I recognized the butterflies, keen to the feeling as it had been a constant swirl beneath my ribs since Julian and I kissed, but that time they weren’t because his lips melted mine. It wasn’t because Julian’s eyes were so hauntingly burned into my thoughts or the way my jaw memorized the touch of his knuckles against my skin. It wasn’t even that such a touch, the contact, the fact I tried to pretend it was simply Stockholm, or the fact the monstrous burden of loneliness began to lift. It wasn’t Julian. The violent wings fluttering beneath my ribs, pestering the clenched walls of my belly, were because I just entered an elaborately detailed, prohibitively expensive restaurant on the corner of Beacon and Bowdoin Streets.
“Ma’am.” David gained my attention, nodding toward our intended direction. “Mr. Molloy is waiting for you.”
I burned with embarrassment, unaware of how long I kept their favorite driver waiting in the lobby of luxury. I don’t hate David. He’s nice enough. He doesn’t look like he has a stick up his butt half the time or that he wants to kill me the other half of the time like my good ol’ chum, Ferrell.
“Yes. Thank you.” I nodded to him, following his extended arm ahead of us and beginning the pleasantly tense journey down a small hall. Our path led into the back of the restaurant, nearly hidden from other customers, but in sight of an entire wall of windows. Entering the space, I was quick to spot Liam. He hadn’t yet seen David escort me into the space and was staring out the window, squinting through the blindingly white glare of midday light reflected from the snow. His elbows pressed into the table, fists holding his chin.
“Sir,” David announced, leaving once Liam turned to us, delivering his nod of approval. My feet anxiously floated toward him, part of my heel resistant toward the casual manner with which I approached him. He is still a Molloy. You don’t know him. But…I could get to know him.
“Aideen.” Liam took both of my hands into his soft hold, lifting my knuckles toward his pursed mouth in greeting. “It’s wonderful to see you again so soon.”
“I’m glad you’re dressed.” I smiled, tugging away my hands so they were back in my possession. With a grin that mirrored his older brother, Liam pulled out my chair and motioned for me to sit.
“Eh.” He laughed while nestling into his own seat after tucking mine beneath the table. “I find it all overrated, clothes, shoes, underwear. The whole lot.”
“You’re quite brazen,” I noted, already feeling my cheeks tingle at the smile warring with my soul. How could the same smile from his brother fill my mind with desirable confusion, intoxicating torment? Liam reached for his cup of coffee, the liquid already depleted before my arrival, and sipped. His eyes sparkled over the lip of the mug, delaying his reply.
“How are you finding your current accommodations?” I was distracted by the approaching server, who avoided my eyes while she filled my cup with steaming coffee and refilled the cup Liam extended toward her. I studied her, somewhat mesmerized by the way her small hands rattled as she took the porcelain from Liam. My eyes traveled beyond the mug to the small space of Liam’s wrist exposed by the cuff of his crisp white dress shirt, blinded by his reflective silver watch. When the mug returned to the table, Liam shook his wrist to straighten the face of his watch, noting the time before glancing back at me.
“That’s quite the piece of machinery,” I observed, slightly disgusted by his family and their disposable income.
“It was a gift from my brother,” Liam stated, his blue eyes wandering to mine, “when I graduated law school.”
“Your brother.” I nodded, biting my top lip while thoughts of Julian returning from wherever he had been simply to check on me ran through my head. Simply. As though I could be the only reason. He probably wanted to be sure I hadn’t escaped.
“Speaking of whom,” Liam probed, leaning forward with his elbows pressed against the table, “how long will it be until you break up with him?” Break up with him? How about never? Because I’m not even with him!
“Please don’t say that,” I whispered. “You know the truth.” Liam leaned even closer to me, a pleasant breath of air drifting toward me with a heady cloud of his aftershave.
“The truth.” Liam licked his lips in thought, his eyes blazing across the table. “And what is it that you know, my dear? You and your questions…what’s left for you to know?” His focused stare was lethal, his mouth calm while his eyes spoke volumes of the wicked humor behind them. I wish these idiots would cut the limericks. Maybe I should just…ask?
“Your tattoo…”
“Which one? I have six. You’ve seen two. Care to find out where the other four are, bird?” Liam continued to lean toward me, his posture dangerously playful as though his primal instinct was waiting for me to run just so his claws could sink into me.
“The cr-cross,” I stammered, my mind blurred with the delicious vision of the ink decorating Liam’s perfectly defined stomach. On my bed.
“You’re one determined little bird, aren’t you?” The smile fell from Liam’s eyes, shifting from blue to gray. “What if Julian doesn’t want you knowing certain things?”
