Baa baa black sheep. As I watched the members of my family mingle and make last-minute food preparations, I quite literally heard that stupid sheep bleating in my ears. I gave my head a sharp shake and adjusted the moniker, a nineteen-year-old memory replaying as clear as if it had happened yesterday.

A few weeks after I’d moved in with the Bryants, I’d referred to myself as the black sheep. Patrick Bryant had scolded me, saying that such a phrase might be offensive. He suggested I call myself the goat or the stallion of the family if I insisted on feeling different. Of course, Regina had rolled her eyes at her husband’s California sensibilities, and with her Texas twang she labeled me the pygmy goat of the family, since they were cuter. Never mind that at thirteen I was already taller than all the adults in the family.

So, baa baa pygmy goat it was. Nevertheless, the bleating was the same.

After nearly twenty years, I suppose not only should pygmy goat come to my mind quicker than a black sheep, but the issue itself should have been vanquished. I’d belonged to the Bryant family much longer than I had to those who gave me life. The Bryants and the Kellys, for that matter. Just two big loving families rolled into one. And yet, there I stood, leaning against the kitchen counter, watching all their lovely faces, listening to their heartfelt laughter and chatter, and I couldn’t help but feel… other.

A shoulder bashed into my bicep, and I glanced down. Although my older brother was nearly six foot tall, I still loved to give him shit. “Careful, Gilbert, haven’t you learned to pick on someone your own size?”

He glowered playfully up at me. “We both know even though you’re freakishly huge, you’re about as vicious as a newborn lamb.”

Interesting word choice. I nudged him back, hard enough to make him adjust his footing. “Oh, I don’t know, after watching all the fights you got into during high school, I picked up a thing or two. I know exactly what to use against you.”

Gilbert chuckled and rolled his eyes, then called out to our oldest sister. “Hey, Hayley, you wanna come talk to Connor? Think you might need to lay down the law. He’s wanting to start a rumble at your baby shower.”

Hayley was talking to Gilbert’s twin, Lacy, and they both turned to look at us, one of Hayley’s hands resting on her distended belly. “Could be interesting. All three of my other baby showers were fairly tame.”

Lacy winked. “If you decide to really go for Gilbert, please let me know. I’ve not been able to get a good punch in since we were in middle school. I’d appreciate it if you hold him down for me.”

With that, Gilbert lunged after his twin. She let out a yelp and tore off toward the kitchen, Gilbert close on her heels, as if they were kids again instead of in their midthirties.

“Good God, you two, stop horse playing in the house.” Our father’s reprimanding voice filtered into the kitchen, proving we all truly were still only children to our parents. Hayley chuckled, grinned at me, and then was swept up into a conversation with Andrew and Joel, which was appropriate, since she was the surrogate for their baby.

At the same moment a new voice caused me to freeze. “I leave town for two weeks and the entire family falls apart.”

I looked over, and even though he was the baby of the family, Micah was the closest to my height—only three inches less than my six foot six—so I was nearly able to directly meet his cornflower-blue eyes. “You made it back. I wondered if you were going to be late and miss it.” He’d shaved. The last time I saw him, he’d been almost scruffy. I made no comment on that.

“Yep, just drove into town. My flight was delayed, but not too badly. Which is good. I don’t know who would kill me quickest if I missed this particular baby shower. Not that it would be okay to miss any baby shower, I suppose.” His eyes narrowed, always seeing more than I wanted him to. “You okay?”

I bypassed the question. “How was New York? Were you able to wrap up the recording?”

Micah didn’t press the issue, which I appreciated. “Sure did. Early, actually. I spent the last couple of days being a tourist. It’s been long enough since I lived in the city that it was fun again. Saw a show on Broadway, went out to the bars. San Francisco might be gay central, but the New York clubs are so much better.”

Though Micah’s tone was benign, I knew what he was doing. I had no doubt what kind of clubs he went to. And good for him.

Really. Good for him.

His moment of hesitation would’ve been unnoticeable to anyone else, and when he didn’t get a response, he changed topics. “So I hear Lamont is bringing a guy tonight.”

