PRESENT DAY
As the week progresses, I make every best attempt I can at emphasizing who Tyler Bruce is whenever Eden is around. I fucked up big time on Tuesday night, and I need to salvage that. She can’t figure out that I’m not actually as bad as everyone thinks I am. So, I’ve put my skills to the test and have been delivering the ultimate performance all week. I’ve been ignoring her mostly, only ever glaring at her, but I sometimes mutter cocky remarks or demand that she gets out of my way. And, so far, it’s working.
Even now, I can hear her. Our rooms are right next door to one another and for the past five minutes, I’ve been subjected to hearing her talk on the phone. It’s not clear enough to make out exactly what she’s saying, but it’s clear enough to hear her voice. That’s why, as I’m lying across my bed flicking through text messages, I don’t have my TV on, or any music playing. I already have background noise to listen to.
You better get over here pretty soon if you wanna have a shot at making any $$$, Declan has texted. His party is tonight. I’m supposed to be going, but I haven’t found the energy to get ready yet. It’s still early, though.
It’s the perfect night for this party to be taking place. Once a month, Tiffani stays at her dad’s place, which means that one weekend each month, I have to survive without her. But for once, I’m glad she’s at her dad’s tonight. If she was here and knew I was heading out to a party thrown by Declan Portwood . . . There’d be no way in hell I’d ever get anywhere near it.
But I guess I’m sort of nervous about it. Declan says it’s the perfect opportunity to get me started, to meet the right kind of people, but I’m starting to have doubts. I haven’t thought this through too much, and now I’m getting wrapped up in it way too fast. I’m not sure if I really want to fall down this path.
I hear Eden’s voice again. All husky and low. I wonder what she’s doing tonight. Probably nothing. Maybe she’d like a party. There’s two benefits to inviting her: One, she gets to see me as Tyler Bruce, and that should distract her from the fact that I was actually nice to her the other night. And two, I won’t have to go to this party alone.
I roll out of bed and glance at myself in my mirror. I narrow my eyes, testing out their intensity, and I tighten my jaw a little. Even tame my hair. Then, I clear my throat and walk out into the hall. I pause outside of her bedroom door for a second, listening in closely, and I hear her tell someone not to miss her too much.
I push open the door without much consideration over whether or not she’s still on the phone and I take a single step into the room. “Who were you talking to?”
Luckily, the call seems to be over. Eden’s cross-legged on her bed and her gaze flicks up to meet mine. I can literally see the irritation in her eyes. “Did I say you could come in?”
“Who were you talking to?” I ask again. I’m trying to sound like as much of an asshole as possible, but I may also be slightly curious. “You got a boyfriend back in Portland or some shit?”
Eden stares blankly at me, barely impressed by my interruption. “Were you eavesdropping?”
“My room is right next door. The walls are thin as hell.”
“Okay, well, I was talking to my mom,” she finally tells me as she stands up. Good. Does that mean there’s no boyfriend, then? I don’t want to ask, so I just stay silent. Eden looks at the clock. “Shouldn’t you be out doing something?”
“That’s actually what I gotta talk to you about.” Thank God she asked, because I wasn’t sure how to bring it up. I close the door—I don’t want anyone overhearing—and walk over to her. I keep a safe distance of at least three feet between us, and she is watching me closely with those curious, big eyes of hers. “You’re not doing anything tonight, right?”
“No,” she says. “Everyone’s busy.”
“Alright, you’re coming with me,” I tell her. Tyler Bruce doesn’t ask. Tyler Bruce demands. She’s not getting a choice. “Party down on 11th Street. Don’t mention it to your dad.” Without giving her the chance to reply, I quickly turn my back on her.
“Tyler,” she says as I’m leaving. I reluctantly pause, slowly spinning back around. She’s folded her arms across her chest now and has an eyebrow raised. “Who says I want to go to a party with you? Sorry, but you’re sort of the last person I want to hang out with.”
So it seems she still hates me. Success. “Get ready,” I order.
“No.”
“Yes,” I say, my voice hard. Why does she do this? Why can’t she just be like everyone else and actually do what I tell her? Why does she have to fight so hard against me? Time to be a jerk. “What else are you gonna do? Sit here all night in your room like a damn loser with no social life?”
Her expression falters and she doesn’t look so tough anymore. She glances up at the ceiling and then back down, almost like she’s considering it, and then she quietly asks, “What will I wear?”
That’s more like it. Thank God I don’t have to go to this party alone. “Anything,” I say. My voice loses its firmness. “It’s not the same kinda party as Austin’s. This one’s more . . . chill. You could turn up in a pair of sweats and you wouldn’t be out of place.” Everyone will be too stoned to care, but I don’t even dare mention this. She’ll figure that out when we get there.
