I stop in front of The Handy Bean—Liam calls it “The Handy” for obvious reasons—and watch Kat talk to Aaron. He’s entering something into his phone, and I can only hope she’s not giving him her number. Aaron’s one of the bigger players on the basketball team, one who according to Wyatt had a pregnancy scare with a girl not two months ago. Absolutely not the type of guy Kat should be hooking up with … not unless she wants to pull a SarahBeth and wind up with a baby before she graduates.
Anger makes my hands clench into fists at my side, and I take one deep breath after another, counting to ten more than once in an attempt to calm myself down. If I don’t, I’m going to wind up getting kicked out of the coffee shop, possibly even banned for life, after beating the shit out of a guy just for hitting on a girl who’s way too good for him. Luckily for him, he doesn’t linger with Kat.
When he walks outside, his attention locked on his phone, I step in front of him. Aaron’s head jerks up, and the smug smile on his face slowly leaves when he sees the look on mine. “Hey man, what’s up?”
I step closer to him, ignoring all the people having to walk around us because we’re standing just outside the door. “What were you doing with Kat?” He shrugs, and I grind my teeth together, trying to keep my cool. It’s hard because I want to punch the smug, asshole-ish look off his face.
After staring at each other for a few seconds, his mouth widens, so far his straight white teeth are bared. I entertain a brief fantasy of knocking a few of them out but manage to keep the lid on my anger. Anger that doesn’t even make any sense. I don’t have any real claim to Kat; I know that. But, she’s Kat, and she feels like she’s mine.
“Dude,” Aaron says, shaking his head in amusement. “Chill. I’m not trying to step on any toes. I figured you’d be done with her now, so she’s open for business.”
I lose my grip on the rage coursing through my body. When I take another step forward, we’re almost toe-to-toe, and even though he’s got a few inches on me, the feelings running through me make me feel much taller than I am. I can hear my heartbeat pounding in my ears, and with every bang, I want to hurt him. “What. The. Fuck. Are you talking about?” I ask him through gritted teeth. My jaw is clenched so hard it’s painful, my short nails digging into my palms as I stand before him, practically vibrating with the level of pissed off I’m feeling right now.
“Chill out,” he says, putting his hands up in a placating gesture. Chill out? Fuck that noise. I glare at him, and he starts to look a little unsure. “Look, Clay, man, I’m sorry. Liam said you banged her, and now that she’s out of your system, she’s fair game.” Hearing what Liam said about her, and knowing I’m at least partially to blame since I didn’t deny shit when I talked to Lee, makes me want to kick my own ass. Aaron continues talking, completely oblivious to my internal meltdown. “I’ll admit; I thought it was your brother she had a thing for. Figured I’d wait to see if he got his head out of his ass, but he hasn’t. And then when I heard you broke the seal, I guess, well, I mean, if she doesn’t have a thing for Max anymore, she might be up for some fun.”
I’m reduced to counting again. Fun. Like that’s all she’s good for, a good time. Poking Aaron in the chest, I tell him, the anger in my voice barely controlled, “If you’re just looking for a fast fuck, you better stay the hell away from her.” I know I have to try to do damage control, I’m just not sure how to do it without looking like a seedy bastard or a lovesick one. Any other time, I might be willing to own up to the first, but I’ll never be the second.
Scrubbing the back of my neck with one hand, I try to come up with something non-idiotic to say in an attempt to squelch the rumors going around. Rumors I’ve perpetuated. “Fuck. Look, Aaron, I don’t know what all Lee’s telling people, but he doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about. Me and Kat? That shit never happened. She got wasted at a party, and I let her sleep it off at my place because her stupid ass roommate ditched her. Nothing happened, and I’d really appreciate it if you’d make sure anyone Liam told the other shit to knows that.” I shouldn’t have to explain this. Since when did my friends—all guys—start being all about spreading gossip? Man cards are going to be pulled all over this campus.
Aaron laughs, fucking laughs at my denial! “Yeah, man, whatever you say.” It’s obvious he doesn’t believe me and knowing that gives me a headache. I pinch the bridge of my nose and try to come up with a way to explain this so the damn meathead will get it. “Look, I gotta jet. We’ll talk later, kay?” He doesn’t give me a chance to say anything, and before I can blink, he claps me on the shoulder twice, then walks away.
I look back inside the coffee shop, watching Kat and Scarlett talk, knowing I need to warn her away from Aaron. She’s going to murder my balls when she finds out rumors are spreading around campus because I didn’t bother to straighten anything out. Breathing out a frustrated sigh, I head inside, catching the very end of her conversation.