I wasn’t sure if I was relieved by the topic change or not. “Yep, that’s the rumor.”

Micah nodded and smiled genuinely. “Good. It’s about time. I hope he’s happy. He deserves to be loved probably more than anyone I’ve ever met.” Again, he looked at me knowingly. I didn’t have to wonder about his meaning.

Two could play that game. “Did they talk you into moving back? Offer you a high-rise corner apartment looking over Central Park or something?”

“Offered me one in Chelsea.” He shrugged. “You’d think they’d know me better. If they wanted to make it enticing, they should’ve found something on Broadway, preferably less than a hundred yards from the TKTS booth.”

“Give me your agent’s number. I’ll whisper in his ear.”

Micah scowled but looked uncertain about whether I was teasing or being mean.

I honestly wasn’t sure how I’d intended it. Either way, I wished they’d make him an offer he couldn’t refuse. At least part of me did.

He started to say something, but Robert Kelly’s voice cut in from the other room. “Everyone, come out to the living room! Come meet the newest member of the family!”

Robert had a way of breaking the tension in any situation, and this time was no different. Micah laughed and shook his head. “Whoever Lamont brought home with him, hopefully they have balls of steel. Only Robert would introduce his son’s new boyfriend as the newest member of the family.”

I bugged my eyes out at him. “Really? Have you not met our mother?”

“Good point.” He snorted out another laugh. “Actually, I’m pretty sure that’s how she introduced Walden the first time Gilbert brought him home.”

“Yeah, and then promptly displayed Gilbert’s and Lacy’s naked baby pictures.”

Another laugh. “Oh God! That would be the best kind of Christmas present if Robert brings down all of Lamont’s naked pictures. You know it’s got to happen.”

“For Lamont's sake, let’s hope not. He’s not as unflappable as Gilbert.”

We followed the rest of the family into the living room, and watched as Lamont introduced his new boyfriend, Tyler, to everyone. I was impressed and glad for Lamont. Tyler was movie-star good-looking, although, he seemed somewhat familiar, for some reason. Within a few minutes, we made our way up to the new couple. I couldn’t imagine how Tyler was feeling, meeting the entire family in one fell swoop. At least when I entered the family, I’d already known everyone.

Lamont smiled at us, looking more nervous than happy. “Hey, guys, good to see you.” He gave us both hugs and then gestured toward each of us. “These are two more of the Bryant brothers. Connor and Micah. Guys, this is Tyler Dixon.”

For the next half hour, things returned to normal, everyone caught up in chatting excitedly about Lamont’s surprise relationship, about finding out the sex of the baby later on, about Christmas in a few days, and then we were eating. We walked past massive amounts of food set up buffet style. With so many of us, there was no attempt to eat at the table, and everyone just spread out around the house in various clusters.

These events were common enough; our families always found one reason or another to get together and celebrate. I loved them. Both the people and the events. They were my family, in many ways my salvation. And though I knew Gilbert often felt like he’d struggled to fit in due to his demons, he was wrong. Just watching him and his husband talking to Micah was all the proof in the world. All of them were light and happy and beautiful. There I was, a giant among them, brooding, tattooed, and looking more like a thug than a true member of one of the fancy founding families of Lavender Shores. When Gilbert’s playful tone turned to a heated teasing of Micah’s sexual escapades during his time in New York, I’d had my fill.

If it hadn’t been a baby shower, I would’ve headed out. Given some excuse and gone home to my small apartment above the tattoo parlor. But I couldn’t do that, not to Hayley. Not to Andrew and Joel either. At least not before they announced whether we were going to have a boy or a girl added to our families. I started to step outside to light up, but the chill December night seemed lonely. And I knew Mom hated seeing me smoke. Instead I wandered to the bathroom upstairs of the Kelly mansion. Less chance of being interrupted. I just needed five minutes alone. Maybe ten.

