Chapter 2

 

Lizzie

 

When I get out of my car and walk into work, I notice that everybody is smiling at me. It’s not until I get in the elevator that I realize why – I’m smiling so hard myself that it’s like somebody painted it on me. In fact, I’ve been smiling since this morning, when I got up early. All that money spent on replacing broken alarm clocks with even louder, more annoying ones and it turns out that all I needed to wake up without feeling like an exhumed corpse was to have a good enough reason.

I definitely have a reason now - his name is James, and since I met him yesterday I’ve been walking on air.

Waking up early is pretty awesome, too. It means I can avoid the lines at Starbucks, take some time in choosing my outfit, (instead of relying on my usual method of wearing the last thing I tried on before I really have to get going), and most of all, avoid bumping into my ex-boyfriend Brody in the elevator.

The only person in the elevator this morning is Linda, my colleague at the PR firm I work at. She’s a thin woman in her forties. Though she looks good for her age, she’s got the kind of cynical face that makes me think she’s a few cosmopolitans away from telling me a tragic story about how she nearly made it in Hollywood.

“Morning, Linda,” I beam, trying not to sound annoyingly chirpy and failing totally.

“Why are you smiling so much?” she asks, like somebody might arrest me for it. “A smile like that can mean only two things. Either you met a cute guy, or you found God. And I don’t see you wearing a crucifix.”

I laugh a little. “I’ll tell you about it at lunch.”

“You don’t have to, that look in your face says everything I need to know.”

The elevator doors open and we step into the office.

“Anyway, you’re not having lunch today,” she says as she sets off for the other side of the office. “The boss has got something planned for you.”

I frown with confusion for just a second, before making my way to my own desk. Then the smile’s back, as much as I try to hide it – I’m gonna get hired for a toothpaste commercial if I keep this up.

Is this what life is like for normal people? Not having to deal with oppressive boyfriends who treat you like a footnote in their lives? Just rolling with the opportunities that life throws your way? Going to work, dating a nice guy, having people smile back, and having a great time doing it? If it is, then the only regret I have is that it took me this long to find out.

The phone rings, and when I see that it’s James my smile reaches full capacity. There aren’t many guys who would call so soon after a date – and James and I had drinks just last night. I don’t know why – maybe most girls think it’s clingy, overbearing. Personally I like it – I’ve had enough games and pretenses to last me a lifetime, so having the honesty and the balls to call the day after a date is just what I need right now.

“Hey little leaguer,” I say.

“Hey slam dunk,” James replies.

James coaches a little league team in his spare time; I like to watch basketball games whenever I eat ice cream… You had to be there.

“I had an awesome time last night,” he says, and I let myself blush a little. “I learned so much about the intricacies of highlighter colors.”

I have a thing about highlighters. Again, you had to be there.

“Well we only just touched the surface, you know,” I giggle.

“Oh, sure,” he laughs back. “I was actually thinking that you could continue the lecture tonight, at dinner perhaps?”

Right about now, I know I should say no. I don’t know why, but every girlfriend I ever had, and every dating book I lazily flipped through in a bookstore tells you to ‘keep them keen, play it mean.’ You know what though? Screw that. Like I said, no more games, no more pretenses.

“Sounds great. Pick me up around seven?” I say, glowing.

“Seven, then. Do you know what you want yet? Or do you need time to think it over?”

My face drops for a split-second. I mean, I know James is the settling type, but I was not expecting this conversation to happen so—

“I mean, for dinner,” James continues.

“Oh!” I say, with a little too much relief. “Anything is good. Surprise me.”

“See you then, McFly.”

“Bye, Arnie.”

I told James that Back to the Future was the first movie that I ever…you know what? Forget it.

I spend the next twenty minutes reliving the sparky conversation we had last night while pretending to do work. I laugh again at James’ jokes, and feel pleased with the easy-going and happy side of me that seems to come out when I’m around him.

I could easily have done that for the entire work day, but then I get a text message.

It’s Jax.

If you ever need to be fucked onto a whole new level, I can still scratch that itch.

My blushing cheeks turn from rosy pink into a flustered red. If thinking about James makes my heart warm, thinking about Jax makes me warm in a place that’s a little lower. Just seeing his name come up on my phone makes me breathe a little shorter, and brings a tingling sensation up my thighs.

