Chapter 22

Ford

“Hang on, help is on the way, I’ll be there as quick as I ca-an.”

“Your singing is god awful. By the way, it’s as fast as I ca-an,” she says, eating me up with her hungry gaze. “I think the only performer in your family is Reagan so you should just fade away into the woodwork and leave him in the limelight.”

I want to throw her over my shoulder and carry her to the bedroom like a Neanderthal, but I’ll save that for another time. The truce is still new and fragile, a tenuous string of faith holding us together. I’m not going to do anything to ruin it.

Haylee holds her front door open, and I slip through. Atlee’s nowhere to be seen but I know she’s here. Haylee invited me over for lunch, and I jumped at the chance.

“How are you?” she asks, watching me.

I move over to the worn couch and sit down. The first order of business is going to be getting her out of this house. She doesn’t have to move in with me, but I can buy her a nice house in a safe neighborhood with a yard and a playground within walking distance. I make a mental note to call a real estate agent and ask Linc to manage the whole thing. He wants to be one of the stars of the show if they ever make a Bravo version of Million Dollar Listing Las Vegas. Since he’s still in grade school, he’s still too young to really know what he wants to do but if anyone can make it to reality TV, it’s Linc.

“Peachy keen,” I answer, which is the truth and a lie. I’m excited and nervous as all hell. “Better now that I’m here with you. Where is she?”

Haylee laughs. “I promise that is the first and the last time you will ever ask that question. When hurricane Atlee’s in the house, it’s never a dull moment. She’s playing paper dolls with Rachel. I told her she could go for an hour and I’d call her home for lunch. This way, she gets to play with her bestie, and we get a chance to have an adult conversation. As soon as macaroni and cheese is served, all bets are off.”

“I see that I’m going to have a lot to learn about being a parent,” I say, worried. It’s hard not to grimace under the strain. Not want to run away. “The cuisine seems horrible. Am I going to be able to do it, Haylee?”

“I have faith in you,” she says, winking. “You ran a multi-billion-dollar corporation. You’ve created award-winning apps for Apple. How hard could wrangling one little girl be?”

I picture her standing on the top run of the dome-shaped jungle gym, feet wide apart, a tiny hand on each saucy hip, and I groan deep in my chest.

“A shit ton of trouble.”

“Language. It’s hard to watch yourself, but you’ll get the hang of it.”

I think of all the things I say while at the office and I slap a hand to my forehead. “Ugh, I’m not sure I can do this.”

“You can. Just feel your way like Danny Zuko said in the shake shack. One thing at a time, okay?”

I laugh, imagining him in his black chinos but with a letter sweater instead of his usual leather jacket. Like a fish out of water. Just like I feel right now. This is the Haylee that I missed so much. That I loved so much.

Still love.

“This not being with the two of you, not seeing you all the time, has got to end. I need more. I want more.”

Haylee slides onto the sofa cushion next to me and curls her long legs underneath her. I yearn to stroke her silky skin but she’s looking at me in such a pensive way, I let the moment pass. I stare at her, this precious gift that I cast aside that’s now come back to me, making me believe in second chances. I’m never going to let her go this time. She has no idea what she means to me, but I’m going to work on letting her know for the rest of our lives.

“Can I just hold you for a few minutes,” I ask, needing that physical connection between us to bolster myself with a double shot of courage. “I don’t want to think about anything else other than how good you feel in my arms again.”

“Yes,” she whispers and falls forward and onto my chest. I inhale her lemony scent and stroke her thick hair, fisting it in my hand. Haylee gets comfortable, and we stay like that until the sound of the doorknob jolts us both back out of our thoughts and into the present.

“Hey, Ford’s here!” Atlee says, bounding into the room. Her cheeks are flushed pink with excitement as her halo of blonde hair floats around her shoulders in tumbling waves. “Hi, Ford. I’m so glad you’re not stranger danger anymore. You even make an okay Wonder Boy.”

“Hey, Atlee.”

I straighten up as she approaches and don’t exhale until she’s standing right in front of me between my open legs. She reaches a tiny hand up to my arm and squeezes my bicep. “Have you been working on your Wonder Boy powers like we talked about? This still feels kind of puny.”

Haylee stifles a laugh and then gives me a wide-eyed look as if to say, See, I told you so.

“I guess I’m just going to have to work harder then,” I say, flexing as if I can show her how hard I’ve been working in the gym. I didn’t hear any complaints when I caught her in a perfect arc of flailing child after she launched herself from the playground apparatus the first time we met.

