Chapter 7

The San Francisco convention was canceled. This meant James could attend his son’s soccer tournament, but it had an unforeseen negative consequence, too: James had to witness his ex-wife arrive at the game in the company of another man. A man James immediately identified as Marcus Lindsay.

His heart sank as he watched the man escort Barbara toward the field. But while he silently bemoaned the fact that the pair looked far too familiar with each other for his taste, his sons spied him and came running.

All Scott seemed to care about was that his dad watched him score some goals, but Hamilton seemed so relieved to see him that he barely left his side. Seeing his oldest kid’s dismayed face, and remembering their recent talk when Hamilton had climbed into his bed, James felt his stomach lurch painfully. And for the first time in his life, he felt himself get angry with Barbara. It was one thing for her to confront him with the fact that she was seeing another man, but it was a completely different thing to foist this kind of situation on the boys without discussing it with him beforehand.

She shouldn’t have brought a new man to her son’s soccer tournament after just two weeks. That would only serve to confuse the kids, as she well knew. Especially Hamilton, who they both knew was very sensitive.

It made him furious.

He wanted to jump the other man, maybe beat him to a pulp. Instead, he greeted his sons and remained at the edge of the field, trying not to stare too obviously at the approaching pair, who seemed to be heading to join him. When he saw Barbara wearing the earrings he’d given her for their last anniversary, he felt a punch to the gut.

“Dad, I can’t believe you really came to watch me play!” Scott hollered, jumping up and down.

He turned to the little guy, Hamilton still standing next to him like a shadow. “Well, I couldn’t miss this after you announced you were scoring two goals today, could I, champ?”

Scott’s sunny smile just before he launched himself at James for a tight hug was almost enough to make up for the sight of his ex-wife in the company of a man who wasn’t just a handsome guy, but also an immensely successful entrepreneur. If Barbara was trying to get back at James, she’d made an excellent choice in Marcus Lindsay.

As soon as he’d finished that thought, Barbara and her escort reached him. Barbara’s expression was inscrutable, wavering between embarrassed and incensed, but Marcus Lindsay wore a neutral expression as held out his hand. “James.”

“Marcus.” James nodded and shook the man’s hand. He’d known Marcus Lindsay for about five years, as a casual acquaintance. Everyone was a casual acquaintance in Connecticut—at least if you’d ever set foot in a country club. James turned to Barbara and greeted her with a smile for the boys’ sake, though he’d much rather have asked her what the hell she was thinking, bringing her date to their son’s soccer tournament.

Barbara frowned as she looked at him. “Aren’t you supposed to be at a convention in San Francisco?”

He met her gaze. “Fortunately, it was canceled at the last moment.”

“Ah.”

Before they had a chance to start any sort of argument, Scott started fidgeting and yelled, “Can we go for pizza after if I score more than one goal, Dad?”

“Yeah, Dad!” Hamilton chimed in excitedly, clinging to his arm. “Let’s go for pizza after the game! Please?”

“Hey, you two,” Barbara’s surprised voice cut in. “I thought we decided we’re finding the closest Taco Bell after the game.”

Hamilton shook his head defiantly. “I want pizza!”

Though he hated to admit it, James sympathized with Barbara’s obvious confusion, because he was just as perplexed at the rebellious tone in their oldest son’s voice.

Barbara seemed to decide she’d better give in while in the presence of her date. “Alright,” she said, “we’ll go for pizza.”

“No, I want to get pizza with Dad,” Hamilton snapped.

Her shock was plain as she tried to explain patiently, “Dad just came to watch Scott play, Hamilton. But next weekend, you guys can—”

“I want to stay with Dad and do something with him today,” Hamilton protested loudly. He was acting totally out of character, like a sullen teen, though he was only nine.

“Hamilton,” Barbara scolded him, blushing.

To make matters worse, Scott chimed in, “Then I want to stay with Dad, too.” But he was still beaming and probably had no idea what his brother’s little fit was all about. Hamilton, on the other hand, fixed his mother’s new friend with such a disdainful glare that James didn’t know whether to chide or praise him. He’d never have expected this kind of behavior from Hamilton. But he registered that Barbara threw an accusing look his way, as if this defiant behavior was his fault.

Marcus Lindsay, who had so far remained quietly in the background, observing the family feud with interest instead of embarrassment, cleared his throat and put a hand on Barbara’s arm for a brief moment. “Would you excuse me?” he asked politely. “I just spotted an acquaintance over there and need to say hi.”

Barbara murmured a reply and lowered her eyes as Marcus beat his retreat. Once he was gone, she threw James a belligerent look. James stuck out his chin, refusing to take the blame. He’d even managed to refrain from giving the prick a black eye when he’d had the nerve to put a hand on Barbara’s arm. A black eye would have gone nicely with his sports coat and tie—what kind of man wore that to a seven-year-old’s soccer tournament?

Barbara finally turned her glare from James to scold her son. “Hamilton, that wasn’t very courteous to Mr. Lindsay,” she said, her voice unusually stern. “I don’t want you—”

“But I want to stay with Dad,” Hamilton interrupted her, “not spend all day with that guy!”

