Chapter 16
“Toots, it is so good to hear your voice.” Jesse opened the refrigerator in his kitchen, taking stock of the contents and realizing three weeks away left nothing that was edible.
“I’ve got some bad news.” The cell connection was poor and she sounded a million miles away. Which she was.
“Tell me, what’s going on?”
“We just had two horrible days of torrential rain and we’re way behind on our shooting schedule.”
“Oh, crap. When do you think you’ll be home?”
“Come Hell or high water, I will be back for your showcase. But I might be missing the first thirty minutes, maybe a little more. Unless we have a major delay or I get caught in customs, I should be able to catch most of the show. I’m so sorry, Jess. So, save the best part until last, okay. I want to hear what you’ve been writing in London.”
“Want me to have a car waiting for you to bring you there. I can have them drop you off at the club, take your luggage over to my place and leave it with my doorman?” He offered.
“Yes. That would be awesome not to have to worry about my bags and just come straight to you.”
“Consider it done.” He picked up a jar of peanut butter in the pantry and looked for an expiration date.
She said something in return, but it was impossible to understand through the static.
“Hey, Kylie, this connection sucks. Call me when you’re back to civilization. See you in a few days, babe.”
••••••
Three acoustic guitars, a baby grand piano, a stool, a single mic, and multiple glasses of water were all that adorned the stage. Jesse Winslow’s return to music after the ill-fated final night of the Australian leg of the Winslow tour was a significantly scaled down version of any show the rocker had played in years. With a house capacity of only five hundred, tonight’s showcase was going to be intimate and personal. Fans felt that he was singing just to them in arenas, and tonight he would be doing just that.
“How are you feeling? Are you ready?” Molly Stein, who handled his PR and earned every cent he paid her, usually the hard way, tentatively asked.
“I can’t wait to get out there. Best high in the world.” He chuckled, “And this time I’ll actually enjoy and remember it.”
“I can feel the buzz from the crowd. Even back here.” She peeked through the curtain to the front of the house.
Jesse smiled at her. “Isn’t it amazing? You can actually feel energy. It’s like everything is vibrating faster. Please, tell the house manager to make sure when Kylie gets here that security escorts her right up front. I want her near the front of the stage on my left side.”
“So, stage right, coming from the back of the floor?” She confirmed.
“Yeah, exactly. I want her a little off-center. Make sure that is where security puts her.” In his mind’s eye, he knew exactly where he wanted to look to see her face and the crew needed to make sure that happened precisely as he instructed.
“I’ll make sure he knows,” Molly promised.
When the frenzy on the floor hit a feverish pitch, the house lights dimmed and the crowd went wild. A single spotlight followed a tall man to the microphone center stage.
“How are you all doing tonight? I’m Johnny V from WNYC’s NightRock.” The crowd went wild. “This has got to be one of the most special shows I’ve ever introduced. He’s one of the biggest names in music, we’ve all seen him play stadiums and arenas, and tonight, for one night only, we get to enjoy an intimate evening of new and old favorites with the one, the only, possibly the sexiest man in rock ’n’ roll, Jesse Winslow.” He ended with a flourish and a second spotlight followed the infamous rocker to center stage where the two men quickly hugged before Johnny faded into the black.
Bursting into raucous applause and cheering, the tone for the evening was set. The crowd had their boy back after months and months on hiatus and their love freely flowed to the front of the house, giving Jesse Winslow the most amazing charge.
“You missed me?” He yelled out to his fans.
A resounding ‘Yes’ and ‘We love you, Jesse’ shook the room and they were rewarded with his glorious smile, as he paced the stage, feral energy, pent up for months, shrouding the room, straight to the bar at the back of the floor, captivating all. Looking out at the crowd, he noticed on his right side, Dr. S. and the crew from L9. Scanning the left side, as he paced back in that direction, there was still no Kylie, but he knew it would take a while to get there from Kennedy airport.
“So, as you probably already all know, I’ve taken some time off after a well-publicized, and very public, meltdown. Yeah, I kinda do things in a big way. But since that time, I’ve gotten sober.” The crowd cheered. “Thank you. I’m closing in on two hundred and seventy days here.” More cheers. “I’m not gonna lie, it’s been rough. But it’s been great and I’ve had some wonderful people at my side, helping me succeed.” He looked over to Claire and smiled, then nodded an acknowledgement to the L9 gang. Chuckling, he lifted his worn black tee-shirt showing the crowd his well-defined abs and a peek at the V disappearing into the top of his worn-out jeans, “So, you can see, I’ve gotten really healthy.” The women in the crowd were in a frenzy and he laughed at their reaction.