For the past week, Jax has been making me feel more like a woman than I’ve ever felt in my life. He’s fucked me more ways than I even knew existed, and given me highs that felt so good I didn’t think I’d ever come down.

It wasn’t just the sex – though the sex alone would have been a life-changing experience – it was him. Feeling desired, being appreciated, and making me understand what I really am – a sexy, confident woman who can call the shots and doesn’t need to take any shit.

The fast car, amazing house, and expensive lingerie also helped – I won’t lie.

If anything, Jax was too good. I started seeing him as someone dependable, someone loyal. Someone who I could date.

Jax is most definitely not the guy you want to date.

He’s a player. The kind of guy who barely finishes having sex with one girl before he’s planning his moves on the next. He can’t walk down a busy street without bumping into at least a few of his previous ‘conquests.’ Everything about him screams ‘best ride of your life,’ and like most dangerous rides, you get hurt if you go on them too often.

I’m lucky I realized it when I did. I was about two more fuck sessions and one more bar conversation away from feeling something deep for him. Scratch that, I already kind of feel something for him. I just need to make sure that it’s friendly, rather than romantic.

Meeting James has made that easier. He couldn’t have come along at a better time. He’s sweet, funny, kind. He’s not too confident that he doesn’t like me, but he’s confident enough that I can feel good around him. He ticks all the ‘good boyfriend’ boxes, and unless he turns out to be a serial killer, I think he just might be the right guy. The one who I could have a real relationship with.

Basically, he’s the kind of guy I could introduce to my mom. Jax, on the other hand, is so one-track minded I would be afraid to introduce him to any female in the vicinity.

No. James is my best chance for something good, stable, and loving in my life. As much as I need to squeeze my thighs together when I think about what Jax can offer me, I’m looking for the real deal – not something that’ll be over as soon as our clothes are back on again.

“Elizabeth?”

I look up at the sound of my name. It’s Linda.

“That meeting with the boss I mentioned?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s happening now. He wants to see you.”

I stand up.

“What’s it about?”

“I think he’s going to tell you to stop smiling because it’s ruining morale.”

I laugh and make my way over to the large corner office.

Wesley Warner is called a lot of things by a lot of people. Number one on that list is Jekyll and Hyde. He’s one of those huge guys with such a laid-back air about him, and such a warm and frequent habit of laughing, that he just feels good to be around. Get on his bad side, however, and it’s like he gets even bigger. He can make his voice feel like a weapon. So loud that people on other floors get the earthquake supplies out.

It doesn’t happen often – the last time he got pissed at someone was a year ago – but it was legendary enough to make everybody still tiptoe around him a little. Put it this way, nobody forgets his birthday. Not even the cleaning ladies.

“Lizzie!” he says warmly as I enter. Opening arms so long it’s like looking at the wingspan of an airplane. “Take a seat.”

“Hi, Mr. Warner.”

Warner stands up as I sit down, and he walks over to the large window. He gazes a little down at the street below before he starts talking.

“You’re an interesting worker, Lizzie.”

Interesting? This is not what I was expecting. “Am I?”

Warner nods, sees my confused expression, then laughs. I have to admit, it is a nice laugh. I chuckle back.

“Oh, don’t be so nervous! I know your type. You don’t see the point in the usual round of emails and documents and all that junk. You get bored easily. You struggle to find meaning in your routine.”

Oh God, had he noticed my sexting with Jax? Or my cutesy phone calls with James? Or the way my eyes tend to glaze over after 3 PM? “That’s really not—”

Warner hushes me by raising a palm you could play tennis with.

“You’re a creative type,” he says, pointing at me. “You need a little freedom to flourish. You need a project of your own to really show what you can do. Isn’t that right?”

I nod slightly. “Actually…yeah, I suppose.”

“Well,” he says, taking his seat again, “I’ve got just the thing. It’s pretty important, but it’s also quite simple. Are you interested?”

“Of course!”

“Good!” he says, smiling proudly, like I’m a daughter who just told him I love fishing. “We’re organizing a big charity event – an extremely worthy cause, and I’ll forward the details to you. The thing we’re missing, however, is the venue. Now we need something out of this world. Something utterly amazing. People are bored of going to the same venues for these events – it makes the whole thing a little… predictable. I want something fresh, something new. A place that will really get this party going!”

