CHAPTER EIGHT

 

 

SHAZ STARED through the window of the Jaguar at the old three-story building on one of the narrow streets of South Laguna. Billy’s place. Before walking in there, he should answer the question Ru asked him before he left the salon earlier. What in the hell are you doing? Not a topic he wanted to explore. He could tell himself all he wanted that he was helping out a client. The truth was he didn’t take his clients shopping for furniture much at all. He was a stylist, not an interior decorator. Perhaps he’d take a friend shopping for furniture, but Billy didn’t really qualify as a friend.

He glanced up the steep street. At a cottagey house two doors away, two men were playing ball in the front yard with a kid and a dog. One guy threw the ball to the kid. The dog would jump up and catch it and the little boy would squeal and laugh. All kinds of scenarios could be superimposed on that happy scene. One of them was that the guys were the kid’s daddies. Happy gay couple with child. Shaz sighed. Just how sentimental did he plan to get?

He looked back at Billy’s place, threw open the car door, and stepped out. Hell, he liked the guy. There was a sweetness to him that didn’t match the big hunky exterior. If Shaz liked Billy’s ass as much as his kind nature, what difference did it make? The guy was straight. That was that. He could damn sight make friends with whomever he wanted.

He stomped across the street, into the boring beige building, and headed up three flights of stairs. Good for the buns. A light tap on the door got instantly answered. Shaz looked up at Billy filling the doorway. “My goodness, were you standing by the door?”

“Yeah, I kind of was.”

The man shone. Clearly, he’d showered, shaved, washed his hair, which was still wet, and probably polished his ass. He glistened. Shaz smiled. “Am I late?”

“No, right on time.” Billy stepped back, and Shaz walked into the apartment. Son of a bitch. Billy might not know or care about fashion, but obviously interior design fell into a different part of his brain. “This is really nice.”

“You’re kidding?” His big blue eyes widened.

“No, it’s great.” And it was. Shaz looked around at the one big room Billy had divided into purposeful areas. On the right, a living space had been created by careful arrangement of an old sofa opposite two interesting midcentury-style wood and upholstery chairs. The rug under the area was old and worn but very clean and a good size to define the space.

Shaz walked over to a cabinet that stood against the wall between the sofa and chairs. “This is beautiful.” He ran his hand over the polished black lacquer surface.

“Thanks. It was just a furniture-in-a-box thing. I reinforced it to make it stronger and refinished it.”

“It’s really lovely.” He looked up at Billy, who was blushing. A-dorable. He cleared his throat. “Okay, so we should look for a couch if we can find something appropriate.” He turned and looked into the dining space. “That’s a fabulous table. Where on earth did you get it?”

Billy beamed. Clearly he loved his place. “I found it in a used furniture store up near Julian. It was stuck in the back, and they wanted to get rid of it. I loaded that sucker into my truck so fast they hardly saw it move.”

“It’s exceptional. Danish, I expect.”

“Swedish, I think.”

“I’m afraid to ask how much you paid for it.”

“A hundred and twenty bucks.” Billy laughed.

“Dear God, it has to be worth a thousand or more.”

“Probably now. I refinished it.”

“You need some better chairs.”

“Yeah. I’ve never been able to find anything I—”

“Merwaorwr.”

“Mewr.”

Shaz looked down. Halloween in fur. “Who have we here?”

Billy squatted, the denim of his jeans straining over his powerful thighs. “This is Clancy.” He scratched under the chin of the big orange cat. “And this is Yerby.” The slim black feline rubbed against his leg.

“As in Tom Clancy and Frank Yerby?”

Billy looked up. “Yeah. Not many people get that.”

Shaz laughed and looked at the bookcases that lined one wall of the room. “I gather you like men’s adventure?”

He shrugged and gave each cat its own hand for rubbing. “I like everything. I just kind of learned to read on those two.”

“Hmm. Most people choose See Spot Run. Funny, funny, Spot.”