“But, still! You have a date! With an actual guy! That’s so awesome,” Scarlett squeals.
Grimacing, I take the seat Aaron vacated only a few minutes ago. I watch Scarlett’s eyes go wide, but I can’t stop the scowl twisting my lips. Kat turns to face me, and her eyes widen just a little before she opens her mouth to say something.
“I need to talk to Kat,” I inform Scarlett matter-of-factly, avoiding Kat and everything I need to tell her for the moment. The fewer witnesses to my verbal castration, the better. Her mouth drops open, and any other time I’d warn her about the ideas the round “O” of her bright red lips will give a guy, but I can’t even joke right now.
Thankfully, she doesn’t fight me. “Okay,” she agrees with a shrug, the word more syllables than it ever needs to be. Why do people even do that? It’s not sufficient to just say “okay?” It has to be drawn out to be “okaaaaaaay” which is so friggin’ annoying. I glare at her, refusing to say thank you or anything else, just wanting her to be gone, and she grabs her bag, turning to Kat to mouth something and get her agreement before hurrying away.
Kat turns back to me, and I know the expression I’m sure is on my face is making her worry. “What’s going on, Clay?” she asks warily.
“I did something really fucking stupid.” As much as I don’t want to tell her, I know I need to, and it’s better to just put it out there, but getting the words past the sudden lump in my throat is impossible.
This time, she’s the one drawing out the word. “Okay?” Why didn’t I just straighten Liam out when I had the choice? This could have all been avoided if I hadn’t wanted to make some caveman claim on her so no one else would be able to. Boy, didn’t that backfire. Kat’s looking up at me, her face so trusting, not thinking I would ever do this to her, and the words die in my throat. I can’t tell her. She’ll never forgive me if I do.
The longer we sit here staring at each other, the more uncomfortable the silence becomes. I start to fidget in my seat, my leg bouncing thanks to the anxiety telling her what I’ve done makes me feel. “So …” Kat starts, looking down at the table, where she’s clutching her cup with both hands, the skin around her knuckles turning white from how tight her grip is. When she meets my wary eyes, she starts to talk, so fast if I didn’t already know what she was saying I’d be lost. “Aaron asked me out, and I said yes.” She winces on the last word, and so do I.
“You shouldn’t.” I don’t even realize I’m going to say that until the words are already out.
Kat’s eyes narrow, and she asks cautiously, “Why not?”
I can’t look at her anymore, not while I tell her this. “He’s only asking you because he’s hoping you’ll be an easy lay.” She sucks in a sharp breath, and I watch her grip on the cup tighten to the point I worry she’s going to crush it. Then, I’ll be blamed for her wearing her drink, and the rumors. Reaching out, I pull the cup away from her, both to protect her, and myself, from the lukewarm liquid.
“You know,” she begins, the anger in her voice causing it to shake, “not everyone has an ulterior motive.” Kat takes a deep breath, silent for a few seconds as she tries to calm herself. When she doesn’t say anything more, I chance a look back at her to see her glaring at me. I open my mouth to defend myself, but I can’t without telling her this is all my fault. When I still don’t say anything, she makes a disgusted noise, close to a scoff, and stands. “Forget this. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’m not going to sit here and let you insult me.” Now, instead of sounding angry, her voice is softer, and she just sounds hurt. “You know what’s really stupid?”
I watch her eyes fill with tears, and feel all the color drain from my face. Her teeth clamp down on her bottom lip briefly, and I can see she’s struggling to keep the tears at bay. Now I’m the one clutching the cup too tight, wanting nothing more than to pull her into me and apologize. I can’t sit here any longer. When I stand, I tower over her, and she has to look up to meet my eyes. I try to tell her silently how sorry I am, but she obviously can’t read my mind, and when I reach out for her, she plants both hands on my chest and shoves me so hard I back up a step. “I actually thought you might be different from the guy I thought you were. But, you aren’t, are you? You’re still the same asshole who thinks girls are nothing more than a momentary distraction.”
“No, that’s not—” I start to deny it because it’s not true. She’s more to me than that, maybe she always has been, but she spins on her heel, jerks her bag out of the chair beside her and walks away from me. We’ve attracted the attention of the people sitting nearby, and they’re all staring at me too. Equal parts embarrassment and guilt feel like they’re crushing me, and I sit back down. My hands are clenched into fists on the table in front of me, and all I can see is the look on her face when she realized I’m no better than she’s always thought I was.