I use my shoulder to push open the front door to Jia’s apartment building. Grace, who insisted on coming along, tries to help me, but I shake my head.

As the door slams shut behind us, the one to the tiny elevator opens. A heavily made-up woman dressed in red from head to stilettos sashays out. The moment her eyes settle on us, she comes to a halt. Her ruby lips part.

I’ve seen her before during one of my few visits to Jia’s place.

“Hi,” Grace says to her, but no word comes out of her mouth as her gaze follows us to the elevator.

We enter inside, and the woman starts to walk away, eyes still on us until the doors slide closed.

I wrinkle my nose when the stench of cigarette smoke hits my nostrils. Next to me, Grace coughs, then presses the button to Jia’s floor.

“Lance, I’m so sorry about everything,” she says, leaning against one of the elevator walls. “I can’t even start to imagine how you feel right now.”

I’m unable to respond, my mind too numb to come up with words.

I nod at the same time the elevator jolts and starts its journey upward.

“I think you should stop fighting it.” Grace places a hand on my arm. Her kind touch brings me no comfort. “Stop fighting your love for her. I know she lied to you, and I was also pissed at her for doing that, but I think she really loves you.”

I want to tell her to stop talking, that every word she utters is like a punch to my gut, but I don’t want to be an ass. She’s only trying to be kind.

She goes on to explain why she thinks Jia loves me, and I block out her words and focus on the graffiti staining the mirror on one wall of the elevator.

A sigh of relief escapes from me when the elevator jolts again and the doors open.

At the entrance to Jia’s apartment, I pull out the key from my wallet. I’d forgotten to give it back to her when she came to my place.

Staring at it in the palm of my hand, I think back to when she gave it to me, not many days ago, briefly mentioning that she changed her locks. I didn’t ask why because I was focused on playing Monopoly with Rose. Now, an uncomfortable feeling settles in the pit of my stomach. Why did she change the locks? I guess I’ll never know that answer since I don’t intend on talking to her again.

Even though I want to make sure she’s well taken care of in the hospital, the accident doesn’t change my decision to walk out of her life. I’m only doing what any normal person would do to help another. That’s all there is to it.

I curl my fingers around the key and close my eyes. A dull ache spreads through my knuckles, reminding me of when I punched the hospital mirror. I make a mental note to have the mirror replaced with a new one.

“Are you okay?” Grace’s voice is coming from a distance away.

I open my eyes and nod. It’s a lie. I’m far from okay. I’m afraid to open the door, afraid to walk back into Jia’s world after saying goodbye to her close to three hours ago. When she walked out of my house, I thought I’d never see her again.

“Do you want me to do it?” Grace whispers.

“No. It’s fine.” It’s the first time I’ve said anything to Grace since we left the hospital. I push the damn key into the lock, bracing myself for the memories on the other side.

The scent of her perfume hits me full force and sends my head reeling. As the door closes behind us, I lean against it, trying to regain my control.

Grace watches me, but no longer offers her help. She knows I’ll refuse. Instead, she turns away and runs her gaze around the small apartment. I wonder if she feels the same way I do. She, too, had formed a bond with Jia. They had come close enough for Jia to ask her to be her matron of honor. I’m sure she also feels betrayed.

I can’t help wondering whether after Jia is out of the hospital, Grace will resume their friendship. How would I be able to move on knowing that Grace has access to Jia and I don’t?

I’ll have to suck it up. I can’t ask Grace to cut off ties with Jia just because we no longer have a future together.

I push away from the door. My hand tight around my cane, I get ready to walk back into Jia’s world.

“Lance, you don’t have to do this,” Grace says. “Take a seat. I’ll pack up her things. I won’t be long.” Grace grabs a bag from underneath the bed, the bed I’d fucked Jia on.

“Thanks.” I lower myself onto the couch, watching Grace throwing open the doors to Jia’s wardrobe.

While she pulls out pieces of clothing from hangers, I focus on breathing. My eyes take in the fabrics, remembering some of them against my skin. I count the seconds until the torture is over.

Why did I even have to come? Grace had offered to come alone. Could it be I wanted to say goodbye to Jia’s personal space?

As Grace pulls open a drawer that I know contains Jia’s lingerie, I notice a large, white box beneath the hanging clothes.

“What’s that?” I point at the box.

“What?” Grace glances back at me, brows knitted.

“That box. What’s inside it?”

Grace shrugs. “She keeps her journals inside it.”

“Bring it to me … please.”

Grace rubs the back of her neck. “Lance, they’re private.”

I rake a hand through my hair. “I need to have a look. I want to try and understand her.”

Grace is quiet for a long time, wrapping her braid around her hand. “Fine,” she says finally. She picks up the box and comes to place it at my feet.

Without bothering to think, I open the box. “There are at least ten journals in here. I didn’t know she keeps a journal.” I lift one out.

Grace sighs. “I really don’t think you should read them. Journals are private.”

“Grace,” I say between clenched teeth, “Jia kept a lot of things hidden from me. I’m sure you understand that I need closure.”

“Is it really over?” Grace sinks onto the bed. “Do you really think she got together with you because of the money? Maybe she really changed. If she wanted your money, why did she hesitate when you asked her to marry you?”

“Who the hell knows? Maybe it was all part of her plan.”