Chapter 15

 

 

The Next Morning

 

Zander hated leaving HonORa after their bout of lovemaking, but he needed to get back to the Morinians. When he returned later that night, he couldn’t convince her to have dinner with him and Lizetta. He worried that instead of making strides with her, his attitude may have set them back. Goddess! He should have been gentler.

He was up early again making breakfast. He really wanted to go over to HonORa’s, but her lights were out and he didn’t want to be pushy. She would probably freak out if he knocked on her door and told her that he was falling in love, and wanted to mate with her officially. They had only known each other for a few days, but he knew the moment he saw her that she was meant to be his. Zander wasn’t going to give up so easily; he would convince her that he would be the perfect mate for her.

“It’s too early to be up,” Lizetta grumbled as she came stumbling in and crashed on the couch.

He chuckled. “You can go back to bed. Stay in today if you feel like it, no one would say anything.”

“I can’t. I promised to go with the females to help pick fruit and vegetables from their gardens. It’s the first joint activity including the Morinians.”

“Where are these gardens?”

“The vegetable garden is set up a little east of the village, and the fruit garden is to the west. It’s supposed to be about three miles away.”

“Is it just the females going? Will there be security? I wasn’t told about this activity.”

“I’m sure ZenIM will have security, especially since we can’t go anywhere without being in a group.”

He grunted, not satisfied. He had planned to continue to question the Morinian elders who were withholding information, but he might have to change his plans. His sister and his mate’s safety would always come first.

“I’ll come with you—”

Lizetta sat up. “Why?”

“I can help you pick vegetables.”

She snorted. “Really?”

“I have done that activity before, you know.”

“You don’t have to come, Zander. We’ll be fine.”

He saw the determination on her face and wondered about it. “Very well, but at the first sign of trouble you come straight back to the village.”

“We will, I promise. Do you want me to go see if HonORa would like to eat breakfast with us?”

“Yes, that would be nice.” He hoped he didn’t sound desperate. Occupying himself with pulling down the plates, he started to place the food on the dishes when Lizetta came back inside—alone.

“She said that she already had breakfast and was going to spend the next hour in what she called prayer and contemplation.”

What in Kitana did that mean? She was avoiding him and he wasn’t going to let that go. He carried the plates over to the table and placed them down, then headed to the door.

“Where are you going?” Lizetta asked in surprise.

“To see about a female.”

He didn’t see the smile on his sister’s face or what she said. “Go get her, brother.”

*****

HonORa had just finished washing her plate when she heard a knock on her door. She had already declined the breakfast invite from Lizetta. Maybe one of the villagers or Morinians needed something.

She went to open the door and stood there in surprise. “Zander?”

“Good morning, beautiful.” He leaned down and took her mouth in a searing kiss. She couldn’t fight the moan she emitted as she melted into his embrace.

Finally he released her so she could take in oxygen. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to make sure you knew that I wasn’t going to give up on us. Last night was incredible and special. I plan to prove to you that this relationship can work.”

“How? Are you giving up your plan to get revenge against the Morins?” she asked. When he hesitated, she had her answer.

“I can’t commit to a male who places hate above love.”

“We’ll work this out, HonORa.”

She shook her head. “I just don’t see how.”

He cupped her cheek. “Give me a chance, please.”

Sighing, she nodded once. He kissed her once more then went back to his own cottage. She didn’t know what to do. Staring up at the sun peeking through the leaves, she prayed for the goddess’s wisdom.

Heading back inside her cottage, she finished putting away her dishes. Her body felt tingly all over, just from Zander’s kiss. He was right about one thing—last night had been incredible. She had no idea that being with a male could be so fulfilling. No, being with Zander was fulfilling.

Images played in her head of them together, living on the Colony with young of their own running around. It was a dream she had thought was once lost to her forever. Now, she could see their lives together, and it was beautiful. If only he could give up his mission to seek out vengeance. That’s how she saw what he sought. He called it justice but to do that, he would have to bring those directly responsible in to answer for what they had done. Those Morins were gone. Zander wanted to make all Morins suffer. As a servant of the goddess, she believed in forgiveness. Were they too different?

Maybe she was being unreasonable about it. She could understand how he felt. Her own gifts allowed her to feel what he felt, but that’s what had scared her the most. HonORa had felt his hatred and it was black and heavy and…awful.

How could anyone live like that? Live with such hate inside of him? She knew it originated from the pain of his people’s loss. She wanted to comfort him but wasn’t sure how to do that. Would he even let her?

