I watch her kneel. I feel her pain right to my very fucking core. But there’s nothing I can do about it. In this world, there’s no room for love. There’s no place for emotion. To keep her safe, I have to let her go. I’ve made the decision to hurt her tonight. Not in the way she expects. She wants a whipping, she needs the physical pain because she knows she’ll receive the emotional pleasure. But tonight, I have to steel myself and break her emotionally.

I’ve come to the conclusion that love is not in the cards for me. Even though each time she obeys, every time I see her relinquish her control, offering me her supple body like it’s a gift, I know that I’m not good enough for her. Fuck. Perhaps Carrick is better for her than I can ever be.

He’s an asshole at the best of times, but deep down, I know he’s a good guy and he’ll care for her. With my past coming back to haunt me the way it has, I can’t risk her being hurt, so I have to walk away. I don’t want her to remember me. I want her to hurt so badly tonight that she’ll walk away with hate in her heart for me.

“Are you ready to play, slut?” I grunt, not using her pet name, making her feel used like all the other women I’ve walked into this room with. I couldn’t do it at home, I needed somewhere neutral. A place where she will have someone to watch her when I walk out. Carrick and Asher know what I have planned. They both told me I’m making a mistake. And as much as I want to believe them, I don’t.

“Yes, Sir,” she murmurs beautifully, but doesn’t look at me, her eyes are downcast, yet I notice the glistening on her lashes. Tears. 

I walk to the door, pulling it open and gesturing for the blonde to come inside. I hate blondes. They do nothing for me, and that’s why I’ve chosen her. She’s perfect for what I have to do. “Eva, look at me,” I command, tugging the toy I’ve brought into the room with us over to where my girl is kneeling. Her big blue eyes widen further when she sees the other woman. “This is Leonie, she’s a toy just like you,” I taunt. Humiliation. Degrading Eva isn’t as easy as it is for me to do to others. Because I allowed her to get into my heart. I fell for her and now I’m going to break us both in the process.

When she didn’t mean anything to me but being a hole to use, I found it easy to hurt her, and then pleasure her. But this time there will be no aftercare. This time, she’ll run to the arms of another man, and I won’t be angry for her doing that. Because that’s my plan.

“Are you going to be a good slut for me?” I ask her, swallowing the bile that threatens to choke me. Her eyes are glossy, but she doesn’t cry. Fuck, she doesn’t even flinch anymore. She’s steeling herself. That’s good.

“Yes, Sir.”

She’s always been perfect at playing my games better than I ever thought. I watch her school her features. Her transparency is clear to me the moment I look at her. I step behind the blonde, undoing her bra, allowing it to fall from her shoulders. Reaching around, I pull on her nipples, tweaking them until they’re pebbled peaks. “See how well she responds, slut?” Eva’s gaze is pure fury, and rage dances in the depths. Soon, she’ll hate me like I need her to.

I release the girl’s tits and rip her panties from her tiny hips. Gripping her ass, I squeeze, opening the cheeks to see her tiny holes. Leonie is slim, she’s smaller than Eva, and I know if I fucked her I’d break her in two.

“She’s got beautiful little holes for me to abuse,” I taunt the woman I love. I watch her shatter in front of me. And each time I glance her way, I convince myself that it’s the right thing to do. I’ve been greedy, needing her more than I was allowed. More than I should.

“Please, Sir,” she pleads, her gaze asking more than her lips are saying. She doesn’t want this. But I have to do it.

“I didn’t ask you to speak. Did I?” She doesn’t respond. I grip the toy’s hips, leading her over to the bench that sits to the left of where I have Eva kneeling. Her body shifts on her heels uncomfortably. Once our guest is bent over, I lean in and plant kisses on her thighs. Soft, delicate pecks.

A lone tear falls from Eva’s left eye, trickling its way down her cheek in sadness. I reach for the smooth cunt of Leonie, stroking it, making it wet with just the tips of my index and middle fingers. Her moans fall from her lips, needy and breathy. Pleasuring her, I slip both fingers into her sodden hole, feeling her walls pulse around my digits. Sucking me into her body, she whimpers when I crook my fingers. All the while, I watch Eva.

The pain is clear, written all over her face. Agony unlike anything I’ve ever seen mars her beauty. It grips my chest and breathing is difficult. My mind is in turmoil. I’ve never hurt before, I’ve never allowed myself to feel any emotion for any woman I’ve been with. And this is why, because the emotional pain bleeds into the physical. It grips me in an iron clad fist, ripping me to shreds. “You see, Eva. This life doesn’t have love in it. Emotion only breaks you, this darkness we surround ourselves in is only made for cold, dead hearts that no longer allow love in,” I inform her. Knowing how much she’s hurting doesn’t satisfy me. I didn’t think it would. I knew this would be difficult, but I didn’t realize just how much so.

