CHAPTER NINE
Court was in session, and there was more work than ever in the small office for Shelby and Tammy. Mr. Holman was working on two divorce cases, a land settlement, a suit for damages resulting from a highway car crash, and he was defending a local man who’d been charged with manslaughter. No sooner did Tammy get through researching one case than she had to start on the next. The land settlement involved complicated research in the county clerk’s office, looking up plats and deeds. One of the divorces involved allegations of child abuse, and that required a deposition from an emergency-room physician who’d treated the child—Mr. Holman did that, of course, with the court stenographer. But Tammy had to get the medical records and take down potential testimony from a psychologist and check into the husband’s criminal record. The car crash meant more delving into police records and interviewing potential witnesses, and the manslaughter charge looked like a full-time job in itself.
Shelby didn’t envy the young woman her paralegal status. Tammy had been taking courses at night at a nearby junior college, and now it was paying off. Mr. Holman had already raised her salary and she was coping with things Shelby couldn’t begin to understand. It was a good thing, Shelby thought, that she hadn’t wanted that training herself. With her almost positive pregnancy, she wouldn’t be able to work for many more months. She knew Justin was going to insist that she stay home the last month or so of her pregnancy. Secretly, she wanted that, too. She wanted the time to plan things for the baby, to get furniture and fix up a room for a nursery. She smiled, thinking about the look on Justin’s face when she told him the news.
“I said,” Mr. Holman interrupted her thoughts gently, “I’m afraid you’re going to have to put in some overtime this week—you and Tammy. Civil court’s in full swing, and superior court convenes next week. We don’t have a lot of time to get our cases in order.”
“I don’t mind,” Shelby assured him. “Justin’s out of town, so I’ve got nothing to do in the evenings.”
“His loss, my gain.” The blond lawyer grinned. “Thanks, Shelby. I don’t know what I’d do without you. I’ve got to run to the courthouse and then I’ll be at Carson’s Café for lunch. Back about one.”
“Okay, boss.”
He started out the door and collided with Tammy, who was rushing in. He caught her upper arms to steady her and she rested her hands on his chest to support herself. They looked at each other and froze there, a tableau that Shelby found oddly touching.
“You okay?” Barry Holman asked the young woman.
Tammy’s full lips parted. “Yes,” she breathed. She didn’t look up, and she was blushing.
His hands contracted for a minute, then he let her go. “Be careful,” he said softly, and smiled. “I don’t want to lose you.”
“Yes, sir,” Tammy murmured huskily.
He let his glance drop to her mouth for one long instant, then he was gone, frowning and impatient all over again.
Shelby had to smother a grin. From fighting tooth and nail, the two of them had become shy and reserved and uncomfortable with each other. Tammy actually seemed to vibrate when the boss came into a room, and her face lit up like a neon sign.
“I, uh, have some notes to type,” Tammy said, faltering.
Shelby smiled. “I’ll go out and get us some lunch. What would you like?”
“Tuna-fish salad and crackers, and iced tea. Here. And thanks a million! I’ll go tomorrow.” Tammy grinned.
“That’s a deal. I won’t be long. Hold the fort.”
Shelby went around the corner to the drugstore and found Abby bent over a greeting-card display.
“What are you looking for?” she asked her sister-in-law conspiratorially.
Abby chuckled, her blue-gray eyes lighting up. “A card for my gorgeous husband. His birthday is week after next,” she reminded Shelby.
“How could I forget, when we’re having the party for him?” Shelby replied. “Which reminds me, I was supposed to call you two days ago to go over the arrangements. I got busy…” She flushed. What had happened was that Justin had wrestled her down on the carpet when she’d picked up the phone to call Abby, and nothing had gotten done for the rest of the night.
“I gather that things are going well over at your place,” Abby mused, watching the scarlet blush. “Calhoun says Justin sits around dreaming at the feedlot instead of working, and that he’s got a photograph of you on his desk that he just stares at all the time.”
Shelby laughed delightedly. “Does he, really?”
“You newlyweds.” Abby smiled. “I’m glad it’s working out for you. I knew it would. You two were always equal halves of a whole—even Tyler mentioned it that night you and Justin danced together at the square dance.”
Shelby blushed. “I never dreamed it would work out like this, though,” she confessed. “I’ve never been so happy.”
“I imagine Justin feels the same.” She studied Shelby’s face curiously. “Why are you still working? Don’t you want to stay at home?”
“Well, I didn’t think it would be right to just walk off and leave Mr. Holman,” Shelby confessed. “Tammy Lester’s working out very well and sooner or later I’ll go home. It’s just that I wanted to try my wings. I’ve never been independent before. It’s fun.”
