Three Weeks Earlier
“Were you intoxicated when this marriage occurred?” I rolled my eyes at the woman behind the desk. I don’t know how many times I had to say this. It was like no one at this Vegas Courthouse took us seriously.
I looked at my reflection in the plastic partition and saw the oversized shirt, no makeup on, and hazelnut lion’s mane looking back at me. It didn’t bother me what I looked like right now, but, alright, maybe that’s why they didn’t take me seriously.
“We. Were. Not. Intoxicated.” I enunciated each word so that we could move on to the next question. I wanted to strangle the wedding chapel Greg and I were at last night for Alexa and Max’s wedding. Apparently they were too efficient, since they had already sent in our marriage certificate to be filed. We were now stranded in this office answering questions that didn’t apply to us and, with each one, the dread inside of me grew. They weren’t going to annul the marriage.
“I’m sorry miss.” I squinted my eyes at the lady in front of me.
“Lilly.” By Greg’s stern voice, I knew he wanted me to stop. I may not have been drunk on alcohol, but I can guarantee my mind was nowhere near clear when I agreed to this. It had been filled with love and promises that had been planted into my head. His trying to reason with me wasn’t going to get us home any faster.
“We are unable to process the annulment. If either one of you is a resident, we can file for divorce.” The look she gave was hopeful. I wanted to crush it. I wanted this over now. I didn’t want to have to wait ages to have this disaster reversed.
“No,” I zoned in on her name tag, “Nancy. We aren’t residents here. So, can you just file the paperwork we’ve already filled out so we can leave?”
“I’m sorry, miss, but I can’t do that.” Her answer was short and she placed her hands folded on the counter between us.
“And why not? People get married in Vegas all the time and get their marriages annulled.” I slammed my fist down on the counter, and I could see the security guard in the corner start to move towards us.
Greg made a grab for my arm, but I pulled away. If he touched me for too long, who knew what I would give in to. That’s what had happened last night.
He said I looked gorgeous.
I looked into his bright green eyes.
We danced, we drank, we kissed.
We kissed.
I tried not to give in.
I tried.
“You look gorgeous tonight.” Greg came up behind me, his words were barely a whisper against my ear. I didn’t hide the shiver that ran up my body. I had been trying to hid it for almost five years, my feelings for Greg. Tonight was not the night to open that floodgate though.
“Thank you.” I turned around to see him in his best man tux, his tie matched my maid of honor dress, royal blue. I stood my ground, unwavering, but Greg swooped in, wrapping his arm around my waist. “What do you want, Greg?”
“A kiss.” I could smell the scotch on his breath. I wanted to taste it. Greg always had the best taste in amber liquids. I laughed in his face.
“You’re drunk.” He leaned in closer to me.
“I can guarantee you, I’m not.” A flashback came from when Greg kissed me two years ago. It had been at a company Christmas party. We had both had a little too much to drink and somehow ended up in a corner by ourselves talking for over three hours. By the time he leaned in to kiss me that night, I thought all the alcohol was out of my system, but I didn’t matter. I had wanted it. I wasn’t going to let him overtake my life like that again though, waiting for him everyday, hoping with all my heart that something would come of that kiss. But now, now I couldn’t afford to let him do that to me again.
He’d never called, never said anything about that night. I waited two years for him to acknowledge it, but nothing. We lived next door to each other, saw each other every day not because of work, but because we were best friends. We spent all of our time together. I went to family dinner every week, well, until Alexa moved to town, and that’s when the strain became more than just from that kiss from two years ago.
I pulled away, pushing Greg back towards the dance floor.
“Not tonight, bud.” He tried to grab for me, but his foot caught and the smack of his body hitting the hard ground should have sent me into a frenzy to make sure he was okay, but instead a giggle rose from my throat.
I expected to see anger, like I had two years ago when I had first kissed him, and it resulted in his lips devouring mine. Instead I saw a small smile, like he expected me to get excitement from his pain. I held a hand out to him, trying to help him to his feet. What I hadn’t expected was for him to grab my face and plant a kiss there, when he finally righted himself. I didn’t reciprocate. I didn’t want my heart to get broken again. But then again, what was one more kiss?
“We should just leave, Lilly.” Greg’s voice pulled me out of my head and back to him standing next to me. He had pulled his hand back from where it looked like he was going to reach for me, but even then, we were so close together. With the memory of last night so fresh, I thought about how this man had kissed me, and even though I hadn’t wanted to kiss him back, he had whisked me off my feet with an in the moment proposal and a whirlwind wedding.
Then this morning it all came crashing down when the regret sank in. This wasn’t the relationship either of us needed. It wasn’t one we could afford. But this was the relationship my heart craved.
