He glared at the pouting Pure with his black eye and busted lip. His ribs and chest were sore from where the non-lethal rounds connected with his unprotected skin. Bastard did that shit on purpose, and the man deserved the punishment he received. Raul had tried to take his head off after he’d knocked Pure on his over-sized ass. Camden dragged Raul off, and he didn’t give a shit where they were. They’d made it to the safe house they’d arranged.

“You could’ve hit Fielding.”

“Man, I hit what I aim for. Big strong man getting all pissy about a few bruises.”

“Only takes one.”

Pure scoffed as he grabbed his soda and left the kitchen.

He didn’t like being away from his boy, but Linus and Little had Fielding in a second location. No one had made it onto their list of suspects, and Gage was at the hospital handling the public relations nightmare. The other man was also going to stake out the morgue to see if Fielding’s stalker tried to get to Fielding’s supposed body. They could only hope that the fucker got sloppy and revealed himself, or at the very least, left some clues behind.

“You’re jumpy, Liv.” Peaches concerned voice came from the doorway behind him.

“I should be with Fielding.”

“You know that’s a bad idea. The suspect might follow you, and that would lead him right to where Fielding is being held. Convincing job today though.”

“But was it convincing enough. It went down perfectly but, dammit, Peaches, all he had to notice is one mistake.”

“Are you letting him go, Liv?”

He almost started to pretend he didn’t know what she was asking, but he’d known Peaches too long to play her for a fool. She’d take his ass out even when he outweighed her by over a hundred pounds and a foot taller.

“It’s a job, Peaches.”

“It’s not just a fucking job, honey. I’ve known you almost a decade, and I love you, that’s why I’m saying this. If you don’t keep that boy, it’ll be your biggest fuck up yet.”

“I can’t keep him. What the fuck do I have to offer? Some off-the-grid cabin. This fucked up body and face to wake up to every morning.”

“You’re more than some scars and paranoia. I’ve told you when the right one comes along, they won’t judge you for the things you can’t change. You survived a horrific incident.”

He didn’t talk about his mother or his life before the foster homes. No one knew the story in its entirety, and he wanted to keep it that way. He’d learned that Peaches knew every last detail, from where his mother started out to how many surgeries he’d had. He was broken, but unlike his friends and co-workers, all his damage was on the surface for everyone to see. Scars and dead eyes that told a story that still terrified him. The heat of the flames, his clothes and skin burning away quickly but in agonizing slowness. He still remembered the stench of his burned flesh, the sickening sweetness of it.

The nightmares had subsided while Fielding was with him. Yet, he knew they’d come back, and he didn’t want Fielding around to see his weakness. The screaming and tears, waking up begging for his mother to save him. Her only answer her laughter still echoing in his head. Her smile was burned into him as deeply as his scars.

“I just can’t do it. Fielding has a life and career in California. What the fuck do I have to seriously offer him?”

“Your love, Liv. I’ve seen the way that boy looks at you. He’s been asking for you since they snuck him out of the hospital.”

“It’s his first taste of freedom.”

He hated the lie. He’d seen the truth in Fielding’s eyes when he’d looked at him after taking his virginity. It was more than his first freedom. It was the way only someone innocent and untouched by the ugly bits of life could love. He couldn’t destroy that innocence completely. He already despised his existence, and he wouldn’t survive if he pulled Fielding into his hell.

“But you fucked him anyway.”

“I told him fucking was all that I could offer.”

“When you take someone’s first time that isn’t a responsibility you take lightly and the fact you took his virginity knowing you were going to send him home makes you more of a bastard than I thought you were. You have experience and age on your side. You should’ve left him with that gift to give to someone who’s going to be around longer than the time it takes the afterglow to wear off.”

He pushed his hands through his hair and pulled until his scalp stung. He didn’t regret what he did with Fielding. His boy had cried in his arms. He’d kissed the tears from his cheeks that had been red with embarrassment. The submission and the ecstasy, the perfection of his boy’s first time—he’d dissolved his boy to unrestrained bliss. It was a gift he’d cherish, and he didn’t care if people considered him a bastard. It was an experience beyond compare of what he had in his past or would have in his future.

“I don’t need you to bitch me out.”