I’ve been nodding throughout Warner’s speech.

“I know exactly what to do, Mr. Warner.”

He raises an eyebrow.

“Leave it to me, and I’ll have something for you by tomorrow.”

“Excellent!” Warner says, laughing a little for emphasis. “I knew you were the right person for this gig. I look forward to it!”

When I get back to my desk, I check that nobody is looking, point at the sky, and mouth ‘thank you.’ The universe is lining things up for me like a bad pitcher.

Seconds later, I’m waiting for Jax to pick up his phone.

“Hey you,” he says, sounding a little throaty.

“Hey, Jax! Are you free now? I’d like to talk to you.”

There’s a second’s pause. “How soon can you get here?”

“Twenty minutes,” I say enthusiastically. Wow, that was easier than I thought.

“See you then.”

 

When I get to Jax’s place I almost run from my car to his front door. I’m clutching papers I quickly printed of the charity event’s details, and halfway up his steps I drop them.

“Shit!”

“Here, let me help you,” Jax says, appearing out of nowhere.

Once the papers are collected Jax smirks at me with that smile of his – the one that makes you think he knows something you don’t – usually that he’s going to fuck you.

“Nice to see you,” he says, and we kiss each other on the cheek.

Jax holds me though, and instead of pulling away, I feel his sweet breath run down the nape of my neck. I push him away softly, even though there are parts of my body coming to life and urging for more.

“Actually, I’m not here for that,” I say, as he looks at me confused – a look that Jax rarely wears. “I’m here for business.”

Jax slowly smirks again. “I always mix business with pleasure.”

“What’s that on your head?” I say, noticing the weird reddish texture on his forehead.

Jax looks somewhat embarrassed – another look that doesn’t really suit him. “Uh… Nothing. I had a little accident. Shall we go inside?”

I follow Jax into his house, and as I’m struck once again by how beautiful it is, I’m feeling good about my decision to approach him. It almost stops me from remembering all the sex we’ve had here – almost.

“Something to drink?” Jax says.

“No, I’m fine, thanks. I just came by to ask for your help with something.”

“What’s up?”

I place the papers on his coffee table and we sit down. A few nights ago, Jax watched me masturbate on this couch with a vibrator he’d put in my hands. Though it looks really different in the daytime, it takes all of my focus to not think about how hard I came, and the way he knelt between my legs and...

“So we’re organizing this charity event,” I begin, after clearing my throat. “It’ll be around three to five hundred people – fancy people. The type of person who’s bored of the usual charity event and will only really come out for something special. That’s where you come in.”

Jax nods, but I can tell he’s looking me up and down, twisting my body into the positions he likes in his mind. I wish I could be offended. I wish it made me self-conscious. I wish it didn’t turn me on…

“Are you sure you’re ok?” I say, nodding towards the red mark on his head in the hope it’ll calm both of us down. The fact that Jax still looks hot as fuck with that weird injury across his forehead may be one of the greatest testaments to this man’s beauty.

Jax leans back, affecting a nonchalant air. “So you want an awesome venue, is what you’re saying? A private home, perhaps?”

“Yes!” I say.

“Big and fancy, but sexy and exciting.”

“Exactly.” I’m relieved he’s not making this difficult. Some guys would act like total jerks after getting blown off by a woman, but luckily Jax doesn’t play those kinds of games. We really are friends. Unless this is all some ploy to get me off my guard, or a way to make me owe him. The thought throws me, and I try to push it away.

He rubs his chin and thinks for a moment. “Actually we’re just finishing construction on a place that fits that exact description.”

Jax sees my eyes light up and he turns the dial on his smile from sexy to satisfied.

“Hold on a sec,” he says, before leaving the room and returning a few minutes later with photographs of what is one of the most amazing buildings I’ve ever seen.

“Oh my God! This is perfect!” I squeal like a schoolgirl getting a pony for Christmas.

“It’s mostly finished. We’re doing some minor things here and there – electrical, furnishings. For a charity event we could easily rig up something neat. See the backyard, there?”