Walking toward the back of the stage, he grabbed one of the acoustic guitars, wrapping the strap over his shoulder he plucked a few strings to check the tune on it, before making some minor adjustments.
Approaching the mic, he took a moment and smiled at the audience. The women were digging their fingernails into the arms of their best friends standing next to them and sighing, “Look at him.”
“So, since I’m here with a group of old friends tonight,” more cheers, “let’s start off with an old friend.” By the second chord the audience was going berserk.
Stepping to the mic, Jesse and the crowd sang along together to the classic Winslow tune--everyone lost in the moment before they even hit the first chorus.
I’d still take you back.
With your sweet sighs
Punctuated like poison arrows to my heart.
I know you’re killing me.
Slowly killing me
I can tell by your smile
But I just can’t stop myself.
Baby, if I could have just one more night….
Keeping up the high-energy pace, the second and third songs were also Winslow classics and by the end of the third song, the crowd was one-hundred-percent behind him, ready and willing to go anyplace he wanted to take them. They were on the journey.
At four songs in, the house was positively silent, when the first chords he plucked on his acoustic were ones they didn’t recognize. Listening intently to the words they were hearing for the first time, Jesse premiered the title track of his upcoming release, Fade to White.
With his eyes closed, a single spot capturing him center stage, he was up in his falsetto, delivering the final chorus. The majority of the audience was holding their collective breaths and wiping tears from their eyes, this new, hauntingly beautiful tune rocking them to their cores.
A movie scene fades to darkness
But our score never ends
After a brilliant crescendo
It’s always ʼtil we meet again
Fade to White
Slowly, the stage lights rose, bathing Jesse in pure white light until all that was visible of the rocker was a shadow in the blinding glow.
ʼtil we meet again
Fade to White
Every light in the house came on, momentarily blinding the teary-eyed fans. There was a moment of absolute silence as the audience processed what they had just witnessed. And then pandemonium. Every person in the crowd knew Jesse Winslow’s powerful solo performance would be the benchmark for every live show they ever saw again.
Approaching the mic with a smile, he strummed a few chords. Looking out into the crowd, his eyes widened in surprise, “Okay, let’s have an unconventional moment here. What would a Jesse Winslow concert be without an unconventional moment or two? I have not seen my girlfriend in over a month, we’ve both been traveling. And she just got here. So, excuse me while I say hello.”
Jumping off the stage, he waded three-deep into the crowd until he got to Kylie as the crowd cheered. Wrapping her in his arms, he pulled her into a deep embrace, “Toots, I’ve missed you so much,” he whispered in her ear.
Letting her go, he took her face in both hands, looked into her eyes for a long moment and then planted a soft kiss on her lips.
The crowd went wild at the impromptu, swoon-worthy moment and Jesse gave everyone another huge smile before turning and climbing back up on the stage with the ease of a mountain goat.
“Ahhh,” he said into the microphone. “All is now right in the world.”
If his fans hadn’t adored him before, tonight sealed the deal. He was just a guy, in love with his girl.
“Hmm, I think I’ll play something a little different here. This is probably from before any of us were born, but I’m guessing, every one of you,” he pointed out to the audience, scanning right to left, “can sing along with me and not miss a single word. This was one of the great New York City bands of the fifties. Hey, Kylie,” he looked at his girlfriend with a shit-eating grin, “Save the Last Dance for Me.”
Erupting with glee, the audience, as Jesse had predicted, sang every word of the classic tune at the top of their lungs and the club turned into an oversized frat party. From there, Jesse played a few Winslow classics to keep the energy up, before taking the energy down to introduce a new ballad.
Walking to the piano, he sat down, and adjusted the microphone. “So, I wrote this the other night on the plane flying back to New York. I was in London, recording at Abbey Road Studios,” the crowd cheered, “which, by the way, was very cool. Why am I telling you guys? You probably already all know this. The pictures were all over the Internet. So, anyway, I was flying home and I wrote this. It’s still a work in progress. If I were a writer, I’d probably be calling this my first draft. Hope you like it.” He stopped after a few keys, looked at the audience and smiled, “Did you guys know I play piano?” the guitar player inquired, almost as an afterthought and then went back to the tune.
