Chapter 8
How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.
-Winnie the Pooh
Winter
“Adam always wanted to be doused with ceremonial oil, pushed out on a funeral pier, and then shot with flaming arrows instead of being buried,” Jack laughed humorlessly. “I kept trying to tell him that they didn’t do barbaric things like that anymore. His comeback was to bury him in the backyard in a shoe box, and save on the price of pine.”
The crowd chuckled lightly, but you could tell Jack really wasn’t saying it to be funny. He smiled weakly, but I’m sure everyone, including me, could tell it was fake.
“I met Adam when he was eight and I was seven. We were next door neighbors and we hated each other’s guts.” He smiled at the memory. “Then, one day on the way home from school, I walked up on a dog cornering Adam in a tree. Needless to say, when I got up there we had to share close space for a couple hours until our parents realized we were missing. We spent a lot of quality time together that day and every day since.”
“When we were fifteen, we made a promise to each other. That promise was that whoever died first had to erase the porn off the other’s computer and sing Somewhere Over the Rainbow. Neither one of us has…or had a singing voice, so I’m not even sure why we even made this promise, but I’ll keep it. So, bear with me while I sing this song to y’all. I know he’d find a way to make me pay if I didn’t.”
As Jack stepped away and turned his back, only the front row heard what he said, “You’re probably laughing your ass off right now, aren’t you?”
We all snickered quietly because he was probably right. Jack went to the stool that his guitar was leaning against, picked it up, and sat down. Glancing at me in the front row, Jack gave me a pleading look and started to strum his guitar.
Tai’s breathing picked up next to me and I grabbed his hand. He held on to me for all he was worth. Mrs. Gustier was already balling next to me before Jack even got the first word out. Grabbing her hand too, we all held on as we watched Jack sing his heart out.
The first verse of the song rolled out of him, as if he was pouring out his heart and soul.
His voice cracked at the end of the first verse, but he pushed through the frog in his throat, and continued to sing.
By the second and third verse, Jack was so emotional that the words barely even came out without a quiver. The preacher was off to the side, his hand placed over his heart, with his head raised, staring at the roof.
Tears were running down my cheeks. They were big fat tears that were quickly soaking the collar of my button down shirt. With my hands full, I wasn’t able to wipe them off, so I leaned to Tai’s shirt and wiped my cheeks off on his sleeve before I even realized what I’d done.
He didn’t mind though. His eyes were transfixed on Jack. He was crying, too, so I quickly looked away and back up to Jack who had silent tears tracking down his tanned cheeks. He didn’t wipe them away, just let them flow freely.
I’ve never seen him cry before and it wasn’t a good feeling to see a man so strong brought down so low.
I could hear the hiccupping sobs, sniffles, and all out crying from those around me, but when Jack opened his eyes and found mine with his, I couldn’t look away. I felt his anguish, his remorse for not being there when his family needed him and his love for the man that he was as close to as his own brother.
The song ended. The sounds of the guitar’s last notes fading to nothing. The sound so final that my breath stalled in my chest. Jack’s shoulders hunched, and he layed his head down on the edge of his
One by one, they all clapped. Then they stood.
The hall that was hosting Adam’s funeral was massive. It also needed to be with the sheer amount of service members that attended. Every single pew was filled behind me. There was even more people that stood above us and along the back wall. There were several more community members outside, showing their support as well.
Jack stood, leaned his guitar back against the stool, straightened his dress uniform and took his seat at the side of the stage where the five other pall bearers were seated as well.
Adam’s brother, Thomas, also a fellow firefighter, clapped Jack on the back once before returning his hands to his lap. Thomas was also Tai’s best friend.
The preacher took the pulpit again, and everyone’s attention returned to him.
“I had the privilege of watching Adam grow. He attended this church from the time he was about knee high, until just last week. He’d given me a letter a few months back, and told me to share it with you on the event of his death.” The preacher said and cleared his throat.
If this letter is being read to everyone now, it means that I have finally met my maker. I honestly hope this letter is never used, but if it is, I want you to celebrate my life, not mourn me. I want you to go to the lake house, crack open some beers and make fun of me. I want you to remember the good times we had. Lastly, I want you all to live life the way it’s meant to be lived. Full Speed Ahead.
I had a wonderful life, and would like to thank my mom and pop for putting up with me through my reckless teenage years. You were both wonderful parents and you deserve the Nobel Peace Prize for putting up with Jack, Thomas, Tai and myself.
Thomas, I would like you to live life to the fullest. No, you cannot have my room after I’m gone. Just kidding. You were the best brother in the world, and I am very proud of you and all that you’ve accomplished. Most likely, I died doing what I loved, and I don’t want that to hold you back from doing what you love.
Taima, you were the little brother from hell, but I love you anyway. Everything that I just said to Thomas applies to you as well. Life is short. I want you to live life to the fullest. I hope you dance… Oh wait, I think I’m quoting song lyrics to you now. Mostly, I want you to take care of Jack. He’s going to need you.