“Yeah, well I had a lot of trouble with Dick and Jane. Even Puff couldn’t quite get through to me. Finally I taught myself to read on The Hunt for Red October and The Golden Hawk. I really wanted to know what they said, so I forced myself to learn.” He picked up the two cats and rose beside Shaz. “These are the boys. Guys, say hi to Shaz. He has a sense of style, just like you do.” He grinned and glanced at Shaz. “Confidentially, I think they play for your team. They’re inseparable.”

Shaz laughed. Dear God, the guy was mind-blowing. He had these great gay cats while his clothes looked like something the cat dragged in. He must be saying he never learned to read in school, but he had a wall of books and this beautiful start on a stylish apartment.

Shaz reached out a hand and stroked the silky fur. “Hi, guys.” The black one looked at him inquisitively, and Shaz slipped a finger under his chin. A soft vibration tickled his hand. “You like that, huh?” The orange guy bumped Shaz’s hand with his big head. “Okay, okay. No favorites. You both get some lovin’.”

“Do you have pets?”

Shaz shook his head. “I’m so busy at the salon, all I can manage are some tropical fish, and someone else takes care of them.”

Billy pressed a cheek against a soft furry back. “Some days these guys are my best friends. Cats aren’t too much work. These two keep each other company. As long as I provide food, they’re happy. Way easier than people.”

“I’m quite sure that’s true.”

He deposited the “boys” back on the hardwood floor. “Okay, guys, I left you food. I’m going out for a while. Say good-bye to Shaz.”

Shaz leaned over to pet each one in turn. “I hope I see you guys again.”

Billy glanced at him sideways. “They hope they see you again too.”

God, for a second he couldn’t breathe. He swallowed. “Uh, should I see your bedroom?”

Billy shook his head. “Not much going on in there.”

Shaz smiled. “That’s a damned shame.”

The familiar pink attacked Billy’s ears. “I mean I haven’t done much in there yet.”

“So it’s a clean slate?”

“Yeah.”

“While we’re shopping, let’s see if we can’t spice things up. Come on.”

 

 

“THANKS FOR having dinner with me. I hate to eat alone.”

Billy smiled. Didn’t take a genius to know Shaz was just being nice. He could eat with anybody he wanted. It was Billy who would have been alone. “Hey, after that shopping trip, I’d be glad to feed you by hand.”

“They might not let us back in the Lumberyard again, but feed away.” Shaz opened his mouth like a baby bird, and Billy chuckled. The Laguna locals’ restaurant felt too down-home for Shaz, but he’d picked it. Probably because Billy was only wearing a T-shirt, jeans, and a windbreaker.

Billy buttered some bread and popped it in his mouth, but he couldn’t stop talking so he swallowed quickly. “I can’t get over those chairs you found and that couch. Amazing. And they didn’t even bust my budget.”

“But my true masterpiece is the bed, don’t you think?”

“Oh man, yeah. I can’t wait to get it. I’ll pick it up tomorrow after I get the couch and chairs out of the truck.” A beautiful platform bed. Just needed a little work.

“You can’t handle it yourself.”

Was he offering? “I can probably get one of the guys from the job site to help me.”

The waiter arrived at that moment, and Billy ordered the swordfish. Shaz said that sounded good and got the same, then looked at the menu and grinned. “I think we need to celebrate with some champagne.”

Shit, that stuff cost a fortune, and he’d already spent more than his usual today. His parents’ mortgage payment was almost due. “Uh, okay.”

“My treat.”

“Hell, no. I’m buying to thank you for taking me.”

“Very kind of you, handsome sir.” Shaz looked at the waiter and pointed at the wine list. “We’ll have this one.”

So he wouldn’t know the damage until the bill came. He let air slide between his lips. Come on, you’re a grown-up. You get to go to dinner sometimes.

“So tell me about your job.”

Billy shrugged and sipped his water. “Not much to tell. I actually have a couple gigs. I’m the construction supervisor for a midsize firm that does large homes and small commercial projects. Then I moonlight for a small company that specializes in remodels. Tenant improvements, that sort of thing.

“Why do you have two jobs? Sounds like you work all the time.”

“Three jobs, actually. The third is a sometime thing. It’s uh, just that my father had a heart attack, so I help out the family.”