“He can go screw himself. You can too. In fact, why don’t you two—” My phone buzzed from the bowels of my small clutch, receiving Liam’s conceited chuckle in reply.
“It’s him.” My eyes briefly glanced at Liam before sorting through the message from Julian. “You both have impeccable timing.”
Julian: I’ll be home to get you at six. I hope you’re better and that you felt at home today.
I couldn’t explain the fleeting pang of guilt that trickled through my stomach after reading Julian’s text message, sitting across from his brother at lunch, trying to pry information from him. Liam paused, waiting for my attention to return. When it did, I was blinded by the smirk across his face.
“What’d he say?”
“That I should probably have a good public relations response to why I’m out to eat with his younger brother.” I slapped my forehead, allowing the tingling pain to bring me back to reality. “What am I doing?”
“You’re out to eat with your boyfriend’s brother,” Liam said as though it were entirely true. “I’ll tell him I showed up to his house unannounced because I forgot something. It won’t be a problem.” But Julian isn’t my boyfriend!
“You showed up? Why would you lie to him?”
Liam’s head shook, his words careless as he drank from his mug of steaming coffee. “Because he’s crazy about you and I’d hate to piss off that bastard. You clearly don’t know what that monster is capable of.” Monster? Crazy about me? Swallow. Breathe. Repeat.
“Bird,” Liam said with a laugh, “I’m kidding. Clearly, we’re all a little monstrous. Julian will know what I let him know. You haven’t learned that about him yet. Your relationship is still so new, and yet you already behave like old friends. I imagine in another life you’d have quite the fairytale.” Old friends. There it was again, the coy vocabulary that, when spoken, made my heart tickle in a curiously perplexing manner.
“Your research led you to some conclusions,” Liam interrupted the daydream, my thoughts beginning to swirl with images of his brother. “I’m curious to hear them. Which shall I rebuke first? The one about us being religious?”
“Okay.”
Liam’s playful laughter filled the empty room, swirling around us in a cloud of ominous humor. “I’m not. Julian’s not. Maureen might be. I don’t know what she does in her personal time. Our family is, but…times change. Priorities shift. Symbols simply become just that, images to which we attach a memory. It’s just like that ring from Maureen. I am positive it’s stunning, but unless it represents something to you, the thing is junk.” He adjusted the cuffs of his sleeves, folding them over his forearms while he spoke, his tone and demeanor casual.
“I ordered for you.” He nodded behind me while a server approached with a tray in her hands. “I hope you don’t mind.” As long as it’s not a piece of lettuce, we’re fine, buddy. I watched the server place her tray at the edge of our table, lifting two white plates to be set before Liam and me. The contents of our meal was hidden by silver lids, reflecting the dim glow of lights around us, but the server was quick to remove them before scurrying off. The pace with which she scampered from Liam’s side was unnerving. I would have assumed he was the friendly Molloy, not one from whom I should literally trot away.
“I know you’re more of a burger and fries sort of bird.” Liam chuckled, his voice pulling me back to him. What?
“I’ve never told you that.”
“I just figured,” he replied, clearing his throat. “Dig in. No cheese, right?” My glance was speculative, hesitant to respond while Liam cut the filet on his plate. Steak for lunch seemed excessive. Who am I kidding anymore?
“Right,” I muttered, lifting the petite bottle of malt vinegar from the table. “I didn’t think a place like this would make burgers.” He shrugged, his mouth full of medium-well cow, but a smile formed around the lump in his cheek. Once he swallowed, quickly sipping from his cup of ice water, Liam dabbed the corners of his mouth.
“Which theory is next, bird? I’m eager to dispel more myths.” His eyebrows playfully lifted, light catching his blue eyes. He was hook, line, and sinker, successfully luring me into something. Into him. The shimmering glow radiating from his eyes, almost as powerful as Julian’s, tickled my aura, sending a shiver along the length of my spine. A good shiver. A happy shiver. An exciting…what do I do now? He’s staring at me. Still. Shit, this is ridiculous. Which one is next? Do I ask about Julian? Maureen? Elliott? Inhaling a breath that rattled in my lungs, I decided to end my life.
“I think you’re not entirely who you claim to be.” I swallowed the air violently swirling in my dry throat, continuing in a quick breath to not give him an opportunity to respond. “I think your family isn’t who they claim to be. I think you’re using me as a pawn to get something. All of you. There’s something you need or want and—”
Liam interrupted my rant, his posture erecting rather arrogantly as though I pressed a button along his nerves. Yet his smile softened, his words confidently tumbling from his grinning lips.
“Could it possibly be that all we need or want might be you, Aideen?”