Opening with an extended and ethereal piano solo, Jesse had the audience’s rapt attention and he was soon lost with them to someplace the music took only him. When he began to sing, the crowd stayed absolutely silent, taking in every nuance of the emotional ballad the rocker was sharing for the first time.
I walk the studio floor at night
Searching for a shadow that holds a memory of you.
But in the darkness, all I find
Is an empty reflection of the scenes in my mind.
I may never know how our story ended,
The final chapters were ripped from the back of that book.
Still I yearn for a glimpse of two hearts that were mended,
But I’ll always be at a loss as to where to look.
So, I reach for a moment that doesn’t exist
Hoping to pluck out some truth.
And, Rachel, I fear I’ll never know of your fate
ʼCause our paths won’t be crossing again.
Not tomorrow, not someday.
Oh, Rachel.
You told me I taught you about love and healing
Well, baby, you taught me more than that.
But right now, all I’ve got are memories trapped in time
Of that sweet, brief moment when I called you mine.
Oh, Rachel.
High in the hills above Jerusalem,
The wind howls like a lone wolf’s cry.
Maybe if I listen hard enough,
I’ll find our love on the edge of time.
Oh, Rachel, I know you’re out there somewhere
Or maybe it’s just in my mind.
I keep reaching and reaching and reaching
To grab hold of a love on the edge of time.
Rachel
You told me I taught you about love and healing,
Well, baby, you taught me more than that.
But right now, all I’ve got are memories trapped in time
Of that moment when you were still mine
Oh, Rachel.
How I wish you were mine.
I’ll keep reaching and reaching and reaching
To grab hold of our love on the edge of time.
How I wish you were mine.
I want you to be mine.
Oh, baby, please tell me that you’re mine.
When the houselights came up, the audience went wild. “That’s called Rachel,” he said softly into the mic before standing and taking a little bow. As he headed back to the mic at center stage and picked up a guitar, he glanced over toward Kylie, hoping she understood about him writing a song about another woman, as with their separation and the crazy time zones, they hadn’t yet discussed that regression, but surely, she would understand from the lyrics that Rachel was part of his work with Dr. S.
It took him a moment to spot her, she was facing toward the other side of the audience and was making her way through the crowd. Scanning across, he could see Claire facing Kylie and mouthing something. And then all hell broke loose. Kylie pounced on Claire like a jaguar attacking its prey. Grabbing a handful of the other woman’s hair, Kylie yanked it hard with one hand and backhanded her cheek with the other, slapping her to the ground.
Coming up behind Kylie, her coach, Zac, grabbed and restrained her as his dad kept Claire at bay.
Jesse quickly mouthed to his closest security, “Get them in the back right now.”
Grabbing the microphone, “Hey folks, we’re going to take a quick break.” And the lights went out.
Heading backstage, Jesse was confused and in shock. What the hell had just happened?
As he approached his dressing room, he could hear Kylie’s raised voice behind the closed door, “You knew. You freaking knew. You let me walk out of your office destroyed, you saw what that last session did to me and you freaking knew the whole time, you sadistic bitch.”
Zac had Kylie on one side of the large room and his dad stood with Claire on the opposite end. Two of the club’s security were also there. Jesse looked from Kylie to Claire and then back to Kylie.
“Thanks for your help, gentlemen. I think the three of us can take it from here.” This was a conversation to which no outsiders needed to be privy.
As soon as the four men vacated the room, Jesse turned to the two women, “What the hell happened out there?”
“Would you like to tell him, Claire, or should I?” Kylie stared the woman down.
“You know I am legally bound…” she began.
Kylie cut her off, “Oh, stop with that legal bullshit. You are so full of it. What about being morally bound, Claire? Clearly, that means nothing to you. You fucking knew,” Kylie’s voice choked.
“What is going on?”
“That song.”
Jesse looked at Kylie. “Did it upset you?”
“Not for the reasons you’re probably thinking. But, yeah, it upset me deeply.”
“I thought you’d understand if I wrote about another woman, but it was clear that the context was from a regression. I’m sorry if…”
“Don’t be sorry. The last thing you said to me, David, was that you’d find me. And you did. You found me.” Kylie was almost at the point of hyperventilating.
“What?” He looked from one woman to the other.
