Lying on a soft lounge chair out on the balcony of my bedroom, I look up at the stars. My son is up there somewhere. My only child.

When my first-born son was taken from this world as he fell from the top of one of the trees in the red forest, I thought it would kill me as well.

My husband was supposed to be watching him. The two were out for a walk when the accident occurred. I never forgave Hexultan for that.

He allowed him to climb the tree, said every boy should be able to shimmy up a tree if they so desired to. His death was something I never forgave him for.

I changed how I treated him from that point forward. I was harsh with him in private and critical of him when alone as well.

On the outside, it all looked rosy. Never did I disrespect the man in front of anyone else, Kerr included. But in the privacy of our quarters, I gave him no respect.

I kept my love and body from him. Perhaps that drove him to do what he did. Perhaps my never forgiving him for the death of our first-born drove him to have me killed.

Not that I approve of that in any way. Just reflecting on why he did it.

Our love had been true. From the first time I laid my eyes on him, I knew he was the one for me. Though a child at the time, something inside me sparked for him.

My father saw it as well and made him a Duke instead of leaving him a commoner. And we married. It was a love affair like no other. We couldn’t keep our hands off one another.

It was like Heaven, until that fateful day and then it was like Hell.

Our son looked like him. Kerr resembles me, but Hexor looked like his father. And every time I looked at my husband’s face, I saw the child he made us lose.

His rambunctious ways and what I came to call Earthling spirit had him letting our son do a dangerous thing that cost him his young life.

A star flashes through the night sky, and it takes my attention back to Kerr. Up there in the complete darkness as the power has been taken from his ship and every other ship in the Armada.

I wonder what they’re all thinking up there. I wonder if they’re afraid. I wonder if Hexultan is lying somewhere, wide awake, knowing this is all his fault.

The directive stated all the others were to be put to sleep, but not Hexultan. I wanted him awake to live through the fear of knowing his time was limited.

Even though they should all be asleep, I wonder if Kerr is sleeping peacefully or having long nightmares. I hope his sleep is peaceful, but I have no control over that.

As the cool breeze flows over my skin, I recall better days. Back before the accident, before I turned on my husband, before everything. We were happy once upon a time.

Funny how life can change in the blink of an eye. Something inside me is battling with the part of me that wants to see the ultimate revenge on the man who ordered my death.

Deep inside I’ve been having doubts about this plan I put in motion nearly a year ago. The girl, Emerald, has made those doubts come much closer to the surface.

Not sure I like that.

Harboring resentment has gotten me through the years since Hexultan ordered my death. And to find out he used his poor brother to do it. Well, that’s just too much, I think.

But maybe if I hadn’t gone about this in the way I did, things could’ve been resolved long ago. Maybe his poor brother wouldn’t have lived for so long on a planet with no other humans on it.

Maybe the way I’ve been handling things for so long has been wrong.

But what can I do about it all now?

It’s too late to change anything. The girl who wears my mother’s wedding ring has already been dissected. The directives have been implanted. It’s set in stone.

Nothing can be done to stop it now. The wheels were put in motion far too long ago.

It is Hexultan’s fate now. He will die upon his arrival here. The girl will kill him and then life as we know it will go on.

My eyes close as my heart aches. We were in love once. We had two small sons, and we were completely in love.

And then we weren’t anymore. In one quick moment, we just weren’t in love any longer.

When you lose a child, I think you go a little mad. Could I have made very bad choices after losing Hexor?

Did I have to lose Hexultan too?

My husband tried very hard to help me through the loss, but I pushed him away so hard. I blamed the man completely for our eldest son’s death.

Life left the man’s eyes. But in all fairness, it had left mine too.

Doubt just keeps running through me, though. How could I stop it anyway, even if I wanted to?

She’s been activated. I can’t have her destroyed for what I did to her. That would be worse than having her kill my husband.

To take her down would take her having to be killed. She’s now a force to be reckoned with thanks to me. She can take a life with a look.

Getting up, I go back inside my bedroom. The one I used to share with my husband. I’ve had his things removed.

They’re in another part of the palace. We never destroy things here. No waste on Euthenia.

The purple liquor that has helped me survive since Hexor’s death sits in a beautiful clear decanter on the table in my room.

I pour myself a drink and sit down in the soft and well-cushioned chair I used to sit in before I had to hide from the man who wanted me dead.

The first drink burns as it goes down my throat. The fine crystals in the drink make tiny perforations down the throat, allowing the alcohol to penetrate much faster than other liquors.

The burn subsides quickly as the numbing agents go to work. The numbness moves over the body rapidly, and the brain decides nothing is all that important any longer.

I glide over the floor to my bed. The one I used to share with my husband. I lie on the soft blanket and look up at the ceiling.

We had an artist paint a mural of our sons when they were children, playing in one of the blue garden’s Hexultan had made to capture my attention when we were young.

Pain fills my chest, and I turn over and grab my glass and take another drink. Lying back, I feel the effects take me deeper. Further away.

My eyes close. I no longer wish to look at the boys. I’ve neither anymore, anyway. Kerr is grown and soon will have a family of his own.

If he doesn’t help his father, that is.

My sister, Nar’s face makes a brief appearance in my head. I hurry to take another drink of the purple forget-everything juice to send it away.

Resting my head on the fluffy pillow, I let myself fall. Push it all out of my head.

There is nothing I can do to stop it, anyway.