Liam’s words repeated in my mind, the inflection of his voice on my name becoming eerily familiar.
“Your brother was right about one thing.” I nervously licked my lips, my head beginning to shake dubiously.
“Oh? What’s that, bird? How incredibly handsome his younger brother is or, maybe, that I should be responsible for protecting the loveliest of birds? Instead, it’s Julian who has your wings clipped,” Liam sighed, glancing away at the approaching server. His eyes briefly flickered to mine while the interloper refilled our coffees and water, hastily retreating.
“So what exactly was the old man right about?” Liam repeated his question, taking his vibrating phone from the interior pocket of his suit coat. He absentmindedly scanned the screen while awaiting my response.
“Two things, actually.” The thought tickled my lips with a smile. “First, you’re a ruthless flirt. Second, it isn’t polite to avoid eye contact when someone is speaking to you.”
“Ha,” Liam playfully scoffed, “speak of the devil. I’m sorry to cut short our lunch, bird, but I need to excuse myself.” Liam’s thumbs typed a message on his phone while he spoke to me, his mind in two separate settings.
“Is everything okay?”
“That depends on what we agree to disclose as everything.” His wink was a threatening flirt, opening the opportunity for more. “Aideen, have you ever found yourself trying to think of a word, but nothing comes? It’s right there, on the tip of your tongue, but nothing comes?”
“That happens to everyone.” What the hell is this character talking about? Maybe he isn’t the nicest after all. Maybe he is the craziest. Liam stood from the table, removing a wad of cash from the same pocket that previously housed his vibrating phone and dropping it onto the table. I never heard money make a sound, but that thud was horrifically expensive.
“Have you ever wondered why you can’t think of the word,” he continued, reaching for my hand, “or maybe felt like déjà vu?”
“Forgive me,” I accepted Liam’s hand, my skin melting like a damn dairy-free ice cream cone in the middle of summer, “but what are you talking about?”
I noticed David return to the room, his empty expression less frightening than Mr. Ferrell’s but equally befuddling.
“Just something to think about.” Liam helped me stand, promptly releasing my hand and accepting his wool coat from David, whose long steps were quick to join us. I observed Liam’s silent reminder that our conversation ended, the lick of his lips and playful lift of his eyebrows, all hidden behind a glorious grin that radiated to his blue eyes. How did this family master the gene pool? I can’t handle them.
“Sir,” David muttered, pulling Liam’s gaze from mine, “we need to leave now if we’re to make the hearing.”
“Hearing?” I inquired, struggling to keep up with Liam and David’s pace as they promptly exited the restaurant. Wait. I’m still hungry. I turned, my body whimpering at the plate full of gourmet fries that would just go to waste. Rich assholes. I was tempted to return and grab my plate as a souvenir, but Liam waited for me at the restaurant entrance, his hands stuffed into his coat pockets. If I squinted, I could pretend he was Julian. Wait. Why the hell am I squinting? Open your eyes, bird, babby, Aideen, whoever the hell you are around these people.
“Senate hearing for some legislation my grandfather is working on securing,” Liam replied, my nerves satisfied that a Molloy actually gave me information. “I have to go meet your landlord at the State House. I apologize again, Aideen.”
“I didn’t know they let normal people into Senate hearings,” I whispered while we stood just outside, my toes chilling as I stepped into freshly fallen snow. “Oh, wait. You’re not a normal person.”
Liam flipped up the collar of his coat, muffling the sound of his warm chuckle. He turned toward me, his eyes sparkling me into submission. “David will get you home.” Liam’s right hand fell to my shoulder, searing through the layers of fabric. “And soon enough, you’ll have Julian home to protect you.”
“I’m starting to wonder if I need protection from him.” I bit my upper lip, forcing back the muffled laugh that threatened to expose itself.
“That’s,” Liam leaned forward, quickly kissing my forehead with enough gall to fill Fenway on opening day, “what I’m here for. Have fun tonight, bird.”
“Hmph,” I muttered at his retreat, my fingers lifting to the tickling pulse along my forehead. David escorted Liam for the two-block journey to the State House, leaving me alone in the frigid, gray air. Isn’t David taking me home? My frozen breath swirled in paralyzed suspension as the air chilled everything it touched. He left me alone. Outside. Another test? Liam’s retreating figure now a blur, I scanned the sidewalk in both directions. There were too many people out for the weather. I didn’t remember what day it was, and the thought of walking across the Common to work was enticing. I took two steps forward, my feet entering the plowed pavement of Beacon Street.
“Aid!”
I froze, my skin crawling with painfully frozen icicles. I was rigid, unsure of which direction to turn. There are too many people. Don’t make a scene.