“That would be perfect for the stage,” I gush.

“Exactly what I was thinking.”

Jax is sitting inches away as I flick through the photographs. I’m trying to attribute the excitement in my veins to the building I’m looking at, but the smell of his cologne and the way he drapes his arm around the back of the couch behind me is playing more than a small part.

“Can I borrow these pictures?”

“Sure,” Jax says.

I stand up and walk over to the window, gazing out over that amazing view. But something is still nagging at me—the possibility that maybe Jax is playing me.

“You know,” I say, trying to break the subtext that keeps lurking whenever there’s a silence between us, “I’ve been in your house. I’ve spent so much time with you. And now we’re going to be working on this charity event together, but I still feel like you’re a complete mystery. Tell me something I don’t know about you. I wanna feel like we’re friends. Like we’re more than just…you know.”

Jax laughs and stretches his toned limbs even further out on the couch.

“All you have to do is ask,” he says, with a smile.

I look back at him, reflecting his smile, before still trying to shake off the feeling that I’m getting drawn into his trap again.

“Well, what was your childhood like?”

Jax unstretches his arms and leans forward, breathing out as if I just hit him in the gut.

“Uh… Tough.”

I wait for more, but Jax just smiles.

“Tough? That’s it?” I say. “‘The butler always forgets to iron my socks’ tough, or ‘Getting the wrong kind of Mercedes for your birthday’ tough?”

Jax laughs. “More like ‘living on nothing but potatoes and tuna for a year’ tough.”

“You were poor?”

Jax nods. “Mostly. Yeah. My dad was a construction worker. Spent most of his life looking for little jobs here and there to do, and the other half drinking to forget about how tough it was. We pretty much moved all over the country, just tagging along with him and hoping he’d make enough to rent something better than a trailer and maybe pick up something cool from the thrift store. He was a smart guy; he could fix anything, build anything. I learned a lot from him. But he had an addictive personality – pretty much every man in our family has.”

“I think I can guess what your addiction is,” I smile, though the way Jax is gazing out of the window makes me want to put my arms around him. I’ve pushed him too far, and I can tell how uncomfortable he is. Smooth move, Lizzie. “What about your mom?”

Now he lights up, and it’s genuine. “She was a superwoman. She had to be. She could make a can of corn and a bag of rice taste like the best meal you ever had. Mended clothes in a way that puts some of the tailors I use now to shame. Threw of a hell of a punch, too. Just ask some of the landlords we had.”

I see the affection in Jax’s eyes, a sensitivity I’ve never seen before – and which I’m sure he doesn’t show to just anybody.

“Did you have brothers or sisters?” I prod, trying to keep him going on this better train of thought.

“I had an older brother,” he says, his voice a monotone.

I can tell this memory’s not a happy one, but my curiosity’s getting the better of me. It’s not just that I’m nosy—it’s that I’ve never seen Jax so exposed, so willing to be vulnerable in front of me. And I don’t want to turn away from it. “What happened?”

Jax closes his eyes and lets his head drop.

“He died. He was a drug addict for as long as I can remember. His addiction was the worst.” He raises his head to look at me, and tries to force a little lightness into his voice, but I can tell it’s a struggle for him. “Wasn’t even the drugs. A cop shot him while he was trying to steal someone’s TV. What a way to go.”

“Oh my God, Jax,” I say, sitting beside him on the couch and putting a hand on his shoulder. “That’s awful.”

“Hey, that’s life,” he says, clearing his throat a little. “But it really changed me—it changed us all.”

I try to think of something that will bring his mind out of the dark well it seems to have fallen into.

“I can imagine it would.”

“After my brother died, my dad sobered up – not completely, but enough that he could land a job out in California. The money got better, there were more jobs here. Suddenly I was going to school, going on vacation to Europe. I’d seen so many people make mistakes it was almost impossible for me to make the same ones. My dad always said that life was unfair. That some people have to work ten times harder, be ten times better, to get what they deserve. He said that we were those kinda people. To him, it was an excuse to give up – to me it was a reason to be ten times better.”

“Just like that? A classic rags-to-riches tale?”

