Setting the basket of meteorite glass down on the shelf with the rest, I step back and take a moment to catch my breath.

Life has become routine, which is good, I guess. There’s always work to be done and busy hands are happy hands. At least my mom used to say that’s the way it was. I never believed her but now I think she was probably right. She was right about a lot of things, really.

Don’t trust men. She said that a lot too. Maybe if I’d listened to her more when I was young things would have turned out differently. Or not. Who knows?

“Inga,” Calista says, coming up behind me.

Startled, I jump around to face her. “What!” I exclaim, a shudder racing down my spine.

“Sorry,” she says, holding hands up in front of herself. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“It’s fine,” I say, forcing a smile.

I can’t stand to see the pity in her eyes. Poor Inga, that’s what she’s thinking, and I know it. It’s true, but that only makes it worse. She smiles and nods. I take a deep breath, calming my nerves.

“Are you okay?” she asks.

It’s not pity in her eyes, it’s kindness. Calista, more than most anyone else, understands. She was there.

“Yeah,” I say, nodding. But if that nod is to reassure her or myself, I’m not sure.

I am okay. It’s been forever since the incident. Forever since we were stranded here on Tajss. I am okay. It’s not like anything has happened here. Well, aside from the world itself and the constant threat of it, but nothing like what happened with the Zzlo on the ship.

I know this. I tell myself this all the time, but there’s that part of me that apparently doesn’t listen. That part of me that makes me jumpy and makes me pull away every time one of the men comes close. That part of me that’s still scared.

Nothing happened. Well, nothing really happened. Calista and Jolie saved me from that but it’s not the act itself that lingers in my memory. It’s the helplessness. There was nothing I could do. I couldn’t stop that… thing from doing what it wanted. I was completely at its mercy. The moment I realized that is the one that replays in my thoughts. It’s the moment that I still wake up at night in a cold sweat reliving in my nightmares.

Calista pulls me into an embrace. She does so slowly and gently, carefully making no sudden motions. I feel ridiculous that I notice how careful she is with me but that same part of me that can’t let it go thanks her for it.

Returning her embrace, we hold each other in a silent moment. If nothing else it gives me a chance to regain my composure. When we part, I’m back to feeling like myself. Strong and safe, at least on the outside.

“Looks like you guys had a good haul,” Calista says, looking over the meteorite glass on the cart.

“Yeah, it was.”

“Any trouble?”

“Nothing out of the ordinary,” I say. “Another thing tried to kill some of us but Samil killed it.”

“Samil did?” she asks, surprise in her voice.

“Yeah,” I say, glancing back over my shoulder.

Samil is a dozen yards away helping unload the glass, handing off the crude baskets to Cenar. Now that’s a strange creature. A pile of rock come to life. Every time he moves it sounds like stones grinding together, like the precursor to an earthquake.

“Wow,” Calista says. “I didn’t think he was a fighter.”

Shrugging I shake my head. “He was today.”

“Nice, good for him,” Calista says, pursing her lips. “We need it.”

“More trouble?” I ask, a cold ball of ice forming in the pit of my stomach.

“Nothing I can put a finger on,” she says, watching the men as they pass the loaded baskets from one to another, moving them into the main building where Addison will work with it.

“But you suspect?” I prod.

“It’s Tajss,” she says and shrugs. “Best to prepare for the worst then be pleasantly surprised if it doesn’t kill us.”

“Right,” I laugh. “Unfortunately, that’s too true.”

“It’s probably nothing,” she says again with a sigh.

“Mama!” Illadon yells.

It takes a moment for me to spot where he’s at, but when I do my heart races. The toddling half-Zmaj has climbed to the top of the statue in the middle of the square’s fountain. He’s at least twelve feet in the air, balancing on the top of the massive stone Zmaj’s head. He has his arms and wings spread wide and a grin on his face that goes from ear-to-ear.

“Illadon!” Calista yells.

Before either of us can move, he leaps into the air, somersaults three times, then splashes into the water at the base of the fountain. He bobs up an instant later, laughing with wild abandon.

“Fun!” he yells.

“No, it’s not,” Calista says, jerking him out. “I’ve told you about that before!”

“Mom!” he protests, then shakes his head violently, spraying her and I both with water from his thick hair.

“Boy has fun,” Mesto says, appearing from behind the fountain.

Mesto looks like an overgrown rat. If we were re-enacting old vid-sticks here on Tajss, he would be a dead-ringer for Splinter from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, but he talks like Yoda. He’s also well known for getting Illadon into trouble, egging him into ever more daring exploits.

“Mesto,” Calista says, shifting Illadon to one hip so she can better glare at the smaller alien. “Quit encouraging him.”

“Nothing, I have done,” the rodent-like man says, shaking his head, putting a hand over his chest. “Innocent, Mesto is, very much so.”

Calista glares longer until Mesto’s smile fades and he slouches away without another word. Calista doesn’t return her attention to me, tied up with caring for Illadon. Story of my life.

Suppressing a sigh, I walk away myself. It’s fine, really. None of my friends have time for me anymore but how can I blame them? They all have their mates and children and busy lives. I’m the only one of my friends still alone.

I’d like to have a mate, I think. The idea of it warms my heart but how can I ever find one? The number of available candidates is dwindling fast among the Zmaj. Sure there are human men here in the City but even most of them are in serious, long-term relationships.

And, if I did find a suitable mate, how do I make a relationship with them? I’m the worst. Physically I’m attracted to the big Zmaj but every time I’m close to one it triggers me. Fear overrides any hint of desire when one of them is close. I can’t let it go, how close a call I had on the ship.

Stupid? Probably, but even if it is, that doesn’t change anything does it? It doesn’t matter how dumb I feel about it. I’ve told myself to let it go a million times, I’ve tried and tried. Every time I think I’ve got it under control something else happens.

Cold fear. I lock up, can’t move, can’t speak, all I can do is watch in fear.

Samil is nice. He’s nice in a kind of Hugh Grant way, sexy and charming while being unsure of himself at the same time. The way he was in Love, Actually. Prime minister, in charge of a country, but afraid to go for the one thing he really wanted. Man I love those old vid-sticks.

I’m projecting. It passes the time, which is what I seem to do the most. Of course we’re all busy with work, fixing things, gathering things, there’s always something to do. There’s no end to the daily tasks that must be done as we try to fix the City or tend to basic needs like food.

It’s all mindless and empty.

When we first got to the City, when it was only Ladon and Calista, all of us girls shared a room. Now it’s just me, alone. I miss vid-sticks. And readers. Maybe readers more? No, vid-sticks. Watching the movies and shows was more amusing to me than reading.

The power in the City is still erratic and not strong enough to power extras like that. Most of the buildings we use have lights now and some even have working air, which is really nice. The dome blocks out most of the double suns’ rays and keeps the heat lower, but that doesn’t make it cool or necessarily comfortable.

Wandering, lost in my thoughts, I realize I’ve come to the edge of the City when the dome itself comes into view. Looking out through it across the empty desert there’s rolling dunes of sand that goes on for as far as the eye can see. It’s almost an allegory for the way I feel. Empty. Devoid of life and hope. The planet went to war and came out the worse for wear, like me.

I’m not cut out for war.

The double suns sit on the horizon, the smaller chasing the larger as night starts to fall. My stomach grumbles and having nothing better to do anyway, I head for the dining hall.