“And she knew,” Kylie pointed at Claire. “She knew Daniel and I watched as you were marched to your death, the last time I saw you, you and three other rabbis were crucified, and she didn’t have the decency to tell me that you found me. Just like you promised that day.” Anger had turned to pain as she sobbed out the last words. “Your final words to me were, ‘I’ll find you.’ That was your promise to me and you did, you found me.”
“Daniel,” he mouthed the name before turning to Claire. “Is this true?”
“It’s not as simple as she is making it out to be. I am bound by HIPAA laws.”
“Oh, my God, you are so full of shit, you despicable bitch. I bet you just wanted to keep us apart.” Kylie screamed.
“Is this true, Claire? Is Kylie Rachel?” Jesse’s jaw was hanging open, his own breath ragged.
“She appears to be,” admitted the doctor, who remained the calmest of the three.
“Dr. S., I’m sure you have a good reason for not sharing this with us.” Jesse’s eyes were pleading for a valid reason.
“Well, I haven’t really seen you,” she justified.
“No. Not true. You haven’t seen me. But you’ve held sessions with Jesse every week. Did you tell him? No. And you knew before I left for Australia and you made the conscious decision to keep this from us. You didn’t want us to know. You never wanted us to find each other.”
Claire’s lips began to move, but no sound came out. The silence was then broken by a knock on the door.
“Yes,” Jesse called out.
The house manager opened the door a crack. “Jesse, you’re due back on stage.”
“Okay,” he sighed, “give me another two to three minutes.
When the door closed, Kylie continued, “What else have you been keeping from us, Claire?”
“Kylie, you know I can’t discuss another patient with you,” her tone was condescending.
“It’s not what you can’t do. It’s what you don’t want to do. Which tells me you are hiding something. I already know you were Cassius Petronius, Lord knows what other wicked roles you’ve played in this crazy little psychodrama. I’m done with you, Claire. You should be brought up to the medical review board and have your license revoked.”
“Are you threatening me?” The psychiatrist’s tone was indignant.
Kylie shook her head. “I don’t need to threaten you. The universe will take good care of you. Of that, I have no doubt.”
“There’s a lot of talking that needs to be done,” Trying to play peace maker, Jesse looked from Kylie to Claire. “But I’ve got to get back on stage. I’ve gotta go and finish this show.”
“Yeah. Well, I’ve gotta go, too. Permanently. You can forgive this bitch all you want and buy all her bullshit excuses. That’s your choice. And this is mine.” And Kylie pushed past Jesse out of the dressing room toward the front of the club without so much as a backwards glance.
••••••
“Toots, it’s me. Pick up your phone. I’m back at my apartment and all your luggage is here, but no you. Did you go home? We need to talk. My head is spinning right now. I’m in total shock. Where are you?”
••••••
“C’mon, Kylie. Where are you? I’m worried about you. I’m worried about us. Oh, I forgot to tell you, I spoke to Dr. S. last night and she agreed not to press any assault charges. But I think you’re probably going to need to find another shrink. Call me, I’m worried about you.”
••••••
“Okay, I’m giving you fair warning, I’m coming over to your apartment to make sure you’re still alive. Why aren’t you speaking to me? We need to talk now more than ever. I don’t know if you realize this, but you called me David the other night. I swear my heart just stopped beating at that second. I felt like I’d been Tasered. Well, you are not answering and I’m coming over.”
Kylie: Don’t come over, Jesse. I don’t want to see you and I don’t want to talk to you. The door is chained from the inside, so your key won’t do any good.
Jesse: Okay, excellent. We have text action. You are alive. Chained in your apartment. All your shit is over at my apartment, come here where your stuff is. We need to talk, Kylie.
Kylie: I need space. Lots and lots of space. Please, have my stuff sent to me. Enjoy your sessions with your psychiatrist. I’m bowing out of this evil little triangle and you two can live in karmic bliss.
Jesse: What the hell are you talking about? Evil triangles? What is it you know? Or think you know?
Kylie: I know nothing. Clearly. Please have my stuff sent.
Jesse: So, that’s it?
Kylie: Yup. That’s it.
Jesse: Just remember this was your call, Toots.
••••••
Jesse: Two weeks and still radio silence. Can you at least tell me what I did wrong in all of this? I don’t understand why you are pissed at me.
Kylie: Not pissed. Just want you out of my life.
Jesse: Ouch.