“I saw you talking to him,” Ashlee says as I walk up.

“Yeah,” I admit, cheeks burning.

“And you’re blushing!”

“Am not,” I say, turning away and hoping the growing shadows will hide me.

“Oh girl, you are so blushing,” she says. “You like him? He’s kind of… smaller.”

“No he’s not,” I retort, too fast and too sharp.

“Uh-huh,” Ashlee says, crossing her arms over her chest and shaking her head.

“He’s nice, that’s all.”

“Nice guy, got it,” she says, grinning.

“What? He is!” I argue, but she laughs.

“You’re too easy to wind up.”

Closing my eyes, I sigh and shake my head. “I probably am,” I agree, shoulders slumping.

“Hey, I’m only teasing,” Ashlee says, putting an arm around my shoulders and pulling me tight against her.

“It’s fine,” I protest, stiffening at the sudden contact, but she doesn’t relent until I’m crushed against her.

“No it’s not,” she says. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m sorry.”

“Why are you upset?” Rverre asks, suddenly appearing out of nowhere.

“I’m not sweetie,” I assure the little girl.

Rverre stares at me with her brilliant green eyes that seem to gather the last rays of the sun and reflect them back even brighter. She purses her small lips, crosses her arms over her chest and tilts her head to one side, just like her mother would.

“You’re lying,” she says bluntly.

“Rverre!” Ashlee exclaims.

“What?” Rverre asks. “She is. She’s upset but says she’s not. That’s lying.”

Ashlee lets go of me to kneel before Rverre. “Even so, you shouldn’t call people out like that.”

“Call people out?” Rverre asks.

“You know, put them on a spot, make them feel bad,” Ashlee says.

“I want Inga to feel better,” Rverre says. Her brow furrows and she looks up at me then smiles broadly. She opens her arms wide and reaches up towards me. “Hug me!”

“What?” I ask, surprised.

“Hug me!” Rverre orders.

I kneel down and do as she has commanded. She grabs my neck and squeezes so tight I can barely breath. She turns her head towards me and kisses me wetly on the cheek, then lets go.

“There, better?” Rverre asks and Ashlee snorts.

“Very much so,” I tell her.

“Good. Be happy Inga, you’re pretty. Pretty girls should always be happy. My mommy says so!”

The small Zmaj turns and walks away leaving Ashlee and I staring at each other slack jawed.

“Well, I guess she told you,” Ashlee says.

“Wow,” I say, but I can’t suppress my own smile.

“We should help get a fire going.”

We join the others who are working on that project and contribute as we can. The packs have dried dung that will be the base of the fire and we throw some randomly gathered fodder onto the pile. Dried plants and scraps of fur left over from the crafting of daily needs.

“Samil,” Calista calls to the Zmaj.

“Yes?” he asks as he walks up.

My heart beats faster as he approaches. He moves with more grace than the other Zmaj, there’s an air of gentleness he exudes that calls to me.

“Can you help with this fire please?” Calista asks.

“If thou dost desire fire, than thou shalt have fire!” Samil exclaims, puffing his chest out, putting his hands on his waist and pointing his nose into the air.

“Has he been reading Chaucer?” Jolie asks, laughing.

Samil inhales deeply and dramatically, leaning backwards as he does, then throws himself forward at the waist. An orange ball of flame flies from his mouth and lands on the prepared kindling, causing it to burst into flame.

“Aha!” Samil cries. “I am the bringer of fire!”

Jolie, Calista, Amara, Lana and Ashlee are laughing so hard they have tears running down their faces. Samil is moving and posing like some alien version of Superman. Which is a bit oxymoronic I suppose since Superman was an alien, but whatever. It’s a light-hearted moment and I enjoy watching him soak it up.

There’s a dragging sound from across the desert then the voices of the other Zmaj reach us. The lightness of the moment with Samil is gone in an instant as he visibly shrinks at the return of the other males. It makes an ache in my chest seeing him collapse on himself like that. He deserves better, he’s not less than they are.

“Samil, come and help clean this mighty beast we have slain!” Padraig’s booming voice is so deep and loud it seems to echo off the emptiness of the desert.

Samil goes to help. His shoulders slumped and his head is no longer held high. It’s not right. I want to stand up and say something. Confront Padraig, yell at the other men, but I can’t possibly do it. Sighing, I stand up and help with the preparation of dinner.

It isn’t long before we’ve had our meal of fresh meat, the babies are asleep, and we’re sitting in a circle around the small fire. Ashlee and I sit together, the other couples next to each other and Samil sits by himself. I keep glancing at him, the unrest in my guts more each time. He’s not really part of the circle, any more than I am.

All these people, they’re so deeply in love. They’re so happy with each other. I wish I could have it too. Ladon leans over Calista and they kiss. A deep, passionate kiss, nothing at all wrong with it but chills run down my spine and my skin gets clammy.

There’s a moment where I can smell him again, my attacker on the ship. It’s silly. I’m stupid for still being hung up on it, I know, I tell myself all the time but it doesn’t help.

“You should have seen Astarot,” Melchior says. “The guster was so surprised I thought it would lie down and die right then.”

“It was nothing,” Astarot says and everyone laughs.

“Nothing, he says,” Shidan joins in, shaking his head and reaching over to slap Astarot on the back. “That was an alpha guster and you stood right in front of it, no lochaber, or anything. Spread your arms wide and yelled for him to bring it on!”

Astarot shakes his head, laughing with the others. “He was going to run.”

“He was going to run!” Melchior laughs. “We had our kills, plenty of meat, but not good enough for the mighty Astarot!”

“I thought you might tame it as a pet,” Padraig says.

“I thought he was going to jump its back and ride it,” Errol says.

“It was a most impressive stand,” Sverre adds.