“So is marriage.” Abby grinned. “I’m having a ball just being a housewife, as traitorous as that sounds coming from a modern woman. Was that Tammy I saw in the window this morning?” she added. “The shade was pulled down, but it was dark and there was a light behind her. She was leaning over Mr. Holman. She sure does look like you,” she added. “Maybe not in person, but your silhouettes are really similar.”
“It’s probably because we both have long hair and we’re tall and slender,” Shelby said. “But she’s stuck on the boss, and just between us, I think it’s mutual. They started out hating each other. Now they’re at the throat-clearing, foot-shuffling stage.”
“Guess what comes next,” Abby said wickedly.
Shelby laughed softly, averting her eyes. “Well, they’ll get to that stage before much longer, I suppose. Calhoun doesn’t know about the surprise party, does he?” she asked to divert the younger woman.
“Heavens, no, and he wouldn’t drag it out of me at gunpoint, I promise. Justin phoned the other night and said he’d invited a couple of people who wouldn’t be on my list. I don’t guess he mentioned that to you?”
Shelby frowned. “Well…no. Who do you suppose he’s invited?” Her green eyes flashed. “Surely he wouldn’t invite any of his old flames…?” she mused to herself.
“I wouldn’t worry too much about that,” Abby murmured, because Justin had once confessed to her that he’d never been in Calhoun’s league as a ladykiller. But Shelby didn’t need to know that, and it was Justin’s place to tell her when and if he wanted to.
“Then who?” she persisted.
“We’ll have to wait and see. You might ask him when he gets back. Pity about Mr. Sutton, isn’t it?” Abby sighed. “I met him and his son at one of those cattle conventions Calhoun and I went to month before last. He’s not much to look at, very reserved, but bristling with masculinity, if you know what I mean. He looked right through me, and there was a woman who came on to him…” Abby shivered. “I used to think Justin was kind of remote when I first went to live with the Ballengers, but Mr. Sutton makes Justin look like an extrovert. He hates women.”
“His loss,” Shelby said with a faint grin. “Of course, he obviously has never encountered women of our caliber.”
Abby burst out laughing. “Shame on you.”
Shelby laughed, too. “Call me when you have time and we’ll get those arrangements for the party finished. I’ve got to run. Tammy’s at the office by herself.”
“Okay. I’ll just go through these cards again. Have a nice lunch.”
“See you.”
Shelby puzzled over what Abby had said all the way back to the office. She couldn’t help but wonder whom Justin had invited that he hadn’t told her about. She’d have to ask him.
He’d flown to Wyoming on Wednesday, and although he’d hoped to be back two days later, there had been complications and the hearing had been held over until Monday. He wasn’t going to get back for the weekend.
“Oh, Justin,” she moaned. “And I have to work late next week. We’ve got court.”
“Quit that damned job,” he said shortly. “A woman’s place is at home, having children and keeping things straight.”
A cold, deep voice in the background laughed and made a curt remark that Justin replied to.
“What was that?” Shelby asked curiously.
“Mr. Sutton thinks women are best when floured and salted and fried in lard,” he mused.
“You can tell Mr. Sutton that men have to be marinated first,” she shot back.
There was a murmur of voices and a deeply appealing laugh in the background. “Shame on you,” Justin murmured. “I’ve got to go. This turkey goes to bed at nine, so I’ll be left up in the dark if I don’t hang up. Be good, sweetheart. I’ll see you Monday evening.”
“You can pick me up at work if I’m not here, okay?” she asked softly.
“Okay. Good night.”
“Good night, Justin,” she said softly and kissed the receiver before she put it back in the cradle. She missed him already until it was almost unbearable. She wanted him to come home so badly.
The next two days passed all too slowly, but Monday was hectic and she didn’t have time to look forward to seeing her husband. It was one tangle after another. The phone never stopped and Tammy had to run to the courthouse twice to take information to Mr. Holman in court.
By the end of the day, Shelby wondered if she was ever going to get to go home. Mr. Holman came in needing letters typed and a new brief prepared. It was pages long, and even with the computer, it took Shelby a long time.
Meanwhile, Tammy was flitting around the office following orders while Mr. Holman got more and more impatient. Shelby knew there was going to be trouble from the way Tammy began gnawing on her lower lip and glaring toward the boss’s office. At nine o’clock, he came to the doorway and made a sarcastic remark about a property-line measurement that Tammy had written incorrectly and the younger girl exploded.