“I guess it’s okay,” she says, holding her hand on her hip and cocking her head to the side as she considers me. “Can you play ‘rope the criminal’ with me?”

“Rope the criminal?”

“Yeah, I’ll go get my rope.”

After she trots off, I turn to Haylee. “I’m pretty sure that nothing good ever began with the sentence, ‘I’ll go get my rope.’ If she returns with duct tape and bleach, I’m screwed. I hope you haven’t been coaching her on how much she should hate her own father.”

“She doesn’t know you’re her father yet. Besides, playing with a grade schooler is good for the constitution. It inspires creativity.”

I chuckle and run a finger down her exposed thigh, delighting in the gooseflesh I leave in my wake. “Says who?”

“Dr. Phil.”

Oink!

The pig appears before my daughter, a bright pink, hairy monstrosity of an animal that must weigh at least fifty pounds.

“Gerald! Stop snorting the carpet. You’re gonna start sneezing again and get my invisible airplane snotty.”

Gerald snaps his head up at Atlee’s words and sees the stranger, heading straight toward me at full speed. Before I can stop him, he sticks his long, pig snout right in my junk and snorts. The sound of Haylee’s infectious laughter drowns out my annoyance. I shove Gerald away and glance over my shoulder.

“Can’t you teach your pet some manners, Haylee?”

She lifts a shoulder. “He’s named after you.”

“Yeah, about that. Can you please explain to me why you thought it would be a good idea to name a pig after me? I’m not sure whether to be insulted or proud.”

A pretty pink color spreads over her cheeks. “It was a weak moment.”

I watch my daughter making her Wonder Woman setup look like it came out of a cable re-run. Easing the fear that threatens to cripple my heart whenever I’m near her is going to prove much harder. I want her to love me so badly, it hurts. More than that, I want her to admire me and be proud of me as her daddy.

She bends over to kiss Gerald on his fuzzy head.

“You wanna know something?” I ask, gazing up at her with questioning eyes.

“Sure.”

Shaking my head, I can’t help but laugh. “I actually find Gerald’s name amusing now that we’re speaking again. Before, well, let’s just say I didn’t take it well after finding out about my namesake.”

“Atlee told me about the Ford she met on the playground at the clinic. She said you just might make it as a superhero. After a few more reps.”

“Are you complaining about the state of my six-pack, woman. Seems you’ve never had a problem with it in the past.”

Shit. Why did I go and ruin a perfectly pleasant and flirty conversation by saying the dirty word that’s gotten us all into so much trouble? Past. We need to be focused on moving forward and worrying about what we can control – the present. Haylee’s face creases into a little frown, and I fear I’ve blown it until she speaks again.

“Never. I’ve always been one to enjoy more of a dad bod anyway.”

I reach over and tickle her at her waist where I know it’s going to drive her wild. After a peal of giggles ring out, I stop.

“Ford, stop tickling Mommy. Don’t you know any better than that?”

I raise one eyebrow at Haylee. “Hmm...I wonder where she picked up that particular phrase.”

Haylee shrugs, looking at me innocently. “Could be anyone.”

“Negative. I think I can remember hearing that one a time or two myself.”

She grabs my hand and laces our fingers together. It feels like a connection that can never be severed. I feel like coming home to my future.

“Your mom must have been really frustrated, then. Were you a naughty little boy, Ford?”

I lean over so I can whisper in her ear. I watch as the tiny hairs rise on her neck. Unable to stop myself, I give a little blow to her throbbing pulse. “Just wait until later. I’ll show you how naughty I’m capable of being.”

In the few seconds it’s taken to finish my conversation with Haylee, Atlee’s rigged a kitchen chair into her invisible jet, complete with rope, wings, and a cardboard nose. Gold bracelets dangle from her wrists, and she’s got the gold crown resting atop her curls. After a few more snorts, I locate Gerald, who’s now wearing a star-spangled tulle tutu, foraging for dropped candy underneath an end table.

“Ford, come sit in the airplane and fly with me,” she says, pointing toward the chair. I wonder if it’s going to crumble underneath my considerable bulk. It looks pretty rickety, and the formerly green seat has yellowed.

“Coming,” I say, already feeling the need to indulge her every desire. I’ve got years of making it up to her, and I can’t wait to get to know her better.

Just as I sit down, Atlee executes a perfect twirl and rolls her eyes to the heavens as if she can’t believe what she’s just seen.

“Seriously, Gerald. Pull down your tutu. Why, you can see clear to Christmas!”

Haylee and I lock eyes. “That’s one hundred percent Dixie!”