“It’s not as easy as in the fairytales, I can tell you that much. I could bore you by telling you about the three part-time jobs I had to take on to pay my way through college. Or about the time my dad fell off the wagon just as I was starting my business. Or even about the fact that I had to sleep with a librarian so she’d let me use the computer all through the night for a competition design – actually, I’d rather not tell you about that last one. She was…pretty clingy.”

I stand up and walk over to the window, looking back out for a few seconds, feeling like my body may be crushed in the tension between us. I feel like I’ve ripped his heart open just to watch it bleed. I never expected this much pain was in his past, and although I want to make it all better, I know I can’t.

Luckily, Jax senses my discomfort and helps me out – just like he always does. He snaps out of his melancholy like he’s slipping off a jacket, and once again he’s the wry-smiling, eye-glinting, relaxed-posing male that I’m much more used to.

“So, enough about me…how’s it going with John?”

The teasing is enough to get me to smile again. “James.”

“Yeah, James.”

I bite my lip. Jax sees it and laughs a little.

“Hey, no weirdness, ok? We’re friends. It’s completely cool. I’m just asking. Since we’re playing twenty questions and all.” He smiles again.

I nod a little, loosening up. “Well, to be honest it’s going pretty great. We’re having dinner tonight, actually. I really like him. I mean, really. Just wow. This feels…like it could be, you know, solid. Long term.”

Something flickers in Jax’s eyes and then he looks away, his smile widening. He must be amused at my childish giddiness, or else he just thinks I’m being ridiculous, getting so serious about a guy I just met. But he wouldn’t if he knew how amazing James is. He’d totally understand why I’m acting like this.

“That’s awesome. So you’re ready to settle down with a guy again, already?”

I laugh. “I don’t know about settle down. We’re just dating right now.”

Jax shrugs. “Drinks last night, dinner tonight. Seems like a guy who knows what he wants.”

“He is,” I agree. That’s another thing I love about James.

“Guys like that usually know what they don’t want, too. So just be careful.”

I scowl a little. Jax is starting to get me a little nervous.

“What do you mean?”

“Forget it,” he says.

“No, tell me.”

Jax shrugs, looks around the room a little, then turns his eyes on mine again.

“We’re friends, right? I’m just giving you a little friendly advice. I know guys. I know women well, but I know guys even better. Guys like that, the ones that work fast, they usually get turned off quick too. James sounds like a nice guy, and nice guys have expectations.”

Jax squeezes my shoulder as if he’s just delivered the worst news possible to me, like there’s no hope of fixing this. But it doesn’t have to be like that. He can help me figure this out, figure James out. Before I take a false step. Before I fuck this up.

“What kind of expectations?” I ask.

“I’m just saying, when it comes to sex, things are pretty simple. You give, you take, and you have a great time. It’s good, or it’s bad, but at some point it’s over. When it comes to dating… Well there are whole lot of ways you can screw it up. If this guy is as nice as you say he is, then make sure you don’t.”

I look hard at Jax’s face, and realize that although I wish I could deny what he’s saying, he’s telling me the truth. But for some reason I can’t ask for his advice. Something about this feels off, like it’s not fair for me to ask for any more help when he’s already done so much.

“Anyway,” he continues, “leave the event details with me. I’ll forward the information about the construction site to you as soon as I can.”

“Thanks,” I say, turning around and making my way out, even though every part of me is screaming for me to stay. It’s not just that I need his help, or that I like being around him. It’s that I hate the idea of leaving him here when he’s just opened up to me, when maybe he needs me to be here, too. But when I hesitate, he looks at me.

“You better get back to work,” he reminds me.

Shit, he’s right. And his hand is on the front door knob, and he’s opening the door and leading me gently outside with his hand on the small of my back.

“Okay, well, thanks again,” I muster.

“It was good to see you again,” he says.

“You too.”

When I get to my car I toss the photos on the passenger seat and stare over the hills of Los Angeles, deep in thought. I was getting used to Jax. To his brutal, direct honesty. To the fact that I couldn’t mess things up with him. It was easy.

I had assumed James would be the same, but now I’m starting to wonder. We only met yesterday. We’ve only really talked about goofy things. All I really know about him is how awesome he is. And all he really knows about me is the silly stuff. What’s going to happen when it starts getting serious? Am I going to screw it up?

Maybe things aren’t so simple after all.