CHAPTER THIRTY
Hand in hand, they walked nearly the entire length of Palm Drive into downtown Palo Alto in silence. It was the same route they’d taken the day the photographer had snapped the shots of them just starting to get to know—and fall for—one another. But Sean wasn’t thinking about paparazzi now. Frankly, he didn’t give a shit about any of that anymore.
All that mattered was Serena.
“I should have been there with you.”
The second he’d seen her face, he’d known something bad must have happened in class. She hadn’t been crumbling—on the contrary, she’d looked determined and disgusted—but he’d learned to read her expressions so well that he’d been afraid every bad feeling he had about her professor had come true.
“I’m not going to lie and say that I didn’t wish you were there, too, but—” She surprised him with a smile. One that made his heart race the way it had from the very first time she’d ever smiled at him. “I stood up to him, Sean. And even though it means he’s going to flunk me and I’ll be done here, I couldn’t have done anything else.” She squared her shoulders, “It felt good to tell him that I knew what he was trying to do and that I wasn’t going to let him do it. I honestly wasn’t totally sure that I had it in me.”
“I knew you did.”
Serena reminded him of his mother in the way her inner core of strength lay just beneath the surface of her beauty. His sisters had not only inherited that quality from their mom, but they’d also been taught to respect themselves and their inner strength. Whereas Serena...well, he wasn’t exactly sure what Genevieve Britten had thought she was teaching her daughter.
All he knew was that Serena continually blew his mind.
“If that douche bag even thinks of flunking you, I’ll rain hell down on him so hard—”
“My presentation was really bad, Sean. I mean, I know he probably would have wanted to give me a bad grade for not sleeping with him, but in this case, the grade is going to be warranted. It was when I asked if there was a chance that I could redo it that he made me an offer I had to refuse.”
“I don’t get it. You were ready to ace this presentation.” He stopped them in the middle of the sidewalk. They were almost at Pizza My Heart, but he needed to know, “What happened between my leaving you at your room and your class?”
Her blue eyes were so bright, so striking as she looked at him, her emotion so pure and beautiful on her face, that Sean understood exactly why every photographer—and now the biggest movie star in the world—wanted her in front of the camera. If it had been what Serena also wanted, he would have supported her in any way he could, even if it meant changing his own life to fit with hers.
But she didn’t want that career, or that life. No, what Serena wanted most of all was to be holed up in a big library with her books, surrounded by people who loved them just as much as she did.
Somehow, some way, he needed to figure out how to help her get that.
“Another tabloid story came out with pictures of us from yesterday when we were leaving my dorm, but I was actually dealing with that pretty well. At least until Smith Sullivan called.”
“What did he say?” He couldn’t keep the undertone of anger out of his voice.
“Don’t blame Smith. It’s not his fault that he thinks my schedule is free and clear so that I can start filming in Seattle next week.”
“How could he think that when you’re right in the middle of the quarter?”
She lowered her gaze to the sidewalk and said softly, “You know how.”
Sean fought to hold back his rising fury. Regardless of how he felt about Genevieve Britten, she was still Serena’s mother. They might have a supremely screwed-up relationship, but he’d seen for himself the day before just how strong a hold her mother had over her. Simply because Serena wanted so badly to be loved.
More than ever, he wished his mother were still alive so that she could meet Serena. Lisa Morrison would have known exactly what to say. She would have known what to do. She would have known how to make everything better.
Of course, Serena saw right through him, could always see everything he tried to keep hidden as she went up onto her tippy-toes to press a soft kiss against his lips. “Let’s try to stop worrying about everything for a few minutes and go have the best pizza in the world.”
This time she was the one leading them inside and ordering slices with everything. And by the time she’d handed him a bottle of Coke and they sat down at what he now thought of as their table by the window, he knew what he needed to do.
His mother might be gone, but before she passed away, she’d left each of her children a special note just for them. She’d promised that she would always be there watching over all of them and, finally, he realized that it was true. Because her final note hadn’t just been meant for him.
It had been meant for Serena, too.
* * *
Ever since Genevieve had surprised them by showing up in Serena’s dorm room the day before, Sean had been vibrating with emotion. Anger at her mother. Frustration at the way the pressures of Serena’s career had leaped back to the forefront. And then love—so much love—for her. Love he’d shown her last night in the sweetest, sexiest way possible. Only to be slammed by fear when he’d thought her professor had hurt her this afternoon.
Serena wanted to soothe him, wanted to see him smile again, wanted to tell him that everything was going to be okay. Only, how could she when she was still so confused? Not about being in love with Sean, or about standing up to her predatory professor, but about how to deal with the rest of the mess of her life.
What, she desperately wanted to know, was the right choice to make?
Sean had been quiet for most of their walk from her classroom to the restaurant, and she’d been glad for the space and the chance to process her thoughts a little before she brought him up to speed on everything that had happened since that morning. But now as they ate their slices in silence, he looked serious, and a little sad. But also like he’d made an important decision. A big one.
“I’ve never shown this to anyone else,” he said when their plates were empty. “I never thought I would.” He reached for his wallet and pulled out a folded piece of paper, quickly scanning it in a way that told her he already had every word memorized. “My mother wrote a special letter for each of us when she was in the hospital.”
She couldn’t stop her hands from shaking as she took it from him. “Are you sure you want me to read this?”