“You expect miracles!” she told the angry blond man. “I’m working overtime, I haven’t had supper, I’ve had to get down on my hands and knees to get some of this stuff for you, and you’re yelling at me! I hate you!”
“You cream puff!” he threw back. “If you think this is hard work, try practicing law, honey!”
He gave her a smug smile and went back into his office.
“Oh, no, you don’t, big shot,” Tammy muttered. She followed him in, slamming the door.
There were raised voices. A chair scraped and something fell. Then there was a long, poignant silence that grew and grew. Shelby, sitting at her computer, smiled to herself. It looked as if that next step in the boss’s courtship had just been taken.
But to the man sitting across the street in the black Thunderbird, the two figures so closely silhouetted in the window, against the thin shade, didn’t look like Barry Holman and Tammy. They looked to him like Barry Holman and Shelby. From her height to her long hair, it looked like Shelby in that man’s arms.
Justin felt his heart stop dead in his chest. He’d come straight from the airport into town, desperate to see Shelby again, so hungry for the sight of her that he’d taken a chance on her still being in the office. Only to find…this.
He thought the wounding would never stop. It was killing him to see Shelby in that man’s arms. It couldn’t be—but, then, it had to be. She’d teased him about finding another man if he stayed away too long. She wasn’t a virgin anymore; she was a sensual woman now. Perhaps the hunger had gotten to her. It wasn’t rational, but then, neither was jealousy, and he was eaten up with it. He wanted to go in there and kill that man. He wanted to throw Shelby out of his house, out of his life. He’d trusted her, and she’d betrayed him, again.
He didn’t want to believe it, but what else could he believe? That was Shelby in that window, Shelby with her boss. He knew the sight of her too well to mistake her for anybody else, and who else could there be, because there was only one woman at the office and Shelby was the woman!
He started the car and pulled out onto the street, his dark eyes black with hurt, seeing the end of his dreams. She’d been fire in his arms, loving him, holding him, giving him everything he’d ever wanted. But she’d betrayed him in the past, and he’d forgotten that in their new closeness. He’d forgotten what she’d done to him before. She hadn’t slept with Wheelor, but she’d still betrayed him—she’d thrown him over. And now history was repeating itself, and he didn’t know what he was going to do. He drove home without even knowing how to get there, sick at heart and already grieving for Shelby all over again. How could she do that to him? How could she!
At the office, Shelby finally finished her chores and wondered whether or not to knock on Barry Holman’s door. She decided against it. If they were in a clinch, it would be cruel to interrupt them.
She phoned the house and asked if Justin was there, but Maria said that he hadn’t arrived yet. So she went out, leaving a note on her desk, got into her car and drove home. So much for Justin’s promise to come and pick her up. But maybe he hadn’t gotten home yet. She smiled, comforting herself with that thought.
She pulled into the driveway and left the car at the front steps, eager to see if he’d come in. She darted down the hall to his study, and there he was.
“Hello!” She laughed.
But the man whose black, cold eyes sought hers across the room didn’t remotely resemble the tender lover who’d left for Wyoming last Wednesday. He was smoking a cigarette, and he looked as indifferent to her as a stranger might.
“You’re late,” he remarked.
“I…we had court,” she said, faltering. “I told you I’d be working late.”
“So you did.” He took another draw from the cigarette. “You look worried. Is anything wrong?”
“I thought you might be glad to see me,” she said with a hesitant smile.
He smiled back, but it wasn’t pleasant. He was dying inside, but he wasn’t about to let her see it. “Did you?” he asked carelessly. “I suppose you don’t remember what you did to me six years ago. I’m sorry to disappoint you if you expected me to have fallen under your spell again. I haven’t. What we had those few weeks was a small recompense for the anguish you gave me in the past. But I didn’t realize you expected to build a future on it.” He laughed coldly. “Sorry, honey. Once was enough. But don’t think I can’t live without you. You’re like wine—I don’t need to get drunk on you to enjoy the occasional sip.”
She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She knew her face had gone quite pale. She was almost surely pregnant and Justin was telling her that he didn’t want her anymore.
“I thought…you realized that I hadn’t slept with Tom.”
“Sure I did,” he admitted. “But you broke the engagement all the same, didn’t you, and told the whole damned world that I wasn’t rich enough to suit you.” His eyes glittered coldly. “Now it’s my turn. I’m rich and I don’t want you anymore, honey. Try that on for size.”
She turned and ran, a sob breaking in her throat as she went helter-skelter up the staircase and into her old room. She locked the door and threw herself on the bed, crying helplessly. It was like a nightmare.