Shaz slowly buttered his roll. So elegant. “Rhonda told me you paid her way through school.”

“Uh, yeah. Partly. She got scholarships.”

“So you gave up college so she could go?”

“Nah. I’m crappy at school, so I would never have gone to college anyway. She did great. My other sister too.” He smiled. “My dad paid for my oldest sister, but when Rhonda’s turn came, he was sick and there was no more money.”

“You, sir, sound like a knight.”

Damn his blushes. “No big deal. Anyone would do it.”

Shaz’s face clouded. “I can personally assure you that’s not so.”

The waiter stepped up to the table with a bottle of champagne that he showed to Shaz, who simply nodded. The guy turned the wire and popped the cork, then poured into two tall, skinny glasses. Truth was, Billy’d hardly ever tasted champagne. At a couple of weddings was all.

The waiter walked away, and Shaz raised his glass. “To your beautiful new furniture. Use it in good health.”

“Hey, thanks.” He clinked glasses with Shaz, then sipped. Wow. “This is good.”

“I’m a dedicated champagne drinker, and I proselytize extensively. I shall lure you into my web.” He smiled over the edge of his glass.

The guy confused him. For Shaz, he was low-key today. His jeans were blue and his lightweight sweater was a pinkish color that looked pretty with his hair. He’d tamed the red mane into a ponytail at the back of his neck. But he still wore two earrings in each ear and a diamond in the side of his slender nose. Maybe looking so much like a girl gave Billy’s cock the wrong idea, but it sure was wiggly around Shaz. Billy took another drink. Man, he didn’t want to get used to that. “So how come you know that not everyone would put their sister through college?”

Shaz looked startled. “Oh, sorry. A little bitter there. I was scheduled to go to college after high school, then I officially came out. I mean, no one could have missed my obvious proclivities prior to that time. I used to get smashed in the face for sewing rather than playing sports.”

Billy shuddered. Who would hit Shaz? His own family?

Shaz shrugged. “Anyway, when I finally announced I was gay, my family—or more specifically my father—decided it was too embarrassing to send a gay son to his alma mater. Plus I was scheduled for divinity school, if you can imagine. Anyway, he refused to send me.”

“That’s bullshit.”

“Yes. Bullshit indeed.”

“So did you go somewhere else?”

“Yes. I got a scholarship to Parsons. I was accepted at Central St. Martins, but it was too hard to get work in London.”

“London, wow. So you did it on your own?”

Shaz raised an eyebrow. “Of course, darling. I didn’t want to take anything from someone who despised who I am.” He took a long drink of champagne.

“I’m so sorry.” What would it be like to have your family hate you?

Shaz smiled. “I needed a brother like you to take care of me.” Funny, his eyes got kind of watery, and he looked down.

Billy shifted in his chair. Shaz would be easy to take care of. The guy was lovable.

Saved by the waiter. Two plates of swordfish, mashed potatoes, and green beans took the sadness from the conversation, and they both dug in. Well, Shaz gracefully fed a small bite into his perfect mouth while Billy shoveled food into his.

Delicious. Billy was almost through his meal when Shaz sat back. “Okay, I need to ask, and I have nothing on it so don’t get defensive.”

Billy squinched his nose. “That’s not the best way to keep a guy from getting defensive.”

Shaz grinned. “I know. Not subtle, but seriously, why haven’t you taken the contractor’s license test?”

Shit. Defensive.

Shaz held up a hand. “I assume it has something to do with your reading ability, but I thought Clancy and Yerby and all those others on your bookshelves overcame that issue.”

“Yeah. Pretty much.”

“You read well enough to take the test? Because if not, I’ll bet they’ll let someone read it to you.”

“I can read.” He put down his fork.

Shaz leaned over and picked up the fork. “Come on, darling, this is Shazzy Wazzy. I am no threat at all to you.” He scooped some mashed potatoes and flew them like a plane toward Billy’s mouth.

For a second, Billy compressed his lips. Jesus, the guy was impossible to resist. He burst out laughing. The first time he’d ever laughed at this subject. “I’m afraid to take tests. I panic.” His heart beat fast just thinking of it. He snapped the potatoes off the fork and chewed.

