CHAPTER THREE
GOODBYE
‘You know, when I was going through your closet this morning, I had this horrifying realization that four pairs of sweatpants are more than enough for any one person in their entire lifetime.’
‘Well,’ I said, taking the sweatpants from Millie and balancing on her arm as I hiked said pants up under my hospital gown, ‘those are obviously the words of someone who’s never eaten an entire pizza and had their jeans betray them. You can never have enough sweatpants.’
‘Sweatpants are basically just pyjamas.’
I wagged my finger at her. ‘Socially acceptable pyjamas. Socially acceptable.’
She crinkled her nose in disgust, and I had to stifle the sudden urge to hug her. I was getting that a lot lately – this crazy appreciation for my best friend, who had been there for me more than ever since the warehouse. Plus, I was in a marginally good mood (all things considered) because I had just been discharged, my mother was waiting in the parking lot, Millie was helping me get dressed, and I was finally going home. Even if my life would never be the same again, at least I would be far away from IV drips and lurking Falcones. Especially the female variety.
I slipped out of my hospital gown and shimmied into a tank top and flip-flops. My hair was greasy so I wound it into a high ponytail, scraping the stray strands away from my face. I chose to minimize my general sense of bleakness by not looking in the mirror.
‘Here,’ said Millie, passing me a tub of strawberry Vaseline. ‘This might help.’
‘Thanks.’ It was like trying to fix a bullet wound with a Dora the Explorer bandage, but I smeared some on my lips anyway.
Millie grabbed my overnight bag from the bedside locker and smoothed the sheets one last time to make sure I hadn’t left anything behind. ‘You ready to go?’
I did a cursory once-over of my hospital room. Ah, the times we shared. ‘I am so ready.’
‘Soph?’ My name coincided with a knock, and my heart rate doubled as Nic came into the room.
‘Oh,’ said Nic, taking in Millie and me at once. He raked his hand through his hair, ruffling what was already ruffled. ‘Hi, Millie. I didn’t know you’d be here so early.’
‘Nic,’ she said, faux-smiling so I could see every transparent link of her braces. ‘What a displeasure.’
Up until then, I had somehow, miraculously, kept them apart since the warehouse. My feelings for Nic might have been a complete mess, but Millie’s attitude to him and the rest of his family was pretty clear-cut.
‘Right,’ he said, no longer sure of where to put himself. ‘It’s good of you to help Sophie like this.’
Millie’s laugh was cold. ‘Thanks for the positive reinforcement, Nic. I’m surprised you even recognize the act of helping others.’
Nic shoved his hands in his pockets and relaxed his shoulders with a sigh. He looked at me. ‘I just came to say goodbye.’
‘So, is your stupid, pathetic, arrogant brother here somewhere?’ Millie interjected. If her anger at Nic was a storm, then her attitude to Dom was a hurricane.
‘Which one?’ asked Nic.
Millie snorted. ‘I guess there is quite a list. I’m talking about Dom, King of the Assholes and Overlord of the Douchebags.’
‘Oh—’
‘General of the Jackass Army,’ Millie cut in.
‘He’s—’
‘Admiral of the Idiot Navy. Captain of—’
‘I get it,’ said Nic, a hint of exasperation creeping into his voice.
‘Just making sure,’ said Millie. ‘I know you and I live on completely different planets, with different rules about who gets to randomly kill and endanger people, so I figured I’d spell it out for you.’
Nic didn’t take the bait. ‘Dom’s down the hall in Luca’s room.’
‘Well, tell him not to come near us. I would hate to risk drowning in his surplus hair gel.’
‘OK.’
‘Also, tell him he’s an asshole for using me to spy on my best friend’s family.’
‘I’ll pass on the message.’
‘Mil,’ I interjected, ‘can I please have a second with Nic before we go?’ The last second we’d probably ever have.
‘Fine. But first, can I ask one last question?’
Nic splayed his hands in surrender. ‘Go ahead.’
‘If I offered you a candy bar would you punch me in the face in gratitude?’
‘What?’
Millie feigned contemplation. ‘I’m just wondering how you usually return a favour. You know, the way Sophie saved your brother’s life and then you went ahead and shot her uncle.’
Oh, what’s that? Why, it’s the elephant in the room.
Nic’s gaze flicked to mine once more. It seemed to say, Please put me out of my misery. ‘I’m trying to make it right,’ he said quietly.
‘Can you unshoot someone?’ asked Millie. ‘I hadn’t heard of that.’
‘Oookay,’ I said, shooing Millie towards the door. ‘Just one minute, Millie. Please.’
‘Sorry, but that felt good,’ she sighed. ‘I had to do it.’
‘I know,’ I said. She disappeared into the hallway and I shut the door after her.
The room felt so much smaller now that it was just Nic and me. I had to sit on the bed to catch my breath. That’s the trouble with broken ribs; even standing becomes problematic after a while.
‘So … that was awkward,’ he offered, coming to stand in front of me, his knees almost touching mine. The strain of the encounter was indented above his eyebrows. ‘I guess she hates me.’
‘She’s just protective,’ I offered, not quite meeting his eyes, or he’d see what I really meant: Oh man, she hates you with the fire of a thousand suns.
‘That’s the funny thing,’ he said, without smiling. ‘So am I.’
‘I know.’ I echoed the sadness in his voice. ‘I know you are.’
The silence stretched out, the heat between us keeping us there, like two magnets just shy of touching.
‘So,’ he said, his voice quiet, ‘I should probably leave you alone now.’
I prickled under the heat in his gaze. It was strange how, even now, after everything, he could make me feel so laden with emotion. I wasn’t sure if I liked or hated how on edge he made me. ‘Yeah,’ I said, getting to my feet and heaving through the surprising effort it took. He stepped back to give me room, his hands outstretched to steady me if I needed them. ‘You should probably get lost. I would like to survive until my prom at the very least.’
He didn’t smile. I wasn’t smiling either. I was still partially hunched over, the lingering discomfort in my ribs making it hard to stand up straight. My face was a collection of pooling bruises – fluorescent yellow bleeding into faded purple that formed blotches underneath my eyes and along my jaw. I couldn’t speak more than a few sentences at a time. This was how he’d remember me.
We lingered halfway between the door and the bed. This was the moment we had been speeding towards since the day I found out who he was – this was the moment we said goodbye. And now it was here, I just wanted it to be over.
‘So,’ I said, turning from him. ‘I’m going to take off …’
‘Soph.’ Nic tugged at my arm, pulling me around to face him.
‘Don’t,’ I said, suddenly afraid of our proximity and how it shot through my emotions like an arrow. ‘I have to go.’
His fingers brushed my chin. ‘Look at me.’
I looked at him, past the dark eyes, the olive skin and the careful swoop of his hair. I made myself look at him, I made myself see him. There was blood on his hands. The fog was clearing, and I couldn’t ignore it.
My phone buzzed in my pocket. Millie and my mother were waiting for me. I placed my hands on Nic’s chest, feeling the hurried thump of his heartbeat as I pushed him away. ‘Look, Nic, what you did in the warehouse …’
‘I know,’ he said, his eyes closing. ‘You’ll never forgive me.’
‘You’d be a fool to ask for my forgiveness, knowing that you’re still going to go after him.’
He didn’t deny it. He didn’t say anything at all. He wasn’t finished with Jack, and his feelings for me weren’t going to change that. He would never choose me over his family.
‘Goodbye, then,’ I said.
‘Goodbye, Sophie,’ he whispered unsteadily. ‘Bella mia.’
He pulled away from me, out the door, and by the time I made it into the hallway he was already disappearing into Luca’s room, back to his brothers, back to their world.