He said that he wanted to mate with her officially. The thought of being his mate, saying their vows with the goddess’s blessing would mean everything to her. She just wanted it to mean everything to him, to mean more to him than his hatred for an already dying-out race of people.

She wished she could travel down to the temple in the Colonial prime city. It always made her feel closer to the goddess to pray in the temple, but she knew the goddess would hear her prayers no matter where she said them.

A knock at her door had her jumping up in surprise. Was he back? She got up and went to the door and opened it. She was slightly disappointed to find Lizetta there. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, Zander left and I’m bored. When do we leave for the gardens?”

“In about an hour. Come on in. I was going to put on my shoes.”

“So, what did you and Zander talk about?”

HonORa avoided looking at her in the eyes. “Just some things.”

“Did he tell you to be careful while at the gardens, and that if we see any trouble to come back immediately?”

“No. Does he think there’s a security risk?”

“You know how he is. He always thinks there’s a security risk.”

Honora laughed. “He is very protective.”

Lizetta sat on a chair. “He wasn’t always like that. I mean, he was protective but not watching-my-every-move protective.” Lizetta became extremely quiet, looking off into the distance.

“If you ever want to talk about it—”

“You know what happened to me, don’t you?” Lizetta interrupted.

“I wasn’t told any details.”

“I was violated.”

There was silence as HonORa took in what that meant. “I am sorry.”

“It was bad enough it happened once, but sometimes I feel like it is happening over and over. Every time I’m too scared to be around others, especially males. Every time I am too afraid to leave my bedroom… The nightmares make it feel like I’m being attacked over and over again. When I see others in relationships or children playing…” Lizetta’s tears streamed down her young face.

HonORa could not just sit there; she moved to kneel in front of Lizetta. She wiped the girl’s tears with her thumbs. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

“I think I need to. Seeing the children hurts me more than anything.”

“Why is that?”

“It’s because…I thought I was breeding.”

It felt like someone had dumped ice-cold water on her. HonORa gulped. “The Morins had managed to breed you?”

Lizetta shook her head. “No, but for a moment I thought I was. Just the thought of it made me sick. What’s worse is I would have wanted it gone if I had been. How could I think or want such a thing?” Lizetta broke down into sobs.

“Oh, honey.” HonORa took the girl into her arms and stroked the back of her head as her grandmother used to do for her when she was scared or upset. “Shh…it will be all right.”

“How can it? I don’t know why I feel like a piece of me is gone forever—taken away. The Morins had no right to do what they did to me or my people, but I never before felt such hatred toward others, and I hated myself when I thought that I might be pregnant. Why does the goddess let this happen? Did I do something to cause it?”

“It’s not your fault. The goddess loves you and wants you to live a happy and healthy life.”

“I don’t think I can let a male get close enough to get me pregnant. The thought of letting a male touch me in that way makes me feel sick.”

“You’re still way too young to even think about that. Let yourself enjoy being a child a little longer.” It seemed like Lizetta wanted to say something else. “Has a male approached you?”

“On Katiera, there’s a warrior who I think likes me. I don’t want to lead him on if I can’t ever be with him.”

“Give it time. All good things come to those who are patient.”

“I guess so.”

Since Lizetta opened up to her and was vulnerable, she wanted to share something personal about herself. “I never experienced such abuse as you did, but I do know loss so great that I had shut myself off to future possibilities.”

“Like what?”

“When I was around your age, I fell in love with a young Katieran warrior. We intended to mate officially once I was of age, but he died in battle before that happened. His family wouldn’t allow me to attend his burial. I was devastated. After that, I felt like I was lost. Then I went to the temple of the goddess and prayed for her to take my life as well.”

“You wanted to die?”

“Yes. I’ve never confessed that to anyone before now.”

“What happened?”

“The goddess answered my prayers, but not in the way I had thought she would. She took my life and changed it to something much better. She gave me a purpose, to serve her and my people, and I haven’t regretted it one day of that life.”

Lizetta was unusually quiet before she spoke softly, “I’ve asked for death. I’m glad the goddess did not give me that wish, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to live a normal life.”

HonORa smiled and patted her hand. “We’re on the colonial planetolonial. No one here is what most would call normal. Life is life, the good and the bad. We take what we are given and make the best of it.”

“What about now? Do you think you could give up being a priestess if there was a chance at having a family?”

“Who says I would have to give anything up? I could still serve the goddess and have a family.” Whoa, that was not the answer she had intended, but it felt right. She wanted to avoid any questions from Lizetta.

“Come on, let’s go pick us some vegetables.”