CHAPTER FOURTEEN
THERE WAS SOMETHING about the smell of a hospital, Justice thought as he lay on the bed and watched the IV bag drip slowly as fluids were replaced. No, he thought with a grimace, the color coming into focus. Blood. He would guess two pints. He’d lost a lot when he’d been shot and even more at the grand opening. Which had been when, exactly? Earlier today? Yesterday? He wasn’t sure how long he’d been out of it.
He knew he was in Fool’s Gold. He’d made it just in time for the grand opening. He also knew that checking himself out of the hospital in D.C. had been a calculated risk. One that hadn’t worked out.
The last thing he remembered before he collapsed was seeing a man in the crowd. A man who looked exactly like his father. One second he’d been there and the next second he’d been gone. Justice didn’t need a doctor to tell him that too much exertion, not to mention blood loss, had played tricks on his mind.
“You’re awake.”
He turned toward the voice and saw Patience had walked into his room. She looked tired and worried—both of which were his fault.
“Hey,” he said. “Sorry to screw up the party.”
She walked over to the bed and took his hand. “I so want to yell at you.”
“Go ahead.”
“It’s difficult to scream really loud at a guy with a gunshot wound.”
“I’m weak,” he told her. “I can’t fight back.”
“I know. That’s part of the problem.”
There were shadows under her brown eyes and she’d pulled her hair back in a ponytail. Her T-shirt was one from the store, with the Brew-haha logo on the front. He wondered if she would wear only those shirts now. He understood the need to advertise, but he liked the dancing hippos and martini-drinking flamingos.
She continued to hold on to his hand, her fingers worrying his. “You were shot.” Her voice accused.
“I tried to duck.”
She pressed her lips together. “Don’t be funny. You could have died.”
“I didn’t.”
“That’s not the point. Dammit, Justice, what were you thinking? What do you really do at your job that you come home with a bullet in your side?”
Her worry wrapped itself around him like a blanket. Warm and comforting. No one had ever worried before. His team wanted him alive because it made their lives easier. He had friends who would miss him if he died, but no one worried.
“They took out the bullet in D.C.,” he told her.
“You know what I mean.” She shook his arm. “You scared me.”
“I’m sorry for that.”
“Stop apologizing. I can’t decide if I should kiss you or hit you.”
“Do I get to pick?”
She leaned in and touched her mouth to his. The light pressure did more for his battered body than any IV.
“I assume that’s the one you wanted,” she said, staring into his eyes.
“Good guess.”
She sighed. “You should have stayed put. You could have called. I would have understood.”
“I promised I’d be there.”
“You said you’d be at the grand opening. Not that you would risk life and limb flying the red-eye across country after checking yourself out of the hospital against doctor’s orders.”
He winced. “Felicia told you that?”
“I haven’t seen her, but she told my mom, who told me.”
He knew Felicia would have shared the basics, but nothing else. Not the details of his assignment.
“I needed to be there for you, Patience.”
He hadn’t meant to say the words, but now that he had, he wouldn’t call them back. She deserved him keeping his promises.
“That’s the drugs talking,” she muttered, straightening.
He knew it wasn’t, but decided it was better to pretend. After all, who was he to offer her anything?
“How long was I out?” he asked.
“Nearly twenty-four hours.”
“The opening was yesterday?”
“Uh-huh. You caused quite the scene. You’re on the front page of the paper.”
“Lucky me.” He frowned. “You need to get back to the store.”
“I will. Felicia’s coming to look in on you, and when she gets here, I’ll head back.”
“I don’t need you to babysit me. I’m in a hospital.”
“I’m clear on the where, mister. But I’m not leaving you on your own. You can’t be trusted.”
He’d been injured before. Dozens of times. In the army his C.O. checked on him. Once he’d gone to work for a private company, his boss had followed up with him. A few friends stopped by, but otherwise, he was expected to get better on his own.
“Thank you,” he told her.
They were still holding hands. Or rather she was hanging on to his with both of hers.
“The doctor is going to check your blood count. If it’s where it’s supposed to be, you’ll be released later today.”
“Okay.”
“Into my care.”
She made the statement defiantly, as if she expected him to argue.
“Is that so?”