She definitely picks up on it, though, because she looks perplexed. “Chill?”
“Yeah. Are you up for pre-drinks while you’re getting ready?” I offer. Did she even drink at Austin’s party last weekend? I’m not sure. I wish I’d paid attention. “My stash is running a little low, because Mom’s constantly searching my room, so all I got is beer and some Jack and a little vodka. You know what, I’ll surprise you.” I smile at her, relieved that she’s given in, and also relieved that she’s not telling me no.
I drift back next door to my own room and immediately drop to my knees, searching under my bed for all of the shit that I stash under there. I grab myself a bottle of beer and then I mix up some Coke and some vodka for Eden. I don’t make it too strong. I don’t wanna kill the girl. My hair is still a mess, so I try once more to tame it a little before I head back through to her room with the drinks.
“I’ll probably be ready in twenty minutes,” she tells me. She’s by her closet, searching through it on the hunt for an outfit when I walk back in.
“No problem. Here,” I say. I pass her the drink and she takes it from me, but our fingertips brush, and I don’t know why, but it feels weird to me. I don’t think she notices, though, so I play it cool.
“Vodka and Coke?” she asks. Probably double-checking that I’m not poisoning her with weedkiller.
“Yeah. Always a safe bet,” I confirm. I crack off the cap of my beer on the edge of her dresser and then suddenly I realize it may not be what she wanted. “You like it, right? If you want beer, I can get you some—”
“This is fine,” she interrupts. Her lips may even be forming a smile. “I like it.”
“Okay, good.” Shit, what’s wrong with me? Why does she make me so awkward? I look up at the ceiling and chug at my beer while I try to gather my thoughts, and then when I glance back down, I can’t look at her for some reason. “Just, uh, come get me when you’re ready.”
“Are you guys drinking?” a voice asks.
Both our eyes flash over to Jamie. He has appeared at Eden’s bedroom door, staring at us suspiciously. I can see his gaze resting on the drinks that we’re holding, so I quickly move my beer behind my back, but I don’t know what the point is. He’s already seen it, and now I’m about to be blackmailed by my little brother. I know him so damn well.
“No,” I lie anyway. My voice has softened. I can never pull off my Tyler Bruce tone whenever I’m with my brothers. “You know we’re not twenty-one. Why would we be drinking?”
“I can see it right there,” Jamie says. He nods to Eden’s drink, but I can already see it in his eyes that there’s a plan forming in his mind. “Does Mom know?”
I strain my neck and exhale. “It’s only a little. Can you give us some space?”
“Twenty bucks,” he demands. He holds out his palm flat to me, expecting cash, and he smiles at me with that devilish but charming grin that he’s mastered over the years. He waits patiently.
“I gave you thirty the other day,” I remind him. There’s no point in arguing, though, because I know he will only twist my arm until I give in anyway. I dump my beer down on the dresser and then pull out my wallet. “Because you wanted that video game, remember? Don’t think I forgot, because I haven’t.”
“Hmm.” Jamie goes quiet, tapping his lips with his index finger. “I’ll take ten then.”
“Fine, ten,” I agree with a laugh. I hate that he can play me so well. I really need to stop doing so much dumb shit that lets him blackmail me so easily. I pass him ten bucks, then push him away. “Now get outta here.”
He shoves the bill into his pocket, and as he turns around and runs back down the hall, he snickers, “I would have taken five.”
All I can do is laugh while I fetch my beer again and take another swig of it. “Kid treats me like an ATM,” I say with a sigh. Then, as I leave too, I tell Eden, “Get ready.”
I still haven’t texted Declan back, but whatever. I head to my room, finish the beer I’m drinking, then hop into the shower to fix out my mess of hair. I take my meds that I forgot to take this morning and I pull on some jeans and a plain T-shirt. I manage to drink another two beers in the time that it takes Eden to get ready—which is definitely more than twenty minutes—and I begin lining the empty bottles up on my window ledge.
“Okay, I’m ready and my drink is finished, so we can go now,” Eden says as she finally enters my room. It’s much tidier then it was the other night. I’ve even made my bed.
“It’s about damn time,” I tell her. Her hair is up and she’s wearing some makeup, and thankfully, she’s dressed casual. Just jeans and a hoodie, and unlike most people, she actually pulls it off and makes it look cute. I punch over the bottles of beer and then grab my car keys. Declan is gonna kill me if I don’t turn up soon, so we need to get going. I’m not drunk, and it’s not far.