“Hey,” James interfered calmly, grabbing Hamilton’s hand to stop him from pointing at Marcus Lindsay, who was walking around to the other side of the field. “You know it’s rude to point at people, Hamilton. And Mom’s right. You need to be more polite to Mr. Lindsay.”

“But I don’t want to get pizza with him,” Hamilton insisted, his chin trembling. “I want to get pizza with you.”

James sighed heavily. “It’s Mom’s weekend, pal. She’s been looking forward to—”

“It’s fine,” Barbara cut in, raising both hands. “The boys can go with you. It’s not a problem.”

Scott was thrilled at first, but Hamilton’s eyes went back and forth between his mom and dad, and soon Scott stopped jumping up and down.

James sensed he should do something to defuse the situation before Scott started to pick up on his brother’s vibe and start causing double the trouble. He ruffled Hamilton’s hair and gave him an encouraging wink. “Tell you what, pal: Why don’t you take Scott to the parking lot and get the little box from the backseat? Your grandparents sent it, and I bet it’s a present for you guys.”

The mention of a present was enough to make Scott rejoice again. Hamilton was more reluctant to leave his parents and looked indecisively at the car keys in James’s hand. Finally, he met his dad’s eyes and gave in, taking the keys and leading his brother away.

Once the boys were out of earshot, Barbara crossed her arms in front of her chest and turned on James. “Are you trying to turn our children against me?” she hissed.

“Excuse me?” James crossed his arms, too, and narrowed his eyes at her. “What the hell have I done to turn them against you?”

“Didn’t you just witness Hamilton’s reaction to Marcus?”

“And that surprises you?” he countered accusingly. “Did you really think Hamilton would love you showing up here with another man? I didn’t expect you to be so irresponsible, Barbara.”

“Irresponsible?” She all but spat the word out.

James could already see how they’d become the main topic at all the social events in the coming weeks, so he pulled her behind a large tree. Keeping his voice low, he fixed his gaze on her but was unable to hide his anger. “You’re dating again—fine! That’s your right—”

“How generous of you,” she cut him off scornfully. “Thank you for giving me your blessing!”

James scowled at her. “You know how sensitive Hamilton is! You can’t just show up with a random man without talking to him about it. It’ll only confuse and frighten him, as we’ve just seen.”

“All I saw was Hamilton being horribly impolite—which has never been a problem before. So what did you tell him?”

“I didn’t tell him anything,” he snapped. “Can’t you see he just feels insecure? Scared?”

Her green eyes burned with anger. “Damn it, James! Do you really believe I’d just bring some man to meet the boys without warning? That I’d just say, ‘Hey, boys, I’m dating again!’”

James swallowed hard. “Well, that sounds remarkably like what just—”

“No, I wouldn’t do that!” Barbara interrupted his sarcastic reply. “You know they’re always my first priority!”

James nodded in Lindsay’s direction. “Then what’s he doing here?”

Barbara rolled her eyes. “Marcus called me this morning. He wants to talk to me and Cynthia about our next project. He’s going to sponsor it. And since Cynthia is here today, too …”

James snorted disdainfully. “You don’t expect me to buy that convenient excuse, do you?”

Suddenly, she stuck out her chin and took a step toward him, poking him in the chest with her forefinger. “You can buy whatever you want—I don’t care! I’m telling you what he’s doing here—even though, once again, it’s none of your damn business!”

“Oh, I believe it is my business that my sons—”

“Is that so?” she snarled at him. “Who are you to berate me, considering I’ve had several people tell me you’re going out with our son’s teacher?”

“What?” He shook his head. “Are you talking about Maggie Fraser?”

“Obviously!” James watched her throw back her head and gasp for air, bubbling with outrage. “Don’t you think you’ve taken it too far? Going out with your own son’s teacher? You’re doing this on purpose, James! Trying to make me feel guilty about moving on! So you’ve resorted to flirting with a woman our son sees at school on a daily basis.”

“Are you jealous?”

“Don’t be ridiculous!” she hissed disdainfully. “I only care about the boys!”

“So do I,” he replied. “What would you have said if I’d brought a woman here today and introduced her as my new girlfriend?”

Barbara seemed ready to strangle him. “I did not introduce anyone as my new boyfriend, James! For Hamilton and Scott, Marcus is merely an acquaintance who’s helping me with the our next fundraiser.”

“Our sons are not dumb,” James said coldly.

“Exactly! So instead of hurling accusations at me, you better think about how Scott will react to his dad dating his teacher!”

James shook his head. “First of all, Maggie hasn’t been his teacher for over a year. And second of all, I just happened to run into her when I was out to eat. So it’s a bit rich to construe a date from that.” He added in an angry growl, “And even if I do go out with her—”

“Even if you do?” Barbara’s eyes widened. “Of course you’re not going out with that woman!”