“Sir,” she gasps, her cheeks now tearstained.

I pull my fingers from the pussy of Leonie and bring them to my lips. “The heart is something that has to be locked away. This,” I gesture around us, while cleaning my fingers of the sweet, yet musky juices. “Is the only way.”

I tug Blondie back up, looking her in the eyes. “Go. Thank you for offering yourself.” My command is clear. I’m done with her. Disappointment etches on her pretty young face and it’s all I need to know that she wanted more. Too bad, princess. The asshole is back.

Once I’m alone with Eva, I tug her up by her hair, and drag her to the bed. I push her down front first. Bending her over, I watch as she trembles.

“I … I didn’t mean—”

I swat her ass so hard the sting on my hand smarts painfully. Her words are halted, but her whimpers are music to my ears. “You did mean. You fucking meant it when you looked at me didn’t you, I heard you murmur it. You said those three fucking words that you knew would either break us or make us,” I growl angrily. “I told you, Eva. Never fall in love with me, but you did. Didn’t you?” I swat her again, harder this time. “Did you see me lick those sweet juices from Leonie? That’s who I am. Is that the man you want to love?” My questions are harsh, the warning tone telling her I’m no longer playing around.

“Fuck you, Nate,” she grinds out through clenched teeth. Every moment I’ve been with her she’s acted perfectly, she’s played into my hands like clay. I’ve molded her into this. It’s my fault she’s breaking, and it’s my fault she’ll be stronger for it.

“Fuck me?” Before I have time to think about it, I see red. I see the pain between us, it’s a poignant entity, a force of nature that can’t be hidden. Shoving my slacks down along with my briefs, I fist my cock, slapping her ass hard, marking it with my print. Red. Beauty.

“I hate you. I fucking hate you for doing this.” I believe her venom spat words. They’re a poison seeping directly into my veins. They meld into my blood, killing me slowly, painfully, and I deserve it.

Her words only add fury to my already angry demeanor. This is what I wanted. I grip the globes of her pert ass and slam into her hard and deep. She cries out loud and I realize she wasn’t ready for me. She’s normally wet, needy, this time… This time she’s really angry. Her body doesn’t respond, but I don’t relent. I force myself in her. A screech falls from her lips, pained and agonizing, so fucking brutal it rips my chest apart.

My anger turns to anguish. The fury turns to sadness and my black dead heart ceases to beat. My cock drives into her, I know I’m hurting her, but I don’t stop. I can’t. I grip her hair, pulling her back so my lips are at her ear. “Is this the man you love? The fucking monster who hurts you more than he cares for you?”

“This isn’t you, Nate,” she manages to choke out through the tormenting strokes of my cock in her, stealing her breath. “You want me like this? Broken and shattered?” I want to nod. I want to tell her that I want to see her in nothing but pieces for me. But I don’t.

My hips slam into her ass. The sounds of flesh, sex, and violence sound around us in the darkness, in the sinful place where I first found her. “This is the end, Eva. You feel this.” I drive into her, stilling myself while I’m ball’s deep inside her cunt. “This is the last time we’ll be connected like this.”

“Fuck you, Nate. Fuck you for hurting me. But more than that,” she murmurs with a resounding hatred lacing each word when I feel her arousal soak my dick. She likes it rough. She needs it like this. Like I do. “Fuck you for making me love you.” Her words are filled with yearning, agony, and frustration. Her body is locked, mine is rigid. She said it. Admitting that she does indeed love me.

Love. The one word that can make a grown man fall to his knees. It can halt armies, it can shine light on the blackest of nights. But right now, I can’t let it affect me.

I don’t respond. I move again, needing to finish this. To let her go. I release her hair, and in three long strokes, I feel her body pulse, tighten, and milk my dick until I’m a heaving mess. When I pull out, I step back and watch my seed slowly drip from her pink flesh. It’s an erotic sight. Beautiful even.

That’s it. The final time I’ll see her like this. She doesn’t move. She keeps her head on the mattress, and I allow my eyes to drink her in, memorizing her in this state. This shattered girl of my making. I tuck myself back into my slacks, grab my jacket and I turn to the door. With my hand on the doorknob, I breathe, it’s not a sigh of relief, it’s an exhale of the misery that’s clouding my vision.

“Goodbye, Eva.”