— THIRTEEN —
JUST like that, Dani’s memory clicked the pieces together. Long dark hair peeking out of an oversized toque. That Jeep. Nat, short for Natasha. Probably also goes by Tasha.
He didn’t sleep with her the night of the funeral, she thought desperately. He’d told Dani that, and she’d believed him.
So when did he sleep with her? Nat had said she was still early. It couldn’t be Jake’s baby.
Curiosity killed the cat, the blood thumping through her veins said. And none of it was her business.
Plus she still had another three hours left in her shift.
“Hey, I thought you’d meet me outside?”
She jerked her head up to find Will standing in front of her with their coffee. “Yeah. Sorry.”
“Come on, we’re going to get slammed if we’re not available again soon.”
She nodded numbly and followed along. She checked in with dispatch on auto-pilot, resisting the urge to call Jake and violate patient confidentiality—and girlfriend trust—and ask him what was going on.
But luck was not on her side, because an hour later they were back at Emerg, this time with a toddler who’d had a febrile seizure. A routine call, and he was breathing well, but still in that deep sleep post-seizure that meant they needed to wait and hand-off to the doc directly.
So Dani was standing at the end of the long hallway when the doors slid open and Jake walked in the entrance. And she had a tiny patient, and a patient’s panicky, worried mother, to worry about. So she couldn’t—wouldn’t—read anything like guilt into the stricken look on his face.
He held her gaze for a long, painful moment before introducing himself at the desk. And just then, Will nudged Dani and they were moving into a curtained area and this time it was Dani who gave the report, remembering to look back and forth between the doc and the nurse, double-checking that everything was transcribed to the chart.
And then they were done again, and this time, Dani was done. Beyond tired, probably not safe on the job, and emotionally blind-sided. She looked for Jake as they headed through the waiting room, but neither he nor Nat were anywhere in sight. Her phone vibrated in her pocket, and once they were outside, she looked at it.
Come find me when you’re done work. Please.
She couldn’t respond, not until she knew more. Tucking her phone away, she sighed and hunkered down into her jacket as they left the overhang at the entrance and headed for their rig again. “Let’s see if we can hand this thing off to another team, yeah?”
— —
“Jake, it’s Tasha. I had a car accident and I’m in the hospital in Wiarton. I’m sorry to call…”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. But… the thing is…crap. I’m pregnant. And they suggested I call someone…”
Pregnant. The word had thudded into his brain like an anvil.
She’d said some other things, but he’d already been pulling on his clothes and heading for the door.
“I’m on my way.” How pregnant?
But he couldn’t ask her that on the phone, and now that they were sitting in a curtained off corner of the emergency room, he found he still couldn’t form the question.
Tasha looked incredibly awkward, like she regretted calling him. They hadn’t exchanged more than a few words in the ten minutes since he’d arrived. His phone vibrated and he looked at it desperately, ignoring the sign above the bed that told him they weren’t allowed.
But it wasn’t Dani. It was one of her million brothers. He stared at Rafe’s name on his screen and he just couldn’t swipe into the message. There was too much shit going on for six in the morning that wasn’t Dani in his arms.
Jesus. The look on her face—cold, shut-down, all-knowing. If she did know something, she had a one-up on him. And she’d been on the job. Fuck. He should have gone over to her. Maybe just said something. Anything.
Instead he sent a lame-ass text, something he promised himself he’d never do again, and now he sat next to another woman. The wrong woman, but he hated how that framed Tasha. She hadn’t done anything.
“Hey,” he said softly. “Are you sure I can’t get you a drink?”
She shook her head. “Listen, Jake…I shouldn’t have called you. I know you made it clear before Christmas that we were just a one-time thing. So for me to call you after a couple of months like this…I just panicked.”
A couple of months. And she didn’t look pregnant. But there was only one way to know for sure. “If you’re…I mean…if I’m the…” Wow, brave he was not. “Do you know how far along you are?”
She shook her head. “I have a doctor’s appointment next week, but I’ve been driving back and forth to the city, and my life has been a little crazy.”
A nurse bustled in and introduced herself, then asked a few questions. When she asked about Tasha’s last menstrual period, Jake looked at the floor. She muttered something about maybe December, and he breathed a sigh of relief. “Okay, so maybe you’re about ten weeks along?” The nurse smoothed her hand down Tasha’s arm. “I’m going to do a quick doppler check of your belly then, see if we can hear anything.”