I shut the door behind me, turned the lock, and flicked on the light. It was too bright, but even the bathroom lights had dimmer switches. Of course they did. The same was true in my parents’ house as well. Even though it was one more reminder of how I was the black sheep—the pygmy goat—I adjusted the setting, grateful for the luxury, the soft light soothing and fitting my mood. I didn’t bother to use the restroom, but walked over to the window and pulled aside the sheer drapes to look out over the town. Each house was outlined in Christmas lights, the streetlamps wrapped in twinkling red and green. With Christmas music wafting up from downstairs, I could almost believe I’d stumbled into some Hallmark holiday special. I suppose I had. A long, long time ago. What was Lavender Shores if not some version of a Hallmark movie? That wasn’t me, never had been. I was more a late-night drama, one with TV ratings, warning of language, violence, and adult situations. I was a person from the real world who had fallen into the rabbit hole and landed in a fantasy cartoon.

For fuck’s sake. Could I be more morose? And really, the evening was about happiness, about a new baby coming into our family. And here I was feeling sorry for myself when I had absolutely nothing to feel sorry for. Hadn’t I been given the world? I needed to act like it. To be grateful.

A soft click behind me made me turn around.

After shutting the door, Micah twisted the lock and grinned at me.

My pulse increased. I needed to move—cross the room, throw open the door, and get my ass downstairs. “I thought I locked the door.”

Micah held up a coin. “One little twist. These bathroom locks are nothing more than show.” He walked toward me.

Still, I couldn’t move. “What if I’d been using the restroom? You should’ve knocked.”

He rolled his eyes. “I grew up with you and Gilbert making every kind of noise from the bathroom. Pretty sure I can handle anything you’re doing in here at this point.”

Despite my nerves and the tingle of… fear… I couldn’t help but laugh. “You’re disgusting.”

“Nope.” He shook his head, his smile teasing, though there was heat in his eyes. “Disgusting was sharing the bathroom with me when I was ten. At least I was well prepared for what puberty was going to sound like.”

He was less than a yard away when my feet finally listened to my brain’s directives. I started to move around him. “I should get back downstairs. I’m sure they’re close to announcing if we’re going to be uncles or aunts.”

Micah sidestepped, blocking my path. Though he chuckled, he slipped his hand into the waistband of my jeans. “Pretty sure we’re going to be uncles no matter if it’s a boy or a girl.”

“Right. Of course. I was just….” Unable to think, and once again unable to move. After a couple of seconds, I realized the heavy breathing in my ears was coming from me. I glanced down at Micah’s firm grip on my pants and then met his gaze. “Don’t. Please.”

Micah stepped closer, and I moved backward until my back bumped against the windowsill. He didn’t release his hold and used my error to come nearer. Close enough that his body pressed lightly against mine, enough that I could feel the hardness of him against my thigh, and certainly close enough that he could feel my body’s response to him. “Come on, Connor. Quit pretending.”

I shook my head, told myself to step away, but again, my body wasn’t listening. “Not here, Micah. For fuck sake, not here. We’re in the Kelly house. Our sister is about to announce whether she’s carrying a boy or a girl. Not. Here.”

He hesitated but didn’t look away, didn’t give up even a centimeter of his advantage. “Not here?” Still keeping a tight hold on my jeans, he ran his other hand over my thigh, pausing as he came to my full-blown erection, then traveled up my stomach and over my chest. “Where then? You haven’t been willing to meet me anywhere in over a year. So, if not here, where?”

And goddammit if I didn’t let him get to me. “Like it matters. What about all the men in New York? How many were there over the past two weeks?”

Another shrug. “How many were there for you?”

I couldn’t even pretend to find words. And I hated that he knew me so well. Just knowing what he was up to in New York had made me prowl Lavender Shores at night like I was a fucking vampire searching for blood.

He brought his face to mine, rising slightly on his toes so we were truly even, the soft light from the window illuminating his stunning features. “There will only be you when you say the word.” Micah’s breath was warm against my skin and smelled of cinnamon and brown sugar, probably from the candied yams our mother was famous for.

Swallowing, I tightened my hands into trembling fists, demanding they not reach out, they not touch him. It was all the effort I could summon. Still, I couldn’t move, couldn’t speak.