Shaz put a hand on his arm, which made him feel calm and excited at the same time. “How do you know?”

“Know what?”

“That you panic when you take tests?”

Billy frowned. “I’ve blown every test I tried to take since the eighth grade. It got so bad I had to drop out of high school. I could have tested out, but I couldn’t take the test, and I never got my GED because I—”

“Couldn’t take the test. My God, that’s awful.”

The frown got deeper. “Like I said, I’m too dumb to take tests.”

Shaz leaned over until all he could see was that pretty face. “This has nothing to do with dumb. Does it?”

Billy stared at his almost empty plate.

“Does it?”

He shook his head.

“What does it have to do with? Who made you afraid?”

“What?”

“I said who made you afraid. Someone did.”

“How do you know that?”

“Because you’re a strong, capable man who isn’t afraid to take the whole damned world on his shoulders. There’s no reason for you to be afraid of anything unless someone told you there was.”

He nodded slowly. His heart hammered so hard it felt like his chest would explode. “I got beat up a lot in grade school because I was small and couldn’t read.” He shrugged. “I know. Hard to believe, right? Behemoth that I am. Anyway, my eighth grade English teacher was the worst, I guess. I could barely read, and she gave us test after test. I couldn’t read the books and I couldn’t read the test.” His pulse hammered in his ears. Like he was back there in that god-awful room. “She constantly told me how dumb I was and made sure the whole class knew it. I didn’t grow until I was sixteen. I was still a little runt then and got beat up every day while they called me stupid.” Shit, tears pushed out of his eyes. This was not good. “I have to stop talking about this. I have to go.”

“No, Billy, I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault.” He fished in his pocket and pulled out a wad of bills. He threw some on the table. Maybe a hundred dollars. Then he ran for the door.

“Billy!”

The cool evening air hit him like a bucket of water in the face. Where the hell was he going? He’d driven his truck. It was full of furniture, and Shaz had no way to get home. Billy Ballew did not leave a friend behind.

He stared down the sidewalk. That bench looked inviting. Staggering a little, he walked to it and sat. Just breathe. That’s why he never talked about this subject. Never even thought about it if he could avoid it. If he could just forget it, things would be better.

“Billy.”

He looked up at Shaz, who stood on the steps of the restaurant. The man walked toward him with that graceful saunter of his. “You didn’t go. I wouldn’t have blamed you if you left me here to rot.”

He managed to cock half a smile. “Too dry in California to rot.”

“Wither and blow away, then.” Shaz sat next to him. “I truly am sorry. I didn’t mean to open wounds. I have too many of my own to be picking at yours.” He held out his hand with a palm full of money. “You dropped something.”

“I want to pay for dinner.”

“Nope.”

“The champagne.”

“Nope. The least I can do after spoiling your meal is pay for it.”

“But—”

“Never argue with a queen, darling. We always win.”

“Is it hard being gay?” Where the hell did that question come from?

Shaz barked a laugh. “Not the question I was expecting. I guess the answer is yes and no. I’ve never been straight, so I don’t know what life would be like any other way.”

“You always knew you were gay?”

“I knew I was different. I didn’t define it as gay until I was about fourteen. I didn’t come out for a few years after that.” He sighed. “I know I was treated differently when people thought it was vaguely possible I could be straight, but the pressure of living a lie made that less enjoyable. And God knows, I don’t make any effort to fit in with straight society now that I’m out.”

“Why is that?”

Shaz looked at him sideways.

Billy shook his head. “Sorry. I didn’t mean that as an insult. I was just interested.”

“My profession allows me to be outrageous, and I take advantage of it. I imagine I’d even do it if I was straight, but how could I ever know?”

“I like it.”

Shaz stared at him. “Really?”

“Yeah. You’re so you.”

“Thank you, darling. That’s one of the nicest things anyone ever said to me.”

Billy sighed. “I should get you back to your car.”

“I’ll help you get the sectional inside.”

Billy gave him his own sideways glance.

