Chapter Ten
Brody
“What the hell are you doing here? I thought you were going to talk to Landry, I thought…”
“Don’t.” I tossed my backpack up the stairs, cutting off Dane as I headed to the kitchen. I had to push past a crowd of strangers before I could fish the six-pack I’d hidden out of the back of the fridge. I jostled my way across the deck, and when I finally made it to the shoreline, I breathed in a deep, cleansing breath of salty air. I sat in the powdered sand, opening a bottle and draining it like it was water.
Fuck. Me. Running.
Tonight had been one punch to the gut after another. Landry’s pregnant. It might not be yours. Leave, Brody. Play the odds like they’re not in your favor. I’ll call you in six weeks.
I tossed my empty bottle as hard as I could back toward the house. I felt satisfied for about ten seconds when I heard it shatter. Then I hated myself for littering. Almost as much as I hated myself for walking out like she’d told me to.
I hadn’t wanted to leave, not for a second. I simply had no idea what else to do. I didn’t know what to say, how to answer her questions, how to make everything okay. I felt lost and confused and scared, and sad.
I felt real fucking sad.
“Talk to me, Brody.”
I glanced to my left when Talon sat down in the sand next to me. I shook my head, draining a second beer. I didn’t want to say the words. I didn’t want any of this to be my damn reality. My life was golden, right? So fucking wrong. “The baby might not be mine.”
T was quiet for a few seconds—absorbing, no doubt. “It’s not really cheating if you aren’t really together, yeah?” Talon had a forgiving heart, and he’d always had a bit of a soft spot for Landry no matter how much shit he gave me about her.
“It was a few nights before she met me. Her ex. She hasn’t been with anyone else since that concert.” Talon was right, but either way, she didn’t cheat. She didn’t set out to hurt me, she didn’t mean for any of this to happen. Didn’t make it suck any fucking less though.
“You walked away when she told you? Doesn’t really sound like the Brody I know.” I didn’t say anything to that—just drained another damn bottle. As always, T took my silence as tacit permission to continue talking. “Why are you here when we both know you want to be with Landry?”
Good question. Why was I here? Why hadn’t I demanded to stay? “I told her I wanted to be there. I wanted to help her.” I tried to clear some of the emotion from my voice. “She asked me what I’d do if I found out the baby wasn’t mine, and I froze. I fucking froze, Talon.” I shook my head, tipping the bottle up again. “She told me to leave after that. She doesn’t want me.”
“No. She doesn’t want to be hurt by you. She doesn’t want her or her kid to be let down by you. I can’t say I blame her, man. I’ve read the articles. I know what her childhood was like before she met her dad. She knows what it feels like to be unloved by a parent. But none of that means she doesn’t want you, Brody.” T tossed my second empty back toward the house, making sure it landed gently on the long dune grass. “I know you two said things would be temporary, but come on. The way you talk about her, the fact that you can’t stay away? You two are more than a fling. We all see it.”
“It might not be mine.” That was the only thought that kept repeating in my head. The look on her face when she said it, the sound of the words leaving her lips. The way it felt like my heart shattered in my chest. Somewhere between passing out and grabbing the beer out of her hand, I’d decided I wanted a kid. I wanted my and Landry’s kid. Then I’d gotten sucker punched by the fact that the baby might be her ex’s. “It might not be mine.” Was I having a stroke?
“So what, man? So fucking what?”
“Her ex is a damn heart surgeon. He has money and stability. He saves lives and—”
“And he cheated on her and he treated her like she was beneath him from the way she made it sound. You really want a man like that raising your girl’s baby?” He turned to face me. “The kid might not be yours, but Landry sure as hell is. We all see it, Brody. You worship her.”
“We’re friends.”
We were a fling. We were a good time. We were fun and wild and dirty. Neither one of us went into anything picturing forever, no matter what Talon or the other guys thought.
“Keep telling yourself that, man.” Talon got up and headed back toward the house. I didn’t blame him for leaving my miserable ass down here on the beach to drink until I passed out.
I hated myself.
I hated that I wasn’t with Landry.
***
“Maybe he has a concussion from Brax letting him hit his head?”
“I didn’t let him, asshole. It was an accident.”
“He drank a six-pack and smoked the cheap stuff we had planned to throw out. He’s asleep. That’s all.”
“I think a seagull shit on his chest. See that right there?”
“Will you all please shut the hell up?” I covered my pounding head with both my hands, blocking out my bandmates’ voices as well as the rising sun. How long had I been passed out on the beach? Did a bird really shit on me?
“We brought you The Cure.” Talon was standing directly above my head, talking loudly like I was hard of hearing. He was punishing me, a specialty of his. He didn’t like that I’d walked out of Landry’s last night any more than I did.
“Stop screaming.” I rolled over onto my stomach and got a mouthful of sand.
“Come on, bro. Sit up.” Dane shuffled my body like I was a doll until I was sitting on my heels.
Finally, I peeled my eyes open. Yep. There was bird shit on my chest.
“Open your mouth.” Brax put his hands on either side of my head.