Finally, to my best friend, and brother, Jack. I love you like a fat kid loves cake. You are the cheese to my macaroni. Yadda, yadda, yadda. You have lost more than anyone in their life deserves to, and I’m sorry that I’m adding on to that burden. I love you, man. Promise me that you won’t drown yourself in Jack Daniels. I want you to drink it like a real man, but then go back to your life the next day and move on. Live it.
I love you all with all my heart. Now, get to drinking that beer.
My shoulders were shaking in laughing sobs. Everyone was in the same state I was in as well. Except for Jack. He was still sitting there, silent and unsmiling.
My grin slid away from my face as I watched him stare at the beautiful black coffin draped in the American Flag. It had shrouds of flowers on it, but only in bright neon green, since that was Adam’s favorite color.
Although he’d been cremated due to the state of his body, his parents still wanted him to be buried in a coffin. They wanted him to have the finest coffin they could find. They’d been devastated when they’d learned he had to be cremated, but there was nothing left of his body, and it was just the best thing to do in the given situation.
When the preacher said the closing prayer, all six of the pallbearers, including Jack, stepped up to the coffin and took a handle. Ever so carefully, they lifted it from its platform, and made their way down the steps in the front of the stage. As they passed, Jack gave me a searching look and then nodded his head, as if assuring himself that he could do it.
The coffin passed us, and the front row stood. It wasn’t until I’d taken the first step to follow Adam’s parents that I remembered that I had nearly two hundred pounds of dog lying on my feet. Tai’s arm around my waist saved me from the fall, and I patted him gratefully before bending down and taking Kodiak’s leash into my hand.
The dog seemed to be stuck to my ass; I wasn’t so sure the leash was even necessary. However, Jack explained that San Antonio had strict leash laws and with Kodiak being a wolf hybrid, he would definitely have to have the leash just in case anyone got any stray ideas in their heads.
As I turned the edge of the pew and got the first good look behind me, I was flabbergasted.
The crowd behind us was absolutely incredible. It was like a sea of uniforms. I’d known that not only Kyle’s fire department would show up, but also never would I have guessed that this many would. Row after row, seat after seat was filled. They were all dressed in their absolute finest. Crisp and pressed uniforms, beautifully positioned hats, pristine gloves. To tell the truth, I felt a little underdressed in my form fitting black dress that hit to just above my knees. Good thing I wore actual heels, or I’d really feel out of place.
The first row behind us I knew to be part of the Kyle fire department. The second row housed the police department. The third, fourth, and fifth rows was made up of Adam’s friends and acquaintances.
Jack’s friends, Cheyenne and Sam, Max and Payton, Ember and Gabe, Blaine and Elliott, and finally James, were all on the seat directly behind the Kyle Fire Department’s row. The men were dressed in their Army dress uniforms, all showing their silent support for not only Adam, but Jack as well. However, after that, I didn’t know who belonged to who.
Once we were outside, there was more of the same, except now there was a wall of men on each side of the pathway in two rows, allowing us to pass through them as a sign of respect. It was extremely overwhelming and, yet again, I felt that I really shouldn’t be where I was. Not that neither Honey, John, nor Jack allowed me to continue with that way of thinking.
We followed the pallbearers until they stopped directly behind the beautifully shined fire engine. Standing off to the side, I watched as one after the other lifted the coffin above their head, and set it on top of the fire truck. It fit perfectly in the back. Almost a little too perfectly, in my opinion.
A man from the funeral home led us to the black limo that would follow the fire truck and Adam to his final resting place just a short mile down the road.
“Wait!” Honey cried.
John turned stopped and waited for Honey with his arm upraised to help her into the limo. “What is it?”
“I want to take him home. One last time.” She whispered, with tears in her eyes.
John looked like a fist struck him in the gut, but he recovered quickly and led Honey over to the closest firefighter, who happened to be Tai. They spoke for a few moments before Tai took Honey’s hand and limped his way to the fire truck. He opened the front door and deposited her in the front seat, wincing only slightly when the wounds on his wrists brushed against her skirt.
John came back up to me, and I saw the utter despair written all over his face. Not knowing what else to do, I walked up to him and took his hand in mine. “How about we walk behind Jack and Thomas instead? Doesn’t seem to make much sense for a car to drive just the two of us.”
“Sounds like a plan.” He said gruffly, then walked up to Jack and Thomas, clapping them both on the back and telling them what we planned on doing.
Jack turned his head and acknowledged John with a nod; Thomas did the same. Our march to the cemetery was a short one in distance, but long in duration as we waited for the hundreds and hundreds of people to get moving.
The horses and riders with the flags were the first to get moving, which was followed shortly after by the fire truck, and the honor guard directly at its side. John, Kodiak, and I followed at a slow pace directly behind them.
A peeling wail from my side scared the absolute crap out of me so badly that I jumped and squeaked. Heart pounding a mile a minute, I turned and watched as a few men wearing their dress kilts started playing their bagpipes. It was such a haunting tone to listen to that many people who’d gotten their emotions under control after Jack’s song, began crying again.
As we made our way to the cemetery, we passed what had to be thousands of people standing on the side of the road. All of them were holding American and Texas flags. Some were crying. Some were saluting, but one thing was a constant. They were all very proud of their hero and he would be greatly missed.