“What are you doing?” Eden says, her expression horrified. She shakes her head at me. “You’ve just drank all those beers.”
“Jesus,” I say. There she goes, doing that thing again, practically scolding me. None of my friends would have even batted an eyelid, except maybe Dean. “Fine, I’ll get us a ride. Happy?”
“Yes,” she says.
Rolling my eyes, I throw my car keys onto my bed and then pull out my phone. I call Declan, because if there’s anyone who’ll be able to hook us up with a ride, it’s him. He answers on the second ring.
“Where the hell are you?” he snaps at me. “I’ve got a house full of people looking for hook-ups and only Kaleb and Liam are here. I need you and Warren to get over here ASAP.”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m just coming, Declan,” I reassure him. He sounds desperate, but also slightly mad at me. He clearly doesn’t want to get his hands dirty, and I wonder again about what I’m getting myself into. “Who’s driving tonight?”
“Kaleb is,” he says, his voice returning to its usual smooth, calm tone. “Or I can ask around, but everyone is pretty . . . well, not sober.” He stifles a chuckle.
“Give me Kaleb,” I say. I’m surprised he’s staying sober tonight. “Can you ask him to get over to my place as fast as he can? Couple doors down, actually.” Declan agrees to send Kaleb our way, and I say, “Thanks, man. See you in twenty,” before I hang up the call.
“Kaleb?” Eden asks.
“Kaleb’s alright,” I say. “He’s in college, but he still looks like a high school sophomore. He knows how to have a good time, though.” I laugh, because honestly, I’m realizing that maybe this is a bad idea. I shouldn’t be taking Eden to this party, but it’s too late now. I don’t mention that Kaleb’s a dealer, nor that he makes a good profit from me.
Keeping my footsteps light, I make my way out into the hall and then downstairs. Eden follows behind me in silence, neither of us saying a word. I figure she’s smart enough to know that I shouldn’t be sneaking out, so I’m glad she just goes along with it as we discreetly slip out the patio doors into the backyard.
“Shouldn’t I have told my dad I was going out?” Eden asks. She looks panicked for a moment, and she looks back over her shoulder at the house as we’re sneaking around it. “I mean, I get that you need to sneak out, but I’m not on lockdown. He’s going to kill me when he realizes I’ve left without telling him.”
“Don’t get worked up about it,” I advise her. “Just drink a lot and in a couple of hours you won’t care.” Which is probably the worst advice ever. Tyler Bruce is an idiot.
We walk down the street, away from our own house—too risky to get picked up there—and then hang around on the sidewalk almost six doors down. It’s dark and there’s a breeze in the air, but it’s still warm outside and I lean against a tree, watching Eden closely. The more I think about it, the more I realize that this is seriously a bad idea. I’m testing my luck here. She didn’t tell Mom about the drugs last weekend, but I doubt she’ll let me off the hook a second time.
“Is it a big party?” she asks, meeting my eyes. She looks anxious now, most likely because I haven’t given her much detail on what to expect.
“Not too big,” I say, then shrug. I’m feeling nervous now, too. She’s going to flip out when we get to this party. Honestly, what was I thinking? Sure, I didn’t want to head over there alone, but shit. Why did I ask Eden, of all people? I can’t bring myself to speak to her as we wait, so I kick at the ground and stare at the sky instead.
I’m glad when Kaleb rolls up in his beat-up Chevy, engine spluttering and all. He rolls down his window and leans over his passenger seat to look at us. “Get in, bro!” he says, and I flash him a dubious look. I’m not sure if I trust Declan or not when it comes to Kaleb being sober.
I climb into the passenger seat while Eden clambers into the backseat, and thank God the truck doesn’t reek of weed. Only tobacco.
“Who’s this?” Kaleb asks, eyeing Eden in his rearview mirror, scrutinizing her. He’s not a huge fan of strangers. He clearly doesn’t recognize her from last weekend, probably because he was so high at the time. He doesn’t know she walked in on us.
“My, um . . .” I begin to say, but then my words get stuck in my throat. The word feels too weird to say, too foreign. She doesn’t feel like that word to me. I swallow hard and turn up the music, then finally choke out, “My stepsister.”
“Didn’t know you had one,” he says, then narrows his eyes at Eden even more, staring at her for a moment longer. Then, he finally begins to drive. “So how’ve you been, dude? Feels like I haven’t spoken to you in weeks!”
“I saw you on Tuesday,” I tell him, nodding along to the beat of the rap. Eden remains silent in the backseat, and I can’t turn around to check on her without it being completely noticeable, so I just stare out of the windshield instead.