“It is. The doctor wants a responsible adult around. You’re going to be tired and weak and drugged for a few days. So I’m taking you home. You can have Lillie’s room.”
Bummer, he thought hazily. Because he liked the idea of settling into Patience’s bed. “Where will she sleep?”
“Downstairs. She’s very excited. Right now she’s deciding which of her stuffed animals will make you feel better fastest.”
“That sounds like a lot of work. You don’t need to worry about me. I’ll be fine.”
“Sure you will. And go where? A hotel?”
She made it sound as if he would be bleeding to death on the street.
“A hotel works.”
“I don’t think so. You need someone looking after you.”
She was still holding on to his hand and looking so damned earnest. As if she meant what she said. What Patience couldn’t know was that no one took care of him. Not for longer than he could remember.
“I mean it, Justice,” she added. “This isn’t your decision. It’s done. The doctor is releasing you to me.”
“Okay. Then I guess I’m your responsibility.”
She blinked. “You’re not going to fight me?”
“No.”
“Oh.”
In truth, he liked the idea of Patience fussing. He knew it was dangerous, but he couldn’t seem to help himself. A sign that he really was in bad shape, he thought.
“Then I guess I’ll be back later to take you home. I want to go check on the store.” She glanced at her watch. “Felicia can’t stay long, so Charlie will be here in an hour after her to sit with you.”
“Charlie?”
While he knew and liked the firefighter, he wasn’t looking for a babysitter.
“Don’t try to get rid of her. She could so take you.”
“Especially today,” he murmured. “You don’t need your friends wasting their time while I’m in the hospital. What could happen here?”
“You could leave. Face it, Justice. I’m not budging on this. I flat-out don’t trust you to stay put.”
She released his hand and then pressed her palm against his forehead.
He smiled. “I think the nurses would notice if I had a fever.”
“Maybe. I’m not taking any chances.” She kissed him. “I’ll be back this afternoon to take you home.”
With that she turned and left.
Justice felt his eyes drift closed as exhaustion swept over him. Home, he thought. Home with Patience would be a very good thing.
* * *
PATIENCE WONDERED HOW long it would take her to get used to a 4:00 a.m. alarm. She’d changed her shower schedule to evenings. Once the alarm went off, all she had to do was wash her face, get dressed and braid her hair. She applied a little mascara and lip gloss and called it a win. She could be out the door in less than twenty minutes.
But this morning, she went extra fast so she could have a couple of minutes to check on Justice. He was sleeping in Lillie’s room at the end of the hall.
The previous afternoon, Charlie had stayed until Patience had returned and Justice had been released from the hospital. The two women had gotten him upstairs where he’d fallen asleep almost instantly. He’d awakened long enough to eat a light dinner, take his meds and then he was out.
She’d checked on him several times during the night, but he’d been sleeping. Now she walked quietly down the hall and pushed open the door.
“Morning,” he said, his eyes open, his voice a little groggy.
“Morning, yourself. It’s early. You shouldn’t be up.”
“I’m not up. I’m lying down.”
The night-light in the base of the lamp provided a soft glow in the room. He was a big, tough guy who barely fit in her daughter’s small bed. His broad shoulders practically spanned the mattresses. He needed a shave—which contrasted nicely with the princess sheets. An assortment of stuffed animals crowded between him and the wall, no doubt a gift from Lillie.
He should have looked foolish. Instead, she found his vulnerability sexy and appealing. Maybe because she knew that in just a few days, he would be his powerful self again. But for this moment in time, he needed her.
“Sorry you have to share your bed,” she said, pointing to the array next to him.
He raised one bare shoulder. “The frog is my favorite.”
“Lillie’s, too. When she was little, she kept waiting for him to turn into a prince. She was hoping he would agree to be her baby brother.” She moved toward the bed. “Do you need to get up and use the restroom?”
She wasn’t sure how she was going to maneuver him there and back, but she would make the effort.
“Already went about an hour ago.”
“You got up?”
“It beats making a mess in the bed.”
“You’re not supposed to get up.”
“I’m supposed to take it easy for the next few days,” he corrected. “I was there, Patience. I know what the doctor said.”
“Were you also there when he yelled at you for leaving the hospital in D.C. too early and for nearly bleeding out in my store?”
