LUCIEN

 

"YOU'RE A MONSTER."

What I did last night to Adeline…beating her with that belt…makes me exactly that --- a fucking monster.

I know what it feels like to be at the mercy of someone who is hell-bent on hurting you.  So, what the fuck would possess me to do that to Adeline?

The look on her face and the words she spit at me after it happened will be seared into my memory forever.  If Jackson hadn't been there to stop me…who knows what would have happened.  Would I have been able to stop on my own?

I don't know the answer to that question, and it fucking terrifies me.

I spent the better part of the night holed up in the gym, pounding away at the punching bag until my knuckles were sore and bruised, and then running full speed on the treadmill until I almost collapsed.  After my punishing exercise routine, I huddled in the corner of my shower long after the hot water ran out.  Shivering and freezing cold, I finally emerged from the safety of the glass-enclosed cocoon and managed to dress myself on autopilot.

I'm supposed to be working today, but I can't concentrate on anything but her.

Adeline is like the perfect distraction, the perfect drug, and I just want to keep injecting her into my veins like some sort of miracle cure.

I don't worry and obsess about everyone and everything when I'm around her.  I'm so focused on her that there's no room for anything else in my troubled mind.

Is that why I'm refusing to let her go?

Keeping her here against her will makes me exactly what she called me --- a monster.

I told her I'm keeping her here because she's in danger, and she absolutely could be if her fiancé decides to sell her again.  I highly doubt he'll get the opportunity to do that under Salvatore's nose again, but there is a small chance that he could.

And I'm not willing to take that chance.

The only solution I can come up with is keeping Adeline here on this island with me.  I know it's selfish and wrong, but I don't care.  I want her.

I need her.

Determined to get back to work, I turn my attention back to my computer, but find myself quickly accessing the camera feeds instead.  I bring up Adeline's room, but find it…empty.

Panicked, I search the entire room and bathroom for any movement.  Nothing.  She's not in there.

"Where is she?" I growl in frustration.

Bringing up the feed from dinner last night, I watch in horror as I bend Adeline over the table and beat her with my belt.  I force myself to watch, to take responsibility for what I've done, and it guts me.

I notice that the first strike made her jump and scream, but that she didn't make a move or sound with the strikes that came thereafter.  I zoom in closer, and the expression on her face is a familiar one.  She's blocking the pain out.  And there's only one way she has mastered that.

She's been hurt before.

Scowling, I fast forward until the moment she's done scrubbing the floor.  Her knees buckle as Jax scoops her up in his arms.  I grimace.  Not only did I beat her, but I made her scrub the entire fucking dining hall on her hands and knees.

I am a fucking monster.

I watch with intense curiosity as Jax carries Adeline to his room.  She must still be there.  With him.

Growling, I stand and make my way to Jax's room.  I've never been jealous of my cousin before, but there's a first time for everything, I suppose.

I pound my fist on Jackson's door.  When he opens it a minute later, he has a frown on his face.  He's clearly disappointed with me, and it makes me feel a thousand times worse.

Raising my chin, I get a glimpse of Adeline sleeping on his bed.  The rumpled sheets coupled with the fact that Jax is only wearing a pair of pajama bottoms fucking enrages me.  My hands curl into fists at my sides as anger ripples through every muscle in my body.  "Did you fuck her?" I hiss.

Jax pushes me out in the hallway and closes the door behind him.  "Keep it down.  She's still sleeping."

I stare at him in disbelief.  "Well, did you?" I demand.

"No, of course not!"  His words manage to slightly calm my internal rage, but now Jax is the angry one.  "What the fuck happened last night, Luc?" he snaps.

"I fucking lost it," I growl.  "Okay?  I fucking lost it, Jax."

Some of his anger seems to dispel at my admission.  "You're damn right you did.  Adeline was terrified of you last night."  He folds his arms across his chest.  "So was I.  Hell, we all were."

I mimic his posture, and we stand in the hallway with a thick tension hanging between us.  I don't need a lecture from Jax.  He already knows how fucked up I am.  Why he remains here on this island with me, I have no idea.  Sure, he leaves every once in a while for his own excursions and exotic desires, but he always returns.

He's like a loyal fucking dog that I don't always want shadowing me, but am thankful to have around anyway.

"How is she feeling?" I ask.

"She's been resting.  I gave her some meds," he tells me.

"How bad is it?  Her back isn't…"  I struggle with my words.  "I didn't scar her, did I?"  Jax knows I got my scars from a particularly bad beating from my mother when I was nine years old.  The metal buckle slashed through my delicate skin over and over again, leaving behind numerous open wounds that eventually healed on their own into rough and jagged scars.

The memory is as fresh in my mind as if it happened yesterday --- lying in the dark, damp closet she locked me in for days afterwards with no food, no water; my emaciated body covered in blood and shivering so hard my teeth chattered.

Sometimes, in my nightmares, I can still hear my own screams.

"You didn't hit hard enough to scar," he says, snapping me out of my reverie, and I breathe out a sigh of relief.  "But she does have some pretty bad bruises."

I expected that.  I'm just relived that her beautiful, flawless skin didn't get ravaged by my fucking psychotic episode.  I truly don't think I would have been able to live with myself knowing that I scarred her.

"We talked a little last night," Jax says.  "She's curious about you.  Wants to know why you're…you," he says with a dark chuckle, but I don't find any humor in it.  "I told her that it's your story to tell, Luc."

I nod.  That's good that he didn't confide in Adeline.  I don't need her fucking pity.  Just like I don't need Jax's.

"Her father is the one who was beating her, not the fiancé."

"I see," I whisper.

"And it turns out she's in an arranged marriage of sorts.  Salvatore is forcing her to marry Giovanni, but I think Adeline actually thinks she could fall in love with the guy, given the circumstances."

Grinding my teeth together, I try to process this new information.  No wonder Giovanni had no qualms about selling her.  If Salvatore is forcing him into the marriage, he probably doesn't even like the girl, let alone love her.

But Adeline thinks she could fall for him…or has she already fallen?

"How long are you keeping her here, Luc?  You can't keep her forever.  You know that, don't you?"

I glare at my cousin.  "I'm not letting her go."  Then I quickly add, "Right now."

His eyes narrow.  "All right.  I just hope you know what you're doing."

I hate the fact that he's questioning me, but I really hate the fact that I feel like I don't know what the hell I'm doing…about anything anymore, and especially not when it comes to Adeline.  "I want her back in her room.  Today," I demand.

He gives me a single nod.

I turn on my heel and leave, fuming at the fact that I left Adeline in Jax's room.  I don't know why the thought of them together infuriated me so much, but I know deep down my fucked-up brain has already laid claim to her.

She's mine.

And I don't want Jax or anyone else to have her.

This obsession over her is driving me mad.  I need to stay the fuck away from her for a while.  I can't allow myself to have these feelings.  It's such a foreign concept that it makes me angry to even think about someone, this girl, changing me.

She's under my skin in a way I never knew possible, and the darkness in me is slowly beginning to crack.

But I refuse to let any light into my black soul…even if it makes me a monster and even if it makes her hate me.