Siarra

“Honey, it’s about closing time.” I said feeling so bad, but having to stick to the rules.

“Ok, I’m almost done. I know that I’ve lost some books and I’m not supposed to be allowed to take anymore, but I really, really like this one. Do you think I could take it home? I have one chapter and I promise that I’ll bring it back when I come tomorrow.” She begged.

I groaned. I knew I wasn’t supposed to, but she was the sweetest little thing ever. She was by far my favorite. It was summer break from school and this phenomenal 9-year-old came in here like clockwork. From the time we opened until we closed, she read books until her heart was content. She wasn’t reading normal books for her age either, she was reading Shakespeare. She would come to me and ask for help with things she couldn’t read or had trouble understanding… but God. The way she interpreted things was out of this world. I made sure to talk to her for a bit after every book she’s read to get her insight to it. I wanted to know what she thought of it and how she perceived it.

She was so goddamn smart she often made me want to use my degree in child education. I’d niched that idea after a couple of years teaching when I realized that I couldn’t deal with students who didn’t want to learn. It’s a shame for the most part, I mean… I love teaching and the gratification I got when I was able to help someone else. But then, there were the parents and the other aspects of teaching kids that weren’t really appealing to me.

I crouched down. “Ok, I’ll let you take it only if you promise to discuss the book with me first thing in the morning.” I acquiesced.

She smiled brightly and nodded happily. “Oh! I would love to… I really like this one. I have so many things to say!” so excited, I wasn’t able to stop my own anticipation from brimming to the surface.

“Alright then Addilyn, I’m closing up shop for today. Do you need a ride home?” I asked.

She blushed but nodded. It wasn’t that it was too late out – only 8pm – but too late for her to walk home alone. She lived in one of the rougher, seedier parts of town. Her situation was less than ideal. I’d met her guardian on a few occasions… she lived with her aunt. I’ve no idea what happened to her parents. Although, I really wanted to ask her I knew it wasn’t any of my business. Anyway, her aunt was far less than stellar. She was definitely on something and didn’t work. I doubt she even knew where Addilyn disappeared to throughout the day, or if she even noticed. The last time I’d dropped her home and her aunt was actually there, she had no clue that the girl wasn’t even home.

Once I found out about her situation, I made sure to bring extra food for her. She’d have breakfast, lunch, and dinner with me at the library when I took my breaks. During the school year, I didn’t see her as much. I’ve been working for this library for the past four years, and three of those years I was graced with her presence. When school is in, she drops by after school and I help her with her homework before I let her indulge herself in whatever book she liked. A few times, I’d even bought her things like hats, gloves, scarfs, and jeans… different things when she didn’t have anything sufficient for the seasons. Actually, just last week I bought her this pink book bag with polka dots that she’d been talking about. She didn’t fuss over the conditions of the things she had, but I’d seen the book bag she’d had last year, and it looked ready to break by the end of the semester. She would no doubt be expected to use it again.

I have a hard time with her and boundaries. I wasn’t really anybody to her, just a woman who manages the library that she frequents. There were plenty of other people who came in and out of the library frequently, but it was just something about her. I’m not sure if it’s just how she takes the cards she’s dealt and makes the best of it. It could probably be how smart she was. Maybe, it was just how simply adorable she was and how she managed to take good care of herself. She was never dirty. Even if her clothes looked awful and didn’t fit, she never looked unclean. She took special care in the things she did have control over… like showering. If I could, I would take her home and never let her out of my sight again. A girl her age should be out enjoying life, playing with friends. Not hiding in the library, every day, with her nose in books. I figured this place was an escape for her in some sense. I’m not sure I want to know all that she was trying to run from. I don’t think I could handle it and be able to stop myself from stepping over the line and interfering. I was already overly protective of her, and barely managed to stop myself from shaking some sense into her aunt.

She gathered up her things, along with the book, and followed me out to my car. After ensuring she was buckled up I took off down the familiar road to her house. “Are you ready to go back to school?” I asked.

Addilyn frowned. “No not really, I like being with you at the library Ms. Sia.”

I smiled. “And I enjoy your company honey, but you know school is very important.”

She sighed. “I know I know… but I learn when I’m at the library too and it’s much more fun.”

I wanted to growl. There were other kids her age at school that she could laugh and play with, yet, she’d rather be in the library either alone or with someone three times her age. Something was terribly wrong with that picture. “It’s going to be a new year, and there will be a bunch of new faces and things to learn. It’ll be great!” I said trying to encourage her.

She shrugged. “I guess… we’ll see.” Not at all enthusiastic.

I reached over and grabbed her hand giving it a squeeze. “It will be, and I’ll be right at the library waiting for you to come on in and tell me your stories.”

That one made her give me one of her beautiful smiles and I warmed inside knowing that I did something right. I made the next right and made my way down her block to her house. As usual, her body tensed as we got close. Her eyes scanned the outside of the place and lingered on a car. She began to fiddle, and I could see her body fill up with more and more tension as she stared. It gave me shivers, and I knew something was horribly wrong.

“Addie?” I asked trying to keep my voice calm and soft even though her tension was leaking into me.

She didn’t move her eyes and she clenched her hands into fists. “Yes Ms. Sia?”

“Is something wrong?” I asked. I knew there was, but I needed her to tell me. No matter how much I said I wouldn’t get involved, I’d never let a child walk into a really bad situation knowingly. Whether it was precious Addie or another.

She shook her head, but her tremble betrayed her. “Addie…” I prodded a bit more sternly.

“I… I…” she took a deep breath before she tried again. “I need to get inside.” She said in a whisper before unbuckling her seatbelt and opening her door.

There was no way in hell I was leaving her alone, so I jumped out of the car and around to her side in record speed.

“I’ll be fine I don’t need you to walk me in today.” Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment, but it didn’t matter what she said. Her reaction set me off.

I grabbed her hand “I’m walking you in.” Again, with my firm tone letting her know that I wasn’t going to let her talk me out of it. With a big sigh and a nod in confirmation she led the way.

In hindsight, I wish I would’ve prodded more but then again… there was nothing she could’ve told me that could prepare me for what occurred.