“You might not consider me your mother, I love you like I do everyone else, and that makes you my son. I love you without judgment or condition. The decision you made doesn’t sit right with me, but you’re an adult.”

He didn’t want a mother-figure. He wasn’t a stranger to envy. Peaches and Lily embraced all their children, blood and adopted, equally. It was the gentleness of a mother’s hand. The purity of a mother’s I love yous. All that shit was a foreign a concept, to him, a mother’s love was pain, humiliation, and exclusion. Nothing was unconditional in life, he held onto that like a life raft in a hurricane. Because if he started to believe, then he’d crave those things he knew he couldn’t have. He didn’t want anyone’s love.

A mother is supposed to have this connection with their children, but what if something inside him was so beyond repair—evil—that he’d never be truly loved. He’d rather avoid the trap and deny that he couldn’t let himself get used to the pretty lies.

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Do you love me?”

“Because you’re deserving. I took one look at you, and you were mine, just like the first time I held Landon in my arms. Looked into his beautiful tiny face and it was like being complete. I didn’t give birth to you, but you were always mine even if it took me twenty-eight years to find you.”

He flinched as she extended her arms toward him and he felt like a bastard when tears swam in her eyes. She didn’t let him get away with it, she stepped up to him and wrapped him in her slender tattooed arms. He couldn’t relax, he braced himself for the first blow or cutting word, but all she did was hold him tighter. Rubbed his back in soothing circles and tears burned his eyes. His arms held stiffly at his sides started to move on their own accord, and he held her awkwardly. Peaches raised one hand to rest on his unmarred cheek as soft lips stroked the twisted skin on the other.

“If I could, I’d kiss away every last one, but they make you who you are, Liv. They show the world you were stronger than someone’s hate.”

“I want to keep him.” He admitted the truth to her in a low, barely heard whisper. Afraid that if he said it, the universe would punish him for reaching beyond that which he was entitled.

“Then keep him, honey, hold on tight and love that little man until he can’t see anyone else.”

“I can’t.”

“You’ll get there, but don’t ruin your chance for the greatest thing as humans we can attain—love.”

He’d reached his limit, and he pulled back, angrily swiped the tears from his face. He hadn’t cried since the night his mother tried to kill him.

“Is he okay?”

“He’s good, except he said his Daddy needed to bring him ice cream.”

He rolled his lips between his teeth, but couldn’t suppress his smile.

“He wants his reward for being good.”

“But he wouldn’t let anyone else get him ice cream. Are we already setting rules?”

“Yes, he has rules.”

“You men and your Daddy complexes. Not that I’m bashing you for it, Gib has heard me yell Daddy plenty of times.”

And there was the evil Peaches back in full force. “And I could’ve done without that visual.”

“You, like the rest of my sons, are prudes. Sex is the most natural thing in the world.”

“What if people don’t like sex.”

“Then those people can be happy and healthy with their cuddling and affection or none at all. Shame has nothing to do with sexuality or lack thereof as long as everyone is consenting adults. Giving or taking dick or not taking doesn’t define us as humans. Simple affection can be as intimate as a full-on fuck-fest. People are too caught up in expectation.”

“Why did you only have one kid?”

“I do, just because I didn’t give birth to more than one doesn’t mean I’m not a parent to many. Gib learned long ago I was going to take in as many as I could. But to answer why I only gave birth to one, I lost several after I had Landon, and the doctors said it was dangerous for me to try for more.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Me too. Gib and I always dreamed of having a houseful. Even on our first date, we talked about how many kids we’d have. He told me he didn’t care as long as they all were as beautiful as I was. What do you know? We have the most gorgeous kids anyone could hope for.”

“You’re crazy you know that, Peaches?”

“Honey, the woman you see before you was once a conservative college girl and one day I walked into a tattoo shop to find my future. I might have lost my biological family but what I gained far exceeded the so-called loss.”

Even as jaded as he was, Peaches made him hope with a few honest words and no-strings advice. Hope was a drug that many couldn’t afford. He’d ignored that promise of something sweeter and gentler, that love most craved. Yes, he wished for it, but was it destined for him? He’d spent too many years keeping everyone at a distance, envying people for what they had. For a brief span of time, he wanted to enjoy Fielding, but having him forever wasn’t something he could guarantee himself or Fielding.

He was standing still, but mentally he was on the run.