Waking the same way for the third morning in a row, I rolled out of bed and raced to the bathroom. Dropping to my knees in front of the toilet, I heaved the contents of my stomach into its porcelain depths, no longer giving a damn where the waste went, just as long as it did and I didn’t have to smell it, nauseating me further. Sweat beading my forehead, I choked, then heaved again until all that came out was stomach acid, burning my throat and nostrils.
Catching my breath, I fumbled for the handle, flushing the toilet. I knew I needed to call Antonio. But the only time I ever spoke to him anymore was on the battlefield when it was necessary, ignoring him the rest of the time, even when he found where I was hiding every night to have my dinner and interrupted my solitude to sit next to me, as if I wanted him there and as if he wanted to be there, always having a one-sided conversation with himself while I zoned out and ate, not hearing a bit of his forced ramblings.
But now I needed to call him.
It had been one month since MCWWII had begun, and before that, two weeks since my memory wipe. During that entire time, I hadn’t had my period. At first, I had brushed it off as stress, but now, with the nausea in the morning, which was in no way normal for a healthy Mystical, I dreaded the worst. But dreading facts didn’t make them go away, so I washed my face and made the call asking him to bring Bindi with him to my tent.
They arrived within ten minutes, both of them appearing harried, surprised, hopeful, and even a tad worried that I had asked for their presence.
Voice as cold as a winter’s night, I stated bluntly, “I think I may be pregnant. But I don’t know how that’s possible because the last thing I remember was having a Mage tie my tubes, and I don’t remember having sex with Finn, or anyone else, any time after my last period.” Both of them appeared about ready to faint. “I’m not one hundred percent sure, but I think I might be.”
Bindi was the fastest to recover, her face going physician-worthy. “If you had your tubes tied, I’m sure by an extremely talented medical professional, then the chances aren’t likely.” She cracked her knuckles on her right hand. “You stated you haven’t had sex since your last period, but not when the first day of your last menstrual cycle began. Can you remember when that was?”
Nice choice of wording. “The last one I remember was around eight weeks ago.”
She froze, her eyes going wide. “And you’re just now mentioning this?”
“I thought it was stress-related.”
Her nostrils flared, but she nodded once. “That is a viable reason for a missed period,” she growled, “or two.” She cracked her knuckles on her left hand. “Have you had any other symptoms?”
I nodded once. “I’ve been throwing up for the last three mornings.”
Neither said a word.
I added the kicker. “I tried to shift before you two arrived, and I couldn’t.” A pause. “In fact, that was the first time I have tried to shift since waking on the cargo ship.” I hadn’t had a need for it, fighting in my regular form since my wolf was tiny.
Antonio actually wobbled where he stood, and Bindi’s arm jerked out like it was automatic, grabbing his arm to steady him, but her attention was steadfast on me.
When neither said anything, I continued my one-sided conversation. “Is there any other possibility that explains my symptoms?”
Antonio’s gaze flew to Bindi, and she nibbled on her lip a moment, her eyebrows puckered, before she stated almost happily, “You’ve been shot a couple of times during combat with silver bullets. There may still be a fragment of the shell inside you somewhere, which fits all of these symptoms.” She nodded quickly, gesturing to my bed. “Lie down and I’ll do a scan, and if we don’t find anything, then I can do an internal exam as a last resort for pregnancy.”
I did as told, lying on the bed, not bothering to tell her I still had my powers, so the silver excuse wasn’t viable. The exam needed to be done anyway. Feeling cold and bereft, I stared at the ceiling, while Antonio hovered, as Bindi started at my head, her hands glowing. Slowly and methodically she moved her hands over me, an inch away from my skin, leaving not one area untouched as she moved down over my shoulders, each arm, breasts, rib cage, and stomach. But when she got to my lower abdomen she froze, her hand hovering and then glowing brighter. Her body trembled, before her face blanked completely. In a monotone voice, she said, “I’ll need to do that internal exam, Queen Ruckler.” She licked her lips. “It’s not a shard of silver. You are, indeed, pregnant. I can feel the baby’s pulse, beating so faintly I’m positive even a Vampire wouldn’t be able to hear it yet, but it’s strong.”
In that instant, at the verification, something splintered inside my soul. If I thought I had been cold before, this was the arctic that slipped into my veins, uncontrollable as I stared at the tent’s shimmering ceiling.
I’d had sex with someone.
I couldn’t remember him.
Even that memory stolen from me.
So now I was having a stranger’s baby, when I didn’t even like brats to begin with, having spent time in King Cave babysitting the tiny monsters. Why had I babysat? I couldn’t remember, or even begin to guess why I had every other day stepped foot in a nursery when I loathed it so much. But peculiarly I…placing a hand over my flat lower stomach…yes, I wanted this stranger’s child.
