CHAPTER TWELVE

MADDY

Luke and I sat across from each other, a crisp white tablecloth spread out over the thick, oak table between us. 

I could feel his eyes on me, his confusion and frustration thick in the air as I looked blindly over the wine menu. The tuxedo-clad waiter rattled off his suggestions and I picked one that was local to the Napa Valley.

"Right away, miss," he said warmly as he walked off to fetch my selection, practically floating in midair with a refined elegance.

"What are we doing here, Maddy?" Luke asked through gritted teeth as soon as we were alone. 

"Having dinner," I answered a bit flippantly as I unfolded my napkin and placed it in my lap. 

I didn't know how I convinced him to come to French Laundry with me. He wasn't happy about it, that much was apparent.

"He talked to you again, didn't he? Nacio." 

"Yes," I answered truthfully. 

As if in a daze, I called French Laundry as soon as he left the store. I knew Luke would never go unless the reservation was already in place.

As soon as I rattled off the voucher number over the phone, the manager's attitude went from snobby to exceedingly polite. He had an opening for two the next evening.

"I fucking told that guy to stay away from you," he hissed. "You should have called me the moment you spotted him. Or called the police even." 

"What for?" I shot back. "He didn't do anything." 

That was technically true, although it felt like a lie. Aside from the kiss on my cheek he didn't do anything physically, yes. But his words did things to my mind and my body. Things I couldn't fight anymore. I had to face them. 

"Then what are we doing here?" he repeated angrily. "He must have said something to you." 

"I made the choice to come here," I answered. 

Our waiter returned with our wine at that moment and poured us two generous glasses of the rich, dark liquid. He quickly muttered something about our first course coming out shortly and left as quickly as he appeared. 

"I don't like this, babe," Luke said but helped himself to a generous gulp of wine. "Using his gifts like this gives him leverage. He'll think he can influence you." 

I stared into my own wine and took a tentative sip as my heart fluttered nervously. It was delicious, rich and smooth. Apparently strong too. The alcohol sent a warm buzz throughout my limbs and gave me the courage to broach the topic at hand. The reason why we were here. 

"You know I love you, right?" I said, reaching for Luke's hand. 

His fingers wound around mine as he searched my face for an answer to all of this. 

"Yes. I love you too," he answered softly. 

"And you know I'd never betray you?" I continued, holding his gaze. "You know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I'd never do anything behind your back? I'd never do anything risky without your explicit consent?" 

"Yes," he repeated, although his eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Babe, what are you getting at?"

I swallowed the dry lump in my throat as I prepared to ask for information I wasn't sure I wanted to hear.

"Have you ever slept with more than one person at one time?" I asked in a low whisper. "Or thought about it?" 

"What?!" 

His mouth dropped open in shock and he turned beet red. Right then I knew. 

Nacio's words itched in my brain like a constant reminder. You're perceptive. You can read people like me.

My gut told me Luke had already done what I'd fantasized about and his expression all but told me. 

"Well have you?" I pressed. 

He swallowed, his breath coming out of his nostrils in short angry bursts. 

"Just once," he confessed. "Back in my first year of tech school. I was hanging out and drinking with this couple who turned out to be in an open relationship. They invited me back to their apartment and I drunkenly agreed."

He dropped his hand to my knee and squeezed firmly, desperately. 

"But I wasn't in love with that girl. She wasn't mine. She wasn't you. I was single at the time and it was strictly casual."

"Did you enjoy it?" I asked, realizing my thighs were squeezing together.

"Sure I guess," he admitted.

Our first course, a small green salad with pine nuts and truffles appeared before us and I picked at it as I tried gathering my thoughts on what Luke just told me. 

I was jealous. But not of him.

I envied her. That girl who had her lover and invited him to join their bed. She had what I wanted. She loved someone who trusted her enough to bring others into their lives to please her.

It hit me like a cold, hard reality right then. That was what I wanted. 

I looked over at Luke, who looked like he wanted to run out of the restaurant and lock me up at home. But it seemed like he was beginning to realize that would never make me happy. 

"I love you," I told him again. "You'll always come first in my life. But I think--"

I took a deep breath. The moment those words came out of my mouth, I would never be able to take them back. 

"I think I want to try something like that." 

He froze. 

"You mean a," he lowered his voice to a whisper. "A threesome?" 

I nodded slowly, my heart threatening to beat out of my chest.

"And you want to do this with him?" 

I nodded again, watching as he sat deflated back in his chair.

I watched him carefully, partially expecting him to say absolutely not. If he did, I would say okay and the subject would be dead and buried. 

But he didn't. He looked torn and unhappy but the outright refusal never came.

"How do you even know this is something you'd be into?" he asked finally. "You're still a virgin, Maddy." 

I set my fork down and dabbed at my mouth with a napkin. My salad plate was immediately whisked away and replaced by a creamy soup in a round, porcelain cup. 

"When we were messing around the other night," I explained. "And you were touching me while I had you in my mouth. That was what I imagined what it would feel like. That's why I went nuts like I did." 

He gave a tight-lipped nod as he stirred his own soup absentmindedly. 

"If it was anyone else you had in mind, I would consider it," he said quietly. "But not him. He's doing this to drive us apart. He wants you for himself."

"No he doesn't," I answered, trying to keep my voice calm. "He knows he can't take me away from you. He knows I'll always put you first and never hurt you." 

I scooted my chair right up next to him and wrapped my hands around his neck, looking directly at his handsome, loving face. 

"He wants me, yes," I admitted. "But he knows he'll never have me without you. He's smart though, Luke. He figured out this... desire or fetish or whatever it is about me before I even did. And he's offering to let us indulge in it without ever coming between us."

I brought my lips to his in a kiss that I hoped was loving and reassuring. He kissed me back but hesitantly.

"I want you to know how serious I am about how much I love you," I murmured against his mouth. "I would never do this without you being one hundred percent okay with it. You are always the number one person in my life. I just feel like I have to try this at least once in my life. And it seems like the best time to do it is while I'm safe and protected and loved by you."

After a long silence, Luke slid his arms along my waist and wrapped them around my back. He dropped a soft, sweet kiss to my lips that sent my heart fluttering and my stomach in flips. 

"One time," he whispered. "Just once and then never again."