Several minutes passed. She’d thought, hoped, that Justin hadn’t meant it. She’d listened and waited, hoping against hope that he might come after her, that he might reconsider what he’d said. But there were no footsteps on the staircase and she was finally forced to the conclusion that he wasn’t going to follow her.
It didn’t seem to bother him, either, that she’d gone to bed in her old room. She heard his footsteps much later going down the hall toward the bedroom they’d shared. The door closed and stayed closed.
Shelby didn’t know what had gone wrong. When Justin had left for Wyoming, everything had been perfect for them. His emotional distance had disturbed her, but she’d been sure that he was beginning to feel something for her. Now, he was a stranger. The revenge she hadn’t thought he wanted was now evident. He looked at her as if he couldn’t care less about her, and what he’d said had cut her to the bone.
She finally slept, wondering how she was going to manage to go on. Exhausted, tears streaking her pale cheeks, she faced the loss of everything she’d ever loved. And Justin was first on that list.
Down the hall, the man who’d just returned from Wyoming was lying awake, too, missing the familiar sound of Shelby’s breathing, the feel of her soft body against his in the darkness. He felt guilty and sick at the way he’d spoken to her, at the tears and hurt he’d caused. But he was hurting, too. He’d thought that Shelby loved him, and all along she’d only married him because she’d lost her home and security. She was playing him for a fool all over again, keeping a man in the background. The fact that it was her handsome boss only made it worse. Now he knew why she’d fought him about giving up her job. She was in love with her playboy boss, that was why she’d refused to come home. And now he’d seen proof of her disloyalty. He could hardly bear the pain. He didn’t know how he was going to go on living with her after what he’d seen.
Just for a minute, he considered the possibility of confronting her with the truth. But what good would that do? He’d confronted her with Tom Wheelor, and she’d lied. She’d lied at the time, and she’d lied since. He’d been lured into a false sense of security. He’d really begun to trust her again. What a good thing that he’d gone into town unannounced tonight to bring her home. Now she couldn’t fool him again. He’d seen the real Shelby, and he was disgusted with her. He knew she’d been a virgin when she’d married him, but now that he’d gotten her over the hurdle of her first time, probably she was enjoying a totally new relationship with her boss.
That was the last straw. With an angry sigh, he closed his eyes and forced himself to put her out of his mind.
The next morning, he went downstairs with a carefully schooled expression, determined not to let Shelby know that he was cut to the bone emotionally. He’d die before he’d show it.
Shelby was up early, too, drinking black coffee and nibbling halfheartedly at toast. She looked up when he came into the dining room, her eyes swollen from crying all night, her expression one of hopeful uncertainty.
“You didn’t mean what you said last night, did you?” she asked. Her green eyes searched his. “Did you, Justin?”
He moved past her and sat down casually at the head of the table, pouring coffee into his cup from the carafe before he answered her. “I meant every word of it, Shelby,” he replied. He helped himself to bacon, eggs and biscuits, as nonchalantly as if she were a business associate. “Have some eggs.”
She couldn’t bear the sight of them, much less the taste. Her appetite had long since gone, and she was already in danger of losing the tiny bites of toast she’d taken. She shook her head.
His dark eyes narrowed as he studied her. She looked worn. Her long hair was luxurious, but her face was pale and pinched, even with makeup.
“I’m not very hungry,” she added.
“Suit yourself.” He didn’t show his own lack of appetite. He was quiet long enough to clean his plate, but he could feel Shelby’s eyes and they made him uncomfortable.
“What kind of relationship do you have in mind for us now?” she asked with the shreds of her pride drawn around her.
He pushed his plate aside and sipped his coffee. “You’re my wife,” he said coolly. “You’ll live in my house and I’ll take care of you. But we’ll have separate rooms, and separate lives, from now on.”
Her eyes closed on a wave of sorrow and shame. And what about the baby I’m carrying, she wanted to ask. What about our child?
“Surely sleeping alone won’t bother you now,” he chided. “Since you’ve already satisfied your curiosity.”
“It won’t bother me,” she said huskily. She couldn’t finish her coffee. The smell of it made her stomach churn. She got to her feet very slowly. “I’ll be late if I don’t leave now.”
His eyes flashed. “God forbid that you should be late for…work,” he said.
She was too sick to notice the hesitation or the venom in his tone. She got out while she could, forcing herself not to show weakness. That was the one thing she couldn’t afford at the moment.