“Aid!” His volume grew in proximity, its inflection drawing blood from my soul. I began to heat, my core building with a burning rage. The last time I saw Elliott, heard his pathetic voice, was when he told me his truth. Julian’s words trickled into my mind. His threat, his possessively arrogant assumption that people would hurt me and he would need to kill every single one. I imagined Elliott’s demise, my mind twisting with improbable scenarios for how Julian would end him. Why did I even want to picture Julian in that way? Why am I believing any of this?
“Aid.” Elliott grabbed my shoulder, my body quick to reject his touch. “Hey. I haven’t heard from you. I…how…are you okay?” Am I what? What the fuck did this fucking fuck just fucking ask me? The arrogance, the supreme condescending notion that Elliott Daly would even think to ask if I was okay was far from okay. I began to close in on myself, protecting my heart with a shield of my crossed arms.
“I have nothing to say to you.”
Elliott’s lips dropped into a frown, his hands nervously tapping against his hips. “Aideen, I am so sorry. You have to believe me. I have an addiction, a problem. I’m…I don’t know how to make this right between us.”
“I have nothing to say to you,” I repeated, glaring at the pathetic imbecile, noting how disheveled and pale he was. Elliott’s skin was gray, thinning from exhaustion. His eyes were hollow, almost entirely void of self. Elliott again reached for me, his bony fingers attempting to adhere themselves to my wrists. All I could think of was Julian. His warmth. His kitchen. His trinity knot. His hair. His smile. His tattoos. Julian. I officially crossed over into the zone of Stockholm syndrome with those thoughts, but there was something else. There was an inkling, a secure feeling that came along with the mere and beautiful thought of Julian. Safety. Comfort. It was beyond his fairytale film, beyond his threats, but a feeling that returned my heart to Liam’s notion of déjà vu.
“Aid, please,” Elliott’s voice was low, his grasp tightening, “we need to talk.” Celtic cross. D for Diana. Blue eyes. Heavenly blue eyes. Honey lattes. Rope. Blanket. That kiss. It wasn’t a mistake. This isn’t a mistake. Déjà vu.
“It’s probably best for you to fuck off, Elliott,” I told him, my voice cold. “It’s in your best interest if you leave me alone.”
“I can’t do that, Aid. You’re family to me.”
“You’ve got a messed-up sense of family then,” I scoffed, pulling my wrists away, only for his hold to tighten. The winter wind was blustery, kissing my exposed skin with its painfully frigid breeze. I wasn’t aware. I was alone, vulnerable, and feeling abandoned. Boston was proving to be a dangerous place to the unaware after all. Julian. God! What the hell is happening to me?! I found myself praying for Julian, asking Buddha to send the devil to protect me. I was so close to his family at that moment, under two blocks from at least three of them and entirely isolated in another dimension. Where the hell is David?
“Family is everything, Aideen. You know how important it is to me, and you know you’re part of it. I’m sorry I’ve destroyed us. I’m getting help. Trust me.”
“I don’t.” I trust Julian. Whoa. Where did that come from?
“Can we just go somewhere and talk about this? Please, Aid. I’ll do anything.”
I glanced around, willing Elliott’s hands to loosen their grasp as some men approached, deep in discussion. As they stepped closer, I pulled my wrists away, evading Elliott’s hold while he tumbled into one of the men.
“Hey,” one snarled at Elliott, helping him stand. “Watch where you’re going. It’s too damn slippery out here to be messing around on the sidewalk.”
“Thanks.” Elliott brushed off his coat, nodding to the men as they stepped aside. “Why won’t you just come talk with me, Aid?” Elliott, not getting a damn clue, came closer to me with extended arms. I stepped to the side, afraid to turn my back on him. Who knows what this idiot is capable of doing? I need Julian. I could see the State House, its dome taunting me with the reminder of just how close Liam and Julian were while Elliott harassed me on the sidewalk.
“I’m not going anywhere with you, Elliott,” I informed him, my voice struggling to gain composure. “Our friendship died the day you stole money from me.” It died the moment you introduced Malcolm to me, the moment you tried to have me killed for a measly fifty thousand dollars. I couldn’t let him know what I knew, if it was even the truth. What did Julian have to gain by lying to me about Elliott? He had to be telling the truth. I needed to pick a truth. I needed to find a story and stick to it. I needed to run. Inhaling a shaky breath, I quickly spun around in an effort to flee Elliott, only to smash directly into a pedestrian. He smells too fucking nice. My lungs collapsed as my gaze wandered to the trinity knot while his hands curled around my shoulders.