“Shit, you’re right!” Kaleb says, and then howls with laughter as he smacks his palm to his forehead.
“How’s the party anyway?” I ask him. “Thanks for giving us a ride.”
“It’s alright. Pretty mellow. It’s good.” He shrugs and takes a sip from a can of Sprite that’s in his cup holder. “Good luck for when Warren sees you, though.”
“He crossed the line,” I mutter. Am I supposed to be worried? I don’t give a shit about Warren. He shouldn’t have said what he did. I’ll hit the guy again if he tries anything with me.
“Yeah, a damn thin line,” Kaleb snorts.
We roll up to Declan’s place across town ten minutes later and of course, it looks pretty dead. The party does have to stay under the radar. The cops would have a damn field day if they busted us. That’s why no one is hanging around out front. There’s no music to be heard. There’s only, like, four cars parked up outside too, and that’s including us. The three of us jump out of the truck and Eden is asking, “Are you sure this is the right house?”
“Yeah.” I begin to head for the door. I really don’t know what she’s going to make of this. “Remember it’s a smaller party. Twenty people, max.”
I push open the front door and the music descends over us, drilling into my ears. I don’t know who the fuck is playing this weird techno shit, but it’s awful and someone else needs to take over as DJ. I glance sideways at Eden and she’s wrinkling her nose in disgust—the smell of weed in the air is impossible to ignore, and she’s not an idiot. She knows what it is. I can hear laughter and voices, and only a couple people are in the hall. I’ve been to one of Declan’s parties before, and I know he keeps all of the alcohol in the spare room down the hall, so that’s exactly where I head. Eden follows me, sticking to me like glue while Kaleb dashes off without another word.
As soon as we walk into the room, the very first person I lay eyes on is Declan himself. Although he expected me to be here earlier and sounded pissed on the phone, he greets me with a cunning smile. “Tyler, you made it,” he says, moving over to us. He gives Eden a pointed glance. “Who’s this?”
“My stepsister,” I blurt out without hesitation this time. She really shouldn’t be meeting him, but I introduce them anyway. “Eden, this is Declan. She’s hanging with me for the night if that’s alright with you.”
“Woah.” Declan’s eyes go wide as he shoves a beer can into my hand. He’s sober, most likely so that he can keep an eye on everything going on around him to ensure there’s no trouble. “Dude, when the hell did ya get a stepsister?”
“Last week, bro,” I say as casually as I can. Before he can ask me anything more on this new piece of information, I quickly turn to Eden and flash her a smile. I’m hoping she hasn’t realized what kind of party she’s at yet. “What do you want?”
“Anything,” she says. She scans the table that is overflowing with everything from beer to vodka to rum to fucking absinthe. Who the hell brought that? “Actually,” she says, “I’ll just take another Coke and vodka.”
Easy. I fetch a cup and mix up the drink for her, pouring the Coke in first so that she can’t tell how much vodka I’m adding in. I make this one much stronger than the one back at the house. She’ll need it if she’s to survive the night. “I’ll show her around,” I tell Declan as I pass Eden the drink and guide her back out into the hall, my hand on her shoulder. Quickly, I leave her there and turn back to Declan, grabbing his shirt and pulling him over to the corner. “Can I at least get a bump first before I start helping you out or not?” I hiss into his ear, keeping my voice low. Sure, I smoked last weekend, but I kind of need something stronger tonight. It’s been a while.
Declan gives me a nod. “Meet me outside when you’ve got a second.”
I heave a sigh, already imagining the sweet, sweet relief, and I walk back over to Eden, who, of course, has been staring at me the entire time. There’s no way she could have heard, though, so it’s cool. I guide her toward the living room, ignoring the couple of people who say my name, and then I point my can of beer toward the group of people who are hanging out on the couches. “Alright, you see these people?” They’re all stoned as fuck, headbanging to the music or staring at the TV screen. I don’t really recognize anyone. A lot of the people here are in college.
“Yeah?” Eden’s eyebrows pinch together as she looks up at me, expecting more of an explanation. “They look bored.”
“They’re far from bored,” I mumble with a laugh that I just can’t fight. God, she still isn’t realizing where she is. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice a cat trembling under the hall table with wide, cautious eyes. “Hey, check out this guy,” I tell Eden, pointing my beer at it too. It looks terrified, and it’s probably gone deaf from all this shit music. “Aw, man.” I place my beer on the table and then crouch down to the floor, gently scooping the animal up into my arms. It fidgets a little and I ruffle its fur as I stand back up. “Why not date this little guy? It’s probably got bigger balls than Jake.”