He shook his head in disbelief. “Do you really think you can tell me who I can and cannot date? Weren’t you the one who told me I can’t meddle in your life? That should mean you can’t meddle in mine either, don’t you think?”

She gave him a look that was almost haughty. “This is a completely different issue!”

“Is it? Why?”

“Because … Because it will have an impact on our children if you go out with Scott’s teacher!”

James felt tired all of a sudden. It wasn’t doing them any good to argue when they were both this incensed. So he took a deep breath, trying to rein in his anger. “It doesn’t matter who we go out with,” he said calmly, “because it will have an impact on our kids either way. Why do you think Hamilton was so rude and defiant just now? He’s scared he’ll have a new father and won’t be allowed to see me anymore.”

Barbara flinched. Almost immediately, she straightened, as if to cover it. “That’s not true.”

“Yes, it is.” James raised both hands. “He told me that two weeks ago.”

Barbara sighed, defeated. “But … What on earth makes him think we would let it come to that?” Bewildered, she rubbed her forehead, her ire forgotten. Finally, she looked up, a worried expression on her face. “James, that’s not what I want to happen.”

His anger had evaporated as well. “I know,” he murmured, a familiar hopelessness suffusing him. There’d been a time when he’d have pulled her into an embrace in a situation like this, but that wasn’t an option anymore.

“We should talk to him.”

He shrugged a heavy shoulder. “I already did.”

“What did you tell him?”

James looked at her gravely. “I told him that, despite everything, we’re still a family and always will be,” he murmured hoarsely. “And that you have every right to go out with other men, and that we should be happy for you, because you deserve to be happy.”

She made a choking sound, gasping for air, but before he got a chance to find out what was causing her stricken face, she’d turned on her heel and disappeared.

***

Barbara got into Marcus’s car though she’d much rather have gone for pizza with her sons.

She’d rather have left the soccer field with her excited sons and headed for another messy pizza feast, but instead, she’d climbed into a virtual stranger’s car as she watched her ex-husband corral the boys into his own car and close the trunk with a proud laugh. For Scott was today’s top scorer. The boisterous mood that united the three blond boys was palpable, but here Barbara was, sitting in a different car, watching James leave with their boys.

Though James had claimed they were still a family, she realized once again that they weren’t. If they were, she wouldn’t be sitting in Marcus’s car. Instead, she’d be riding in the passenger seat of James’s car, laughing as loudly as their sons as they drove to the closest Italian place they could find with pizza on the menu. Together.

Sitting here instead felt completely wrong.

Her first date hadn’t felt right, and this didn’t feel right either. It felt foreign, alienating—she felt alienated. Sitting in a car with someone who wasn’t James, going to a restaurant with someone who wasn’t James, having them escort her to her front door … all of that was somehow wrong, though Barbara couldn’t have explained why exactly. She just didn’t feel like herself, however paranoid that might sound.

She’d always been herself with James, grounded, at peace with who she was.

It felt completely different with Marcus.

Although she kept telling herself she needed to give herself some time, wait and see how things developed with Marcus, Barbara already knew she would never be able to experience the same trust and intimacy she’d felt with James.

What kind of awful dilemma was that?

After everything that had happened, she could no longer be with James, but she just didn’t want to be with Marcus. She actually couldn’t imagine ever being in a relationship with a man who wasn’t James. Did that mean she was doomed to spend the rest of her life alone? And would James stay alone as well? Or would he find someone new while she grew old by herself?

For the last two years, they’d both been alone. Barbara had gotten used to the fact that she and her ex-husband were living separate lives; it seemed normal to her now. But neither of them had taken steps to find someone new. She hadn’t even wasted a thought on what it might be like if James suddenly met someone new, because it had been a matter of course that he wouldn’t go out with another woman.

The thought that that might change now, or might already have changed, hit Barbara like the stab of a knife.

How was it possible that you despised a person and at the same time yearned for them?

“Want to get a bite to eat? There’s a Thai place down the coast that’s supposed to be really good.”

Barbara turned to Marcus and shook her head, a weak smile on her lips. “No, I’m not hungry. Could you please just take me home?”

Surprised, he raised his eyebrows. “Are you tired? I actually thought we’d spend the rest of the afternoon together, now that it’s only the two of us. To be honest, I’ve been looking forward to finally spending some alone time with you, Barbara.”

She was so despondent that she couldn’t even take offense at his presumptuous plans. With a shrug, she filed him away as an idiot, after all. He took his role in her life too seriously for a man who’d barely kissed her on the cheek. He should’ve known she was only available as a pack of three.

And a man who whined about alone time after one harmless soccer tournament with a bunch of noisy kids simply wasn’t good enough for her sons. Simple as that.

She didn’t even have a hard time finding the words or her resolute tone as she declared, “I want to go home. Alone.”

He exhaled. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No.” Barbara let out a melancholy sigh. “You didn’t.”

“Then what’s the matter?”

She studied his disappointed face. “Would you run away with me to clown college?”

Marcus knit his brows in confusion. “I don’t understand.”

Barbara nodded bleakly. “I know.”