“If she were still here, I’m positive this is what she’d say to you. To both of us—since I don’t think I ever really took it in all the way until today.”
My darling Sean, I remember the day you were born, how bold and strong and sweet you were from your very first breath. You smiled at me, and even though all the books say babies can’t do that on their first day, I knew they were wrong. Because you’ve always been special. You’ve always been such a joy. And even when you were naughty, it was all I could do not to laugh right along with you every single time. I’ve loved every second of being your mother.
Serena looked up from the letter, unable to stop her tears. “Sean,” she asked again, “are you sure—”
He nodded. “Keep reading.”
I’ve been writing this letter to you in my head for a long time, since before I got sick. Ever since I realized just how good you are at everything. School. Sports. Photography. Girls.
That made Serena laugh through her tears before she realized it was bubbling out.
“I know,” he said, a small smile also playing on his lips despite his otherwise extremely serious expression. “She got me with that, too. On purpose, I’m sure of it.”
Life is full of choices, always and endlessly. It is, I promise you, one of the joys of being alive, even if it doesn’t always seem like it when you’re frustrated and overwhelmed and being pulled in different directions. But through it all, here’s what I hope you will know, and remember, no matter what: It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks you are, Sean. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks you should be, or what the right path is for you. All that matters is what you think, and what you feel. Because all the answers are right there inside your head, your body, your heart.
It’s perfectly normal to be led off course and away from the answers that are right for you. We all are, for both good and bad reasons, by both good and bad people. But no matter how dim, how dark, how numb or static things may sometimes feel, the true answers are always within you, and have been from that very first moment when you looked into my eyes and smiled at me.
The page was blurring so badly that Serena had to stop to brush away her tears—carefully, so that they wouldn’t fall on the letter. She needed to pause for a moment, too, so that she could settle her heart down and make sure she took in every beautiful word Sean’s mother had written for him.
The answers are in your dreams. The answers are in the things you’re passionate about. The answers are in what brings you joy. You can follow the path that everyone assumes you should follow. Or you can do what really matters most to you.
And when you do, I promise that you will always be supported by the people who love you exactly as you are: Strong. Smart. Talented. Uniquely, perfectly you, with a heart as big and boundless as the sky.
I love you, sweetie, not just from your first breath to my last, but until forever.
Serena’s tears continued to fall as she read and reread the letter until she’d committed it to memory. “Thank you.” Each word was drenched with tears. “It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever read.” Or that she ever would.
Sean carefully folded it and put it back into his wallet. He kept it with him all the time. She would have, too.
They had walked out of the restaurant and were heading back to campus by the time she felt composed enough to say, “Everything your mom wrote...I know she wrote it only for you, but it feels like—”
“She wrote it for you, too. Somehow she must have known you’d show up right when I needed you most.”
“Just like you showed up for me.” Serena wiped away the last of her tears and knew the power of his mother’s letter had seeped into her veins. All the way. “I need to make a call. A couple of calls, actually.”
“Okay, but I want to go with you when you see Smith and your mom.”
She should have been amazed at how perfectly he could read her mind, but their connection had been like that from the start. “I want you to go with me, of course I do, just like I wanted you there with me in class today. But I have to prove to myself that I’m strong enough to deal with it by myself.”
“You’ve already proven that, Serena, over and over.” He reached for her hand. “You’re not alone anymore. You have me. And you should know that from all the texts and emails I’ve been sent since the birthday party, my entire family has adopted you, too.”
She had to kiss him. Had to tell him in the most basic of ways just how much he meant to her.
He reached into her bag and pulled out her phone. “You’ll feel better after you’ve called. It won’t be hanging over you anymore.”
Knowing he was right, she dialed Smith’s number. “Smith, hi, it’s Serena Britten.” It sounded like he was at a big, loud party. “Is there any way we could meet before next week? I can come to Seattle any time that will work for you.” She shot Sean a surprised look at Smith’s response, then said, “That would be great. See you soon.”
She hung up, then told Sean, “Smith is currently in San Francisco, but he’s heading out for Seattle tomorrow morning, so he told me to come up to his house tonight. Now, if at all possible.” For all that she was determined, just thinking about what she needed to do next had her belly fluttering. “Guess I should let my mother know about the impromptu meeting, shouldn’t I?”
Sean took her face in his hands and kissed her until her brain melted out her ears. It was, she had to admit, the perfect way to make her belly flutter for entirely different reasons.
“Okay,” he said while she was still trying to get her synapses to fire again, “now you can call her.”
Even in the wake of his mind-melting kiss, it was tempting to wait until the very last second, but Serena was determined not to hide anymore. Not even from the one thing that had always scared her most...disappointing her mother.
When Genevieve picked up immediately, though Serena’s belly fluttered again at the thought of facing her tomorrow at Smith’s house, she didn’t let it frighten her away. “Smith and I are going to be meeting at his house tonight in an hour. I was hoping you could be there, too, if you’re still in town.”
When her mother enthusiastically replied that she had stayed in San Francisco to shop and wouldn’t dream of missing the meeting, Serena could no longer get out the rest of what she’d planned to say. She didn’t want to blindside her mother during the meeting with Smith, but now that she’d learned Genevieve had spent the day shopping after turning Serena’s entire world upside down, all she could manage was, “I’ll see you there, Mom.”
Sean didn’t say anything after she hung up, just pulled her into his arms and held her.
Exactly the way she needed him to.