She took a small white machine and a squeeze bottle off a portable cart she’d pulled in behind her. Handing Tasha a large paper towel, she said, “Tuck this in your waistband and scootch your shirt up.”
Jake kept staring at the same scuffed corner of the linoleum, worrying about what Dani was thinking. He wanted the nurse to leave so he could check his phone again, which made him an awful friend. And possibly an awful father. They only slept together once at the beginning of November. Never before had he ever wished so fervently for a partner to have slept with someone else.
A crackle filled the room, then whooshing, and a steady—and fast—little heartbeat. Jake lifted his head, unable to ignore the truth that Tasha was definitely pregnant. Far enough along that there was a strong, healthy baby with a heartbeat in her womb. “Well, that’s reassuring, isn’t it?” The nurse let Tasha listen for a minute, then cleaned up her belly. “I’m still going to have the doctor come in, but it looks like baby’s no worse for wear from the accident.”
Jake waited until the nurse left before looking at his friend—and the look on her face slayed him in a completely different way. All soft and happy, her relief was obvious. He felt like a jackass for not feeling the same way. Of course he was happy an innocent life could continue to innocently grow, but babies were supposed to be made out of love. What had he done?
“It’s probably not yours,” she said quietly.
“Probably?” God, his voice sounded like pure pain.
“We used a condom.”
“And you didn’t with someone else?” Jesus, what the hell had he been thinking?
He hadn’t been. He’d been grieving and pissed that Dani had him strictly boxed into the friend zone. Two days of sharing a hotel room—even if not at the same time, since they were taking turns at the hospital—and he’d been out of his mind. He’d headed up north to get away from the scent of her on his skin and had tumbled into Tasha’s bed for a single night.
“There’s a guy in Toronto. We have a long history.”
Jake snorted. He knew something about histories. “I need to tell you that I’ve got a girlfriend now.”
“Shit. I’m sorry.”
“No…God, you don’t need to be sorry. What we did, we did together.” The words sounded strained even to his own ears.
“David—my…whatever he is…—I was with him before you. And again at Christmas. It was…unexpected.” He knew something about that, too. “But neither of those timings work out if I…” She shrugged. “I’ve been trying to make sense of this since I took a test a couple of days ago.”
Jake only had the vaguest of understanding of pregnancy dating, but he knew that they weren’t going to figure it out between them. “Well, the doctor should be in soon…”
His phone vibrated in his pocket and he snatched it out fast enough his pocket might have started smoking—he didn’t look. All he had eyes for was Dani’s message. I’m done work.
Don’t go home. Wait for me.
I’m tired.
He wasn’t above begging. Please, wait. I’ll follow you home.
We can talk later.
Where are you? I’ll come to you now.
She needs you.
She needed a friend. That’s all.
Ask her about her paramedics.
Damnit. Dani couldn’t come out and say she’d been one of the responders to Tasha’s accident, but he could read between the lines. “The ambulance that picked you up. Any chance one of the two paramedics was a pretty brunette named Dani?”
Tasha winced. “Seriously?”
“My girlfriend.”
“Small world.”
“She saw me come in this morning and she knows we slept together.”
“I’ve screwed things up for you.”
No, I did that all on my own. “It’s okay.”
“You weren’t with her when…”
“No.” Not that it mattered. His heart had been, and that he’d risked their future together was inexcusable.
Another text message. My brother is looking for you.
Jake flipped over to Rafe’s text message. Widespread power outage in Grey County. All available reservists are on standby in case house-to-house search support is needed if power can’t be restored by tomorrow.
Damnit. He tapped back a quick response. Roger. Am available. Keep me posted.
“Your phone going to explode?” Tasha tapped his arm. “You can go. I just panicked. I’m fine on my own.”
“No one should be alone in the hospital if they’ve got the option of a friend. Just some work stuff, but it’s not urgent.” Dani, on the other hand, was urgent. “But I would like to go see my girlfriend for a few minutes.”
“Go. The way things sound out there”—she waved beyond the curtain— “makes me think I’m going to be here for a while. Low priority and all that.”
He stood and patted her foot. “Text me if you find out any more before I get back?”
She nodded and he brushed his way through the curtain, not caring that he got a dirty look from the nurse for having his phone in his hand.
— —
Dani sat in the third floor lounge—a quiet spot few people knew about, particularly at this time of day—and stared at her phone. She’d just finished talking to Tom, who’d filled her in on the call for volunteers. As a park ranger, he worked a reduced schedule in the winter months and could easily take some time off, so he was heading to the armouries now. And knowing Jake’s work schedule—and sense of community responsibility—she knew he’d be going to help out as well, because he could.