Micah’s hand came to rest on the side of my face, his thumb by my ear, his fingers curling at my nape, and he kissed me.

My willpower shattered. All the effort I’d put during the last year or so into avoiding moments like these wafted away into nothingness. My fists unfolded and one hand gripped the back of his neck hard enough to bruise while the other clenched the back of his jeans and pulled him against me. His mouth opened and my tongue accepted the invitation, slipping in to get lost in the familiar taste of Micah, the flavor beneath the cinnamon and sugar, the flavor I’d sought in so many other men but could never find. I let out a groan. One of guilt and surrender. A groan sounding like a man in the desert finally discovering water.

As he kissed me, Micah’s body rocked against mine, building a rhythm that was as familiar as his kiss. The fingers that had been holding my jeans so tightly loosened their grip and slipped inside, found my hardness, and wrapped around with a slow stroke.

I shuddered, sucked in a breath, and broke the kiss. “Fuck, yes.” I thrust against him, loving the feel of his skin on mine, of his firm grasp, knowing as good as his fingers felt, it was nothing compared to the sensation of being buried deep inside him. “Fuck, yes, Micah. Give me your ass.”

This time his chuckle was all heat and victory. Micah pulled his hand out of my jeans and began to unfasten my belt. “It’s yours. You know that.” He kissed me again, but quickly. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Even with the lust coursing through my blood, those words brought relief. Truth always did. Like every time I’d spoken them to him before.

“I know you do.” His grin grew devilish. “Now fuck me to prove it.”

I let go of his body and began to tear at Micah’s belt, our hands and arms tangling in our efforts to undress the other.

The distraction was enough, just enough… barely enough. At that moment of struggle, the world came back to me. The Kelly bathroom. The music of Christmas carols, the smells of the feast, the laughter and muffled voices of our family downstairs.

I pushed him away.

Caught off guard, Micah stumbled, but managed to steady himself on the wall before falling. He looked at me in shock and hurt.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to push so hard.” I started to go to him, to soothe away what I had done, but I stopped myself. “We can’t do this. Not here.”

Micah looked around as if remembering where we were as well. He let out a shaky breath and nodded. “You’re right. Sorry.”

We stared at each other, both panting, both on the verge of crashing back into each another.

Micah provided the out. “Meet me later? At our place.”

“Are you kidding? It’ll be freezing.”

He smiled again, and I realized I hadn’t even tried to put up any other resistance. “I don’t think staying warm will be a problem, do you?”

Fuck.

Goddammit.

And fuck.

I refastened my belt, then realized that wouldn’t cover my body’s reaction. I untucked my shirt—there were some advantages to being the pygmy goat. I’d never demonstrated the fashion sense everyone else seemed to innately possess. I walked past Micah and unlocked the bathroom door. “Stay in here long enough so it doesn’t look suspicious.”

“I’m not new to this, you know.”

I started to pull the door shut behind me, but Micah spoke again.

“Connor….”

With a sigh I looked back at him. “I’ll meet you there after this is over.”

He didn’t ask for a promise; he didn’t need one. He just smiled and nodded.

I closed the door and stood there long enough to catch my breath, giving my body a chance to get a hold of itself, then headed downstairs.

As I turned the corner in the winding staircase, I saw Lamont and his boyfriend sitting near the base of the steps eating their dinners. I took a heartbeat to recall names. Tyler. The boyfriend’s name was Tyler something.

Good enough.

Tyler was leaning into Lamont. “I don’t remember you mentioning founding families. What does it mean?”

“Long story, actually, and not really all that important.” Lamont’s reply gave me the distraction I needed.

“Not important!” I forced playful teasing into my tone as I continued down the stairs toward them. “You’d better not let your mom or my dad hear you say that.” I waggled my eyebrows. “They might just keep Tyler here and kick you out.”

If only Micah would stay upstairs long enough so they wouldn’t notice we’d been up there together.

Although, maybe it didn’t matter. People weren’t going to see brothers coming down from the second floor and assume they’d just made a date to fuck after the baby shower was over.