“Don’t worry, darling. I’m stronger than I look.”

 

 

HOLY SHIT. Shaz watched Billy’s biceps bulge as he lifted the corner section of the couch over his head and then dropped it into place. The man was strong. The man was beautiful—and Shaz should get the hell out of here.

Billy stepped back. “That looks so great.”

“Yes it does, darling. That sofa was made for your place.”

“I’m thinking some good fabric cleaner will get the small spots out.”

“I agree. It’s in amazing shape for something that old, but they did make great furniture in the sixties.”

Billy turned toward his dining area, where the six metal chairs with upholstered cushions were stacked. “I’ll change the fabric on those seats.” He clapped his hands like a girl. “Anything you recommend?”

“Something that looks good with cat hair.” The two boys sniffed around the chairs like they might attack. “Let me know if you need help with the bed.”

“Oh hell no. You’ve done so much for me already.”

Funny how that kind of hurt. Idiot that he was. Did he think Billy was dying to spend time with him?

“How can I ever thank you?” Billy’s gorgeous face lit up. “Hey, I can help with your build-out. You know, like volunteer.”

Shaz looked down at his Michael Toschi Italian sneakers. “There may not be a build-out.”

“Why? What happened?”

Shaz shook his head. “Let’s say that Giles and I are not exactly billing and cooing at the moment.”

“I’m sorry. I thought you seemed mad at him last night. So you can’t do the build-out without him?”

Would he? “It was his idea. That’s how we started dating. We met at an event, and he got interested in investing in my business. He suggested a new building. I’m perfectly happy where I am. It’s crowded, but I’d rather pay my people more than buy a lot of fancy bricks and stucco.”

“I see. I’m really sorry you two broke up.”

“We haven’t officially broken up.” He looked up at Billy. “Are you sorry?”

He raised his shoulders, then dropped them. “I know that breakups are tough.”

“Yes.”

“Like giving up your plans.”

“Yes.”

“Your pictures of how it should be.”

“All that yummy sex.”

Billy’s ears flushed. “I don’t guess you have to give that up if you don’t want to. I mean, gay guys have, uh, places to hook up, don’t they?” Pink had turned crimson.

Shaz put a hand on his hip. “You’re not being much of a romantic, Mr. Ballew. Perhaps my heart is broken.”

He half grinned. “Is it?”

He smiled. “Maybe a little cracked.”

Billy put a big warm hand on his arm. “Hey, man, I really am sorry.”

Cannot resist. Shaz put his hand over Billy’s. “Thank you.” He looked up into those blue, blue eyes. Drowning. What a way to go.

Billy’s lips parted a little. His tongue flicked out and wet the bottom one. Shaz felt that soft, wet caress all the way to his molecules. Would that his lips were getting that attention.

Billy blinked, sucked in his breath, and stepped back, pulling his hand away. “So, I guess I’m going to see you at that bachelor thing, right? When should I pick up my clothes?”

“Uh, tomorrow will be good.” The phone in his pocket chimed. Not now. He pulled it out. Damn. Giles. Should I? He pulled the phone to his ear. “Hi.”

“Shaz, sweetheart, I’m so very sorry. Please forgive me for acting like an ass. I let some disappointments in my business life color my entire outlook. Can you overlook my idiocy and know that I care deeply about how you feel?”

Shaz glanced up at Billy, who cleared his throat and walked into his kitchen. Shaz took a breath. “Yes, I appreciate you calling. I’m in the middle of something, but I’ll call you back, okay?”

“What are you in the middle of? You weren’t at the salon. I went by.”

Shaz firmed his voice. “I’m busy and will call you back.”

“Okay. Yes, okay. Call me soon.”

“I will.” He hung up. Giles fits all my pictures. Giles fits all my pictures. He sighed and walked into the small kitchen. Billy sat on a kitchen chair with two cats on his lap. Shaz smiled at the domestic scene “Sorry. Giles called me to apologize.”

Billy gave his sweet smile that looked a little sad. “So everything is okay?”

Was it? “Yes. I suppose it is. I suppose it is.”