“Put it down,” Eden orders. She doesn’t look impressed. She better not tell me she hates animals, because that . . . That would be unforgivable.
The cat settles down and begins crawling over my chest, up my arms and over my shoulders. “What can I say?” My lips form a smug smile as I scratch behind its ears, and I smolder my eyes at Eden from over the top of its head. “I’m a pussy magnet.”
Eden scrunches her face up at me in mock disgust and rolls her eyes as she turns away. I burst into laughter and set the cat back down on the ground, and as it catapults off down the hall, she remarks, “Look, even that cat has had enough of your bullshit.”
There’s Eden again. I grab my beer and take a sip, noticing the clock on the wall. I shouldn’t be in here laughing with Eden. I should be outside with Declan. “Go talk to some people,” I say, and there’s a demanding edge to my voice. I’m not smiling anymore. “I’m heading out back for a while.”
The smirk playing at Eden’s lips immediately disappears. “Are you kidding me?”
“Huh?” I sip at my beer again as I look straight into her eyes, wondering why she’s staring at me with such outrage and disbelief all of a sudden. What the hell did I do?
“Don’t act stupid,” she growls at me under her breath. It’s the first time I’ve ever heard her sound so aggressive, so threatening, and she steps right up against me and moves her mouth to my ear. She nearly spills her drink down my shirt. “I didn’t come with you to this bullshit party so that you could just leave me by myself while you stand around in the backyard smoking joints and making pretty little coke lines to snort,” she hisses.
“It’s none of your business,” I snap back at her. How dare she talk to me like that? No one has ever been so upfront and straightforward with me in such a confrontational tone before. Especially a damn stranger. I step back from her, creating distance. “Go make some friends and leave me to do whatever the hell I want.”
I’m not listening to this shit, so I turn around and storm down the hall toward the door to the backyard. Now I need that hit even more. I can feel Eden rushing after me, and she throws her body in between the door and me, physically blocking it. Is she serious? She’s really doing this right now? Eden, please don’t do this, I’m mentally begging her. She didn’t like it when she saw me angry the other day, so she definitely does not want to see me furious. She is going to make me uncontrollable if she doesn’t quit this.
“You’re not going out there,” she states, her breathing heavy, her eyes frantically searching my expression. “It’s so stupid.”
I slam my can of beer into the wall behind her and it splits open, crushing beneath my hand as the beer spills to the floor. My eyes are fierce as I lock them on hers. She has no right to challenge me. She doesn’t even know me. “Get out of my fucking way,” I hiss slowly, spitting my words.
“No!”
I grasp her wrist, pulling her toward me, eradicating the few inches that separated us. She needs to stop. I am glaring down at her with the most threatening of looks that I can possibly pull off, but she only stares straight back at me. “Eden,” I whisper, fighting hard to keep my voice calm. “Don’t.” Please, Eden. Please don’t do this. Please don’t anger me.
“No.” She yanks her wrist free, and despite the flash of fear in her hazel eyes, she asks, “Why do you do it?” Her voice is laced with frustration and I can hear the desperation behind each word.
“Because I need to, okay?” I yell at her. It’s the only answer I can give, and I quickly glance around us to make sure there’s no one listening. With the music so loud, our yelling is almost unnoticeable.
“You don’t need to,” she says, lowering her voice. Her eyes soften with disappointment. “You want to.”
She’s never, ever going to fucking get it. No one is ever going to understand me. She thinks I want to throw my life away like this? She thinks I enjoy having to resort to this shit? I don’t have a choice! It’s the only way I can keep my mind in check, to feel some damn peace in my life for once. I take a deep breath and exhale, running a hand through my hair. “You don’t get it,” I whisper. I feel so weak all of a sudden that I can’t even speak. I feel so deflated, like all of my energy has just evaporated. For the first time, I think Eden may have just defeated me.
Numbly, I nudge her out of the way, staring into space as I swing open the door to the backyard. I slam it shut after me, leaving Eden behind inside, and I throw my head back to the sky, my eyes squeezed shut, and I let out this weird, crazed sort of guttural groan.
When I tilt my head back down and open my eyes, I realize I’m not alone. Declan’s shoving a wad of cash into his pocket as he furrows his eyebrows at me. Liam’s slouched back in a deck chair, his feet up on the patio table with a joint between his lips, his bloodshot eyes fixated on me.
“What the fuck?” Kaleb says, cracking up with laughter.
“Hey, man,” I hear someone say from my left, and as I turn around, I catch sight of Warren approaching. In the space of a single second, I see him smirk, right before he slams his fist into the corner of my jaw.