“Dude, it looks like you’re about to make him blow you, let go.” Talon shoved Brax out of the way and then put a large fountain Coca-Cola in my hands. “Take a sip.” I did as I was told, the bubbles instantly burning my raw throat. “Open.” I opened my mouth and then closed it after he shoved half of a greasy cheeseburger in there. I started to chew, fighting the urge to lay back down in the fetal position and let the birds have their way with me.
I deserved to be shit on.
Brax and Dane picked up their boards and headed toward the early morning waves. Dane stopped, calling over his shoulder. “Finish your burger, and then get your ass on your board. Let the ocean help you figure your shit out.” Typical Dane the Soul Surfer remedy. He might not be able to compete anymore, but he was a surfer through and through. We were all slightly worried about what would happen on tour, what he would do when he couldn’t surf every day.
I nodded slowly, taking another sip of Coke. They’d brought my board, my vape pen, Coke and a burger—what we called The Cure. The perfect trifecta to make me feel better. But we all knew it wouldn’t work. Not this time.
I had more than a hangover.
I’d had my heart broken.
T was still standing over me, his arms crossed while he watched our friends paddle out. “You should call her.”
“Give me some fucking time, Talon. In the last ten hours I found out my girl is pregnant and it might not be mine. Can’t I have some time to process? To lose my shit?” We both knew I was lashing out because I felt guilty for not staying last night. It didn’t matter that she told me to leave. She was hurt. She was crying, and I walked away. It was a shit move.
“Sure, bro. Take all the time you need.” He grabbed his board, holding it over his head. “I’m sure Landry’s fine. I’m sure she didn’t cry herself to sleep. I mean, feeling alone while you’re pregnant is probably no big deal, yeah?”
The burger felt like lead in my stomach. Fucking Talon. “I can’t call her until I can answer her question.”
“What question?”
“What would I do if I found out the baby wasn’t mine?” I hung my head, replaying the night before. The look on Landry’s face when I couldn’t answer her. When I stayed silent. It was like she’d lost all hope, instantly, and right in front of me.
“Get up.” Talon’s voice was hard, like he was pissed at me. “Get on your fucking board and go clear your damn head.”
“Why the hell are you acting like you’re pissed at me? I didn’t do anything wrong. I’m trying to do right by her and the baby. I don’t want to lie to them. I don’t want to say I’ll be there if I won’t. You said it yourself, that’s what she’s afraid of.” Landry had told me about her childhood, and about the neglect she suffered living with her mother. The terrible things Landry witnessed. I didn’t like that my girl had lied to me, that she was still lying to Travis. But I understood her hesitation, her fear. It all came from a real place.
“You have been head over heels for Landry since the fucking day you met her. We all saw it. Why do you think we give you such a hard time about her?” T shook his head, a bewildered look on his face. “And then the second she needs you to be there for her, like real life be there, you fucking bail? That’s not who you are.”
“How am I supposed to know who I am in this situation? I’ve never been here before.” I was screaming, and I didn’t fucking care. My world had been turned upside down, twice in the same damn day. I needed a fucking minute to wrap my head around everything. “What do you want from me, man? You want to hear that I want that baby? Because I do. I want our baby. Mine and Landry’s. If it’s mine, I’ll do right by both of them. I would make sure they were so loved, so taken care of. Anything and everything they needed, they’d have it. I’d be the best dad I could be. The fucking best.”
“And if the baby is not yours? What then? You walk away and pretend you never wanted them both in the first place?”
“I walk away and give Travis a chance to know his kid, to step up.” That was the right thing to do, wasn’t it? I’d want someone to do that for me. “If the situation was reversed, I wouldn’t want some other dude moving in on my kid.” That wasn’t cool.
“That’s ridiculous. You sticking by Landry does not equate to you stealing another man’s child. Come on, dude. Does Travis even want kids?”
I shrugged. “Gee, I don’t know. And you know what? Neither does he, because Landry hasn’t fucking told him yet.” I headed toward the water. I was done with the whole damn argument. Talon had no right to act as if he knew the answers. I wonder what he would do if the shoe was on the other foot.
“Blood doesn’t make you family.”
I stopped, letting out an annoyed sigh. “Yeah. And?”
“Landry was neglected and abused by her biological mother, then nurtured and loved by her adopted one. Landry may seem like she has her shit together, but think about the things this pregnancy is making her feel. The things it’s making her think about.” Talon picked his board back up, walking a few feet to join me. “Her ex hurt her, he belittled her, and he cheated on her. He made her feel like she wasn’t enough. Are you telling me you want him to be able to come in and stake claim? Are you telling me you want her to have to fight him alone?” He shook his head. “Nah. Doesn’t sound like the Brody I know.” T walked out into the water, put his board down and paddled out.
It didn’t matter that the baby might not have my blood, it honestly didn’t. What made me hesitate last night was the fact that Travis was still here. He and Landry worked together. They’d broken up a month ago. He could be here for my girl when I couldn’t. He could be present every day for them and I’d be spending the next year of my life on the road.
Shit. What would I do if the baby wasn’t mine? There were so many variables, and I tried to see things from all sides. If Travis didn’t want the baby, why wouldn’t I step up? If Travis did want the baby, would he want me in its life? Would that matter? If Travis wanted to be a better man, if he wanted Landry back, would I let her go?
Life wasn’t as simple as Talon made it sound.
I wish it was.