“I remember a little of that conversation, yes.”
She crossed to the bed and pulled the desk chair close, then sat down. “How are you feeling?”
“Like crap, but better than I did.”
“You lost a lot of blood.”
She started to reach for his hand, then pulled back, not sure if she should. It had been different in the hospital. She wasn’t sure how, but it had been.
He solved the problem by grabbing her hand in his.
“I’m sorry I spoiled the grand opening,” he said.
“You didn’t. You made it memorable.”
One corner of his mouth twitched. “How they’ll be talking.”
“Exactly. It makes my place part of the story, so they’ll be lining up to see where handsome Justice Garrett was shot.”
“I wasn’t shot there.”
“They won’t worry about details like that.” She studied his strong hands, then looked into his eyes. “Can I ask where in the world you were shot?”
“I can’t tell you. I’m sorry.”
“The civilian equivalent of classified?”
He nodded.
She knew so little about him, she thought. She could find him in the dark by scent or touch, but she knew almost nothing about what he did with his day. Where he went, who he worked for. He was a man who disappeared for several days and then came home with a gunshot wound.
“It scares me,” she murmured.
She thought he might ask for clarification, but instead he squeezed her hand.
“I’m nearly done with them. I’m going to be here, opening the academy.”
“Is that going to be enough? You won’t crave the excitement?”
“I’m ready for a change.”
“This is a small town. Are you sure it’s what you want? Maybe you’d be happier in the big city.”
He smiled. “Do you really call other places ‘the big city’?”
She grinned. “Of course, but we always use a condescending tone when we say it.” Her humor faded as she realized he hadn’t answered the question. “You’re not a kid anymore. You can’t be anonymous in a place like this. Everyone knows everything about you. You’ll be expected to get involved. To show up at events and not almost bleed to death.”
“Trying to scare me away?”
“I want you to be sure before you get in any deeper...with the town.”
She didn’t want him to make promises he couldn’t or wouldn’t keep. Because sometime between Felicia showing up and the second he’d collapsed in front of her store, she’d accepted that she was in love with Justice. It wasn’t smart and she wasn’t sure it was going to end well, but she’d given away her heart.
“I came back, Patience.”
“What if that’s not enough? Where did you go and why did you get shot? Who is in your past? What have you done and is it going to be okay now?”
“All good questions,” he told her. “This probably isn’t the time to get into them.”
She glanced at the cat-shaped clock on the nightstand. “You’re right. I’m going to be late.”
He squeezed her fingers, then released her. “We’ll talk,” he said. “I’ll answer all your questions.”
“Okay.” She rose and put the chair back by the desk, then crossed to the bed and kissed him. “Go back to sleep.”
“I will.”
For a second she stared into his dark blue eyes and told herself everything was going to be fine. They would talk and she would find out everything she needed to know. But would the answers make things better, or make things worse? Because finding out the truth wasn’t always happy news.
* * *
ABOUT SEVEN-thirty that morning, Justice woke to the sound of running footsteps on the stairs. He’d barely had time to remember where he was when Lillie burst into his room.
“It’s okay,” she yelled back down the stairs. “He’s awake.” She smiled at him. “Grandma said not to bother you, but I said you wouldn’t mind. Are you still hurt?”
“A little, but it’s better than it was.”
She studied him from the door, as if not sure if she should come in or not. He waved her closer.
She stepped into the room. “Do you like my stuffed animals? I’m getting too old for them, but sometimes they’re nice company.”
“I’m enjoying them. Thanks for sharing.”
“You’re welcome.”
She was so like her mother, he thought. There were the odd bits that had to have come from her father, but mostly she was Patience’s daughter.
Lillie moved to the side of the bed and lowered her voice. “I’m not supposed to know you were shot, but I heard at my friend’s last night. Her mom was talking. Were there bad guys? Like on TV?”
In her world there were still good guys and bad guys, he thought. Where he had gone, there were only shades of gray. The rich oilman who had traveled to a part of Africa where the rules didn’t apply. There’d been an ambush and a shoot-out. He knew who had won, but in the scenario he’d just survived, he couldn’t say who was good and who was bad.
“We were attacked,” he said instead.