My child. I definitely wanted it, and I didn’t have to remember anything to know that was all my own current knowledge. The baby was mine.
Eyes unblinking and my brows puckered, my thoughts began to coil as I began feeling nauseous again.
Why…
It didn’t make sense.
Why the hell would those memories have been taken from me?
A crime yes, but sex with someone?
No, that didn’t make sense.
I blinked as if waking from a dream, a new snaking coldness rushing through my veins.
Unless…
I lifted my right hand, and gently slid off the ring on my thumb. The one I stared at every night, wondering what it meant. I scrutinized it in a different light. Black and red. I blinked slowly, remembering there had once been a scent on the man’s grey t-shirt I wore to bed. The one I wore right now.
Abruptly, a cold tear trickled down my icy cheek.
I now understood the symbolic nature of the ring.
Black and red. Vampire.
Air left me, my gaze flying to my stomach, as realization dawned, only to demolish like morose obscurity, ripping away any real clarity because the possibilities were endless within the Vampire faction. I was mind raped because I’d had sex with a Vampire. Law 6002, one of the newest.
Breathless, I shook my head, letting it fall back on the pillow. My breathing hiccupped repeatedly. Someone had fucked with my mind because of who I’d had sex with. I placed the ring in front of my blurry eyes, tilting it to read the inscription as I had done a million times.
It read: The Beauty Is Found.
The Vampire must have loved me, just as I must have loved him — I wore his ring — for both of us to have risked something so dear as losing stages of time, our past. My mind. This was enough to make anyone go insane, and I sure as hell was already halfway there.
Yet we had done it anyway. Because of love. For some mysterious ‘Beauty’ that I remembered nothing of. And now, I was paying the consequences for an experience that was as much an enigma as mermaids were in fairytales, living my life alone in the glacial reality and pregnant with no knowledge of who the father was.
“Queen Ruckler!” Bindi shouted loudly. “Can you hear me?”
Having a pretty good indication she and Antonio had both been trying to get my attention for some time, both wearing identical expressions of worry as they hovered in front of my face, I slipped the ring back onto my thumb, one of the only clues to my memory loss, and asked with a voice that could have inflicted frostbite, “Can either of you tell me where the hell the beauty is in this? Because I sure as fuck would like to know.” At their confused silence, I shook my head hard, a cold shudder racking my body as I turned on my side, curling up, and stared at the ring. “I want to know who the father is.”
Neither of them said a word. Didn’t move, in fact.
“Still you two hold your silence,” my frigid gaze met Antonio’s, “and still you do nothing.” I snorted, my gaze returning to the ring. “There is something you could do, Antonio.”
Instant. “What is it?”
“I’ll need you to put a permanent spell on me, so no Vampires can hear the baby’s heartbeat, and when I start to show, you’ll need to modify my appearance for everyone else.” I twirled the ring. “I’m going to keep this child, but I sure as fuck am not giving up going into battle because I’m pregnant. Killing Coms is the only joy I have left, and I won’t have that taken away, too.”
Bindi made an odd noise in her throat, and then finally stated, “You need to think of the baby, since you’ve decided to have it, and literally fighting in a war is not healthy for it.” She paused, her voice garbled. “Besides, I haven’t done my internal examination, and I might yet find an indication that states you shouldn’t be up and moving around, much less fighting.”
I turned the ring on my finger. “I’m the Queen Shifter. I can’t just disappear for months on end. I haven’t injured the baby yet with my fighting.” I held up a stopping hand when she started to argue. “If and when it would be required of me not to fight…so much…then I will do it.” I lowered my hand, turning the ring again. “But I will need that spell, Antonio.”
He nodded. “I can do that easily enough, but the baby will also need a protection spell when it’s born.” He rolled his shoulders, sitting back on the bed. “I’ll have to work on that.” In other words, just like the spell I now had from him to cover my Vampire side.
I blinked, my eyes meeting his. “You could also work on the reversal spell I want.”
No answer.
“Is it because I’m all grown up, Antonio?” I asked bitterly, emotion actually entering my tone and my veins for a moment, ice melting. “Do you only love defenseless baby hybrids, and not adult hybrids that fuck up their lives all on their own?” I didn’t give a fuck if Bindi knew right then. Hell, she probably already did and just couldn’t say it.
Pain etched his features. “I love you, Lil. No matter how old you get or how many scrapes you get yourself into. I’ll always love you.”
Twisted fucking truth.
I snorted even as a fresh batch of freezing tears welled in my eyes. “Get the hell out so Bindi can do the exam.” Coldness welled again as I stared at the ring, watching Antonio do as told from the corner of my eye, and I whispered on the barest breath, “Love is overrated. All it brings is emptiness.” I twirled the ring again. “Definitely not beauty.”