She went to work and was violently sick in the bathroom the minute she got there. She mopped her face with wet paper towels and sat quietly at her desk until she got the nausea under control. It was going to take time to reconcile herself to Justin’s new coldness. It was like having a glimpse of heaven and then being forced back to reality again. She didn’t know why he’d taken this way to get back at her. It was going to be almost impossible for her to stay with him, but she had nowhere else to go. Not yet, at any rate. And certainly not until she was over the first phases of morning sickness and able to move around better than this.
When the boss and Tammy got to the office, she had the nausea under control temporarily. But the late hours were difficult for her, and her appetite was well and truly gone. As the days dragged by, just to put one foot in front of the other was an ordeal.
Abby came over one evening and they worked out the details for Calhoun’s birthday party. Abby noticed the atmosphere and almost said something, but Shelby looked so bad that she bit her tongue and kept quiet. Obviously, something had gone wrong.
“You haven’t forgotten Calhoun’s party?” Shelby asked Justin as they had an increasingly rare meal together before the party.
He looked up from food he didn’t even taste, his eyes quiet and somehow haunted for an instant before he blinked and removed the expression. She looked bad. Her color was terrible and she seemed weak and lackluster. He knew it was because of his coldness, but he couldn’t help it any more than he could help his feelings of betrayal and hurt.
“I haven’t forgotten,” he replied. He leaned back in his chair and studied her. “You don’t look well.”
“It’s been a long week, Justin,” she said dully. “And a little unexpected. You don’t need to worry,” she said with a faint laugh. “I’m all right. I’m just fine, in fact. I’ve got a roof over my head and food to eat, and a job. I’ve got everything you promised me when we got married. I don’t have a complaint.”
She put her fork down and got up, swaying a little. She caught the back of the chair, praying that the sudden blackness would relent before she went down. It did, and she turned away from Justin’s quick movement toward her.
“Are you all right?” The words were torn from him. He hated the way she looked. She made him feel cold with guilt. Amazing, when she’d hurt him, not the reverse.
“I told you. I’m fine.” She left the room with her head high, and went upstairs without another word. They spent no time at all together now. If they had a meal at the same time, it was unusual. Afterward, he always went to his study and she went to her room. Maria noticed, but she and Lopez kept silent. With Justin in his present mood, it was safer that way.
The night of the party, Shelby rested before she dressed. She’d found a dark emerald velvet dress that she’d worn the year before. It had been a little too small when she and Justin married, but the weight loss made it just the right size. It was floor length, sleeveless, with an A-line skirt and a rounded neckline. She pinned up her hair and complemented the dress with a dainty emerald necklace that had been her grandmother’s. She looked frail even with makeup, and she wished that things were different between her and Justin. Abby would surely have mentioned her brief happiness to Calhoun. When Calhoun came tonight and was able to see the distance between his brother and sister-in-law, he was bound to mention it to Justin. Shelby didn’t think she could bear another confrontation.
She touched her stomach, wondering how much longer she should wait before she saw the doctor. They could tell at six weeks, she knew, and it was almost that. But the problem was going to be how to keep it from Justin in a small community like Jacobsville. Perhaps she could go up to Houston and have herself tested at a clinic.
Music was playing downstairs. She dabbed on a tiny bit of perfume and went downstairs, carefully holding onto the banister. She felt wobbly. The past week had been a terrible strain, due to overwork and Justin’s unexplained cold attitude.
She spotted Abby and Calhoun when she got to the first landing. They were arm in arm, looking so happy that they broke her heart. Calhoun was big and blond and Abby was slender and dark. They made a handsome contrast, Calhoun in dark evening clothes and Abby in a pale blue silk that matched her eyes.
Shelby didn’t see Justin until she got downstairs. He was dressed in a dinner jacket, and he looked very elegant. Shelby wondered if he planned to put on an act for their guests, or if he was going to be himself. She didn’t dare look at him too closely. He might see the hurt and longing in her eyes.
She turned toward the door, where Lopez in his white jacket was just opening it to admit the newest guest. Shelby stopped dead at the sight of the man who stood nervously just inside the hall, shifting his feet as he searched the room for a familiar face.
Shelby’s eyes flashed. She couldn’t believe that Justin had had the audacity to invite him. It was Calhoun’s birthday, and she knew Justin wouldn’t expect her to make a scene.
But that didn’t even register as she moved out into the hall, ignoring Justin, and picked up a very expensive antique vase on the way.
“Hello, Tom,” she greeted Tom Wheelor with icy politeness. “How nice to see you again.”
And without a break in her stride, she lifted the vase and threw it straight at Wheelor’s balding head.