“Were you scared?”
“Not when it happened. I didn’t have time. But later, my heart was beating fast.”
She tilted her head. “It hurts, huh? Getting shot?”
“It hurts.”
Ava called for her granddaughter.
“I’m sorry, I have to go eat breakfast,” Lillie said. “I’ll see you after school.”
“Sounds good.”
She clattered down the stairs as quickly as she’d run up. About a half hour later, he heard her leaving the house. A few minutes later, someone else started up toward his room. Felicia walked in, a tray in her hands.
“Morning,” she said as she approached. “How are you feeling?”
“Like I was shot.”
“That’s not good.” She set his breakfast on the dresser, then walked to the bed. “Can you sit up?”
“Yes, and don’t help me.”
She ignored his instructions and held out her arm so he could use it to pull himself upright. When he was leaning forward, she shoved all the pillows behind his back.
“I’d forgotten how crabby you get when you don’t feel well,” she said cheerfully.
“Sorry. I don’t mean to be.”
“You don’t enjoy any physical manifestation of what you would view as weakness,” she said, placing the tray in front of him. “Nor do you like the reminder that you’re not in charge of every aspect of your life.”
“Remind me not to invite you to my next party,” he grumbled, studying the scrambled eggs and bacon next to buttered toast. While he wasn’t hungry, he knew the value of eating. The nutrition was necessary to heal.
“You don’t have parties. Besides, you wouldn’t invite me. You’d want me to plan it. I would attend by default.”
He paused, the fork halfway to his mouth. “Felicia?”
She dragged over the chair Patience had sat in earlier, then settled herself on the seat and sighed.
“I’m emotionally unsettled and therefore prone to outbursts,” she told him. “Ignore me.”
“Hard to do when you’re the only other person in the room.” He stared at her. “Look at me.”
She turned her green eyes in his direction.
“I’m sorry,” he told her.
“You haven’t done anything wrong.”
“I’m sorry I made you feel as if I don’t value your company. I would want you at my party.”
“You’re saying that because you think I’m upset and you don’t want to have to manage my feelings and because you feel guilty.”
He chuckled. “Never give a guy a break.”
“I’m just telling the truth.”
“Fine. If I were to have a party, I would ask you to help, but I would still want you there. You’re all I have, kid.”
She smiled. “That’s not true, either, but it’s nice that you said it.”
“Thanks for bringing me breakfast.”
“You’re welcome.”
He took a bite and chewed. “Don’t take this wrong, but why are you here?”
“Patience called and asked for my help. She’s at work, Ava can’t climb the stairs and there was some concern that Lillie couldn’t manage a heavy tray.”
“I’m a problem,” he said, knowing he had to leave as soon as possible.
“You’re not a problem. They like you. They want to take care of you. I suggest you not try leaving. Patience was very angry with you yesterday. She was also upset about you bleeding. You should stay here while you can.”
She spoke in her usual matter-of-fact tone. In his experience most women were ruled by their hearts more than their heads, but Felicia couldn’t ignore something as powerful as her brain. It wasn’t that she was especially logical; it was that she knew everything, in every situation.
Which made her comment all the more curious. “While I can?”
Felicia sighed. “They’re not like us. Patience, her family. This town. They’re so...”
“Ordinary?”
“Yes. This is exactly what I wanted. I said I wanted to live with regular people. To belong. But now that I’m here, I’m confused.”
“I’m confused, too.”
“You are?”
He nodded. “It’s easier when the bullets are flying.”
“Right. Because there’s no planning. You react and either live or die. But this place is all about ritual and nuance.” She opened, then closed her hands. “I want to fall in love.”
He continued eating his breakfast.
“You’re not reacting,” she said.
“I know you don’t mean with me.”
“I don’t. While you’re very physically attractive, I don’t have an internal, chemical reaction when you’re around. There are several possible explanations, if you want to hear them.”
“No, thanks.”
She nodded. “Do you remember Gideon?”
He’d just taken a bite of toast. He forced himself to keep chewing. “Uh-huh.”
“He’s here, isn’t he?”
Justice swallowed. No point in avoiding the inevitable. “You’ve seen him?”
