for my breasts. He pinched both nipples between his thumb and forefinger and spikes of pleasure ran up my spine. I threw my head back and gasped.
“You are so beautiful.”
“Are you talking to my boobs?” I grinned as I slid my hips up to meet his, resting my hands on his chest.
“Jesus, that’s deep.” His hands slipped to my waist, his thumbs circling my hipbones.
“I feel it, baby.” I rocked back and forward. I loved the way that he didn’t seem to know where to look. His eyes roamed my body as if he were trying to pick his favorite part.
“So fucking beautiful. I don’t ever want to be without you again.”
His words woke my orgasm, fizzing around my edges. “I know. I need more.”
His fingers pressed deeper into my skin, pulling me closer, deeper and faster. My limbs weakened with desire. And of course he knew. He understood my body better than anyone.
He flipped me over onto my back and took over. “Like this, my sweet?” I arched, bringing us closer. The shift in angle made us both gasp.
“Beth, I’m so close.”
I could only look at him in response as my climax pushed through every part of me.
“Oh God,” he called out as he watched me shiver and shake beneath him as he emptied himself into me.
His arms collapsed, and he fell, leaning all his weight on me. I was pinned and loved it. I smoothed my hands over his back and breathed in the musky smell that was unmistakably him.
“I love you,” he mumbled into my neck.
“I know,” I replied, tightening my legs around him.
He shifted to his side, pulling me with him, staying inside me. “I’m never leaving.” He hitched my leg up over his waist and his hips rocked soothingly backward and forward. I reached between us for my still-throbbing clit.
“Hey, I’ve warned you about that.” He batted my hand away and took over, circling a single finger around the nub of nerves. “Such a greedy girl,” he whispered. “But I want to give you everything.”
Within seconds, the urge to climax was on me again. His fingers on my clit were too much, and as he thickened within me, my skin tightened and my breathing hitched. His movements were still small and intense as he watched me, but it was as if every possible feeling was concentrated and more profound.
I trailed my fingers down his chest, enjoying the heat transferring between us. I wanted to share everything I could with him. I squeezed him and he groaned. “You’re so perfect.”
“Dylan.” I wasn’t perfect and I didn’t like that that was how he saw me. I could only let him down. “You know that’s not true.”
He continued to rock in and out of me. “What I know is that you’re perfect for me.”
The beginning of my orgasm rumbled at the base of my spine. I got it now. Perfect for each other didn’t mean getting everything right, it just meant not giving up, trusting each other and being in it forever.
Dylan’s fingers changed direction and I squirmed against his touch, wanting to hold off my orgasm, wanting to stay like this for a while.
“You don’t need to save them,” he said, reading my thoughts. “Our future is just going to get better and better in every way.” He sped up his hip movements and bent toward me, licking a hot, damp line across my collarbone as I threaded my hands through his hair. “I’m going to spend the rest of our lives making you feel like this.”
I believed him. He loved me. I just had to let him, feel worthy and love him right back.
I molded into him and let my climax overtake me, flowing from my skin and across his as he jerked inside me, calling my name over and over.
He felt like mine.
He felt like forever.