I threw myself onto the bed and stared at the ceiling. Well, that was a bust. I had thought maybe we could get somewhere, but after multiple phone calls and a long drive back to the hotel room, I was no closer to being divorced.
“Don’t seem so happy now.” Sarcasm radiated from Greg’s mouth and it made me want to slap him that much more. It wasn’t bad enough that he had gotten us into this situation. Nope, he had to go and rub it in. He had been doing it all morning by trying to calm me down, working in small talk when he could, touching my hip, and even trying to grab for me while in the courthouse. He was trying to make it seem like none of this was a big deal, but it my eyes it was. This was the biggest deal of all. I had married the love of my life. My boss. My best friend. I wasn’t even sure if he knew just how much this meant to me because how I saw it, this was just an in the moment decision for him. Nothing about our lives or what we had done would ever expect me to believe that Greg would want me to marry him, so why should I think anything differently than what my instincts are telling me to do, and that’s run.
“Never.” I rolled over, burying my face into the closest pillow I could reach. This king-size bed was perfect, but the only downfall was that it was Greg’s room. I had roomed with Alexa, so once she left Vegas, goodbye room. Greg had only kept the reservation open because he was supposed to be here visiting some college friends.
I felt the bed dip beside me.
“So, motorcycles?” Ugh. He wanted to continue our talk from this morning. I groaned inwardly, but my response must have made it out of my mouth. “If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine.”
“Eric still rides his, but he wasn’t the one to teach me how to ride,” I spoke into my pillow.
“Who taught you?” Greg tried to pry a little more.
“My first boyfriend.” I lifted my head a little so my answer wasn’t muffled. “I was sixteen and he was four years older.”
I waited for him to respond, but nothing. I almost turned around before he finally decided to speak.
“It’s the middle of the day. You want to go anywhere?” I could hear the agitation in his words and the way the tension was rolling off him. It wasn’t just that he was still sitting on the bed with me, I could feel him there with me even though I wasn’t looking at him.
“No.”
“Fine.” He was stern with his word, but he didn’t move right away. We stayed there in awkward silence until I heard him huff and walk out of the room. I still didn’t move. I laid there and started to doze off. The sooner I could make the days go by, the sooner I could get back my life. The one that didn’t involve Greg anymore than what we saw each of each other at work.
I thought back again to when our relationship had changed. He kissed me and then suddenly I started to feel self-conscious. I tried to hang out with him, but I never knew if he was going to make another move, so at one point I started to make up excuses to not hang out. I would make sure I didn’t have the TV on when I was home, so he wouldn’t be able to hear me staying home all night by myself. When it came to family dinner though, I still made sure I went there every Wednesday with Greg. I loved seeing his parents and they had brought me into their family like I was one of their own, which did something to my heart. It made me think they were my family, rather than my actual family.
I hadn’t talked to my parents in at least four months. They had been traveling around Europe and I just didn’t see the point even though when they were in the states, they only lived ten minutes away from me. I never bother messaging my sisters, Mila and Daisy, because it would turn into me babysitting, rather than seeing them. And forget about my brothers. Jim was a loner just like me and stayed away from the family as much as he could, which was why he moved out of the country and never told us. Then there was Eric, who I sometimes talked to, but very rarely, since after Alexa’s divorce there was no true connection to keep us together. I was the baby of the family, but that felt like an understatement. My parents were almost in their seventies’ and the closest sibling to me in age was Jim, and he was ten years older than me.
I took in a deep breath and tried not to think about them, tried not to let my family sink into my head while I had bigger and more important things to work out.
I finally drifted off into a light sleep and when I awoke a few hours later, the first thing that came to mind was a shower. I needed to wash this day off of me. I grabbed for a robe from the closet and made my way to the giant bathroom that was attached to the bedroom. One thing I loved about Vegas, when you got a big-ass room, the bed and bath were always closed off from the main part of the hotel room. I could lock the door and never have to see Greg—well, until I needed food. The thought made my stomach rumble, but I forced myself into the hot shower first before even attempting to see if there was any food in this place.
The water felt soothing against my skin and brought me back down to a sane level of happy. Even the soap, the loofa, and the towel that was left for me were divine. There was nothing like showering at home, but then again, there was nothing like being pampered when it wasn’t your own dollar being spent. I looked around the bathroom, steam from the hot shower still filling the air. I stood there in just my robe and took in the sight of not just this room, but the whole hotel room. The space was massive, something I hadn’t noticed when I first entered the room with Greg, just hours ago. I moved from the bedroom to the living room, which had two couches and a flat-screen TV. The kitchen was so big, it had a full area to cook, as if anyone in this town would spend their nights making their own food. This place was more than massive, it was luxurious.