“I heard him on the radio. I haven’t seen him. You know he’s the one I—”
Justice wanted to put his hands on his ears and hum. “Yes, I know,” he said quickly, interrupting her, then swore. “You’re like a sister to me, Felicia. I don’t want to hear about you having sex with some guy.”
“Despite being my first time, it was a very satisfying encounter.”
He glared at her. “What part of ‘I don’t want to hear’ was unclear?”
“I need to talk to someone about it.”
“That’s what girlfriends are for.”
She winced.
He swore again. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. You’re stating the obvious. That is what girlfriends are for.”
But she didn’t have any here. At least not yet. It wasn’t ever easy for Felicia to make friends.
“Consuelo will be here soon,” he said, knowing it wasn’t enough.
Consuelo was going to be one of the instructors. She was small but a great fighter. He never wanted her to know, but he was pretty sure Consuelo could seriously kick his ass.
“We can talk,” he said, trying not to grit his teeth. “Until she gets here. You know, about Gideon.”
“And my feelings?” she asked, her eyes bright with amusement.
“Sure. Feelings are good.”
She touched the back of his hand. “You’re very sweet to me.”
“I want you to be okay. Happy.”
“I am happy. Or I will be.” She drew back and shrugged. “Life is complicated.”
She didn’t mean life; she meant relationships. “Do you, uh, want to be with Gideon? You know, date him or something?”
“I don’t know. There was an attraction before. I would like to find out if that still exists and if it’s a precursor for other feelings or if we simply have a sexual connection.”
Justice winced. “Okay, so you’ll talk to him and find out, right? That’s easy.”
She smiled. “Right. Easy. You’re a lousy girlfriend.”
“Because this is where we talk endlessly about the same thing over and over again?”
“It helps. I understand that logically it shouldn’t. That repeating the same information without new input doesn’t resolve any issues, but I find the process comforting.” She shrugged. “It’s a girl thing. Something you’re going to have to get used to if you want to make your relationship with Patience a success.” She paused. “You do want that, don’t you?”
“Yes,” he said slowly. He pushed away his breakfast. “I want to, but I don’t know if I can.”
There were obstacles. Dangers. Some he couldn’t explain. He ached for her, and not simply in his bed. But could he risk being with her?
“Like you said, they’re so damned normal here,” he muttered.
“You’re normal, too.”
He glanced at her and raised his eyebrows.
“You are,” she insisted.
“All evidence to the contrary?”
“You’re not what you do for a living. I understand the male psyche likes to define itself through tasks, but you have to believe you are more than what you’ve accomplished.”
“I’m not talking about accomplishments. I’m talking about killing people, Felicia. I’m talking about being a danger to everyone around me.”
“You’re not Bart.”
She knew about his father—knew what he’d been through and what his father had done to him.
“You’ve left that behind you,” she added.
“I left the job, but I can’t change what’s inside.” That’s what he feared the most. The darkness. “Every now and then I get the feeling he’s still here.”
“He’s dead.”
“So they tell me.”
“Do you think they’re wrong? They identified him through dental records, Justice.”
“I’d be happier if it had been through DNA. There’s still a margin of error.” He looked at her. “I mean it, Felicia. I don’t think he’s here on a spiritual plain. Sometimes I swear he’s really here. Nearby. Watching. Right before I passed out in front of Brew-haha I saw him.”
“Are you sure?” she asked.
That was the hell of it, he thought. “No. I’m not sure.”
“Has it occurred to you that you’re sensing your father more lately because you’re ready to make changes in your life? You’re used to being the warrior and now you’re going to be a...” She paused as if searching for the word, then grinned triumphantly. “A regular Joe. That’s what you want and it makes you uncomfortable at the same time.” Her smile faded. “You’re the one who always told me that the only way to get over being afraid was to walk up to the fear and kick it in the balls.”
He managed a chuckle. “Yes, and usually you want to know why I think fear has a gender.”
“Justice, you have to believe in yourself. You have so much to offer.”
He knew she was right. The problem was, not all that he offered was good. If he couldn’t figure out a way to walk away from his past, he was a danger to everyone around him. He wouldn’t hurt Patience or her family for anything and if he thought he might, if there was the slightest chance he could, then walking away from her was the only option.