So when he asked her not to leave town just yet, she agreed. Home was thirty minutes north, and if Jake had his uniform in his truck, he wouldn’t need to make the return trip before reporting at the armouries.
No matter how thrown she was by what she’d learned overnight, she wouldn’t make him chase her.
And if this was their only chance to connect in the next few days, she wouldn’t waste it by being petulant and pouty.
Didn’t mean she’d be all sunshine and light, either. His ex-something was pregnant, and he’d been called to the hospital to hold her hand. And he’d come. Was he just being a good friend? Or was there more there? Something complicated and heavy and permanent?
Where are you?
She texted him her location and waited. It took an impossibly short and ridiculously long amount of time for him to find her, like time was flexing in all directions as her heart thudded in her chest.
He stepped off the elevator and she watched him looking before he caught sight of her. The slightly wild scan he was doing with his eyes broke her heart a little.
“Over here,” she said, a double dose of deja vu slamming into her. How many times had he come looking for her? She was always his priority, and it was never easy.
“You stayed,” he said roughly, pulling her against him after he crossed the lounge in a few long strides.
“How is…she?”
“Fine. How are you?”
She laughed, short and without humour. “Just a regular night at work.”
“Hardly.” He squeezed her tight. “You gotta know…there’s a chance it’s not mine. We were careful. We used…”
She winced as he trailed off. “Maybe let’s not talk about it until you know one way or the other.”
“Tell me we’re going to be okay, Dani.” His voice cracked.
“I’m right here.” That was all she could promise him—that they were okay in the here and now. Shaky as fuck, but okay.
“You talk to your brothers? Hear about the power outages?”
She nodded. “I’m going home to sleep for a bit, then I’ll probably be working tonight again.”
“One of these days, gorgeous…”
“Yeah.”
He cupped her cheek, tilting her head back. His thumb traced her cheekbone, a slow and possessive slide that sent shivers all the way to her toes. “I love you. Only you. No matter what.”
Unless a woman that looked a lot like her had his child. That would be a trump card. She knew Jake. They hadn’t talked about it yet, but he was born to be a father. And a family man, nothing part-time about it.
“No,” he said fiercely. “Don’t think that. Whatever just made you shutter yourself like that…If there are consequences to something I did before we were together, I’ll do the right thing. By a child. But also by you. Always by you. There’s nothing between Tasha and me.”
Dani closed her eyes. She didn’t want to do this. Didn’t want to feel the wave of panic rising in her chest or the desperate need to hang on to him like he might slip through her grasp.
He swore under his breath. “Damnit. I wish there was a way to undo whatever I’ve done in the past. But she’s not…it was never a special thing between us.”
His chest shook with emotion as he stormed out the words, and she ached to believe him. No, she did believe him, because he didn’t look happy to admit that—she knew he hated how that sounded, like something Matt would say. And it was okay…for Matt. And maybe that was part of the problem, that Jake held himself to an impossible standard. God, this was going to be hard no matter what. He didn’t need to beat himself up at the same time for something that couldn’t be undone. “Okay.”
“For real okay?”
She laughed, and this time it felt…stronger. Still surreal, but yes, like they might just be okay.
“You going home now?” His voice dropped to a husky note that made her want to drag him home with her.
She nodded.
“My place.” It wasn’t a question, really, but she gave another nod. She was definitely sleeping in his bed, even if he wasn’t in it. He nudged her nose with his, his eyes hot and searching as he brought their faces together. “It’s where you belong.”
“One thing at a time,” she said on a quick breath before he crushed his mouth over hers. It was quick and unsatisfying compared to all the kisses over the last month when they had all the time in the world, but it still lit Dani on fire.
“My place,” he repeated with a growl, still holding her face in one of his big, calloused hands. “Never doubt your place in my heart. In my house. In my life.”
She took a deep breath. “Call me later.” When you know more.
“I don’t need to report to the armouries just yet. I’ll come home for dinner, at least we can have a bit of time after you wake up.”
“You don’t need to.”
“I want to. I love you, Dani Minelli. Always have. Always will.”
She nodded. He stepped back, and before he could turn and walk away she whispered her own I love you to him. He stared at her lips for a final beat before taking a deep breath of his own and heading off.
She did love him. And she trusted that he loved her.
So why did it still feel tenuous, like what they had might still crumble into dust?