“Well, don’t you look cozy.” I jumped at the sound of Greg’s voice and turned to where he was standing at the doorway. He was holding a few bags and had a smug look written across his face.
“Just looking for food.” I pulled the lapels of the robe tighter around me to block Greg from catching any type of view. The robe wasn’t short, so I didn’t have to worry about bending over, but all it would take was one wrong move or catching it against something, and Greg would have a free show.
“Isn’t it perfect, then, that I picked up your favorite?” I followed him into the kitchen. I no longer had control of my body as my nose searched for what my stomach wanted most. The burritos that I knew were sitting at the bottom of that bag. I didn’t have time to jump back, though, when Greg turned around. Before I could fall, his arms caught me around my center to steady me, but he held me so tightly to his body that I wasn’t touching the ground any longer.
“I bought two.” His piercing green eyes didn’t leave mine as he held me with one arm and used the other to reach into the bag, grabbing only one burrito from it. He didn’t hand it to me, though. He held it in the air and dangled it between us like it was a compromise.
“I’m good.” I tried to push out of Greg’s arm, but he tightened his grip. His eyes turned dark. The burrito scent made my mouth water and I placed my hands on Greg’s chest. A place where they should not have been.
His muscles leapt at the touch.
We were the same height but how he was holding me had me looking down slightly. My feet dangled a few inches off the floor, so I had no leverage to get further away from him.
“You sure?” His question held many different meanings, and my answer would hold so many more questions. As would my actions. I had no reason for doing what I did next, but it felt like last night in the wedding chapel. There was a pull between us, that no matter how much I didn’t want to give in to it, it just seemed like the right thing to do. I let my hands travel up to his neck and wrapped them around, interlocking my fingers to pull him down closer.
“No.” I closed the last little space between us and pressed my lips to his. I didn’t hold back as I let my tongue slip along his lips. I was asking for this and by doing that, I knew I was playing with fire. He gently laid the burrito down on the counter, then moved his hands to my ass and lifted me up. I quickly wrapped my legs around his waist and I knew the second my core touched his growing erection that this was going to be trouble, but that didn’t stop me. I deepened the kiss further, running my fingers over his short hair, almost wishing that it was longer so I could pull at it.
Greg’s hands slowly slid over the bottoms of my thighs and the sensation that I felt inside of me started to cloud the thoughts I should have been listening to in my head. That this was what I was supposed to be running away from. A man who did things on impulse and didn’t think about the consequences of my heart. The moment his hands moved back to my ass and squeezed, I was sent out of the burrito trance.
“Put me down.” I pulled back from Greg and placed my hands on his chest, trying to push him away. “Put me down now!”
When I yelled, he obeyed, and I tried to get my bearings back together before looking up at him. When I did look up, the darkness I had seen before was masked by concern and a fire that I wanted to put out. He licked his lips and it was like an invitation to come back to him, but I declined, not so graciously.
I turned on my heels and ran towards the bedroom without another word. I flipped myself around, turned the lock and placed my hands on the door, like he would be able to somehow magically open it.
I could hear him slowly pad across the hotel room and, when he stopped in front of the bedroom door, I didn’t know what to expect. He pounded against the door, the vibrations moving from the tips of my fingers, back down to my core. It was like his anger beckoned me to him. I wanted it.
“Open up.” Another pound hit the door.
“No.” I stared at the door, unsure of what Greg looked like on the other side. Was he as frazzled as I was? “Go away.”
“No.” Another pound.
“Leave me alone.” I lowered my hands and started to back away from the door. I was safe in here, but I knew if I opened the door, I wouldn’t be in any real danger, just another stab to the heart. “Can’t you just leave me alone here? Go back home and let me have some peace and quiet while I try to figure out this mess we’re in?”
“No way am I leaving you here alone in Vegas.” I could hear shuffling from the other side of the door. “If I have to camp outside this door all day I will. I’ll make sure we figure this out. Together.”
I could hear the strain on the last word as he said it. He meant it. I knew he did. I just didn’t know to what capacity he meant it. Like, as a couple, or as friends.
I laid on the bed and tried to let sleep take me, but with knowing that Greg was just right there, on the other side of that door, I couldn’t. Two years ago kept filling my mind and memories from last night collided with them. I had been left so many times by family and friends, and even though Greg hadn’t exactly left me, it felt like it when he didn’t reach out to me, when he ignored me. My heart just didn’t know what to do when I looked at him anymore. It wanted to pour it’s love out, but at the same time, with each passing look, another brick was built along the wall that guarded my heart.
Because no one stayed forever, so how could I expect the man I love to do so?