The graveside service was a short and sweet affair. After presenting John with the helmet Adam wore to every fire, they folded the flag and gave it to Honey. She smiled serenely as the young man handed it to her with the upmost care.
I’d managed to make it through the whole graveside service without crying one single drop. That was until the Last Call Ceremony.
I wouldn’t have understood its importance if I hadn’t been with Tai as he was explaining to Jack the significance of that part of the ceremony.
Tai had explained that the ceremony was a very essential one.
“Usually, this is done with the bell, but Adam made the preference of wanting to use the dispatcher. The dispatcher makes the call that’ll bring aid to those that need it. At the ceremony, the dispatcher will call for Adam using his number, 241. She’ll repeat it two more times. On the fourth time, she will state that Adam has gone home.”
“When the bell was used, it would ring to signal that the firefighter went out to help someone in need, and then ring again when they were home. If the fire fighter died, then it would ring three sets of five to signify that he perished, and was now home. Forever.”
The crackling of the radio broke the silence of the morning. “Central dispatch to 241.”
Radio silence commenced.
“Central dispatch to 241.”
Radio silence.
The crowd’s head hung. Every single one of them.
“Central dispatch to 241, Adam Gustier.” The dispatcher’s voice broke.
Radio silence.
“Firefighter Adam Gustier. 241. Please respond.”
Radio Silence.
Beep-beep-beep-beep-beep. Beep-beep-beep-beep-beep. Beep-beep-beep-beep-beep.
“Unit 241, Adam Gustier, this is your last call. You work here is done. You are a hero. God speed. May you rest in peace.”
The finality in that statement finally broke through the haze, stealing the very breath from my lungs.
My nose stung and a sob hung in my throat as I watched Honey break down. John caught her falling body and cradled her like his most prized possession. His eyes were bleak and sad, as if he didn’t know what to do now that he’d lost his first born son.
The ceremony broke up not long after the last call ceremony. John took Honey to the car, foregoing the condolence handshakes that were the norm. Instead, I stood by the casket and greeted the people, telling them that a late lunch would be held at John and Honey’s house if they wished to come.
By the time the last person left, I was exhausted. However, I had to be strong for the one last part. Turning, I watched as Jack and Thomas started shoveling.
“Sir,” A man dressed in overalls called.
Jack didn’t stop what he was doing, so I went to him and explained. “He wants to do this, just let him be.”
“We usually do this with a Bobcat.” He explained helplessly.
“I know.” I whispered. “He needs this, just let them be.”
It wasn’t long before all of Jack’s friends started helping. One would load the wheelbarrow full of dirt, another would take it back once it’d been dumped. The rest just shoveled and shortly the hole was no longer.
***
I was wiping leftover crumbs off Honey’s kitchen table when Jack’s strong arms wrapped around my waist. He hugged me from behind for a long moment before releasing me and joining his brother, Adam’s dad, and his friends on the back porch.
The ladies were in the living room talking about the men of the Bachelor, but I was on sensory overload. My head was absolutely pounding a livid beat behind my eyes. I’d remembered so much over the course of the past two days that I literally couldn’t process it all.
When the table was clean, I made my way to the front porch and around to the side of the house where no one was. I curled up in one of the Adirondack chairs that Honey had resting on their beautiful wrap around deck, and closed my eyes. A warm hairy mass nudged its way onto the seat beside me, and I opened my eyes to see Kodiak half on and half off the chair, laying his head onto my lap.
My arms encircled his massive head and I held on tight. Closing my eyes again, I finally succumbed to the sleep that was pulling at me.
I woke to find Jack leaned over in front of me. He was wiping the silent tears from my cheeks with the back of his hand and looking at me with a slight frown on his face.
“What’s wrong?” He asked.
My head was still pounding, but I didn’t want to be the reason he left, so, instead, I played it off. “Bad dream.”
Jack’s frown showed he didn’t like my answer, but he didn’t push me either. My eyes traveled from his face, down his arms and I noticed that he’d changed back into his usual jeans and a sweatshirt. He smelled wonderful, too.
Closing my eyes, I let his scent fill my lungs. The pounding behind my eyes dialed down a notch, and I opened my eyes and smiled.
“Okay, I have a headache.” I admitted finally.
“Thought so. You used to need silence and fresh air back then too, before it’d go away.” He said quietly.
Licking his lips, he gave me a kiss on the forehead, and then blew on it. The cold wet imprint of his lips on my forehead felt like heaven. “Wow, that was great.”
“Yeah, used to do that all the time, too.” He said before he stood.
It was then I noticed that Kodiak was still sprawled out on half of my body. Snickering at the site he made, I nudged him with my hand and he lifted his big face from my lap. “No wonder I was so toasty warm.”
“I have a feeling we’re gonna need a bigger bed.” He surmised.
I beamed at him. I wasn’t aware we were keeping him, but that announcement made my day.
“Let’s go. I need to get to Adam’s house and do some erasing on his computer.” He said with a laugh.
“He doesn’t really have porn, does he?” I asked seriously.
He gave me a look that said I was naïve but cute. “Whatever you say, dear.”