I kissed her, fucking kissed her, then ran away like a goddamn scared kid. My hands run through my hair as I pace back and forth in front of my bed. I barely slept at all last night, unable to see anything but the shock on her face when I pulled away. And then, instead of owning what I’d done? I apologized and ran down the stairs, desperate to get away from her. Jesus, when did I turn into such a pussy?
“Yo, Clay!” Emmett yells through the apartment, breaking me out of my freak out. “We’re gonna be late if you don’t get a move on.” I look down at my watch and realize we have less than fifteen minutes to get to campus. Shit. Grabbing my bag, I rush out of my room to meet him at the front door. As we walk down the steps, he asks, “How’d the proposal go last night?”
Em was supposed to be there last night, but he texted at the last minute saying “something came up.” I’m sure the something was Livvie, but I’m not asking shit. If he wants to talk about her, I’ll listen, but I’m damn sure not going to initiate a conversation about the bitch. She’s been screwing my cousin—and not in the fun way—for years, and he found out just a few months ago that she’d been cheating on him for months with a guy a few years older than us. He took her back like he always does, and I can’t figure out why. Why be in a relationship with someone you can’t trust?
“It went,” I say with a shrug. “Peyton said yes, not that anyone expected her not to. It was after the proposal things got fucked.”
Emmett waits till we’re in my car before he asks for clarification. “What happened after?” He laughs, “Peyton’s parents showed up and had her committed because she agreed to marry”—he gasps, covering his mouth with one hand and widening his eyes almost comically—“a poor guy?”
My eyes roll at his dramatics. He’s been with Livvie way too long. “Jesus. Do you want to just hand in your man card right now? I know you’ve been on probation, but damn, dude.” Out of the corner of my eye I see him grimace, and decide to give him a break. “Kat and Max had it out last night when we got back to Wyatt’s.”
Emmett twists in his seat to stare at me, mouth hanging half open. “You’re kidding. How’d that happen?”
I groan, because we sound like a couple of gossiping girls, but tell him anyway. “He was there with the chick he’s banging and started shit with Kat. I guess she’s finally tired of putting up with his bullshit—” I cut him a look while we’re sitting at a stoplight, but he ignores me “—and laid it all out for him. Told him she’d been in love with him forever, and I don’t know how he didn’t know that. Then, of course, he acted like an idiot, told her she was wrong and his girl, Sophia? Sophie? Man, I don’t know. She decided to get in on it too and start running her mouth.” I grin at the memory of Kat standing up to my shithead brother, and tell Emmett, just as I pull into a parking spot “I ended up being the one to end the drama.”
He doesn’t reply until we’re out of the car. “Hang on. So, Kat went after your brother for being a dumbass; he proved that he is a dumbass, and then you’re the one who was the voice of reason?” It sounds like he doesn’t believe me, and it gets my back up.
“Hey,” I complain, “when it comes to you and Max, I am the voice of reason. Look how much better off you’d be if you listened to me a couple months ago.” The crestfallen look that crosses his face makes me instantly regret the words, and I start to apologize.
Emmett lifts a hand. “Stop. I get it. I’m as big a dumbass as Max is. Thanks for pointing that out … again.” Pulling his phone out of his pocket, he looks down quickly before shoving it back in. “Class starts in less than five minutes. Let’s go.” He starts to walk away, his steps quicken, and I have to hurry to catch up to him.
“Sorry, Em.” He shoots a glare at me, and I’m quick to reassure him. “No, really, I am.” Conversations like this are so damn uncomfortable for me. I don’t like admitting I’m wrong, and I definitely don’t like talking about feelings, so I’m unsure what to say to make up for my asshole comment. Thankfully Emmett waves me off before heading into the building, leaving me to sigh, shoving my hands in my jacket pockets and hunching my shoulders as I walk in behind him.
Concentrating during Business Communications is almost impossible on a good day. But today, when the only thing I see when I shut my eyes is the shocked look on Kat’s face when I pulled away? When that look is the reason I hightailed it out of her dorm? At least, that’s why I keep trying to convince myself I left. Combined with feeling like shit over being a dick to my cousin, I’m useless.
If someone were to ask me what today’s class was about, I wouldn’t be able to tell them. The class is primarily a two-hour long lecture with about forty-five students. For the most part, the TA is the one who teaches the class while the professor sits behind his desk on his computer. With the amount of attention he doesn’t pay to us, he’s probably watching porn. Hell, I wish I was watching porn instead of sitting in this class.
When class is finally over, we start to leave, and I can see Becca at the end of the hall talking to a group of people. Our eyes meet, and hers widen to the point she looks like an anime character before she hurries off. Hmm, what’s that about? Emmett and I walk closer to the group, and I see one of the people is Liam. I walk over and clap him on the shoulder. “What’s up?”
“Hey man,” he says, face split wide by his grin. I know that look. It’s the one he has when one of us—his friends—does something he thinks is epic. My first thought is uh oh, but I can’t think of anything I’ve done that would make him look that way. I exchange a wary look with Emmett and know he’s thinking the same thing.
Liam walks outside with us and immediately lights a cigarette. “You guys want?” he asks, pointing the half-empty pack first toward Emmett, then me. We both shake our heads, and Emmett even wrinkles his nose at the smell. I rarely smoke, usually only when I’m with a group of people who do and we’re drinking, unlike Emmett whose dad used to smoke a pack a day. Now he uses one of the electronic things so Aunt Luce won’t nag him about it anymore. Seeing we aren’t interested, Liam shrugs, shoving the pack back in his jacket pocket. He leans back against the railing, bracing his hands on it, and holding the cigarette in one hand while he flicks the ashes onto the ground.
“So …” he starts, drawing out the word and watching me intently. “A little bird told me that you didn’t just take the kitten home.” My hands curl into fists at my sides. She’s not his kitten. I’m the only one who calls her Kitty Kat. I don’t correct him though, because if I do, he’ll just get the wrong idea. “Dude,” he grins, “why didn’t you tell me you slept with her?”
I arch one eyebrow and give him a look that says shut your fucking mouth. The smile on his face grows wider, and I decide to just play it off. What did—or didn’t—happen between us is none of his business. “Aww, Lee, I’m sorry.” Adopting a falsetto, I exaggerate my hand movements and say, “Let’s get our nails done, and I’ll tell you all about it!” Emmett laughs so hard he has to grip the railing to keep his balance, while Liam casts his eyes away, looking properly chastised. I shove his shoulder as I walk by him. “I didn’t tell you because it’s none of your fucking business.”
He nods, “Yeah man, okay.” One side of his mouth turns up, and I know I’m going to want to punch him for what he says next. “You didn’t say it didn’t happen.” He holds out his fist for me to bump and with a groan, I meet his with mine. “Later,” he says when we’re done, and Emmett and I both watch him walk away.
“Clay,” Emmett warns, “you better hope he doesn’t do what I think he’s going to do.” I look at him questioningly, and he explains. “He’s one of the biggest shit talkers on campus, and you basically just told him you fucked Kat. The whole campus will know by the end of the day.”
Fuck. Me.