I sat back on the bed, dressed in a comfortable pair of sweats and shirt. My plan for the evening was to stay in, maybe find something nice to read, or watch.

I needed to relax for once in my life!

My friends wanted something completely different, and as much as I loved them, I didn’t want their company. Not tonight.

“Alexis, you’re not taking this seriously. Why are you still on the bed?” Agnes demanded, turning to me with a frown, fists on her hips. “Get off your ass! We’re going to be late.”

I sighed again, heavier this time, but she just rolled her eyes.

“Alexis, seriously. It’s a big party, and everyone’s going to be there.”

I rolled my eyes. “You mean, all the nurses are going, because they heard that stupid rumor.”

Caroline came out of my closet with an armful of clothes, crossing over the bed as Agnes dove back in. I didn’t realize that I had so many clothes until they started rummaging in there as if they were going for gold. Caroline dumped them on the bed, then sat down and leveled me with her dark gaze.

“For your information, Alexis, that ‘stupid rumor’ is true. And who wouldn’t want to go to a party when an all-star quarterback is going to be there? Have you seen him in the flesh? He’s so much hotter than he is on TV!”

I grimaced and turned my gaze away. Ryder Russ was hot, and I had seen him in the flesh, one too many times, which was why I was avoiding it like the plague. A boring evening was so much more appealing than seeing the man I once admired, but now couldn’t stand to be in the same room with, without my heart feeling as if it was about to go out of control. He made me lose all my senses, and I couldn’t go back down that road. Not again.

“Get up and get dressed,” Caroline coaxed. “You have too many sexy things to wear, to struggle like this.”

She wasn’t getting the message; it wasn’t because I had nothing to wear. It was simply because I didn’t want to go.

“My car’s outside. Just put on anything and let’s get out of here,” Caroline said as if she was talking to one of our patients. I hated the way that she spoke to me at times. Especially when it came to partying. She always said that I was the party pooper which was why I never understood why she always insisted that I tagged along with them.

“We’re not leaving you behind,” Agnes added, dropping some jackets and shoes next to the clothes Caroline already picked out. I knew that she was saying it more for Caroline’s benefit rather than my own. That was exactly what they did last time, and I was relieved. God, when did I get so old and boring?

“Guys, I don’t want to go,” I protested weakly. “Maybe another day, another party.”

“It’s been so long since we went out, though!” Agnes pouted.

Caroline nodded, then asked, “Why don’t you want to go so badly? Last time you blew us off. But this time too. What’s up with you?”

I just groaned and tipped my head back, and I hit it against the headboard. Even if I wanted to tell them, I couldn’t, because it was a secret and not just mine.

I didn’t want to go and meet Ryder Russ because I went to high school with him. I even went to Prom with him. He’d been the bad boy then, and was still a bad boy now. Only this time, I’m smarter. I wasn’t going to get drawn in by him. Not again. Not in this life time.

Ryder became a star, like I always knew he could be. He’d been sweet to me, at first, on those first few dates. I’d even started falling for him. Then came Prom…and… Do not go there, Alexis.

Since Prom, there hadn't been any contact with him, and it would be too fucking awkward to just appear at a party I knew he’d be at. Maybe if it happened by accident…though even then, I couldn’t say that I wouldn’t just turn tail and run the moment I saw him.

“Why don’t the two of you just go ahead?” I said, a little desperate. “It should have started already, right? You don’t want to miss it.”

Caroline just sighed. “We can stand to be fashionably late. What’s wrong, Alexis, seriously. And don’t tell me you don’t feel well. After the week we’ve had at work, I figured you of all people would be up for relaxing.”

I gave her an incredulous look. “Exactly how do you see going to a party as relaxing?”

She shrugged, and Agnes popped down on the bed next to her with a grin.

“Because,” Agnes answered, “at the party, you get to meet your friends and co-workers outside of a work environment. There will be good music, good beer, and good friends to hang out with. And, if you’re lucky, a hot guy to take you home for a night of fun.”

I folded my arms over my chest. “Well, I’m not interested in any of that. My idea of relaxing, is staying at home and doing whatever I want. I can just as easily listen to my own music, than some loud music at some stranger’s house.”

“It’s not a stranger, though,” Caroline jumped in. “We’ve totally met him! It’s…uh…” She tilted her head with a frown, thinking.

“You pretty much just proved my point. You don’t know the owner of the house, where this party is taking place.”

It was Caroline’s time to pout.

“Don’t look at me like that!” I said, scowling. “Seriously, you guys are right. This party is a big thing, and you guys really want to be there, so I don’t see why you’re both still here trying to drag me after I’ve refused so many times already.”

Agnes sighed, then moved around the bed to sit beside me and leaned back against the headboard, while Caroline stayed in place at the foot of the bed.

“If you really want us to just go and leave you, then at least give us a reason. There has to be something holding you back from going to this party, right?”

I chewed on my bottom lip. They were both just so damn stubborn! I couldn’t fucking tell them, and honestly, I didn’t even want to!

My relationship with Ryder was something I’d been determined to forget about completely. He’d hurt me back then. Hell, he never even tried to fix things back then. Why would I want to see him again? What would happen if I saw him again? If he saw me again? There was no way we could go back to what we had anyway, not after all that had happened. Starting over would just be wishful thinking. If I saw him again, I would probably just get hurt more, and I was fucking over that.

Going to that party…would definitely be a mistake.

“Look,” I said with a heavy sigh. “There’s really nothing I can tell you guys about why I don’t want to go to this party.” It was, technically, a lie. I could tell them, but I didn’t want to. “But I don’t want to ruin your night just because I really feel like staying in tonight.”

“There’s really nothing we can say to get you to go with us?” Caroline asked, checking.

I shook my head slowly. I did feel sorry that I couldn’t go. When was the last time we’d even hung out when we weren’t at work, or it wasn’t something work related?

“I promise we’ll do something later, though,” I said quickly. “I swear, the next time off we have, we will definitely go out partying, and I will keep going even after you guys grow sick of it, and I’ll be the one dragging you off.”

Agnes snorted while Caroline outright laughed. Instead of getting up and walking around like Agnes did, she got on her knees, and jumped right at me. I squealed and tried to move so she wouldn’t crush me, but I couldn’t move with Agnes in the way. I ended up with them at my sides, caging me in as we all laughed.

Still, I felt some guilt, because they were my closest friends, and I was keeping things from them.

It’s for the best, though, I consoled myself. Ryder and I are the past, and things should stay that way.

I truly believed that, even as my heart ached, just a little, for thinking of him.