“What happened after that?” Jolie asks.

“After?” Melchior asks.

“Yeah, after he was staring it down,” she asks, pointing out the missing part of the story.

Samil is leaning in close to the circle. There’s a gleam in his eyes as he listens avidly to the story. Watching him, I notice that the muscles in his arms tense and relax as the other men tell of their exploits. Almost as if he’s taking the actions himself, if only in his mind. The admiration on his face is so plain that I don’t see how no one else gets it.

“Oh, that’s the best part,” Melchior says. “We’d taken down its pack and the alpha was going to break for it, go claim some new batch of females for his own.”

“He must have learned that from a Zmaj!” Shidan interjects and everyone laughs.

“Right, a Zmaj takes the female he wants!” Padraig’s comment leads to more laughter.

“You think you do huh?” Maeve asks, slapping his chest and shaking her head.

“Yes, female, I do,” he grins, grabbing her head and they kiss.

It’s so passionate, even more so than the previous ones, that my cheeks warm and I look away.

“Well, maybe…” Maeve gasps and I look back to see them break the kiss.

Everyone is laughing again, everyone but me. I’m watching Samil. I can’t read the look on his face any more but he’s still watching, studying the males and the couples and I wonder if he isn’t jealous. I am, a little bit.

“Anyway,” Melchior says, continuing his story. “The alpha is about to run but there’s Astarot. They’re barely a tail’s length apart and Astarot doesn’t have his lochaber. It’s stuck in one of the dead ones. So there he is, empty handed, facing down an absolutely rabid alpha guster.

The guster hisses, baring its teeth at him, nasty forked tongue flitting in and out of its mouth. Then it gives that roar that they do. I tell you, right then, none of us are close enough to do anything before this beast leaps towards Astarot. I don’t care how good you are, being unarmed against an alpha guster isn’t something you want to do!

It didn’t bother our Astarot though! The beast hisses at him, showing all its teeth and what does Astarot do? Back down? Step aside and let it run? Oh no, not Astarot!

He smiles, showing the thing all his own teeth, I swear on my mother’s tail! He grins so wide I thought his head might flip in half. Then he throws his arms wide like he’s going to give the thing a hug!”

“Well he looked a bit lonely, we’d killed his entire pack,” Astarot throws in to a round of raucous laughter.

“See?” Melchior asks, looking around the circle. “The thing stops. I tell you true, this monster of a guster stops dead in its tracks with Astarot staring it down, arms wide, daring it to attack him.”

“I was sure he was dead,” Ladon says.

“Astarot and that thing stare each other down then, moving so fast you can barely see it happen, he rushes it! Unarmed, nothing but his bare hands he rushes the guster! I couldn’t believe my eyes. I thought he’d gone mad.

He rushes the beat but that’s not enough for Astarot! He grabs the thing’s lower and upper jaws! He forces its head back and back, keeping it from closing its mouth with his bare hand!”

“You’re kidding me!” Amara exclaims.

“Look at his hands!” Melchior insists.

Astarot obliges everyone by holding his hands up and we can all see the wounds across them that look exactly like teeth marks.

“You didn’t tell me you did that,” Lana says, shifting in his arms and glaring at him. “Are you nuts! You could have been killed.”

“He’s making it much more dramatic than it was,” Astarot assures her.

“If only,” Melchior says, not about to be stymied in his storytelling. “We all rush to help, but I’ll tell you I didn’t think we’d be coming home with my crazy friend.”

“It wasn’t that bad,” Astarot says, glaring at Melchior with a quick glance at Lana.

“I’m not stupid,” Lana says. “Let him tell the story of your ignorance, mate. Tell us all how you tried to get yourself killed and leave me alone with a baby in this empty world.”

“I would never, mate,” Astarot says, touching her cheek and turning her face towards him. “You are my strength and my world.”

He kisses her. Lana stiffens in his arms, resisting, but it’s barely a moment before she melts into him. “I’d better be,” she gasps, breathless.

“What happened next?” Samil asks, anticipation heavy in his voice.

“He broke it,” Melchior says, laughing. “He broke it!”

“Oh!” Samil gasps, looking at Astarot with wide-eyed admiration.

“A Zmaj takes what he wants,” Padraig says, rising to his feet. “Speaking of which.”

He grabs Maeve, sweeping her off the ground into his arms. She squeals as he does and then he silences her with a deep, passionate kiss. My guts churn watching the two of them as he takes her off towards the furs that serve as their bed. It’s a strange mix of fear and desire that floods through me and I’m not sure how to handle it.

Unable to watch any longer, I stand up and turn my back on the other couples as they each retire to their beds. Their soft conversations become white noise. Crossing my arms over my chest and stomach I walk a short distance away, needing some space.

“You okay?” Ashlee calls after me.

“Yeah,” I lie. “Not quite ready to lay down yet.”

“Okay,” she says, hesitantly. She lingers for a few moments before walking off.

We don’t know each other well but I’m glad she doesn’t push it. I don’t want to talk about what I’m feeling. I don’t understand it anyway and speaking of it isn’t going to make it any better.

The stars twinkle in the sky. Staring up into the blue-black expanse I let my thoughts wander. What would my life have been like if we hadn’t crashed here? The ship was routine. I only think of it as ‘the ship’ now that we crashed on Tajss. No one ever thought of it that way when we were on it. It was home. I can’t recall ever having once called it a ship in my entire life.

That’s strange, in a way, but also amazing. Humans are so adaptable. Tajss is home now. We’re finding love, making our homes, celebrating our victories and mourning our losses. It’s a hard life, yes, but it’s our life. Life finds a way.

Even if you’ve been knocked down. Eventually, somehow. I have to let it go. If only it was as easy to do as it is to say it.